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Tony tried to remember exactly when the day had gone wrong.
It had started out well enough. Clint had made coffee. It had been good coffee. Good, warm, strong, warm coffee. Tony missed that coffee now.
The team had spent breakfast explaining the concept of Christmas for Thor. It had been entertaining, especially after Natasha started playing Christmas songs on her phone. Thor really liked ‘Let It Snow’ and ‘Frosty the Snowman’, and was genuinely distraught by ‘Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer’. They had to assure him several times that it was not a true tale and as far as they knew, no grandmothers had been killed by reindeers. Thor had still seemed a little distressed though, and when Fairytales of New York came on they changed song before the second verse.
After that Tony had planned to retreat down to the workshop to work on his latest project, and maybe that was the moment the day had started to go wrong, because that was when the Avengers Alarm went off.
It seemed like the supervillians of the city were trying to be innovative. It also seemed they were running out of ideas. Because they’d been fighting snowmen. Giant, skyscraper sized snowmen. Seriously. Snowmen. With wooden stick arms and carrot noses.
Hawkeye had been having a field day with the snow-related puns.
They ended up blowing the snowmen up. Actually blowing them up. Boom. It had resulted in a thick layer of snow across most of Midtown and Central Park.
And that, that, was without doubt the moment the day had gone wrong.
He hadn’t known that until later though. He’d been blissfully unaware of what was yet to come during the Quinjet ride back to the Mansion, busy trying to console a wistful Thor humming Frosty the Snowman to himself. He hadn’t even suspected anything when Clint disappeared off the jet the second it touched ground. It wasn’t until the very moment he stepped outside himself that his inner warning alarms went off. And even that was mostly because Natasha swore under her breath and ducked back inside the jet.
Before Tony had time to ask about that, he could hear Clint roaring from above him.
“SNOWBALL FIGHT.”
The first snowball hit Tony square in the back of his head. He stumbled forward and he did not yelp, thank you very much, you heard wrong. He was still wearing the armour, but with the head piece down, because he had not expected a sneak attack from behind from his own team member, what the hell, and now he had snow slush making its way down his neck.
Another snowball whizzed though the air past him and planted itself on the back of Thor’s head. The man spun around with big, bewildered eyes, but the expression was soon replaced by a massive grin.
“So you challenge the Son of Odin to a duel?” He bellowed and bent down and scooped up snow in his hand, and the only thing that had time to go through Tony’s mind was ‘oops’ before he put the repulsors on full blast and shot up through the air. The snowball Thor had aimed at him instead hit Hulk straight in the face.
It went about as well as one would imagine after that.
The Avengers mansion was covered in an almost twenty inch thick layer of ex-snowman-monster snow. It would have been a postcard worthy winter wonderland to behold at any other time. But the picture was somewhat disturbed by the fucking trench in the middle of it. How did one even manage to make a trench in twenty feet of snow? Well, apparently Steve knew.
Opposite him, Natasha had built some kind of wall out of snow between two trees, and closer to the Mansion Hulk had built his own wall out of, well, part of the Mansion. Thor was prancing around the yard swinging the hammer as only protection, and Clint was still perched atop the Quinjet.
And there were snowballs flying everywhere. Everywhere. Both Clint and Natasha had deadly accuracy, hitting their target almost every time; Hulk were just brute force and people sized snowballs; Thor used Mjölnir to kick up whole tidal waves of snow; and Steve went for machinegun style speed, seriously, how did he have time to make snowballs in-between throwing them? Tony was glad that the Mansion walls were built high enough to keep even Hulk out of view because holy shit wouldn’t the journalist just love a picture of America’s favourite superheroes partaking in snowball warfare?
As for Tony himself, he was staying out of the madness on the ground, because he was a genius, he was a billionaire, he was a playboy, he was a philanthropist, he was goddamn Iron Man, he did not participate in snowball-
“Hey, Stark!”
He looked down at Steve. Tried to. Tony tried to look down at Steve. Half way through the motion of turning his head, a snowball hit the cheek and sent him spinning backwards. He flailed in the air a moment before he got himself right way up again, and oh it was on. He let the whole headpiece flip up, cursing a little that he hadn’t done it earlier because more snow was making its way down his neck right now and yuck, but seriously, he hadn’t exactly expected this. Maybe he should have. His team was made of lunatics, after all.
He dove down, aiming head first for Steve’s little trench, zigzagging to avoid the snowballs that were being thrown in his direction. At the last moment he flipped around, kicked his feet against the side of the trench and showered Steve in snow.
“Ha!” He said as he took off again toward Clint on the Quinjet, scooping up some snow on the way and dodging one of Thor’s snow waves. The jet was standing at an angle that allowed Clint to hide between the two vertical stabilizers at the back, keeping him mostly out of range for the others. Tony aimed his snowball and threw, but Clint managed to duck out of the way with ease. Yeah, no, he was going to have to come up with a better tactic if this was going to work. So Tony took a dive under the jet, scooping up an armful of snow and circling up on the other side. The moment Clint came into view again Tony put the repulsors on full blast and swooped over him, dropping the snow on his head and nearly knocking him over in the process.
“Fuck!” Clint yelled after him, and Tony chuckled. “Dammit Stark, flying is cheating!”
“Hey, you started it, remember?” He called back as he took off toward Natasha’s snow wall. She was scrunched up behind it, a pile of snowballs at her side. Tony didn’t pause; he aimed for the crown of the tree and flew straight through it. It wasn’t the most graceful thing he’d ever done, but effective enough. The snow that had been lying heavily on the branches plunged to the ground. Natasha rolled out of the way (surprisingly effectively considered the thick layer of snow on the ground) and was only hit by a couple of stray snowflakes at the most, but her shelter got completely covered, and frankly, Tony was taking any success he could get, however small, when it came to the Black Widow. So yeah. That counted as a win.
He took off toward Hulk then, and his makeshift barricade. Behind him was a gaping hole into the training room, and Tony made a mental note to figure out a better solution for the training room walls because this actually wasn’t the first time the room had sported holes. Far, far, far from. At least this time nothing load-bearing had taken a hit. That was a mess they did not need a repeat of, thank you very much.
Hulk was in the process of creating another person-sized snowball, and as Tony came closer, he lifted it up and threw it with a roar. The giant snowball was met midair with a repulsor beam. Before today Tony wouldn’t have said snowballs could explode, but then again that was how the snowmen had gone and Tony wasn’t about to argue it. Hulk got splashed by snow anyway. He really wasn’t happy about it, if the roaring was anything to go by, but Tony didn’t stop. He took of again, this time toward the roof of the building. This was the tricky part.
The roof of the mansion was at a steep slope, but there was still a thick layer of snow. Tony twisted around as he reached the ridge, and put his hands through the snow and pushed.
Now, despite the look of the picturesque winter wonderland around them, it wasn’t all that cold outside. Not enough to keep all this of snow completely powdery and fluffy at least. Which meant that the snow on the roof had taken on a somewhat slushy quality in the last hour or so. So when Tony pushed, a whole chunk of it came loose and started sliding down the roof in a collective mass. Even as it slid over the edge, he used the momentum to push it forward, and honestly, it was not easy to aim a fifteen feet block of snow, but he thought he did a pretty damn fine job of it when the whole thing smashed down over Thor and buried him completely. Tony almost felt bad, for about five seconds, before Thor’s head popped up in the middle of the smaller mountain of snow.
“‘Tis a mighty battle indeed!” He bellowed, swinging the hammer over his head, and Tony didn’t feel bad anymore. He just laughed.
-
Steve was the first to wave the white flag. Of course it still took another twenty minutes before they actually broke the snowball fight, but by that time even Tony could see how that was a good idea. JARVIS had already warned him three times that SHIELD was sniffing around the Mansion and it would be just their luck if the army joined them, wouldn’t it? An impromptu snowball fight was not the kind of thing they needed to explain to Ross and his stuck-ups right now.
They had all sort of collapsed in the middle of the back yard in a half circle, trying to catch their breath.
“I vote that... next time? The use of flying armoured suits is forbidden,” Clint muttered, as he was ruffling snow out of his hair.
“I shall repeat my previous statement; you started it,” Tony pointed out, and then raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, next time? What next time?”
Clint chuckled.
“Don’t encourage him.” Natasha said, calmly but firmly, and Tony’s other eyebrow rose up to join the first. Natasha was sitting cross-legged on Steve’s shield and making a snowball lantern. He had no idea how she could still look so put together when the rest of them were snowy, sweaty messes.
“What do you mean ‘don’t encourage him’? I’m not encouraging him? There won’t be a next time. I’m just asking why the hell he thinks there’ll be a next time.”
“Exactly,” Natasha sighed, without looking up.
“I like a challenge,” Clint said thoughtfully, and Steve groaned.
“I would most gladly partake in this noble battle again!” Thor informed them cheerily. There were still small piles of snow on his head and shoulders, and he was making failed attempts at his own snowball lantern.
“We know you would,” Tony said, patting his arm.
“I just don’t think it is such a good idea,” Steve added.
“Well, that settles it, we’re doing this again,” Clint said, grinning widely.
“Told you,” Natasha mumbled, and Steve groaned again.
“This will end so badly.”
Natasha chuckled.
“You have no idea.”
“Hey Nat, remember Lublin?” Clint rolled up on his knees and grinned at Natasha. She sighed and shoved him away.
“Trying my best not to.”
“Uh, guys? Is Hulk making snow angels?”
They all turned to look at Hulk, who was, in fact, making a snow angel. Tony blinked, and shook his head. Lunatics. His team was made of luna-fucking-tics.
“I have now seen everything,” he informed them.
“You haven’t seen my snow angels,” Clint said without taking his eyes of Hulk. “I make epic snow angels, man.”
“Clint Barton: Assassin, spy, marksman and snow angels-pro?” Natasha raised an eyebrow.
“Epic snow angels, Nat.”
“What are these angels of snow you speak of?” Thor asked, and Clint turned around so quickly he nearly fell over.
“Dibs on showing him!” He called and scrambled to his feet. “Come on big guy, Midguardian traditions teaching time!”
Thor laughed merrily and got up, and the two took off toward a patch of snow undisturbed by their snowball fight.
“Lunatics,” Tony muttered, and shook his head when Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “Nothing.”
Natasha rolled her eyes and put the last snowball on her lantern, brushed snow off her lap and stood up.
“I’m going to go inside and make hot chocolate,” she informed them and turned to walk toward the gaping hole to the training room.
Tony watched her, then the hole, and then sighed heavily.
“There’s no need for Pepper to know the exact reason for that hole, is there? I don’t have to tell her Hulk wanted to build a wall to protect himself in a snowball fight?”
Steve chuckled.
“I see no reason.”
“Good.” They both got up and watched Clint demonstrate to Thor the best way to stand up again after having finished a snow angel, until Natasha opened the kitchen window and yelled ‘hot chocolate is ready, get your snowy asses inside boys’. Thor and Hulk glanced at each other before taking off in a sprint, racing each other inside the Mansion.
Tony sighed. Lunatics. And if he couldn’t keep from smiling like a lunatic himself, then that was no one else’s business.