Work Text:
“aren’t you scared?”
heeseung looks across the room to where sunghoon lay. he thought he had been the only one up at the time, sneaking a glace at the clock on the nightstand he realized it was already 2am. apparently he wasn’t the only person stuck in his thoughts.
“of what?” heeseung asked softly, scared to press any wrong buttons. sunghoon has always been the type to back off easily. sometimes he reminded heeseung of a baby deer, always tense and ready to escape. one wrong move could cause him to close up like a shell.
“lately,” sunghoon started, “ive been scared.”
it was quiet for a while, and heeseung thought that’d be the end of it before sunghoon spoke up again.
“being away from home... being thrust into this brand new environment where everything is literally a competition… sometimes i- i just worry that no matter what i do, it’ll never be enough.”
“hm” heeseung hums, willing him to continue.
“i know that.. i’m trying and i’m doing what i can… i keep telling myself that i should be proud and that this is the start of something amazing but i can’t help but wonder if i’m really doing the right thing.” sunghoon sighs.
it was odd, heeseung thought. you don’t often see sunghoon do much, his naturally introverted personality often made him blend into the background, only showing his true colors and charm when he was with people he cared about.
when he was with heeseung.
but you never really see him crumble or break down. no matter what happened he never cried and never showed signs of feeling down or things like that. no matter who got eliminated, or how close he seemed to being taken off the show, sunghoon never faltered.
heeseung was attentive at heart. a natural born leader. he knew his friends inside and out, so knowing someone he felt so close to was secretly hurting, worrying himself to core, hurt him.
he slowly peeled himself out of the covers and walked across the room to sunghoons bed. in the dark of the night it was hard to really make out anything, but as he got to the edge of the boys bed, he heard the shuffling of sheets as sunghoon scooted to make some room. before heeseung could’ve even make out where to put his legs, sunghoon was grabbing his hand and pulling him gently under the sheets with him.
they laid there for a while. shoulders touching in the small bed, barely big enough for two, on their backs as they stared at the ceiling, or what they could make out of it.
the room was quiet save for their breathing. soft, gentle, in sync.
“i think” heeseung began quietly, voice barely above a whisper, “you should be proud of yourself, sunghoon.”
he turns his head to face the boy, the only light available from the small window in the room where the moon shone through. he stares at him for a while, sees the way his eyebrows furrow as he thinks, a small frown on his lips.
heeseung wants to press his fingers and get rid of the creases.
“you’ve come so far,” he begins again, “and you’ve tried your absolute best. i know that it’s scary having everything change so fast; you suddenly feel like the world is turning in the opposite direction… like the ground is being ripped beneath your feet.”
in the quiet of the room he hears a sniffle. heeseung keeps talking.
“you don’t have to be so strong all the time. it’s okay to let go. it’s okay to break down. i think that you hesitate and hold your breath for as long as you can but really you just need to breathe …. you can let your guard down hoonie… there are people here who care about you…. i care about you.”
another sniffle. this time the sound is accompanied by the shuffling of sheets, and heeseung feels the weight of an arm being wrapped around his torso. he wraps his arm around sunghoons neck and messes with the hairs at its base, making nonsense patterns on his skin.
the room stays quiet some more, and for a while heeseung thinks sunghoons fallen asleep finally, when the younger boy finally speaks up again.
“you just always seem to have everything together, hyung. i’m not like that, i’m not— i’m not brave like you are.”
“brave?” heeseung chuckles, “honestly, im terrified. i’m so scared of doing the wrong thing or making the wrong move… but… i think that, above all, i’ve been scared to lose myself… i don’t want to walk out of this being someone with completely different morals or.. someone who is only in it for themselves. i’m scared i’m going to become selfish and greedy and forget why i started in the first place.”
“hyung..”
“sunghoon, i don’t care what anyone tells you. you don’t have to listen to them, hell, you don’t even have to listen to me, but if you think that you’re doing what’s absolutely best for you and what you want to do for the rest of your life, screw everyone else. if you want to sing, go out there and show everyone what you’re made of. if somewhere along these lines you decide you want to go back to skating, go ahead. but remember that you did it because you wanted to, not because it was what anyone else wanted of you. it’s okay to feel scared. it’s okay to question if this is what’s right. but i want you to remember that even if you feel like no one will be there to support you, i will always be rooting for park sunghoon.” he finishes.
the arm around his chest tightens, and a single sob escapes from the boys mouth. like that, a river of tears suddenly flow from his eyes, and park sunghoon lets go.
heeseung is there to catch him for it all though, wrapping his arms around any part of him he could hold and bringing him close to his chest. they lay there, basking in each other’s comfort and being each other’s home.
home.
something that was so far away for the both of them. something they’d missed so dearly in all these months gone. something they’d found in each other, so that it could be there with them throughout the entire night.
“thank you, hyung.” sunghoon finally speaks up, “i really mean it.”
heeseung simply rubs his back in return.
“i know there’s not a lot i can offer to you, but if you’re ever tired and also need someone to let go to, i’ll be here for you. you stretch yourself thin doing what’s best for others but.. sometimes you can also just want to be taken care of right? i’ll be here for you, id say it a thousand times over if it meant it get to your head. you could never lose yourself because you already know deep down who you are and who you want to be. you’d never let yourself lose that and i sure as hell wouldn’t let it happen either.”
the pull back from each other to stare at one another. both boys just taking in every feature they could see in the dark of the room, noting the shine in their eyes both from tears and the light of the moon. eventually sunghoon smiles, a soft smile that feels warm simply upon looking at it and he presses his forehead against heeseungs. keeping it there to simply have him close.
heeseung laughs, a soft deep sound that sunghoon can feel vibrate through him as he moves to lay his head on his chest instead.
“go to sleep, hoonie.”
and at 2am, in each other’s arms, the weight of the world off their shoulders for the peaceful hours of the night, they rest.