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There were two thoughts running around in Donghyuck’s head when he stepped into the surprisingly loud lecture room. One was completely unrelated to the class, it involved Donghyuck, Chenle, some sparklers and a hill at midnight. The other thought was much more relevant to the class; it took the form Huang Renjun, top student and object of Donghyuck’s unrequited affection since the previous winter.
He made his way to the row right at the front, usually the most empty due to its proximity to the lecturers desk at the bottom of the room.
There were a few other students scattered around him, some chatting loudly enough for Donghyuck to eavesdrop while he waited for the class to start.
This was comfortable, to Donghyuck, being surrounded by people doing their own things, him paying little attention to the rest of the room as he doodled little stars on the first page of his notebook.
He heard the lecture room door swing open, and the telltale purposeful footsteps of Professor Kim echoing in the class as everyone immediately quieted down.
Smiling to himself, he looked up at the professor who was now leaning against the desk, a sheaf of papers in his hands that drew almost everyone’s attention. It most definitely contained their exams from last semester and also the much anticipated top performers in the class.
It was a big event in this university; being a top student in your course or degree often led to scholarships, international job opportunities and in addition, it looked impressive on your resume.
And the consistent number one student in Donghyuck’s year was Renjun.
Donghyuck peeked around until he spotted him, sitting on the opposite of the class a few rows in. He looked tense; his shoulders square and hands gripping one another on top of his closed laptop.
He resisted the urge to keep staring at Renjun, instead turning his attention back to the front of the room.
“Good morning. I hope you all had a good break,” Professor Kim said casually, adjusting his glasses as he spoke.
A few murmured responses rose from the class - nothing definite - betraying the students disinterest in the pleasantries that were exchanged before important announcements.
Professor Kim clearly realised the same thing. He raised his eyebrows and picked at the papers, opening the one in front and glancing down at the first page.
“Straight to it then. You all performed extremely well, as I would expect of third years studying medicine. If you got anything below a 60% then you’re going to find this semester extremely difficult. You can collect your papers from me at the end of the class,” he finished. He intentionally left the question as to who were the to the top students hanging.
Donghyuck could feel the tension rising in the class, until Renjun’s questioning voice cut through it.
“Professor, can you announce the top students?”
“Ah yes, the top students. I’ll call them out and you can stand up where you’re sitting. I think a round of applause at the end is fitting, they all deserve it,” Professor Kim said.
Leaning back in his seat, Donghyuck closed his eyes for a second. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to survive seeing Renjun’s triumphant expression, the expression that ignited a fire in him, the expression he wanted to see when he finally worked up the courage to kiss him one day.
“The top of the class, Lee Donghyuck. Following him in second place is Huang Renjun. And tying for third place we have Son Dong-ju and Hwang Ye-ji,” he listed. “Well done to all of them for their amazing performance.”
The names seemed wrong - out of order - to Donghyuck, until he realised that his name was called first - him, not Renjun. He slowly stood, still processing what had just happened, looking up to where Renjun had already stood.
The cheers and applause from the rest of the class rang out around them, but to Donghyuck the sound was nothing compared to the raw emotion flowing from Renjun.
Renjun’s eyes burned, he was looking directly at Donghyuck, who hated to admit to himself that the fire behind his brown eyes made his breath hitch.
“So this is what it’s like to beat Renjun,” he muttered to himself as he grinned and swept a dramatic bow to the rest of class. He genuinely has no idea how this happened, a glitch in the universe he assumed, but he was happy nonetheless.
Donghyuck was by no means incapable of doing well when he put his mind to it, the problem was he wasn’t always interested in putting his mind to it.
Now however, - considering how Renjun was staring at him, like Donghyuck was the only other person in the room - he was suddenly interested in becoming a much more studious and dedicated student. If he couldn't get Renjun’s attention the way he had originally planned, then naturally he had no problem with using an alternative method.
He knew this might affect their existing friendship; if you could even call what they had friendship. It mostly consisted, mostly consisting of Renjun dispiritedly tagging along in their groups’ joint escapades.
Their friends probably wouldn’t care if they went at each other's throats. - Jeno and Jaemin had been trying to set them up for ages and the rest of them, Donghyuck assumed they’d either egg it on or ignore it all together. Or so he concluded.
Smiling to himself, he doodled more stars and planets on his notebook, more than ready to rise to the occasion.
16 June ,3:30pm
The small apartment was filled to the brim, Donghyuck squashed between Jeno and Mark on the couch as they played call of duty together.
In front of them, Jaemin was lounging on the floor, trying to come up with a way they could spend their Saturday that didn’t involve several hours of playstation punctuated by complaints of how they were stuck inside.
Donghyuck could feel Renjun in the apartment; perched on a stool at the kitchen counter doing work even now. It was like Renjun was a magnet Donghyuck was drawn to, he was always aware of where Renjun was in relation to him. Right now, he resisted the urge to look over his shoulder and study the boy, who probably wouldn’t even notice.
Donghyuck smiled to himself imagining the crease between Renjun's eyebrows and how he flicked his pen back and forth when he was thinking. There were so many small things about Renjun that he found endearing, all tucked away in a corner of his brain reserved for him.
Jeno elbowed him sharply in the side, dragging his attention back to the game that was still going on.
“Hyuck, stop walking around like you don’t know what to do,” Jeno said, immediately coming up behind him and ending Donghyuck's participation in that particular round.
“I’m bored,” Donghyuck whined in response, throwing himself across Mark.
“Just because you lost doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” Mark replied, shoving at Donghyuck's shoulder until he was dangling closer to the floor where Jaemin still lay, scrolling through his phone.
“Nana,” he whispered, poking Jaemin's shoulder. “I’ve got an idea.”
Jaemin looked up at him immediately, interest sparking in his eyes.
“Hyuck, I will honestly do anything over another 2 hours of watching Jeno and Mark playing games,” Jaemin responded, as much of a fan of playing games for hours as Donghyuck was.
“We’re all pretty free right, I mean Renjun doesn’t need to study, he’s just doing that because he wants to,” he started. He wished Chenle were there with them, but the younger boy had a quiz to study for.
“Just say it Hyuck, I’ll take anything at this point.”
Donghyuck smiled at Jaemin, showing all of his teeth.
“Let’s go out to eat and then when Renjun has a decent amount of soju in him, we go for karaoke.”
“Oh my god Hyuck you genius. We haven’t gone in so long, it’s barely two weeks into the semester and Renjun is already tense. He keeps going on about the scholarship but I think I can convince him to take a break for a while,” Jaemin said before pushing himself up and walking over to Renjun.
Donghyuck quickly stood up too, a feat in itself considering how he was half hanging off of the couch.
He acted nonchalant, walking into the kitchen to pour himself a drink all the while watching Jaemin and Renjun out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t see Renjun's expression, but after a few moments Renjun nodded and closed his textbook.
He felt a thrill of triumph run through him. Renjun ordinarily was something to behold, but Renjun relaxed and singing was something else entirely. If the sun could have melted down and become sound, it would be Renjun's voice he thought. It was warm and strong and swept over Donghyuck warming him inside and out.
He dared to meet Renjun's gaze for a second as he watched him leave the kitchen. Renjun scowled at him, but that didn’t stop Donghyuck from grinning back, the smile so genuine it felt like it might split his face in half.
///
Their entire group, about 7 of them at that present moment, took up an entire corner of the bbq place they’d chosen to go eat at. a speaker close to their heads pumped out music softly. In the warm yellow lights, surrounded by his friends, Donghyuck felt like they could do anything.
‘The infinity of youth’, he thought to himself, as Yangyang laughed and topped up his glass w more soju.
Soon he was laughing back along with them again, teasing Mark and Yukhei about some lyrics they’d been reading out. It was good natured teasing and they knew it , all of them genuinely and wholeheartedly supported their friends music making. Donghyuck had been mildly interested in producing vocals for one of their songs a while ago, but the urge for that has passed, like so many of his other interests that he kept close to his heart but couldn’t bring himself to permanently act on. He briefly wondered if any of his friends struggled with the same problem too - they were such beacons of passion and action that he sometimes found himself blinded by the sheer level of dedication they had while simultaneously drawn towards it. Maybe in the hope that it would inspire something inside him too.
Across the table and a couple of seats down, Renjun was gesturing wildly with a pair of tongs as he talked to Jaemin about some book he’d read recently. His brown hair was gleaming in the lights, the lighter strands from his old home dye job (done by Mark and Jaemin in the middle of the holidays) peeking through like fine wire.
He tried to keep his eyes on anything else besides Renjun, but failed every time. His brain was running two streams of thought at the same time; one paying attention to Jeno and Yangyang, the other cataloguing the words tumbling from Renjun, the way he distractedly adjusted his collar, the way the light glinted off his eyes.
Eventually, he turned his full attention back to Jeno and Yangyang, not wanting Renjun to sense his gaze and glance back at him.
It was when he was fully absorbed in his conversation, laughing as they exchanged antics and stories from their faculties, that Renjun turned his attention towards Donghyuck. He wasn’t aware of it, that Renjun's gaze slipped over him, assessing and pondering.
////
Everything about karaoke seemed geared towards Donghyuck’s enjoyment. The coloured lights, dancing and singing in the room with his friends, all of whom got fully engaged, and the opportunity to enjoy himself for a few hours knowing that he didn’t have any obligation to continue beyond when he wanted to.
Donghyuck knew that in a room this crowded, no one would notice if his gaze lingered on Renjun a little too often. His eyes were glittering under the coloured lights, and Donghyuck wanted nothing more than to be able to have those eyes look at him like that. It was hard, watching Renjun casually touch his other friends, a hand draped across an arm, an arm slung across someone's shoulders or waist. They were freely given, those touches of Renjun's, to everyone but the boy who yearned for them the most.
It was a running joke in their group, how hard it was to get Renjun to go for karaoke, because everyone loved to listen to him singing, but he never felt the need to do it. Now, Donghyuck was savoring every moment of this outing, rare as it was that he would go out with Renjun at all.
Currently, he was perched on the edge of his seat, cheering on Yukhei, Yangyang and Mark, who were doing the choreo for some group that they’d learned together.
They all went up in turns and groups, switching in and out as they sang what they liked. At one point all of them singing, each person having taken one member of a group’s lines. It was the only time he sang with Renjun, but he liked to imagine that their voices suited each other and that when he and Renjun ended off the song together, that maybe Renjun felt the faint current of something running between them too.
21 June, 9:00 am
“Are you ready?” Donghyuck asked Sunwoo, dropping his bag on the desk before sliding into his seat.
Sunwoo groaned, putting his head into hands.
“Not at all. Remind me again why we need to take a micro biology quiz barely a month into the semester.”
“It’s so you don’t almost fail again,” Donghyuck clicked his tongue, flicking Sunwoo on the back of his head.
He pulled his notes out, the diagrams and words jumping out at him. Donghyuck wouldn’t admit it, but he spent hours studying for this test - cramming late at night and into the early mornings. It was worth it, he would think to himself when his eyes burned and he needed to down several cups of coffee just to push back to the monotony of studying.
Even now, he had a cup of iced coffee in his hand, courtesy of the overpriced yet spectacular coffee shop on the main campus.
Both Jeno and Chenle worked there part time, so it had become one of their frequent meeting spots. Donghyuck often took the seat close to the front window, hoping to see Renjun walking across the quad, the bare sunlight turning him into a living statue of gold.
It was moments like that Donghyuck wished he could paint or draw, if only to immortalise Renjun forever.
Now, said boy was walking into the lecture room. How he navigated through the crowd of students restlessly walking about while absorbed in his notes Donghyuck had no idea. He didn’t notice Renjun was walking straight towards him until he was halfway across the room, by which time Donghyuck decided that he would pretend he hadn’t noticed Renjun at all. Quickly turning back to Sunwoo, he slipped back into conversation about the test and how they both planned to relax once it was over.
In the corner of his eye, Renjun's shadow fell across the desk. He heard rather than saw Renjun slump into the seat next to him, still focused on Sunwoo.
“Donghyuck,” Renjun tapped his shoulder, moving forward slightly.
His heart beating a mile a minute, Donghyuck turned towards Renjun. Every possible reason that Renjun could possibly want to talk to him ran through his head, the least likely and most hopeful involving some kind of stress induced confession.
Instead Renjun pulled a familiar folder out of his backpack, the paper visible through the translucent cover covered in stickers and marker doodles. Donghyuck’s folder.
“You forgot this at Jaemin's apartment the other night. I went through it,” Renjun paused and smirked slightly. “Your notes were not very good so I decided to help you out a little. Maybe you’ll even make the top ten if you try hard enough.”
He finished, dropping the folder onto Donghyuck’s desk before turning back to face forward. Donghyuck stared at him incredulously, expecting him to get up and move away but Renjun stayed seated.
“Whatever,” Donghyuck mumbled, picking up the folder and violently shoving it into his backpack. Under all his feelings for Renjun was a whisper of hurt, the knowledge that Renjun said what he did because he knew Donghyuck would feel it. He was still quite sure that Renjun wasn’t aware of Donghyuck’s feelings for him and he was more than certain that Renjun saw him as a rival, the fire that fed their joint groups need for fun while Renjun’s suggestions went under. They’d never hidden their casual distrust (faked on Donghyuck's behalf) for each other, nor the mild contempt they had for the others' lifestyle.
In reality, Donghyuck had no real issue with Renjun, but grating against Renjun's nerves, seeing him flare up under the smallest provocation from Donghyuck was rather enjoyable. He was simply fuel to Donghyuck fiery intent.
The tests were finally handed out, everyone quiet and projecting their stress into the still air. Next to him, Renjun neatly and steadily worked through his, the dark coloured bubbles floating off the page. It was hard being this close to him and not being allowed to even touch him. There was familiarity to be found in Renjun, but no comfort.
Soon enough, Donghyuck figured that Renjun had sat next to him to taunt him further. At least 30 minutes before Donghyuck had finished, Renjun got up, throwing Donghyuck a bored glance before walking up.
Donghyuck could feel a familiar energy buzzing and thrumming under his skin, the kind of energy that only Renjun elicited. Even that bored, casual look thrown his way set his skin, his veins on fire. It was the bare acknowledgement from the person whose attention he desperately craved.
The same energy that would be multiplied tenfold when Renjun deigned to give him that extra effort of attention when Donghyuck once again stole his number one position from right under him.
After all, if he couldn’t get under Renjun in the way he really wanted, he’d just have to get under his skin instead.
23 June, 11:35pm
Donghyuck wanted him. He wanted Renjun to acknowledge his feelings for him. He wanted to cup Renjun's face between his hands and run his thumbs across Renjun’s cheekbones. He wanted to hold Renjun back as everyone else filtered out of their lecture room and kiss him right there and then. He wanted Renjun's voice, and his laugh and his warmth. Even not Donghyuck pressed his face into his pillow, trying to banish the thoughts of Renjun that haunted him constantly. Renjun that day they’d all got caught in an unexpected rainstorm, his shirt sticking to his body and outlining every plane that Donghyuck craved to touch. Renjun with his head tilted back, tipping his chair on its back legs as he soaked up the early morning sun. the thoughts floated around in his head like storm clouds, the emotions and feelings help in them always close to bursting out.
But Donghyuck couldn't bring him to do anything more than stare at Renjun and wish, so he just lay there, playing his memories of Renjun on repeat.
29 June, 2:40pm
Out of all the charms that came with attending university, studying in a coffee shop was definitely high up on the list. In that moment, Donghyuck felt like a character in a movie, tucked away in the corner booth, textbook and laptop opened in front of him. A steaming mug of hot chocolate sat a decent distance away from his laptop, he’ d had enough accidents involving liquids and his laptop to last a lifetime.
Currently, he was sitting in the absolute furthest booth away from the entrance, tucked into the furthest corner. He was just starting to get bored when he heard familiar voices getting closer to him. Jaemin, Renjun and Yukhei. The three of them sat at a table somewhere close behind him, talking and laughing amongst each other.
Laughing. Renjun's laugh floated to him, like a cool breeze on a burning summer's day. It wasn't a sound he heard often, wasn't a sound he was often partial to. But now surrounded by only random students, his friends close by, Renjun let out the sound freely.
He didn’t intend to eavesdrop, but the proximity - a mild curiosity - made it impossible not to.
Most of it was mindless chatter that he shut out naturally. Leaning back into his seat, Donghyuck pulled up twitter in an attempt to ignore the work that was still staring up at him from the table.
Several minutes later, he was still browsing twitter when he heard his name. He jerked upright and shifted further into the booth. A part of him felt terribly guilty for even wanting to listen, but he shut down his thoughts with the excuse that if he was mentioned he had the right to know what it was about.
“-can't be bothered anymore”, Renjun said. He had missed the first part but it wasn't hard to fill in the gaps. “He pisses me off, and I have to see his face in my lectures everyday. God I am so sick of him walking around with that stupid smile on his face all the time.”
Donghyuck frowned to himself. Renjun thought his smile was stupid?
“I get that he's annoying Renjun, but don't you think you're taking it too far? Hyuck doesn't actually do anything to you”, Jaemin replied, Donghyuck silently thanking him.
“He doesn't need to do anything to me okay Nana. can you stop acting like I’m not allowed to just dislike people. He keeps fucking one upping me on purpose. I know because every time he does he just looks at me and laughs. You're friends with him,” Renjun said and Donghyuck could almost taste the bitterness in Renjun's tone, “so you wouldn't understand how much he gets on my nerves.”
“I do Renjun, can you just give me a minute here. Jeno is Hyuck's best friend, they were best friends before I ever met and Jeno always comes up to me with Hyucks side of the story. I obviously support you, but Hyuck just isn't some evil mastermind. I can guarantee you that his life does not revolve around pissing you off.”
“Maybe you're just too sensitive around Hyuck,” Yukhei interjected.
“I am not,” Renjun said stubbornly.
“Renjun do you maybe,” Yukhei paused and Donghyuck could already hear the mischief in his voice before Yukhei continued speaking, “Do you like Hyuck? No one else notices half of the things he does that you do and I mean, you do tend to hyper fixate on him.”
“Yukhei I will slap that grin off your face. I don't like Hyuck and I doubt any decent person with even a shred of self worth would,” Renjun said, so venomously that Donghyuck stood up abruptly.
He started shoving his things into his backpack, not caring that he was making noise or that his movement had drawn three sets of confused eyes towards him.
“What the fuck Hyuck,” Jaemin whispered, looking between him and Renjun, clearly having deduced that Hyuck heard every word exchanged between them.
“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Renjun said, his expression twisted with annoyance.
“I can't get a second's peace from him. I can't relax for a damn minute without Hyuck popping up from somewhere and ruining it.”
Despite it all, despite the hurtful words Renjun flung his way, Donghyuck registered the way Renjun called him Hyuck. Hyuck, not Donghyuck. It brought out the utter exhaustion he felt from his feelings for Renjun, the fact that no matter how much Renjun disliked him, he would always feel like his heartbeat caught at the sound of his name on Renjun's lips. It was just that, exhausting.
“Renjun,” Donghyuck said before walking past, not even bothering to make eye contact with Renjun. Instead he focused on the perfect slice of cake sitting on their table as he said the words. “Please just stop.”
He left after saying it, those few words all he could manage to squeeze out. His throat burning slightly, Donghyuck hurried out of the coffee shop and into the wind.
His shaking wasn't entirely from the cold.
And when Donghyuck called Jeno and Chenle later that evening, begging them to get drunk with him, they did it unquestionably, sitting by his side on the floor of Donghyuck’s flat as the evening bled into the night and Donghyuck’s angry rants turned into quiet sobs.
4 July, 5:45pm
This was not how Donghyuck had expected his night to go. Toe to toe with Renjun, Jaemin snapping at him, Jeno trying his hardest to stay neutral.
He hadn’t even expected to see Renjun today, let alone become the object of his unerring irritation.
Earlier that week, Donghyuck had been dragging himself across campus to buy himself something to eat when his phone buzzed. Noticing the email that he received, he stopped dead in his tracks and responded, hoping that his quick reply would guarantee him a spot in their professors bi-annual excursion.
The particularities of the excursion and what it meant for his future didn’t excite him as much as the two night free, well university sponsored, trip. He knew that only select students were even presented with the offer, and having missed out on it last semester, he was more than eager to participate now.
He knew his intentions weren’t 100% pure, but now, staring into Renjun's face, he felt every brain cell of his straining to defend them.
It had been days since he had heard Renjun in that coffee shop, and since then Renjun had avoided him, presenting a passing front of peace. Donghyuck should have known it was too good to last, especially with the rising tension between them.
“Stop acting like this all matters to you Donghyuck,” Renjun hissed, hands curling where they hung at his sides. “I know why you fucking applied and worse only three of us were chosen from our course which means I’ll have to deal with you for the entire three days.”
The emails confirmed their participation and dividing them into research groups based on their degrees or general areas of study has arrived that morning. The flutter Donghyuck felt when he saw Renjun's name listed alongside his was both from nerves and general admiration.
He’d assumed, god he knew that Renjun would take it personally. So he decided to say as much, to throw the words that built up inside him back at the whirlwind that was the boy he liked.
“Not everything is about you Renjun, so get off your high horse for once. You can’t preach to me about what I want to do. Don't for a second act like you actually know me,” he breathed, each word turning his mild annoyance into something stronger. Despite his crush on Renjun, he’s kept this bottled up inside him; that the only person in their two amalgamated groups of friends who didn’t make an effort was Renjun to Donghyuck.
Renjun's face twisted with anger but Donghyuck started again before he even drew breath.
“Just because you get good grades, and have a 20 year life plan doesn't make you any better than me. You act like I’m going nowhere in life and maybe I am, but at least my friends like me and at least I don't look down at people for having different ideas to me.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Donghyuck could see everyone else standing frozen, their attention fixed on him. He silently prayed none of them would take Renjun’s side, take his side and fire down on Donghyuck’s deepest fears.
Even Jaemin, who had been standing beside Renjun, supporting his best friend in a way that made Donghyuck have no ill feelings toward him, had backed up a step.
It was just the two of them, mere inches away from each other. He could practically feel the ire rippling of Renjun.
“Don't pull this holier than thou act,” Renjun growled. He lifted a hand to poke his finger into Donghyuck’s chest, the point of constant a burning fire. Even now, plunged into the depths of his feelings, hurt spilling everywhere, that point of contact made his heart race. It was dangerous, having feelings for Renjun, because even when Renjun was burning Donghyuck down to the ground, he still craved the words, the sound of his, the proximity.
“You don’t take anything seriously. The rest of us have to work hard for what we want and you just throw it around like that’s not a future someone could benefit from. I’m tired of you running after everything I do just because you know it annoys me and because you know that I worked hard to get there. You’re so fucking entitled Donghyuck, and it’s time you grew out of it.”
Renjun finished, breathing shallowly before removing his finger and stepping away from Donghyuck.
“You know what amazes me Renjun?” he replied, real anger and hurt warring inside him now. “Is that you make all these assumptions about me, based on absolutely nothing. When was the last time you actually bothered to ask me why I did something instead of flinging some lies you made up to convince yourself I'm a bad person in my face.”
Renjun looked like he was three seconds away from hating Donghyuck forever so he decided to end this stupid, unnecessary fight right there and then.
“And if you think I run after everything you do, as you put it, because I know it annoys you, then you’re damn wrong Renjun, and clearly not as smart as you act,” he said, not caring to see Renjun's expression or hear his response as he picked up his backpack and jacket and stormed out of the apartment.
He didn't make it far before he sank down onto his haunches, needing to take a moment to himself. It was quiet here, a paved pedestrian path cutting close to the edge of the university campus. Donghyuck breathed deeply, trying desperately to sort through the hurt-that-was-almost-heartbreak and the affection and love for Renjun, all of them tangled up inside him. He knew, he really did know that maybe he should rationalise what just happened but he couldn’t. All he could think of was how hurt Renjun was too, and how badly he wanted to be the one to eliminate that hurt.
12 July, 7:40pm
The road stretched out in front of Donghyuck, tarmac lit up by the setting sun. Next to him, Mark was nervously rolling the skateboard up and down with one foot, still hesitant to get on.
It had been a couple weeks back when Mark ambushed him in the cafeteria, asking Donghyuck if he minded teaching him how to skate. It would ‘suit his aesthetic’ Mark had said. Donghyuck thought it had something to do with Yukhei being utterly impressed by the fact that Donghyuck could even balance on a moving board.
“So how do I do this again,” Mark nervously asked, tugging on Donghyuck's sleeves.
Donghyuck could see Chenle - perched on the sidewalk, his feet resting on his own board - laughing silently at Marks nerves.
“Mark,” Donghyuck turned to him, pressing Mark's face between his two hands.
“Are you about to call me an idiot sandwich,” Mark laughed, trying to rid his nerves.
“No, even though you can be. Just listen please. You’re rolling down a perfectly smooth, perfectly flat road, there’s absolutely no cars around here and Chenle will catch you if anything happens,” he finished, removing his hands after petting Mark on the cheek.
“Why me?” Chenle exclaimed, still not moving from where he had a clear view of Marks initial attempts.
“Because I’m the instructor and you’re the muscle,” he replied, gesturing for Mark to move away from the board.
Donghyuck stared down that empty road, wishing he could do more than just glide across it on a board, wishing he had wings that could carry him across it and then up into the blue and purple sky.
“Mark, just watch what I’m doing and try to remember what I explained earlier,” Donghyuck said, showing Mark how he positioned his feet before he pushed off.
He and Chenle had self taught themselves how to skate, many evenings and weekends spent in empty parking lots, tearing their palms and knees open on the cool grey paving. It was worth every second of the effort they put in, Donghyuck would take anything that helped untether him from the material world.
“Not bad right,” he called out to Mark before circling back around.
“Looks easy because you’re good at it Hyuck,” Mark mumbled, but allowed Donghyuck to hop off and pass the board to him.
“You’ll get it. Just don’t tense up and let yourself move as the board rolls,” Donghyuck replied before moving away to stand next to Chenle. Personally, he thought Mark was being a little dramatic about this, but he let pass because it was hard to get annoyed with Mark, even when he was pushing Donghyuck’s already worn out patience.
From here, Mark looked extremely pretty, silhouetted against the sunset, his hair messed up from all the times he’d nervously brushed it away from his face. Donghyuck could feel the echoes of his old crush on Mark then, a crush that had faded several years ago, and now in the light of the sun that was Renjun, he didn’t think it would ever come back.
He shook his hands out to help him clear his head, Chenle raising an eyebrow at him as he did the movement. Chenle knew what it meant, knew his little habits and how Donghyuck did it whenever he felt like a mental brush under the rug wasn’t nearly enough.
“Okay I’m going,” Mark announced, holding his arms out to the side, as if he too wished in that moment he’d sprout wings.
Donghyuck watched him push off and wobble for a couple meters before applauding, Chenle joining in.
“You're right!” Mark turned to grin at him. “Not so bad.”
Donghyuck settled on the pavement next to Chenle, content to watch Mark get used to moving around.
Somewhere in between, when Donghyuck was splitting a chocolate bar with Mark (who felt he needed a break; from doing what Donghyuck couldn’t understand) he noticed a pair of boys walking toward them.
In the growing dusk, they were little more than blue tinged silhouettes.
It took Donghyuck an entire minute of staring before he realised that it was Jaemin, and Renjun. Why were the two of them here at this time of the day?
It wasn’t late, but it wasn’t a time that Renjun frequently wandered on desolate roads either.
It had been roughly a week since Donghyuck had even seen Renjun. He avoided him during lectures, noting that Renjun did the same. Every time Jeno announced that he was going over to Jaemin's flat, Donghyuck, who usually tagged along almost every time, parted ways with him, instead hanging out with only Chenle and Mark.
The tension that lingered between them was painfully obvious, but thankfully no one commented on it, leaving Donghyuck to sort through the confusion of emotions he experienced alone.
Now he watched the pair approach, confused as to why they would even be here. He gave Chenle a questioning glance, but the younger just shook his head before standing up and dragging Mark back onto the road, leaving Hyuck alone on the pavement.
“Hyuck,” Jaemin said tentatively, as the pair reached him. He could tell that Jaemin was worried he might be upset with him, after all Jaemin was forever the pacifist.
“Nana,” Donghyuck grinned up at him, reaching his fist out. Jaemin laughed lightly before bumping his own fist against Donghyuck’s.
“You're teaching Mark how to skate?” he asked, still standing, Renjun still as a statue next to him.
“Yeah, but now i'm thinking he should have paid me,” Donghyuck laughed. “He's going to need a lot of lessons and well time is money.”
“He's doing it because of Yukhei isn't he,” Jaemin said, smiling fondly in Mark's direction.
“Definitely,” Donghyuck replied. There wasn't any awkwardness between him and Jaemin, but Renjun's presence still confused him. After last week, what was he even doing here?
“I’m going to watch him struggle,” Jaemin said, giving Donghyuck a meaningful look that in no way fit the words that just came out of his mouth. He flicked his eyes towards Renjun, and oh, OH. This was a setup. Before Donghyuck could even reply Jaemin had sauntered off to join Mark and Chenle, both of whom were doing everything besides looking in Donghyuck’s direction. Fucking traitors.
He didn't know what to even say to Renjun. Everything that he'd wanted to say, short of confessing and kissing Renjun right after had already been said.
“You want some?” he offered up the half of the chocolate bar he still had to eat, trying desperately to break the silence.
It seemed to work, Renjun's shoulders slumped and he took a seat on the pavement next to Donghyuck with a sigh.
There was barely two feet of space separating them, and Donghyuck's treacherous heart picked up this little detail way too easily.
He silently passed the bar to Renjun, watched him delicately break off a piece from the end and eat it before he passed the bar back to Donghyuck.
“Hyuck,” Renjun started, staring down at his feet. There it was again, Hyuck. His heartbeat sped up even more.
“Look, what I said the other day, and god, not just that day but before that too, I know it was really rude. It genuinely bothered me how you seemed so carefree and the way you took nothing very seriously,” he said, speaking slowly, as if the words were an effort to get out. Donghyuck didn't reply, too scared that anything he said would shatter this temporary peace.
“I was projecting my own stress onto you I guess, and the fact that you're doing the same thing as me but you always look like you have so much more fun than I do. I don't just mean in uni, but with everything,” Renjun gestured to their friends laughing and messing around in front of them.
“I know they prefer your company to mine and it hurt, and the course results hurt and everything became too much for me, and you were just a good outlet. It wasn't always like this,” Renjun turned his head to meet Donghyuck’s eyes.
“I don't hate you Hyuck. If anything I’m slightly jealous of you and how you, make your way through and I just, I’m sorry Hyuck. I really am,” Renjun finished with a shake of his head, colour flooding his cheeks before he turned his face away again.
Donghyuck was still frozen, shocked by the apology. It wasn't that he thought Renjun was above apologising, but this was still unexpected.
He laughed, wanting Renjun to know that he was okay and that the air between them was clear.
“It’s okay Renjun. Just,” he shook his head. “Next time you want to know shit just ask me why I'm doing things, damn, not everything was a jab at you okay.”
He smiled, flicking Renjun on the arm good naturedly. Renjun turned back to him, and smiled back.
The blood rush to Donghyuck’s head in that moment was so intense that he got dizzy, the sight of Renjun's smile directed at him for once setting his entire body aflame.
“Don't think you can take my position as number one in the course though,” Renjun said.
“Oh please. Whoever gets the top spot deserved it, whether it's you or me. I have a proposition though. Winner gets to ask one thing from the loser, any one thing ,” Donghyuck replied.
“I like the sound of you doing anything I ask,” Renjun mused. “Deal and I'm looking forward to seeing you fail,” he bared his teeth at Donghyuck, not bothering to wait for a reply before getting up and striding over to Jaemin.
Donghyuck smiled again, this time to himself. Renjun had no idea just how badly Donghyuck wanted to beat him and then some. He would see, Donghyuck supposed, when the end of the semester and year arrived. And maybe then Renjun would receive another kind of surprise from Donghyuck in the form of the confession that Donghyuck kept waiting patiently inside of him.
18 December, 10:00 am
Donghyuck would be lying if he said that he hadn't been waiting for this day all semester. Jeno and Chenle had teased him about his newfound work ethic endlessly, but it paid off in the end.
He and Renjun were currently sitting on Jaemin's couch, heads bent over Donghyuck’s laptop and refreshing the course site every few seconds. Both of them highly anticipated the results and awards that were to be announced today. There would be an official ceremony for them in January, but for now the lecturers were kind of enough to compile their results and let them know beforehand.
Donghyuck’s body was thrumming, he felt more alive than he had in ages, both from the proximity of Renjun and from the anticipation.
“Stop looking so smug,” Renjun muttered, looking away from the screen for a moment.
“You haven't even won yet.”
“Yet,” Donghyuck echoed, clicking refresh, his eyes widening as he saw the announcement pop up.
“It’s here,” he thought, even more adrenaline pumping through his veins as he opened up the list and scanned through it. And felt his heart sink.
Sink, because his name was neatly printed next to the number two, while Renjun had his name above Donghyuck’s, first on the list. Renjun has placed first in an entire year of medical students, and then Donghyuck felt his heart soar again, happy for the boy he held in his heart.
Renjun’s entire face was split by his huge grin, a smile that he turned to Donghyuck.
“We did it,” he whispered, elation rippling across his features.
Donghyuck cleared his throat.
“Well, I guess you get to ask me anything,” he laughed nervously. “It is going to be me in a maid costume. Because I was already thinking of doing that so you’ll have to come up with something new.”
Renjun just stared at him, not saying a word.
“Hyuck,” he swallowed, gently putting the laptop down on the table in front of them.
He lifted hands up to cup Donghyuck’s cheeks the same way Donghyuck had once dreamed of holding Renjun’s.
Renjun shuffled closer, his body mere inches away, his face even closer.
“Do it,” Donghyuck whispered, looking up into Renjun’s eyes, and immediately finding himself lost in them.
Renjun only broke his gaze because he moved even closer, until his lips brushed Donghyuck’s and Donghyuck sighed into the kiss, slipping one hand behind Renjun's neck to bring him ever so much closer.
He hadn’t told anyone what his request of Renjun would be, not even Jeno. A date, just one date. That was all he was going to ask Renjun for. And suddenly he was more than glad that Renjun was number one and not him. Because he would gladly stay beneath him.
He kissed Renjun on that couch, his lips seeking out Renjun's like a moth drawn to a fire, and he burned and burned in the glorious flame that was Huang Renjun.