Chapter Text
Taehyung's footsteps echoed through the ancient house. The creaking wood made a familiar sound. It seemed even louder than he remembered, time weighing over the place like it did over him. The manor was cold, only whistling wind occupying it. The fond, cherished memories Tae had of his years there felt disconnected from what was actually in front of him. It was immaculate, though. There had been months no one lived there, but his parents kept the maids cleaning for ghosts. It was all about image with them. Or maybe it was their way of not dealing with it, he wasn't sure. They never understood each other very well.
Despite the efforts of the cleaning staff, the idea failed. The house was not left to decay, however the signs of its abandonment were much more subtle and relevant. The prevalence of the lavender cleaning product smell instead of his grandma's characteristic Chanel No. 5. The closed drapes, that his grandmother would always let open, so the sun could reach in. And the oppressive silence, missing her laughter and the music. There was always music when she was around. She loved to hear Tae sing. The feelings of nostalgia, love, bitterness, and loss, that swarmed him upon walking inside were shared by no one. And to think soon someone unaware of all those important little details would be taking it from him and erasing them further. It was all Namjoon had talked about on the way there, how vintage houses like those were so popular again. She would have opposed that word - vintage. "It's just a snobbish way to say old, Taehyung" and nana loathed snobs.
Tae sat on the big couch of the living room, looking around the hollow place. Less than a year ago, if asked, he would have said that house was his home, his favorite place in the world, his refugee, the scenery of some of his happiest memories. But he would have been wrong. The house was just that, a house that could be emptied of its meaning. An asset that they acquired, made use of and were about to sell. That he was about to sell, because it was his name in that will, in that doccument and his signature that would mark the end of that place as he knew.
"Taehyung-ssi," Namjoon called softly from beside him, "are you sure you want to stay here? We can find a hotel..."
"Yes. I will be fine here, thank you." A hotel. As if he would feel better in any place at that point. If he was forced to let go of the manor, then Tae wanted to at least properly bid it farewell and face his grief. "But you are free to go if you wish, Namjoon."
"I'll gladly stay here with you. We should get a good night of sleep today," he suggested, cracking his neck, "we have an apoitment with your grandmother's lawyer early tomorrow."
And the thought already made Taehyung want to forget what his parents ordered. Besides painful, he could predict the next days would be incredibly boring, long contracts, monotone voices and cold offices.
"I know. I hope all of this can be as simple and fast as possible."
"I will try to make it so. I will let your parents know we arrived safely and then go to bed if you don't need me for anything."
"I'll be fine."
The secretary excused himself, off to bed. Tae went to the library first to retrieve the photo albums he wanted. They had avoided dealing with his grandparents belongings for months after the funeral, but his mother finally had enough, she didn't like lose ends. And of course she had him go there take care of the job without giving a shit about his feelings. But after missing that place for so long, after begging to go back so many times, that was the one occasion Taehyung would have preferred to stay back in Seoul. "You will be our only heir, Taehyung it's time you gain experience." It didn't matter Taehyung had no interest in learning to be like them. It was probably a way to make sure he knew his safe haven was gone, buried in the past for good. He went along with it. All that was left was the life his parents had designed for him, the sole oposing force of those plans was no longer with them.
Most of the photo albums were already packed by the staff of the house to be taken to Seoul and stored God knows where. He picked one that was left behind, the year of 1997 written on the cover of it. Tae sat over the arm of his grandfather's chair like he used to do when he was much smaller and lighter, flickering through the pictures of when he was just a cheerful baby, playing and running around the property, going on adventures and making friends with unknown children. The days of the summers he spent travelling with them when his parents were to busy to devote time to him. His heart grew a size or two, but was squeezed by an invisible hand. He didn't know wheter he should feel sad or happy looking at the images. The feelings blurred along with his vision.
Tae took the album with him. Even if it hurt, he didn't want to ignore the past. At least not entirely. That was his mistake before. The last couple of years he had been so absorbed into his family's plans, so taken by their demands, that he made himself forget. Two years of no visits to his favorite place in the world, to his favorite person. And when he realized it, she was gone. He should at least learn.
His room was at the end of the hallway next to his grandma's, or the room that used to be hers. It hadn't been used in a while, but looked exactly the same. All his decoration was preserved, even his personal belongings he left there when in vacation. He locked the door, unbottonning his shirt, letting it drop on the floor.
Tae prapared a hot bath and sunk into the water of the tub, shutting his eyelids. A wave of pleasure washed over him as his sore muscles relaxed. In a week he would be done with that, he only needed to hang on for a few days. And when he went back to his usual life in Seoul... Taehyung choked up. His phone rang. He stretched his hand out, feeling the marble of the sink to find the device. Jin's name was on the screen. He sighed, turning down the call and sinking deeper in the water.
Tae let his body slide down slowly, until only his eyes were out, and then until he was fully submersed, the water blocking the world outside. He could hear his blood pumping on his ear in an eery way. His lungs began to ache, pleading for air, but Taehyung didn't appease them. Despite the discomfort he wanted to remain longer inside the bubble where none of his demons could reach him. When it became too unbearable, he finally propelled his head up, back to the surface, gasping for air.
After the bath, Taehyung slipped into his silk pajamas and robe. It was silent, the low temperature seeming to have put every one to bed earlier. He opened the glass doors that led to the balcony, allowing the night air inside. He hugged his sides, conserving the heat of his clothes to walk out.
The sky was dark, except for the pale glow of the full moon that iluminated the fields of that massive property. It had always felt a bit ridiculoussly big for just his grandparents, but they cherished it too much to want to move. His chest pressed the body rail. He remembered how he used to be at peace up there, quite different from the Seoul chaos. But peace felt like loneliness at that moment.
He rested his cheek over his palm, observing the universe above him. His telescope was probably around there somewhere between the dusty boxes that kept his old toys safe. It had been a Christmas present when Christmas still meant something. "To my little star" read the note that accompanied it. Could he find her with it? "I'll alway be watching over you, Taehyungie. If you look up, you can find me, I'll be the brightest star to match with you". He knew it was a lie. She wasn't there, she wasn't anywhwere anymore.
Taehyung felt the hot tears escaping his eyes. He knew it was lie, but he was too afraid to admit his grandmother was truly gone to where he couldn't reach her, no trace of her left behind. He couldn't accept such maddening idea. And as if his cry reminded her of that promise, a shooting star cut the sky. Taehyung blinked away the tears, wondering if it was his imagination comforting him. However, he wanted more than anything to believe that was actually his grandma sending him a sign. He closed his eyes, making a wish. He wished to not be alone anymore.