Chapter Text
Innocence died screaming
Honey ask me, I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
“Principality Aziraphale, do you know why we called you here today?” Michael inquired; her head tilted slightly.
“Um, no, I’m afraid not.” Aziraphale stammered, unable to hide his uneasiness.
“Don’t be so nervous,” Gabriel cut in, giving him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “We aren’t here to punish you. In fact, we’re here to promote you!”
“Promote me?”
“Exactly, tell him, Michael.”
“Yes, due to… loss of staff, we need a new Cherub to guard the eastern gate of Eden. After some discussion between the other Archangels and I, we have decided that you, Aziraphale, are the best candidate.”
A chill ran through Aziraphale’s spine. Over the past couple of days, more and more angels had been disappearing without a trace. Rumors had spread that Lucifer had changed them, turned them into horrifying creatures that were the antithesis of what Heaven stood for. He really hoped that it wasn’t true. That such stories were just meant to scare him.
“You will report for duty first thing tomorrow morning and receive your instructions from your fellow Cherubim. Oh! And before I forget; you’ll need this.” She unsheathed a sword from her scabbard and handed it to him.
“I- I…” Aziraphale tried to object. He wasn’t a fighter! He didn’t know how to use a sword! However, they were already gone.
“Oh, dear.”
The Next Day
“You’re the new Cherub, Aziraphale, right?”
“Yes, quiet.”
“Well, my name is Abraxos; I am the Angel of the Western Gate. I am here to teach you how to properly guard before your first shift today. Which gate was assigned to you?”
“I believe it was the Eastern one.”
The Abraxos’s eyes widened and he looked Aziraphale up and down. “Are you sure they said the Eastern one?”
“Yes,” Aziraphale self-consciously folded his arms across his stomach. It was a sore spot for him, and often, other angels would poke fun at him.
He sighed, “Do you know what lies near the Eastern gate, Cherub?”
“Unfortunately, the Archangels had already departed before I could, um, ask them.”
“What lies near the Eastern Gate, my friend, is the very thing that can destroy everything we’ve been fighting for, should it get into the wrong hands. The Tree of Knowledge.”
“P-pardon,” Aziraphale began to panic. A couple days ago he was merely a Principality. Now, he was expected to guard the Tree of Knowledge; it was all just too much. His anxiety began to kick in; the sword by his side feeling a little too heavy, the area around him feeling a little too bright.
“Don’t worry. With a little guidance and some practice, I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Abraxos placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, helping him calm down a little bit. “Now, what do you know about swords?”
The Day After That
Aziraphale glanced around fretfully, looking for any threats. He had gotten the hang of using a sword pretty quickly, despite the fact that he had no idea that it spit fire until his face was nearly burnt to a crisp. However, he was still worried about fighting actual enemies. He wasn’t sure he could actually kill a living thing, even if his life was in mortal danger. The thought of watching a creature’s life leave their eyes, even if that creature was a demon, sounded so sickening to him.
“Aziraphale?”
“Oh, hello my dear! How are you on this fine day?” He said in greeting to Eve.
“I’m ok. I saw this new animal today. It was all black, except for its belly, that was red, and it had yellow eyes with black slits in the middle.” Her eyes lit up with excitement as she described it. Aziraphale loved her curious spirit.
“That sounds quite lovely, Eve.”
“It was.” She looked around, “It’s very pretty here, don’t you think so?”
Aziraphale nodded in agreement. One of his favorite parts of this job was how absolutely beautiful the scenery around him was. There was so much color everywhere. Deep reds, bold purples, vibrant greens. He especially enjoyed it when the bright sunlight shone on his face, spreading a comforting warmth throughout his body.
“Why do you stand by this tree all day, Aziraphale?”
He froze; he was really hoping that she wouldn’t ask that question. He thought carefully for a moment before deciding that the vaguest answer was the best one.
“Why, to protect it, of course.”
“Why aren’t we allowed to eat the fruit that grows on the tree?”
“Well, uh, that’s a little more complicated, I’m afraid. You see, She has special plans for this tree. Plans that you cannot know until the time comes.”
He could see that Eve wasn’t satisfied with that answer. “But why! Why does She keep me and Adam in the dark? Wouldn’t it be better if we both knew?”
“I’m sorry Eve, but we have to trust Her judgment. It is Her will after all.”
“I-” she started to protest when a nearby voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Eve?! Where are you?”
Eve looked back at Aziraphale, her expression somber, “Adam is calling. I must go. I shall talk to you later Aziraphale.” She gave him a small wave before walking off, unaware of the dangerous questions she had just asked.
Aziraphale wanted to reach out to her, call her back and tell her everything, but he knew he wasn’t supposed to do that. Instead, he sighed and returned back to guarding.
Some More Time Later
“I’m so sorry this happened, Eve. I should have been watching you all better.” Aziraphale couldn’t look her in the eyes. He had failed her; he had failed both of them
“Aziraphale, it’s ok. I’m glad we did it; we can make our own choices, think for ourselves now.” She enveloped him in a hug. Even though her words were meant to calm him, he could see the sadness in her eyes.
“But…” Aziraphale looked at her swollen belly with concern. There were dangerous animals out there, and they had nothing to protect themselves with. It would be his fault if they were to get hurt. There must be something that he could give them! He glanced at his sword.
He was about to do something very, very stupid, but it had to be done. He couldn’t let them go out there unprepared.
He didn’t even use the sword that much anyway.
“Well, at least take my sword.”
“Aziraphale I couldn’t…”
“Please, just take it. There are vicious animals out there and I would never forgive myself if you were to get hurt. I can get a new one if need be.” He gave her a comforting smile.
She hesitantly took the sword from his hand and handed it to Adam. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, dear, just please don’t let the sun go down on you here. Now, go on. We shall see each other again soon, I hope.” He gave another smile.
She nodded and she and Adam took their first steps out of the garden and into their new lives. Aziraphale’s smile faded slowly as they walked further and further away towards the horizon.
When he couldn’t see them anymore, he decided to go to higher ground. He didn’t want to leave them just yet.
On top of the walls that encircled Eden, the sun was even brighter there. Aziraphale would have loved to appreciate its stream of warmth if it hadn’t been such a sad occasion. What kind of angel was he? Eve didn’t seem to regret it, but he should have watched them better. He should’ve been paying more attention. He-
“Well, that went down like a lead balloon.”
Aziraphale snapped out of his train of thought. He turned to look at the speaker and found himself face to face with a demon! In fact, the very demon who had tempted Eve! The demon, Crawley? He should smite him right now, that was what was expected of him, but he didn’t have a sword anymore so instead…
“Sorry. What was that?”
“I said, “Well that one went down like a lead balloon.”
“Oh. Yes, it did, rather.” Why was he still talking to this demon? He should have made his escape already. Yet, something about him drew Aziraphale in. He had to know more.
“Bit of an overreaction if you ask me. First offense and everything. And I can’t see what’s so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil, anyway.”
“Well, it must BE bad, uh..?”
“Crawley.”
“Crawley. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.”
“They just said, “Get up there and make some trouble.” He waved a hand casually, as if they were merely discussing the weather instead of the fate of God’s favorite creations.
“Obviously. You’re a demon. It’s what you do.” Aziraphale responded warily, ready to fly away should things go awry.
“Not very subtle of the Almighty, though. Fruit tree in the middle of a garden, with a ‘don’t touch’ sign. I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or the moon? Makes you wonder what God’s really planning.”
Crawley’s questions reminded him of the ones Eve would constantly ask him while he was guarding. He had an inkling that it was the demon who had influenced her. “Best not to speculate. It’s all part of The Great Plan. It’s not for us to understand. It’s… ineffable.” It was the first word that had come into Aziraphale’s head and he felt like a complete fool for saying it.
“The Great Plan’s ineffable?” He gave a somewhat mocking smirk.
Well, it was too late to go back now.
“Exactly. You can’t second guess ineffability. There’s Right and there’s Wrong. If you do Wrong when you’re told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. Err.” He stumbled over his words.
“I don’t like the look of that weather,” he said after some time, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen. Over the course of their conversation, dark, voluminous clouds had begun to form and were slowly edging closer to where they stood.
“Didn’t you have a flaming sword?”
“Err…” He must have noticed it missing from his scabbard when he first arrived. If that was the case, why hadn’t he attacked already? It wasn’t as if Aziraphale was a formidable target.
“You did. It was flaming like anything. What happened to it?” He watched at him with those inquisitive serpentine eyes.
“Err.”
“Lost it already, have you?”
Aziraphale couldn’t help himself. Something about Crawley’s demeanor made him seem… trustworthy, somehow?
“I gave it away.” He muttered.
“You what?!” Aziraphale noticed his pupils expand in amusement.
“I gave it away! They looked so miserable. And there are vicious animals, and it’s going to be cold out there, and she’s expecting already, and I said, here you go, flaming sword, don’t thank me, and don’t let the sun go down on you here…. I do hope I haven’t done the wrong thing.” He glanced back at Adam and Eve and felt his chest tighten with apprehension.
“You’re an angel. I don’t think you can do the wrong thing.”
“Oh. Oh, thank you. It’s been bothering me.” He sighed in relief.
“It’s been worrying me too. What if I did the right thing, with the whole eat-the-apple business? A demon can get into a lot of trouble for doing the right thing. Funny if we both got it wrong, eh?” He gave another grin, though it wasn’t as bright as before. “If I did the good thing and you did the bad one.”
Despite himself, Aziraphale gave a small chuckle before saying in horror, “No! It wouldn’t be funny at all!” He would have said more if not for the oncoming thunder. As Aziraphale felt the first drops on his skin, out of instinct, he spread one of his pristine white wings out to shield Crawley from the downpour. He heard the demon shuffle slightly closer to better protect himself, but he chose not to mention it.
As they stood in silence, Aziraphale mulled over the conversation they had had. Something about the way his demeanor had changed as soon as he had mentioned Hell was bothering him. What would have happened if Crawley were to fail his mission? Heaven was no stranger to punishments, but they had more civilized ways of punishment rather than full out violence. Maybe he should ask Crawley about it…
“Crawley?” He turned his head and was met with air. The demon must have left when the rain had lightened up.
“Oh.” He turned back towards the endless desert, lonelier than before. He shook his head suddenly. No! He shouldn’t miss a demon. It wasn’t right. They were foul beings who only cared for themselves.
It was probably for the best if he never saw the Serpent of Eden again.
Not Long After
“Aziraphale, former Angel of the Eastern Gate, do you know what you have just done?!” Gabriel bellowed, uncaring of the attention he was drawing to himself as well as to Aziraphale.
“I beg your pardon?” Had the Almighty told them about the sword?! That he had lied right to Her metaphorical face?! Oh, he had really done it now.
“You left the Tree of Knowledge unguarded. Those humans played right into that Serpent’s clutches and it’s all because of you!”
“I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” So they didn’t know about the sword. She must not have told them… yet.
“I don’t want to hear it, Aziraphale. For your insolence, you must be punished.”
“What is to happen to me?”
Gabriel placed two fingers on the bridge of his nose and gave a long sigh. “You shall be placed back into your Principality status, and you shall keep watch on the human as our agent for the earth region.”
Oh, that wasn’t so bad. He would be able to keep an eye on Eve then.
“And what is to become of Eden?”
“Eden will be destroyed, effective immediately.”
“What!” All that beauty, that amazing, lovely place, gone forever. They couldn’t do that!
Could they?
“Don’t worry, all the animals and plants will be spread across the planet once the walls are taken down. Now, I have other matters to attend to.” Gabriel gave him one last sneer before turning away, “I hope you’re happy with yourself Aziraphale.”
Days Later
CRASH!
Aziraphale flinched from his hiding place as yet another wall fell. All this mess because of him. He really should be watching Adam and Eve right now, but this was something that he needed to see. Besides, they would be okay for a little while.
Suddenly, he noticed a familiar shock of red hair not far from where he was. It was Crawley, but what was he doing here? Probably was here to congratulate himself on a job well done, considering it was him who had caused all of this.
Upon closer inspection, however, Crawley didn’t seem to be smiling. In fact, he appeared to be… frowning? He looked so grave, watching everything She created being released from their safe haven. Surely Hell must have given him quite the commendation for the “fine” work that he had done. If Aziraphale were him, he would be out celebrating, yet the Demon seemed to be utterly devastated. Maybe if he were to go over there and ask Crawley why.
NO! Absolutely out of the question! He was already on thin ice with the Archangel’s, and on top of that, Heaven, in general, was still tense from the war with the newly branded Lucifer Morningstar and his legion of demons. If they caught him having a casual conversation with the Tempter, the repercussions would be disastrous. It was better to just leave things be. Adam and Eve needed to be checked on anyways.
Years Later
“-Ziraphale!” two young boys came running towards him, their faces filled with joy.
“Why hello there! It’s so nice to see you today!” He smiled as the children talked to him with their seemingly endless banter.
“I ate this purple thing yesterday and it was so good! You should try it ‘Ziraphale!” One tugged at his write robes, leaving faint orange handprints on the fabric.
“No! He’s going to play with the frogs with me! Aren’t you ‘Zira?”
“Now children, Mommy needs to talk to Aziraphale for a second. Why don’t you go play over there?” She gave them a stern yet loving look as they waddled away.
Once they were out of an earshot, Eve turned her gaze back to Aziraphale, “How are you handling things, Principality?”
“I’ve been managing. It’s been quite the challenge to get everything back in order after such a decrease in angels. Enough about me, how are you, my dear?” It made him feel uneasy to talk about the hole that the Fallen had left in Heaven, like just mentioning it would somehow lead back to the short conversation he had had with Crowley.
“As good as you can be with two hyperactive boys. Just the other day, Able was pretending to be a tiger and jumped on Adam while he was sleeping. It nearly scared him to death,” she said, chuckling at the memory.
Suddenly there was a joyful scream from one of the boys, “Look!” Aziraphale followed where Cain’s finger was pointing and noticed a black silhouette in the sky heading towards them.
You’ve got to be kidding.
“Crawley!” They jumped up and down as the demon landed.
“Cain! Able!” He lifted the two boys into his arms bounced them up and down playfully. “How are you two buggers? Gotten into any trouble yet?”
They only continued to laugh until Crawley set them down again. “Are you two hungry?” They shook their heads vigorously and he placed his hands behind his back suspiciously.
“Well, how about some apples.” He brought his hands forward, producing two perfectly ripe, red apples. Aziraphale rolled his eyes. Of course, he would give them apples just to remind him of his failure. He had to admit though, he was quite good at handling children.
“Hiya Eve,” he gave a small wave and moseyed towards where she and Aziraphale were standing, “how’s it going.”
“Pretty good,” she nodded at Aziraphale, “I’ve just been talking to Aziraphale over here. Do you know him?”
“We’ve been… acquainted,” he gave a gleaming smile with teeth that were a little too sharp, in Aziraphale’s opinion.
“I’m sorry, my dear, but will you please excuse us for a moment. There’s something I need to discuss with him.” He gestured towards a more private clearing and Crawley began to follow. Still grinning like a foolish child.
“What the Hell do you think you’re doing!” He pointed an accusing finger at him once they were alone. “Now, I don’t know what you could possibly be playing at, but…!”
“Ngk! For your information, Angel-”
“Angel?!”
“- I’m doing my job.”
“Your job? You can’t possibly be implying that Hell hired YOU as their agent for Earth!” That means, if Crawley’s claims were to be trusted, that they were to be adversaries.
How fitting.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. They just told me to come up here and do some temptations from time to time. You know, to secure souls for The Big Man Downstairs, Satan himself.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense.” Why would they assign him here on Earth? Surely after his success in Eden he would be in Hell’s higher ranks. So why was he stuck up here with Aziraphale?
Crawley shrugged, “Just thought it would be more interesting to work up here with the humans. And it’s not as if I actually want to destroy him. I just want to… cause some mischief, I suppose.” He gave another sharp tooth smile.
“Well, stay away from Eve and her family! They have enough to deal with already without you and your “mischief”! Or I’ll… I’ll..”
“You’ll what, Aziraphale. Smite me? You don’t have a sword anymore. How I see it is that we’re stuck with each other. For better or for worse.”
“It seems so.”
“Look, if it makes you feel better, I promise I won’t do anything to hurt Eve or the kids.” He held out his hand, “What do you say?”
It was just a small deal. In fact, it would be helping Heaven. Certainly, they would look upon this as assistance to their cause. “Fine,” he took Crowley’s hand in his own, his skin tingling at the contact, “deal.”
Eleven Years Later
“Eve, I’m so sorry I-”
“You stay away from her, Serpent!” He stepped in front of Crawley, Angelic rage flowing through his veins. He had promised! How had he been so blind? For just a moment, he had really thought that he could trust Crawley but turns out he was just like any other demon, only caring for himself regardless of the consequences.
“Wait, Aziraphale, if you’ll just let me explain!”
“No! I won’t hear it! You promised me that you wouldn’t harm them and what did you do?! You turned them against each other for your own sick enjoyment and now Able is gone! I should have expected this, you being the foul being you are. Now, go. Or you’ll sincerely regret it.”
Crawley opened his mouth as if to say more but thought better of it and instead turned into an ashen serpent, slithering off into the distance.
“Are you okay, my dear girl?” His expression softened and his anger was replaced with concern. He placed his wings, which had been out to block Crawley from Eve, back into the corporeal plane.
“Why did you yell at Crawley?”
“I’m dreadfully sorry to have to tell you this, but Crawley… he tempted Cain into killing Able. I saw him talking to your son earlier, likely spouting temptations at him.”
“No, you got it all wrong. Crawley wasn’t tempting him; he was trying to stop him!”
“What?!”
“Didn’t you notice the bruise and scratches on his face? He tried so hard to stop him, but then Cain got violent with him. That’s why he was here, he was apologizing because he couldn’t stop him.”
“Oh, what have I done?!” He had yelled a Crawley when he was innocent. He had threatened to harm him! At the thought, his stomach began to churn. He was an Angel. A being who is supposed to care for all creatures.
“I-I’m sorry, my dear, but I need to leave for a moment. I’m afraid there’s something I need to do.”
“Go. We’ll be alright.” She gave a watery smile, her eyes still swollen and red from crying earlier.
“I’ll… I’ll be back soon, I promise.” He unfurled his wings and flew in the direction that Crawley had fled. Unfortunately, the area was densely populated with trees, so Aziraphale resorted to searching on foot.
“Crawley? Where are you? I’m terribly sorry that I hurt you, my dear boy, but please come out here and talk to me. Crawley, please!” It was no use.
He was already gone.