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It was always the simple things Childe had admired.
Whenever it was helping Zhongli out with student council work or him helping him study for exams and more. Every moment that he spent with his beloved upperclassman was like heaven for him. Childe didn’t want to let these moments go since they just happened too quickly and so fast perhaps that was time’s punishment for him. It had been months ever since he had fell for the Zhongli in his first year and now with his graduation coming near and rumors that the said upperclassman may study overseas for college, Childe was determined to savor every bit of time he had with him even if both of them rarely see each other nowadays.
Strangely, that annoying ponytail that he had started to attract him even more and he hates it. There was something about that group of that soft black hair of his tied up behind that he found attractive. Was it the gentle sway that it had whenever he saw his dear upperclassman walk around the school halls? Or was it the silky and soft touch that it has whenever Childe gets the chance to stroke it with his hands. The reason may be unknown however, he learned to get used to only getting noticed by the sudden sway of his ponytail.
In just a blink of an eye, it was already the burning hot summer.
For the two of them, everything just got busier and busier. With Zhongli having to work hard in the student council and academics, Childe struggling to juggle academics and his sibling’s demands. Their interactions now have been reduced to small “hellos” and “how are yous” whenever they bump into each other in the hallways. No more eating at the school’s rooftop twice a week, no more occasional helping out in the student council and no more hanging out after school or during the weekends. It was just that. A simple “Hello,” from him before going on with his day.
This wasn’t like his first year. During his first year he got to spend more time with him. Why now rob him of precious time to hang out with Zhongli? Does the god of time hate him or something? And for Childe, no, for Tartagalia, would it be selfish of him to ask for more time with him despite knowing that his upperclassman has more important things to do than indulge in hanging out with a boy that has feelings for him?
It was not fair, not fair for the timid underclassman.
There was one rare occasion that the two were able to commute back home together. It was Childe’s request of course since he wanted to “catch up” with him but in reality he just wanted to savor his presence just a little bit longer. The male wanted to slap himself in the face so hard. Curse him for having such a thick face [1] right in front of his crush, being selfish at this very moment was the only thing he can do right now. It doesn’t even matter if the two didn’t talk as much and was completely quiet for the whole trip, all he seriously wanted was the ponytail to notice him and be right next to him.
During class, Childe fantasizes about him being with Zhongli and to his misfortune, he was called on by his teacher. Luckily enough, Lumine was able to read him and answered the question for him. Right after class ended, the female went over to her friend and asked, “You’ve been acting more strange ever since summer came. Are you still thinking about him?”
Childe blushed, “What if I was thinking about him? It’s seriously my only source of serotonin, Lumi,” he protested. The blond female rolled her eyes at him. He sighed before looking at her again, “Yesterday, I walked home with Zhongli for the first time in forever,” he mumbled.
Lumine smacked both of hands on top of her best friend’s desk, “And you still haven’t gotten a chance to confess to him!? If Paimon were to hear this she would make fun of you for the whole year,” she replied. Childe gulped at Lumine’s words, admitabbly it was a decent chance to confess, he knew that and almost tried but something was seriously pulling him down. “I know you’re scared and all but aren’t you the person closest to Zhongli? Pretty much everyone knows that you two are very comfortable with each other. He should share the same feelings are you right?”
The male covered his face, “Lumine, I would easily have gathered the courage last night if I stopped thinking he was straight.”
“How are you thinking he is straight when he looks like the gayest person alive, you fucking child.”
Those words actually made Childe relieved for some reason, it even made him laugh. He chuckled a bit and looked at this friend, “Lumi, thank you.” Lumine smiled back at him before giving his forehead a quick flick, “If you ever need help brainstorming for the perfect time to confess. Paimon and I would gladly help you!” she grinned.
Even after those words of reassurance, he still found it hard to face him.
Those failed love letters, those days of yearning to be by his side.
It all hurts.
Maybe- it would be best to let it out and accept defeat.
Childe dreams of being with him right after he graduates, he dreams of being able to share a kiss underneath the beautiful night sky. He dreams of countless of other things that involve him being with Zhongli but in the end, they only stay as dreams and could never come true.