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Jackson messed up. Big time.
He rewinds everything he’s done from this morning to now, trying to pinpoint what he did exactly. He didn’t do much today besides visit the gym and grocery shop for this week. Was it because he didn’t pick up the right type of ramen? He did that once and the whole household went into a frenzy. It was a scary time for both him and Jinyoung, having to deal with two children on the brink of Earth-shattering tantrums.
Though when Jackson remembers the list, he knew he bought the right one. He attempts to recall every detail throughout his day and concludes that nothing he did is worth being angry about. Yeah. Jackson didn’t do anything. He’s an innocent man being held accountable for something he didn’t know he did. He should at least get a fair trial.
Too bad the term ‘fair trial’ isn’t in his son’s vocabulary.
“Jun-ah,” Jackson calls, “buddy, can you talk to me?”
“No!” Comes a muffled voice from under the covers. Jun wrapped himself in his favorite blanket and hopped into bed the moment they arrived home to hide from his father. It doesn’t work because his small feet poking out from the bottom is hardly unnoticeable. The lump shifts, scooting itself farther up the small bed until it's nestled in the corner.
“Go away, Baba!” Jun cries from his downy confinement. “I want Appa!”
A sharp pang shoots through Jackson’s chest at Jun’s declaration. He’s never told Jackson to leave him alone before, not even during The Ramen Incident. Ever since Jackson picked him up from school, Jun has had an attitude that could cause a nationwide disaster. He stormed out of his classroom and marched into the car, completely ignoring Jackson’s attempts at his daily hug and kiss hello. He merely brushed it off as a bad school day, but when Jackson offered to swing by BamBam’s place, Jun refused. Jun loves his Uncle BamBam and vice versa, so when he grunted out a rejection then continued to glare out the window, small eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed, Jackson knew something was wrong.
He tried reasoning with him when they walked through the door only for Jun to hightail it to his room and shut Jackson out. Jackson followed him and found the boy burrowing under the sheets in an attempt to rid himself of the world. It’s a smart tactic, Jackson should know, he did the same when he was Jun’s age.
Jackson moves from his kneeling position on the floor to crawl next to Jun and lean against the headboard, mindful not to touch the blanket and further anger the small beast inside.
At times like these, when Jun's stubbornness is an exact imitation of Jinyoung, is when Jackson doubts his skills as a father. He's always dreamt of raising a family with the love of his life, going on cute adventures, and being able to witness all their firsts. Their first words. First steps. First birthdays. Jackson was prepared for everything from knee scratches to future breakups, even going as far as mentally readying himself to be a grandpa.
Jackson thought he'd have a hard time talking to Jun when he reached puberty. When his hormones were out of place and he thought the world was against him, not when he's five and had a bad day at school. Jun can't look at Jackson let alone communicate. Jackson’s mom didn't tell him how to handle that, that's for sure. Whenever Jackson had an off day, she'd know exactly what was bothering him from the moment he saw her. Jackson's starting to think he doesn't have that weird sixth sense parents possess to tell them what's wrong with their kids.
Even though Jackson’s having a hard time now doesn’t mean he’s a quitter, especially when it comes to his children. So, like any good father would (and Jackson is a great father, thank you very much), he’ll console Jun until he opens up.
Or until Jinyoung comes home. Whichever happens first.
“Little Prince, talk to me,” Jackson says, voice soft.
The lump shakes its head, or what Jackson assumes is its head, then tucks itself farther into its corner. Jackson sighs, feels the last few drops of energy seep out of him until he spots Jun's favorite toy. Jackson reaches for the Squirtle plushie, Donnie, named after Jun's favorite Ninja Turtle. Mark insisted on the boy watching the American TV show while he babysat one night and by the time Jackson and Jinyoung got home, Jun was running around the house in a purple mask made from an old shirt, yelling about how he needs to defeat Shredder.
It was adorable until Jun tried to backflip off the kitchen counter (another one of Mark's teachings) and almost gave Jinyoung a heart attack. Donnie was a gift from Jun's last birthday and ever since then, they've been inseparable. There's no way Jun would ignore him.
"If you can't tell Baba," Jackson began, reaching for the toy to plop in front of his son. "Will you tell Donnie?"
The lump jerked then popped out a small face from the top opening. Jun's eyes were puffy and red. Just the thought of his son crying made Jackson want to burst into his own set of tears. His chest felt heavy, weighed down with the knowledge that Jun is hurting but Jackson can't help him. Jackson almost crumbles when they lock eyes and Jun's lip quivers. He returns to his burrow, pulling the blanket tighter around his small frame.
"Donnie's gonna tell Baba."
"No, he won't," Jackson reassures. "Donnie's your best friend, and best friends aren't supposed to tell each other's secrets."
Jun shakes his head again. He pulls his feet under the covers, completely shielding himself away from his father. Jackson sits against the headboard, totally defeated. He scrubs his face with his hands and sighs. Jackson pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his cheeks on his leg, facing the blankets. He stares at the lump and tries to formulate a way to talk to Jun, but comes up empty.
His stomach twists at not being able to help his son, chest and shoulders burdensome with an anvil of disappointment. Frustration gnaws at his insides, pinching his gut until it turns painful. This is worse than any other bodily injury he's endured, Jackson concludes. He doesn't like this feeling—this idea that he's somehow failed his son. He's decided that this ugly emotion sits atop his list of Things I Never Want to Feel Again, right above stubbing his pinky toe and the unexplainable sense of pain of seeing Jinyoung cry.
Nothing can top that feeling of utter torture at being the cause of his partner's sadness, but being the cause of his son's sadness is a close second.
Jackson feels the sharp pin-prickle of tears well up behind his eyes, feels the wetness slide into place until a single drop falls from his cheek and onto his pants. Fortunately, it's only one, the sound of keys jingling from the front door snaps his head up. Jackson composes himself and glances at the blankets once more before he gets up to greet his husband.
Jinyoung walks through the threshold holding their sleepy four-year-old daughter in one arm and her pink school bag and lunchbox in the other. Jackson rushes forward to snatch Jihyun from her father so he wouldn't crumble under her weight.
"Tell Yugyeom to stop feeding her," Jinyoung huffs as he hangs her bag on a hook near the door. "She's, like, one-fourth choco-pie at this point. It's like lifting a bag of rice." Jinyoung turns to Jackson, going in for a kiss in greeting, then stops short when he notices his still wet eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Jun's not talking to me," Jackson sniffles. "I made him mad."
"How?"
"I don't know.”
Jinyoung surveys his husband, takes in his dejected demeanor, then asks where Jun’s hiding. Jackson merely juts his head in the direction of Jun's room then continues his sulking. Jinyoung, with all the reassurance a father and devoted husband could muster, announces, "I'll be right back."
In a matter of seconds, he’s gone and Jackson is left in the hallway. He sighs for what felt like the umpteenth time then goes to the living room to plop onto the couch.
Jihyun stirs against Jackson's chest, wrapping her little arms around his neck and nuzzles into his warmth. She mumbles a sleepy, "Baba?"
"Hi, princess," Jackson coos. "You're home."
"Where's Appa?"
And there they go again. It seems like both of their children prefer Jinyoung over Jackson today. That’s fine. Everything's fine.
(It's not. Jackson just doesn't feel like breaking down in front of his daughter.)
"Appa’s talking to Jun right now. He'll be back soon."
Jihyun nods then raises her head. Her hair sticks up on the side, eyes full of sleep, and a little dazed. When she yawns, Jackson can smell the faint hint of french fries on her breath, a clear indication of Jinyoung taking her to Mcdonald's before coming home. There's even a smeared ketchup stain on her uniform collar.
Jackson clicks his tongue, already formulating the speech he'll give Jinyoung later about how fast food isn't good for the kids. They've had this discussion before when Jackson caught the three of them red-handed, stuffing burgers in their mouths.
Though when Jihyun rubs her eyes and returns her gaze onto her father, mocha brown boring right into Jackson's soul, he knew Jinyoung didn't stand a chance at refusing her. He'll let it slide for now. Jackson has other worries to focus on besides his children's eating habits.
"Baba?" Jihyun says, placing her hands on Jackson's cheeks. "Were you crying?"
Jackson huffs. He can't get anything past her. "Yeah, sweetie. Baba was crying."
"Why?"
Jackson bites his lip, not wanting to explain his predicament, but maybe Jihyun knows about Jun's issue. He tells his sister everything, they're closer than two peas in a pod so Jihyun is bound to know why Jun's angry.
"Jun's mad at me," Jackson begins. Jihyun frowns like the whole idea is absurd, which it is because Jackson still hasn’t gotten his fair trial. She rubs Jackson's cheeks in comfort, notions for him to go on. "Baba did something and Jun doesn't want to tell him. Do you know what I did?"
Jihyun shakes her head. Tiny wisps of hair float around her face. "JuJu didn't tell me. He was weird today."
So Jun's had an attitude all day. Both children go to the same school, just in different grades with release at different times. Jihyun probably saw her brother and didn't want to badger him in front of their friends. Though Jackson thinks that’s a good thing. He wouldn't want them arguing in school. When Jihyun gets angry, it's like the devil incarnate possessed her and she's on a hellbent mission to let everyone know.
She gets that from Jinyoung. Her adorable exterior is a ruse for the little monster dwelling inside her. When Jackson looks at it, the only personality traits his children got from him are his charms and endless bursts of energy. Other than that, they’re both carbon copies of Jinyoung.
(He should be worried about their teenage years. Jackson might need an army for when Jihyun hits puberty.)
"Sweetie," Jackson calls, doubt rising. "You're not mad at me, are you?"
Jihyun pokes his cheek. "No. I love Baba. And JuJu loves Baba too. He said so."
That's all it took for the dam to break. Large tears formed in Jackson's eyes and now he's suddenly clutching his daughter to his chest. He doesn't know if his hormones are out of whack because he's happy and sad all at once. All Jackson knows is that, yes, his children do love him, even when one is going through a midlife crisis at five years old and the other is complaining that he's getting snot on her shirt. It's sweet.
A door down the hallway opens and two pairs of feet shuffle outside. Jihyun squeals in delight when she spots Jun. She wrangles herself out of Jackson's grasp and hops onto the floor. "JuJu!" She exclaims, running to give her big brother a hug.
"Hi JiJi," Jun says, leaning down to peck her cheek.
"JuJu, you made Baba sad," she scolds. "Go tell him sorry."
Jinyoung snorts from his place near the hallway, leaning against the wall, watching his children. He tries to hold in his snickers but allows a few to slip out when Jihyun pinches her brother’s cheek only for Jun to accept it.
Jun looks at Jackson, big eyes still red and puffy, then back to his sister who still hasn’t released his cheek. "Okay,” he says in a small voice.
Jihyun let's go then Jun trudges over to Jackson. Jackson remains seated on the couch with bated breath, resisting the urge to scoop Jun into his arms and smother him. The boy looks to his right at Jinyoung, who urges him to "Go on," then stands in front of his father.
"I’m sorry I made you sad, Baba." Jun is fiddling with his fingers, crossing them over each other, another habit he picked up from Jinyoung, looking so small and vulnerable and—screw it. Jackson lurches forward to envelop his son in a bear hug, Jun's arms immediately latch onto him then he buries his face in the crook of Jackson’s neck.
"It's ok. It's ok,” Jackson reassures when the first sob breaks through Jun's small body. "It's fine, buddy. I promise."
Jinyoung, seeming to not be able to handle the pure affection in Jackson's voice, leaves his wall to squish both of them between his arms.
"Appa—Baba," Jun gasps, "I can't breathe!"
The fathers release their son, both wearing small smiles as Jun catches his breath. Jihyun has scurried off somewhere, probably to the kitchen to snag her after school snack.
"Do you want to tell Baba what you told me?" Jinyoung asks. Jun squirms in his seat; shakes his head in no. "But he needs to know why you're mad, or else Baba will be sad again."
Jinyoung lightly smacks Jackson's arm and Jackson takes that as a cue to fake cry into his hands.
It seemed to work because now Jun is spilling everything all in one go. "I don't want Baba to leave us and find a new family! I want Baba to stay with us, I’m sorry I was mad!"
Jinyoung giggles at Jackson's imitation of a fish out of water. "N-new family? Where'd you get that idea?"
Jun sniffled then continued. "Jiwoo-ah said her eomma wants to make you her new baba."
Jinyoung finally cracks. His giggles soon turn into full-blown laughter, a hearty bellow that makes him clutch his stomach. He rolls onto his side, cackling like a madman.
Jackson throws a pillow in his direction then returns his attention to Jun's outrageous assumption. "Jiwoo? Your classmate?" Jun nods his head. Jackson’s throat suddenly transforms into the Sahara Desert. "D-did she tell you that her eomma said that?"
"Yeah. Jiwoo-ah said her eomma likes you." Jun looks down at his lap and fiddles his fingers. “I don't want Baba to leave us."
"I would never!" Jackson exclaims. "I love your Appa very much. I wouldn't leave him or you and your sister."
"You promise?" Then Jun looks at Jackson with big doe eyes and—damn he's too far gone for the boy—Jackson wraps him in another hug.
"Of course. And if I did want to leave, which I don’t,” Jackson emphasizes. “I don't think Appa would let me."
"Damn right." Jinyoung finally ceased his laughter and scooted back to Jun's side. He brushes Jun's hair out of his face and kisses his forehead. "Your Baba is stuck with us."
“And I'm happy with that,” Jackson finishes. He grabs Jun’s antsy hands to pull them apart and kiss his little knuckles. “Are you okay now? You're not mad at me anymore?”
Jun shakes his head. “No. I'm sorry I yelled at you.”
“You should be. You sounded just like Appa. It was a little scary.” Both of them share a quick laugh before Jinyoung throws a pillow right at Jackson’s face. “See! Jun-ah, your Appa is terrifying!”
“Ah, yes, and if you don't go and work on your school books, I’ll show you how scary I can be!”
Jinyoung lunges for Jun and tickles his side, making the boy burst into a fresh swell of giggles. He wiggles free from Jinyoung’s menacing fingers and bolts away down the hall, his earlier mood is now replaced with a much happier persona.
Jackson slouches into the cushions. He feels physically and mentally exhausted just from the 30 minutes he spent with Jun. If Jinyoung hadn't returned when he did then Jackson's sure he would've crawled under a blanket too.
“He gets that from you, y’know,” Jinyoung comments. He scoots closer to Jackson to bump their heads together. “Both of your mood swings give me whiplash.”
“Haha, very funny.” Jackson shifts so their foreheads are pressed together. “I'm serious, he was a total monster. Reminds me of you when you were younger.”
Jinyoung hums. He brushes their noses before leaning in to share a quick kiss. Jackson can taste the Big Mac on Jinyoung’s lips, feels the tension melt from his body when Jinyoung smiles against his mouth. If there's one thing that can re-energize Jackson in a heartbeat, it's his husband. After nearly a decade together, the raging swarm of butterflies that permanently reside in his stomach whenever Jinyoung so helps as even smiles at him still flutters like the first day they met.
“So,” Jinyoung begins when he pulls away, forehead still nuzzling Jackson’s, “about Jiwoo’s eomma.”
Jackson goes rigid. He was hoping Jinyoung would look past that for the time being. He'd like to kiss some more.
“Babe, I swear, I only spoke to her once.”
“Were you wearing your ring?”
“Of course I was!” Jinyoung narrows his eyes. Jackson squirms in his seat then meekly mumbles, “Maybe...not for her so see.”
Jinyoung pinches his cheek with a free hand. Jackson lets him do it.
He dug in his shirt to pull out the silver chain decorated with a golden ring and presented it to Jinyoung. A year ago, Jackson took off the ring so he could finger paint with the kids and completely turned the house upside down when he couldn't find it hours later. Apparently, Jihyun put it on one of her dolls and didn't think her father would go ape-shit if it went missing. Go figure.
Jackson’s been wearing the ring around his neck ever since, right on his chest for everyone to see. Well, almost everyone. He’ll admit that the day he spoke to Jiwoo’s mother, Seoyeon, he was wearing a jacket so his necklace wasn't anywhere in sight. He explains that to Jinyoung which earns him another pinch.
“If she didn't see it then what makes you think all the other single mothers out there aren't waiting to snatch you up?” He scolds. Jinyoung goes in to tug Jackson’s ear only for his husband to catch his wrist, bringing his adorably painful assault to a stop.
“I'll tell her I’m happily married. I can also show her our wedding pictures if you'd like.”
“I could do it myself,” Jinyoung suggests. He's pouting, not meeting Jackson’s gaze. It’s scary how similar him and Jihyun are. If Jackson is weak against his daughter’s frowny face, then Jinyoung’s is his kryptonite.
Jackson interlaces their fingers and brings them up to his lips. “No,” he says against Jinyoung’s knuckles. “That music teacher has morning duty and anytime you’re around he always has to talk to you. I don’t like it.”
Jinyoung chuckles. “Jihoon-hyung is harmless.”
“See! You’re already on a first-name basis with him!” Jackson accuses. “It’s the hair, right? Because he’s blond? I should’ve known, you only started dating me after I dyed my hair—”
Jackson is thoroughly quieted down when Jinyoung leans into his personal space once more and seals his lips with his own. Jackson isn’t done with him. The music teacher is always checking Jinyoung out when he knows Jinyoung is taken, even going as far as to flirt with him right in front of Jackson. If Jaebeom didn’t hold him back during the last Open House for the kids then Jackson’s sure Lee Jihoon would’ve ended up in the punch bowl.
Though now, he doesn’t think about the teacher or Jiwoo’s mother or the kids, doesn’t have a single thought in his mind besides the little voice in his brain telling him to pull Jinyoung closer. To press their bodies against each other because it’s been so long since the two have had a night alone together. Being parents of two hell-raising children with conflicting work schedules leaves both of them a little deprived. They take whatever time they can, soak up, and cherish the smallest bouts of affection because they don’t know when they’ll have time to even breathe again.
Jackson’s hands roam Jinyoung’s sides, up the strong plains of his back until he’s gripping Jinyoung’s nape in a rough hand. Palms are on his chest, pushing Jackson down until his back hits the couch cushions and Jinyoung invades his space with enthusiasm, strokes his tongue across Jackson’s bottom lip, coaxing his mouth to open. Jackson doesn’t hesitate, he welcomes Jinyoung’s tongue earnestly. He groans when Jinyoung shifts, moves to sit across his hips properly and subtly grind their—
The sound of a cupboard slamming shut breaks the two out of their moment. Jackson just about cries when Jinyoung pulls away to whip his head towards the kitchen. He’s still sitting on Jackson’s lower stomach, the heat from his thighs on either side of him is almost enough for Jackson to grab him by the collar and resume their current activities. Keyword: almost.
“ Baba! ” Jihyun screeches from somewhere beyond the countertops. She’s stomping her feet, her thunderous rhythm resembling a stampede of bulls as she storms from the pantry to the fridge.
Jinyoung turns to him with wide eyes. “Did you buy the right ramen?” Jackson nods. “What about the—”
“Baba! Where are my Homerun Balls?”
The earlier heat that cascaded down Jackson’s body is now replaced with dread. So maybe he did mess up today, he just didn’t know it until now. He won’t ask for a fair trial because he knows he’s at fault, only this time he angered something far worse than his son: his daughter.