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The moment Shouyou had called him from Brazil and told him that he was coming back to Japan to try out for the V-League, dread began to make itself a home in the pit of Kenma’s stomach. Every moment after Shouyou’s announcement only served to make the feeling worsen: when he and Shouyou played a Co-Op with him half a world and half a day away, or called just before before he fell asleep while Kenma was getting ready for a meeting, or when he would take a break from practice to call Kenma and berate him for staying up too late gaming and not sleeping, Kenma felt the sadness subsume him more and more until he felt like he was drowning.
While Shouyou was in Brazil, he needed Kenma. Bouncing Ball was Shouyou’s sponsor while he was off in Brazil playing beach volleyball and when he came back to Japan Kenma couldn’t see him wanting to stay signed with Kenma’s company. Kenma knew that Shouyou felt like he was taking advantage of their relationship a bit when he had approached Kenma about a sponsorship,and even if he didn’t say it to Kenma anymore Kenma knew that feeling hadn’t just...gone away. And no matter how many times Kenma told Shouyou that he was happy to sponsor him, was more than willing to continue sponsoring Shouyou in the V-League, Kenma could see the writing on the wall.
Shouyou would come back to Japan, would take the V-League by storm, would dissolve his sponsorship deal with Bouncing Ball, and he would slip out of Kenma’s life just as unceremoniously as he had entered it all those years ago in high school.
And Kenma didn’t know if he could handle a life without Hinata Shouyou in it anymore. Just the thought of trying made that cavernous sadness threaten to consume him whole.
So, here Kenma was on the day Shouyou was flying back to Japan, aggressively playing the newest FPS and trying to shut the rest of the world out. And above all, Kenma was adamantly not thinking about how Shouyou would be disembarking, would be mobbed by his old Karasuno teammates, would be welcomed back with all the love he deserved and Kenma wouldn’t be there.
Kenma flinched at the thought and his character died unceremoniously. Kenma sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face, shutting down his console.
It was alright, it was totally fine that Kenma wasn’t there to welcome Shouyou home. Shouyou didn’t need Kenma there.
But if it was fine, why did he feel like this?
Kenma’s eyes slipped closed as he dropped his controller to the floor, sinking bonelessly into his gaming chair. He just needed to calm down. It was fine, he was fine, everything was fine.
Kenma was ripped out of his contemplation by a sudden banging on his front door. Narrowing his eyes in annoyance, Kenma shuffled to the entryway before swinging the door open aggressively, ready to tear into the unfortunate delivery person sure to be waiting on the other side.
He never got the chance as a short, muscled body threw itself into his with abandon. “Kenma!” Shouyou crowed, and Kenma’s vision was filled with orange curls and amber eyes as he tentatively wrapped his arms around the shorter man.
“Sh-Shouyou?” Kenma stuttered. “W-what are you doing…?”
As Kenma trailed off, Shouyou pulled back from the hug, aiming a beaming smile at the former setter.
“I’m home! And you weren’t at the airport, which is totally fine, but I missed you and wanted to see you as soon as I could!” Shouyou enthused, nearly vibrating in place with excitement. Kenma felt a smile quirk his lips as he squeezed the spiker once before releasing him.
Shouyou’s smile shone brighter than the sun as he followed Kenma into his house, towing his luggage along behind him. “Wow, Kenma! Your house is so nice! But I almost thought you would live in Roppongi Hills with how well you and Kodzuken and Bouncing Ball are doing!”
As those words left Shouyou’s lips, Kenma felt the small smile slide from his own. Oh. Oh . They were doing this now, then.
Kenma shrugged and mumbled something about Kuroo agreeing before settling beneath the kotatsu to hide his shaking hands. Giving Shouyou his blessing to explore, Kenma breathed deeply in and out a few times to try to calm his racing heart. He thought he would have more time before Shouyou cut him loose as a sponsor and a friend. He absolutely wasn’t prepared for this , oh god , he wants more time --
“Hey, hey, Kenma?” Shouyou’s voice filtered in through the panic, soft and concerned. “Can you breathe with me? There, just breathe with me; it’s alright.”
Kenma became dimly aware of Shouyou’s hands pressing one of Kenma’s own to Shouyou’s chest. Kenma’s eyes flew to Shouyou in shock, but the spiker simply breathed deeply, eyes calm and locked on Kenma’s own. Almost against his will, Kenma found himself mimicking the rhythm of Shouyou’s breath until his breathing was back to normal and his panic had burnt itself out into calm.
“There, you’re good now, Kenma?” Shouyou finally asked in that same soft tone. Kenma nodded silently, eyes darting away from Shouyou as he tugged his hand away from the other man. Shouyou let it go without a fight and settled beneath the kotatsu near Kenma.
For a while neither man said anything, Kenma unable to muster the courage or the energy to thank Shouyou properly and Shouyou seeming to enjoy the quiet. Fidgeting in place, Kenma sighed and slid his eyes over to the spiker. Shouyou tilted his head toward the former setter calmly and smiled softly in acknowledgement.
“Thanks, Shouyou,” he admitted finally and Shouyou nodded, reaching out to wrap a callused hand around one of Kenma’s thin wrists.
“Of course, Kenma. You’re… You did so much for me, sponsoring me while I was playing in Brazil. If there’s anything I can do, anything to help you, please just... let me know,” Shouyou replied, and Kenma’s eyes fell to his fidgeting fingers, unable to hold Shouyou’s amber gaze as the emptiness threatened to fill him up again.
“Y-you...You don’t owe me anything, okay?” Kenma stated softly, and Shouyou stilled.
“What?” Shouyou asked in confusion, but Kenma just kept barreling on, unwilling to let the foreseen pain drag on any longer.
“You don’t owe me anything,” Kenma repeated. “The sponsorship... I had to help fulfill your dream in any way I could. I couldn’t bear it if you weren’t able to play volleyball and there was something I could’ve done to change that outcome...I couldn’t let you become boring.” Like me, Kenma didn’t say, but Shouyou started back in shock as if he’d heard it anyway.
“Kenma, what? I don’t under -” the spiker started again, but Kenma shook his head slightly.
“It’s alright, Shouyou. We can dissolve the sponsorship right now. You don’t have to...manage me or hang out with me anymore when it’s done,” Kenma finished quickly, eyes locked on his lap.
Silence weighed heavily between the two men, and Kenma felt himself shrink into his shoulders. He waited for Shouyou to say something, anything , but the spiker remained totally silent. Kenma couldn’t take it anymore and made to push away from the kotatsu, stuttering about going to the bathroom, but froze as Shouyou’s strong hand wrapped around his wrist and yanked him back down.
Surprised, Kenma looked over at the other man and met amber eyes blazing with intensity. Kenma barely suppressed a shiver as the gaze Shouyou levelled at him reminded him of so many years before when they met on opposite sides of the net at Nationals.
“Kenma,” Shouyou ground out lowly, fingers tightening around Kenma’s wrist. “What are you even talking about? I don’t want to dissolve the sponsorship, unless you want to. I don’t want to stop playing video games with you, or talking to you, or hanging out with you; why would you even say that?”
Kenma blinked mutely in surprise. “Then... why are you here?” he asked eventually, and Shouyou’s grip tightened to near bruising pressure.
“Why am I…? Kenma, why wouldn’t I want to be here with you?” Shouyou demanded, shifting closer to the taller man. Kenma felt a bit lightheaded as Shouyou’s warm breath fanned over his face, barely stopping himself from swaying closer to him.
“You have...better people to spend time with,” Kenma nearly whispered. “Anyone you want, anyone at all, would fall over themselves to spend time with you, to be with you. I’m just...me.”
Shouyou’s eyes bored into his and Kenma felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. He must have found what he was looking for as a grin that rivalled the sun and stars in its brightness spread slowly across his face. “Yeah, you’re you, Kenma,” Shouyou agreed, leaning up and pressing his forehead to the older man’s. “There’s no one else I would rather be with than you.”
Kenma’s breath caught in his chest as Shouyou closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together in a kiss so soft Kenma felt tears sting at the back of his eyes. As Shouyou pulled away, Kenma whined in the back of his throat and closed the gap quickly, pressing his lips firmly to Shouyou’s and tugging the smaller man nearly into his lap.
Shouyou let out a cut off yelp at the momentum change before sinking into the kiss, his hand running up Kenma’s arm to loop around the other man’s neck. When they both finally pulled away for air, Kenma couldn’t help but smile so wide his cheeks stung. The matching grin on Shouyou’s face as the shorter man toyed with the ends of Kenma’s hair only made it more surreal.
Kenma didn’t know if he could handle a life without Hinata Shouyou in it. Thankfully, both he and Shouyou weren’t going to have to figure that out anytime soon.