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Negan kneeled in the clearing, the weight of years past pressing down on him like the world on Atlas’ shoulders.
The last time he had been there was when he had first met Rick and lit the fire that would become his eventual downfall. He had arrived as a king and now was only seen as a monster. A false ruler without a kingdom.
Negan could still see Judith’s face as she aimed her father’s gun at him. She was a special girl and whether he wanted to admit it or not, she knew him way better than he realized.
As her compass lay heavily against his chest, Negan felt almost guilty for leaving her. He wasn’t her father, he knew that, but he cared for the little Grimes and he wanted to be there to protect her. However, when he noticed that the door to his cell was open… he hadn’t stopped to think. He just knew he had to get out.
Whether or not he would find whatever he craved in the outside world, he didn’t want to be looked at as if he was a beast anymore. Negan believed that he had changed, but he didn’t think anyone else saw it. Judith saw good in him, but she didn’t know him when her parents did. To Alexandria, Hilltop, Kingdom, and Oceanside, he would always be the monster that murdered their people and enjoyed doing it.
Running a hand down his face, Negan pushed to his feet, trying to get his nerve back. He had to face what he had done. If he didn’t, he would only be a hypocrite just like the people he once judged when Lucille was on his shoulder and people kneeled at his feet.
Turning his back on the once-bloodied earth, Negan headed back out onto the road. He didn’t really know what he was looking for, but he just wanted to put as much distance between him and Alexandria as possible. He walked for a while until he spotted a shopping center and after bashing in a few heads of the odd Walker, he broke in the door and began searching.
Negan picked up a few things here and there, just trying to keep his hands busy. When he spotted a leather jacket, however, he couldn’t resist. Shedding his button-down, Negan slid the jacket across his shoulders, basking in the feel of it.
Suddenly, his euphoria was interrupted by a blade being pressed against his spine. “Look, I don’t want any trouble,” Negan said, his hand tightening on the shovel in his hands.
“Funny, coming from you.” Negan’s brow furrowed in confusion and then surprise at the voice. Slowly, he turned around to face his attacker. When he locked eyes with you, he smirked.
“Well, look who’s here,” Negan said, slipping back into his relaxed demeanor. “How are you, (Y/N)?” You didn’t drop the large knife in your hand. Its handle still speckled with the blood of the Dead you had taken care of in the hallway.
“Explain yourself, Negan,” you said.
“They let me go?” Negan offered.
“Bullshit.”
“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t exactly on purpose, but someone and by someone, I mean Gabe, left the cell door open,” Negan said with a shrug.
“I’m taking you back,” you said and Negan rolled his eyes.
You were one of the only people he actually tolerated in Alexandria. You had joined the group not long after Rick’s group had first arrived in the community. You hadn’t been there the night in the clearing, but he had spotted you the day he first arrived to antagonize Rick and loot from Alexandria.
You didn’t take his shit and he respected you immediately. However, and he never admitted this to anyone, you were one of the only people on the enemy side that he was nervous to screw with. There was just something about the set of your jaw and the look in your eyes when threatened. He would never forget the look on your face when he had killed Spencer. It was as if right then, you decided he was dead. Looking at you now, Negan wasn’t sure if those feelings had changed since the last time you two talked.
“Yeah…” Negan said, “that’s not happening.”
“Seriously?” you asked, already over his attitude.
“What are you gonna do, (Y/N)? Do you honestly think you can take me?” he challenged.
“I could always kill you and walk your corpse back through the gates,” you offered. Negan narrowed his eyes at you.
“I’m not sure how people would feel about that.” Negan said.
“I’m sure Michonne would get over it,” you said, raising the knife higher so it was level with his throat.
“Ah, ah,” Negan said, shoving the blade away.
“Give me a reason,” you said as you glared up at him.
“A day,” Negan said. Your face went from anger to confusion at his words.
“What?”
“Just give me one day and then I will go back willingly,” Negan said, crossing his arms as he stared down at you. You never liked how tall he was. He towered over everyone which only made him that much more intimidating. Even fresh from jail and without the Saviors at his back, Negan was still a man you didn’t want to fight with.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” you said.
“I guess you’ll just have to trust me,” Negan said, leaning closer to you. You responded by lifting the knife to his chin, tilting it up. He smiled at the threatening movement. Suddenly, you felt like Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zoro as you pressed your blade to your opponent’s throat. “Come on,” he urged, “live a little.”
The smile he gave you was one of a confident predator, one who was used to getting what he wanted. Glancing out a nearby window, you gauged the sun. You had been planning to head back to Alexandria that day. Siddiq had asked you to go looking for more gauze and other tools he made need to restock the infirmary. With everything going on, you had wanted to do whatever you could to help out.
However, now that you were in this predicament, you couldn’t help but feel a bit of excitement at the possibility of going off the rails a bit, even if it was with public enemy number one.
“Fine,” you said and his eyes lit up. “What do you want to do?”
“The Sanctuary? Seriously?”
You stood next to Negan as he looked up at his former castle. When he had told you to follow him, you hadn’t argued. He wasn’t armed with anything but a shovel and while you knew you couldn’t take him in a fight, you had a feeling that he wouldn’t attack you or harm you in any way. You weren’t sure what to make of that.
“It’s home,” Negan said with a shrug.
“No, it’s a damn ghost town,” you corrected.
“Humor me, (Y/N),” he asked and you rolled your eyes and gestured forward. He grinned and strutted towards the front doors. You hadn’t been to the factory since Daryl had been running it, since Rick had died. Following Negan, he broke the chain on the doors and kicked them open.
He stopped at the railing that overlooked the factory floor and frowned. You joined him and saw what he saw. The entire factory floor was flooded. From the way the place was essentially destroyed, it didn’t look as if a king had ever ruled there. Negan bowed his head as he took in what was left of his Sanctuary.
“It wasn’t doing well,” you explained. “It wasn’t equipped to be run without…” you trailed off, but Negan knew what you were getting at.
“Without me,” he finished and you nodded, unable to deny the fact. The Sanctuary, the Saviors, they only survived because of Negan. Everyone knew it, but nobody wanted to admit it. You would never tell him, but you admired the way he was able to lead his people even if he did it with a barbed wire-wrapped fist.
“Come on,” you said, touching his arm as you passed. Negan followed you down the stairs and into the stagnant water. It was more shallow in places than others as the two of you waded through it.
Just as you stepped around a rotting couch, a hand rose out of the murky water and grabbed your boot. You stumbled, catching yourself on the soggy upholstery before you could fall down. The Walker rose from the water, its jaw stretched towards your flesh. Before you could aim your blade, Negan brought his foot down on its head, smashing its brain in a single blow.
The water turned dark brown beneath your feet as you grimaced. “Thanks,” you said with a grateful nod.
“We should get out of this,” he said, gesturing to the room around you. You nodded and this time began following him. You and Negan walked the dark corridors of the Sanctuary. You had personally never delved deeper into the factory’s labyrinth, but this trip wasn’t for you. Negan walked along the stone floor, his hand trailing along the walls.
You weren’t sure where his head was at and you didn’t have the nerve to ask him. Not because you were scared of the man, but because you didn’t think you wanted to know the more sensitive thoughts that went through his mind. Besides the odd encounter you had when bringing him his dinner whenever Gabriel was busy, you hadn’t really interacted with Negan since the end of the war.
“I don’t think there’s much left…” Negan whispered as you turned down another dark hallway. You bit your tongue as you almost retorted with an “I told you so”. Whether you liked him or not, he didn’t need to hear that.
“Negan,” you said, gaining his attention. You didn’t have to say much more as he could see it in your face. This was a mistake. With a sigh, Negan nodded and then nudged his head towards a stairwell. You and Negan headed down the steps that lead to the lower level. With a hard shove, the door gave and you stumbled out onto the bottom level once again.
However, this time, you were not alone. Walkers milled around the area, drawn by the scent and sound of the Living. Turning over your shoulder, you saw more Dead approaching, blocking your exit back up the stairs. “Shit,” you swore with a glare at Negan.
A large crash came from the Westside as more Walkers pushed into the room. You swung at the first Walker, unable to see them clearly in the dark of the room. Then, before you could swing again, a hand wrapped around your bicep. A warm one. Negan dragged you away from the Dead. He picked up a rusted pipe and swung it like Lucille, bashing in the heads of those who wanted to tear into your flesh.
“Where are we going?” you asked, but he just kept hauling you through the factory and away from the Dead. Eventually, the two of you arrived at a door and Negan didn’t hesitate, kicking in the lock with his boot. The door flew open and he hauled you in, slamming it behind the two of you.
With your help, Negan dragged a cabinet in front of the door just as the Dead arrived, slamming their decaying bodies against the barrier. “I told you this was a bad idea,” you said, your breathing heavy.
In the dark of the room, you could only make out the shape of the man with you. He was angry and frustrated and you could tell of that from the shape of his shoulders. “I don’t need your high and mighty shit right now,” he snapped.
“Wow,” you scoffed. “That’s rich coming from you.” Negan turned on you and stepped into your space to make sure you could see him in the low light.
“We are stuck in a damn broom closet with a horde of Walkers outside and now you want to get snappy with me? Really?” You could feel his breath on your face and you struggled to keep your calm.
“I should have taken you back as soon as I found you,” you snarled. Negan laughed, but it was anything but gleeful.
“You talk so much shit, (Y/N),” he said, “but in the end would you have the guts to do it?”
“Do what?” you whispered. Negan reached up and this time, he was the one to lift your chin.
“To kill the monster,” he challenged. “Are you capable of that?”
“You don’t know what I’m capable of and I hope, for your sake, that you never find out.” Negan chuckled under his breath before releasing you. Walkers pounded on the door, shaking the walls. “Of course I’m the one who is going to die with the goddamn beast. I don’t want to die, Negan.”
“Beast? Really?” Negan asked, somewhat amused.
“You didn’t notice how the townspeople want your head or how they would be happy to carry torches as they march towards your cell?” you asked. Negan huffed and while you couldn’t see his face that well, you knew he was rolling his eyes again.
“So, if I’m Beast, does that make you Beauty?” he asked, his voice suddenly husky. You rolled your eyes, pushing against his leather-clad chest.
“Hilarious,” you said, but then Negan was moving toward you again, his hands going to either side of you as you backed up. Your back hit the wall and he stared down at you. You swallowed thickly. “Negan…”
“You never showed fear,” Negan said. “At least, not in my presence. I wonder why that is.”
“Maybe you’re not as scary as you think,” you offer and he smiled. At his close proximity, you could see his face enough to know that he was trying to read you.
“I thought I was the nightmarish monster,” he whispered.
“You forget, Negan,” you whispered back, “I am very well versed in killing monsters.” With another push, he stumbled back from you. “Now cut the bullshit because we have to get out of here.”
“You seem worried,” Negan observed as the groans increased as more Walkers converged.
“I don’t want to die,” you said. “I’m not as invincible as you think.” Negan was still for a few moments before something registered.
“Hand me the ax now. Under that table,” he said and you furrowed your brow. Confused, you reached under the table and sure enough, there was an old fire ax handing on a hook. “Simon did always know where to hide his weapons.” You held the ax in your hands, hesitating. Negan sighed. “Trust me (Y/N) for five seconds.” You walked towards him and shoved the ax into his arms.
“Don’t make me regret it.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Negan felt his way across the room until he reached a bookcase and then grabbed it and toppled it to the floor. You jumped out of the way, holding back the swear that swelled in your throat. Negan pulled back and then threw his weight into the swing as the ax came down on the wall. You listened to him break his way through the drywall as Walkers made the main door buckle.
“Negan…” you warned.
“One second, Darlin’,” he grunted as he swung again. Eventually, he stopped hacking away at the door and turned to you. “Rule number one when running a community, always have invisible escape routes.”
“If I didn’t want to strangle you right now, I would kiss you,” you said as you jumped over the bookcase and crawled through the hole in the wall he had created.
“Now that is the kind of partnership I support,” Negan said as he followed you. The false wall actually led to a secret hallway. You felt Negan behind you as you ran and you didn’t care that he still held the ax in his hand or that he was staying incredibly close to you. You just had to find a way out.
The two of you made your way down the long hallway and then kicked down another door that led to the outside. The sun was nearly down as you and Negan ran across the pavement, both of your weapons taking out Walkers whenever they approached. Behind you, you could hear Walkers crashing through the Sanctuary, trying to follow you, but you just kept going.
Negan helped you over the chain-link fence and then followed afterward once he knew you were on solid ground. When he landed next to you, he tried to offer you his weapon. You pushed the ax back into his hands. “Keep it for now.” Negan didn’t argue as you began jogging down the road. “We need a place to stay for the night,” you said as you finally slowed, the Sanctuary disappearing behind you.
“I know a place,” Negan said and then offered his arm with a smirk. You rolled your eyes, but played along, slipping your arm into his.
“Asshole.”
“You love it.”
You and Negan took shelter in a nearby building.
The old room on top of an old record shop was secure enough that you put down your weapons and collapsed onto the old couch in exhaustion. Negan barricaded the door and checked the windows before he joined you, just as eager to get off his feet.
“We should be good here for the night,” he said, his eyes on the ceiling. Looking over at him, you felt a sense of peace after the terror that you had just witnessed. You didn’t know what it was, but something about him didn’t make you nervous anymore. Aaron had once told you that you were good at reading people. Perhaps he was right.
“You helped me tonight,” you said, breaking the silence. In the light of the few candles you were able to find, Negan looked at you.
“Why do you sound so surprised?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I am,” you told him. Negan smiled softly to himself, sitting up straighter before turning his body to face yours. “What?”
“Nothin’, I guess I just expected you to actually go through with your promise.”
“Which one?” you asked.
“Would you really have killed me?” he asked, a rising curiosity in his voice. You watched him for a moment, seeing the years on his face that told you he had been through hell. You all had been, but Negan’s hell began before the Apocalypse, that much you knew to be true. There was also something else there, a need for belonging as if he needed you to speak to him. His openness and the look in his hazel eyes was the only thing that had you answering his question.
“No,” you said plainly. “I guess we all do monstrous things, but none of us are actually monsters. Even you.” Negan nodded, feeling content with your response.
“I always did like you,” he admitted.
“Shut up,” you scoffed.
“I did, I do,” he promised. “Hell, you were one of the only ones who seemed as if they wanted to ask first, shoot second. Though, there were a few times I thought you were going to kill me with your bare hands.”
“I remember those times fondly,” you said with a faraway look on your face. Negan laughed, playing into your game.
“You know, I really needed today,” he said.
“Just one day, huh? You’re really gonna let me take you back?” Negan shrugged.
“I was going to go back anyway,” he admitted.
“Why’s that?” you asked, narrowing your eyes in suspicion.
“Just something a kid said to me,” he said and then you finally noticed what was around his neck and whose it was. Judith Grimes, you thought, that’s one hell of a kid.
“So, you already decided to come home and you still dragged me to that Walker-infested hellhole?” Negan grinned at you again.
“I just hadn’t felt like I was in a horror movie for a while,” he said.
“And yet you made jokes about Beauty and the Beast…” you said, shaking your head.
“Uh, have you seen that movie? Freaky as shit!”
“Disney movies are horror films now?”
“New world, Darlin’,” Negan said with a wink. He reached over and slowly ran a finger along your arm and surprisingly, you let him. “Haven’t you heard? Every day and everything feels just like Halloween.”