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“I’m Lance McClain, and this handsome gentleman to my right is Keith Kogane,” Lance introduced.
“We’re here doing the…” Keith glanced off camera. “What is it?” Whoever answered him was barely audible. He turned his attention forward again. “The Wired Autocomplete Interview.”
Lance just stared at him. “You had one line.”
“If they wanted me to remember lines they should’ve written another zero on the check they sent me.”
He looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it. “Can we get the first board?”
Someone handed Keith a foam board. “This is pretty cool,” he said as he tested the weight of it in his hands. “I’ve always wondered what these were like in person.”
“Ooh, looks like I’m first,” Lance said as his eyes darted across the text.
“Looks like it.” Keith looked off camera again. “Good thinking guys. I’d want to get him over with first, too.”
“They’re paying me for my time, not to put up with you, man.”
“I’m sorry,” Keith apologized without a hint of sincerity.
“Let’s answer for each other,” Lance suggested, changing the subject.
“Folks, if there’s one thing Lance McClain loves more than talking about himself, it’s listening to other people talk about him.”
“How dare.”
“Well,” Keith said with a shrug, looking straight into the camera.
Lance scoffed. “I bet I’ll get more right than you will.”
“The implication that you could possibly know more about anyone on this planet besides yourself is hilarious enough on its own. I’d love to put money on it.”
“Guys,” a voice called from off camera. They looked up at the same time. “Not on camera.”
“Loser buys lunch,” the two of them said at the same time.
“I’ve never seen my own name so many times in a row,” Lance admitted.
“This is a transcript of every conversation I’ve ever had with you.”
“That wasn’t very nice.”
“The studio wouldn’t negotiate another payment for good behavior, so suck it up.”
Lance stared at the camera. “Oh, this is going to be a time, isn’t it?”
“When Lance McClain?” Keith read aloud, and he stared at Lance until the other man peeled back the first paper.
“You’d better not get any of these wrong, Kogane,” he said as a warning. “When Lance McClain come to America?”
Keith looked at his co-star. “You were born in Cuba.”
“Yep.”
“Your family moved to Florida when you were six years old.”
“Yep.”
“And you still go back every summer to see your mom’s parents.”
“When my schedule allows, I absolutely do.”
“Nailed it.”
“When Lance McClain...” Lance peeled back the blank as slow as humanly possible, “go to college?”
“My official answer is yes.”
“You’ve gotta give them more than that, man,” Lance chuckled, flicking the sticky paper onto the ground.
“This absolute moron is currently taking the last class he needs to get his degree,” Keith explained, looking into the camera, “because he overslept, missed his final, failed the class, and was too embarrassed to ever go back. The dean laughed for a minute straight when he finally called asking about it several months ago.”
“Maybe give them less than that.”
“I dare y’all to ask him what he’s majoring in. Get googling, Lance stans.”
“That’s enough out of you,” Lance scolded, wagging a finger at him. He peeled the next line. “When was Lance McClain born?”
“You’re a summer baby,” Keith said. “July 28th, 1985.”
“Good year.”
“You were born in the morning, weren't you?”
“Sure was. ”
“See? He’s always been an insufferable morning person.”
"When did Lance McClain graduate high school?"
Keith tapped his fingers on the board a few times. "This absolute fetus graduated in 2002."
"You're a year older than me. One year. Uno. Count my fingers, Keith."
"Sorry, they're not paying me to babysit."
"Do you remember where I went to high school?"
Keith looked at him. "Yeah. Miami Killian Senior High School. You applied to Coral Reef but didn't get in."
"Yeah, what about our mascot?"
"Go cougars."
"He passed, folks," Lance announced.
"Come on, last one."
"When Lance McClain get discovered?"
"This is a really good question. I like this question a lot," Keith said.
"No, you like your answer to this question," his co-star sighed.
Keith smirked into the camera. "It is my absolute pleasure to inform you that Lance McClain got into Hollywood because he would not stop calling people. He just kept calling back again and again until someone finally gave him a job."
"I politely inquired about auditions after a reasonable amount of time had passed."
Keith tossed the board aside. "Comment down below which one of us you believe."
"Let's look at some burning questions about you." Lance took the next one.
"What is Keith Kogane's real name?" Keith read. "There are a million and one other things about you people could look up and they're asking about this."
“I regret to inform you that his parents really did name him Keith. It’s very unfortunate but he’s learned to live with it.”
“I was almost Thomas.”
“No kidding.”
“Yeah, it’s an old family name on my dad’s side.”
Lance stifled a yawn. “Fascinating.”
“You’re not in any position to be making fun of my name.”
“Moving on!”
"What is Keith Kogane's zodiac sign?" Keith stared at him. "For the love of god, do not."
"This bitch a Scorpio," Lance answered. "Explains a lot, doesn't it?"
"And you get after me for my language."
"Because you have the vocabulary of a drunk cowboy."
Keith chose to peel the next sticker instead of responding. "What is Keith Kogane's accent?"
"I'm so glad you asked. Keith is from El Paso, Texas and unironically says y'all. Like, all the time."
"There's nothing wrong with-"
"Fun fact!" Lance interrupted. "After a really long day on set he starts slipping and none of us can understand a word he says. It's just one long garbled sentence."
"What is Keith Kogane doing right now?" He stared straight into the camera.
Lance kept looking at his co-star. "Suffering."
"What is Keith Kogane birthday?" He read after snapping out of it and peeling the next blank.
"October 23, 1983."
"Is it weird to think that when I was born you didn't exist yet?"
Lance just gave him a look. "That's how being older than people works, Keith."
"Never mind."
"Oh, you were being existential."
Keith rolled his eyes. "I said never mind, Lance."
"Alright, be like that, I guess," Lance shrugged. "Next question."
"Keith Kogane's first word? Oh my god, people are really typing this into google? Why? Please find a better use of your time.” Keith stared into the camera with a silent plea.
Beside him, Lance looked two seconds from throwing a fit. “You are absolutely not going to believe me, but I found out this past Thanksgiving that his first word was y’all.”
“My dad made that up,” Keith protested.
“I’m pretty sure it’s true, though,” Lance insisted, tossing the board behind him. "Why would your dad make something like that up?"
Keith took the next board and held it up in his lap. "Moving on."
“Is Lance McClain,” he read dramatically, glancing at the camera while he peeled the first blank, “from Cuba?”
Keith looked down at the board like it had personally offended him. “I already answered this.”
“I know.”
“Could they ask less interesting questions about you?”
“I know, buddy.”
Keith just about snorted. “Do not call me buddy.”
Lance winked at the camera while they laughed a little longer before moving on to the next question.
“Is Lance McClain single?” Lance read off, furrowing his brows. “Am I single?”
Keith stared straight into the camera. “Lance McClain is putting a lot of time and energy into himself and focusing on his work.”
“Did my agent tell you to say that?”
He looked over at Lance again. “Is that what your agent tells you to say?”
“Like, word for word.”
“I’ve never once heard you say anything like that.”
“Moving on,” Lance announced, looking away first. Keith rolled his eyes. “Is Lance McClain getting married?”
“Wait, are you getting married?”
Lance flicked the paper from his fingers. “I know what they’re asking about.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Awhile back, there was a paparazzi photo of me in New York wearing a silver band on a chain around my neck. And everyone freaked out and thought I’d gotten engaged and it was a whole thing. No one believed me when I said it was a prop from Voltron."
“Oh, I remember that now,” Keith said. “They only had the one photo, so the rumor kind of died down.”
“I guess not, people are still googling it.”
“What if it’s actually Shiro, though?” Keith suggested. “And he has to google this stuff because we forget to tell him things all the damn time.”
Lance threw his head back laughing. “Could you imagine?” He hunched over and mimed typing as he did his best impression. “Are Lance McClain and Keith Kogane free this weekend? They never texted me back.”
“Just send us another six dozen texts and we’ll get back to you, Shiro.”
“Have your people call our people," Lance said all official-like.
“You’re joking, but Romelle actually put in my calendar once that Shiro called asking to schedule lunch.”
“No.”
“Yep.”
“Keith, that’s terrible.”
“Well, he got to have lunch with me like he wanted, so.” Keith looked at the camera and shrugged.
Lance stared a moment longer before peeling back the last blank. "Is Lance McClain nice in real life?"
“That’s a dick thing to ask.”
“Keith, language,” Lance forced out through laughter.
Keith looked at the camera. “Were y’all expecting google to tell you he’s actually an asshole? Is that the answer you were looking for?”
“Babe, calm down.”
“I am calm.”
“Well-”
“Yes, Lance McClain is nice in real life. Insinuating anything else is an insult to this his wonderful mother, who raised a respectable young man.”
“My mom is great.”
“She could put the fear of god into an atheist.”
Lance quirked a brow. “That’s a strange analogy.”
“Well, I’m an atheist and I’m very afraid of her.”
"Fair enough."
"Yeah."
“Give, give, give, give, give,” Lance chanted while making grabby hands toward the next board. He settled it in his lap and waited for Keith to peel the first sticker.
“Is Keith Kogane...” Keith stopped reading and looked at Lance instead. “Is Keith Kogane?”
“Absolutely not. Next question.”
Keith chuckled as he peeled the first line and read it from the beginning. “Is Keith Kogane okay?”
"Never."
"That's not the answer you want to give, though."
"No, but we're striving for accuracy and I'll be damned if I pay for lunch after this."
Keith peeled the next blank. “Is Keith Kogane related to Takashi Shirogane?”
“Not even distantly,” Lance answered.
“And a good thing, too,” he agreed.
“Yeah, it would just make all the time we’ve spent talking about his ass so awkward.”
“Yeah.”
“Next question,” Lance said, slapping his hands against the board.
Keith ripped off the next paper. “Is Keith Kogane leaving Legend of Voltron?”
“They’re still hung up on this?” Lance asked. He looked just off camera at the producers, like they could answer his question instead.
“Apparently.”
“Of course he’s not leaving Voltron,” he cried as he glared into the camera. “He’s one of the main characters!”
“It could be all the promo for The Blades,” Keith reasoned.
Lance refused to let the imagined slight go. “Actors can have more than one job, guys.”
“Then why don’t you?”
Lance opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Your name’s the one on the board. Next question.”
“Is Keith Kogane wearing lifts in Legend of Voltron? Goddammit,” he muttered as soon as he finished reading.
“Language,” Lance said reflexively.
Keith refused to look at the man next to him. “I swear to god I’ll cut you in the alley behind this studio if you answer this question.”
“No, he is not wearing lifts. Our amazing directors use a combination of clever angles, wardrobe, and the very true and one hundred percent accurate fact that we are actually the same height.” Lance turned to look at his co-star as he finished his sentence.
Keith stared at him like he wanted to say something for a few seconds before looking away. “Moving on,” he said just as Lance mouthed, “Yes,” and winked.
“Is Keith Kogane tall?”
Keith deadpanned as he let the paper fall from his fingers.
“This is such an interesting way to phrase the question, honestly,” Lance said, fingers on his chin as he considered the philosophical implications of google grammar. “They could’ve just googled how tall you were.”
“Seriously?” He glanced off camera. “Seriously?”
Lance straightened up and beamed at the camera. “Keith is four-foot-nine and shrinking, thank you very much for asking. Next question.”
"I'm five-nine."
"I said next question."
“Is Keith Kogane...” Keith peeled back the next blank so he could keep reading, “...gay?”
“I’ll let you go ahead and answer that one,” Lance said, fingers drumming against the board.
Keith tossed the paper aside. “This is an upsetting question, quite frankly,” he said as he turned to look into the camera. “In all my years of acting, I’ve never been so insulted.”
“And you were seated next to Kanye at the Met Gala,” Lance agreed, nodding solemnly.
“I can’t believe it,” Keith insisted, looking at him.
They stared at each other. “Let it all out, man.”
“The nerve of some people."
Lance tried to hold back the fit of laughter building up in his chest. “I’m so sorry for you.”
“How dare you,” he said, looking at the camera again, “random person googling a celebrity’s personal information, make me read with my own two eyes the implication that I could ever be straight.”
His co-star burst into laughter. Keith broke a second later as a big smile lit up his face. “Before anyone freaks out, they asked his agent if they could put that question on there. Please don’t yell at the very nice people who made this video.”
“Well, my agent refused. What she doesn’t know is that I personally called them back just to tell them it was okay.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“Yeah, it’s called keeping a secret.”
“Romelle is gonna kill you,” Lance commented as Keith accepted the next board from a producer.
“I’m not opposed to the idea,” Keith said with one long-suffering look toward the other actor.
Lance chose to look into the camera like the audience could help him out. “This is why they’re asking if you’re okay.”
“Come on,” Keith scolded, smacking his leg with the board. “Read the question.”
“Does Lance McClain have tattoos?”
Keith looked at his co-star. “Will your mom see this?”
“She’ll probably be the first like when this goes up.”
Keith looked back toward the camera. “No.”
"Good answer." Lance peeled the next blank. “Does Lance McClain like cats?”
“Lance McClain does not like discussing his opinions on other actors’ movies so soon after the release. He went to the opening night in theaters with persons who shall remain anonymous and enjoyed it an undisclosed amount.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly the answer they were looking for,” Lance chuckled.
"Yes, he likes cats. This is surprising to some people, which I find weird."
"You find it weird that I like cats or that it surprises people that I like cats?"
"The second one."
"Why is that weird?"
"Because I feel like it's obvious. You basically are a cat."
"Everyone assumes I'm a dog person."
"Everyone assumes I'm not an animal person."
Lance laughed as he moved on. "Does Lance McClain have a cat?"
"He has two."
"Can you say it in Spanish?"
"Lance, I grew up in El Paso."
"Yeah, but can you-"
"Él tiene dos gatos."
"Muy bien. What are their names?"
"I love that you're asking me like I don't know the answer. There's Blue, who's an absolute angel. She's a mixed breed and I bet you can't guess what color her eyes are," Keith said as he looked into the camera. "You also have Cuba, who hates me."
"She does."
"By the way," Keith went on, "Cuba is a breed called Havana Brown and it's a whole joke in the McClain celebrity household."
Lance mimed wiping a tear. "I'm so proud."
"Shut up."
"Anyway," Lance said, peeling the next one. "Why does Lance McClain want to kiss Takashi Shirogane?”
“I mean come on.” Keith looked at the camera out the corner of his eye. “Doesn't everyone?”
“That was the only correct and valid answer to this question and I’m glad you’re aware of that.”
"We get it, you're in love with Shiro."
He moved on to the next question rather than respond. "Does Lance McClain have an instagram?"
"Yeah, you can follow him at lanceylance."
"You follow me, right?"
"Romelle runs my instagram."
"Well, Romelle follows me, right?"
"I mean probably?"
"I'll pretend you just said yes and we'll move on," Lance said as he accepted the last board. "Ooh, can Keith Kogane."
"Keith Kogane can't. Ever."
Lance bumped his shoulder into Keith's. "Look alive, this is our last one."
"I wanna go backwards." Keith peeled off the last blank on the board and read the question. "Can Keith Kogane host SNL?"
"No."
"Interesting. Explain," he prompted.
His co-star offered a shrug. "Just a bad idea all around."
"I'll admit I'm a little hurt by how immediate that answer was."
"I'm kidding. This man is filming a television series and a movie. At the same time. Give him a break."
"Thanks, that means a lot."
"Of course," lance assured him, looking away from the camera to stare into his eyes.
Keith didn't look away as he peeled the next blank. "Can Keith Kogane do own stunts?" he read aloud when he finally looked away. His eyes flicked down to read the sentence again. "Can internet use English?"
"Chill, man. Some people are dyslexic."
"This typo has absolutely nothing to do with dyslexia."
Lance ignored his rebuttal. "Yes, our lovely producers as well as various other directors allow Keith to do his own stunts. We can actually get a lot of really good shots because you're so well-trained."
"Thank you."
"They don't let him do the really dangerous stuff though, because of his pretty face, and he's really bitter about it. Like, espresso level bitter."
"Rude."
Lance blew a raspberry at him. "Next question."
"You don't want to hear my fun fact?"
"What's your fun fact?"
"I originally wanted to do stunts instead of act."
"Did you change your mind because you're too short?"
Keith looked at the camera. "Next question." Lance cackled. "Can Keith Kogane... speak Japanese?" He gestured to his co-star.
"Yes. You also speak Korean." Keith nodded. "And Spanish." Another nod. His hand didn't move. "Wait, do you speak another language?"
"Sarcasm."
"You're annoying."
"I'm learning Italian, too."
Lance did a double take. "Why Italian?"
"Katie dared me that I couldn't."
"Dios mío."
"Alright, last question," Keith said.
"I'm sure they're glad to be getting rid of us."
Keith ripped off the very top blank and read the question. "Can Keith Kogane do martial arts?"
"So here's the thing," Lance said, letting the board fall forward into his lap. Keith started laughing into his hand. "At one of our very first rehearsals working together, they made us practice a fight sequence. And Keithy boy over here forgot to pull his punches."
"I was new," he protested through his laughter.
"Which means the producers of Voltron have never before seen footage of Keith absolutely decking me for real."
"I apologized."
"You almost broke my nose."
"But I didn't."
Lance looked at the camera. "So, yes. Keith knows martial arts. He knows so many martial arts that he forgot we weren't actually sparring."
"Thanks for having us," Keith said, though he was clearly still having trouble keeping a straight face.
Lance shook his head at his co-star's behavior. "It was truly a pleasure." He pointed at the camera. "Stay in school, kids."