Work Text:
Sighing for the nth time today, Jihoon is exhausted. He can’t count how many times he sighed while staring at his blank canvass almost feeling helpless.
It’s been almost 3 weeks since his slump hit. It’s a very bad timing since he’s working for his company’s year-end exhibit which means it is the grandest show they’ll have for the year. Yet here he is, staring at nothing with also nothing in mind.
What the hell is wrong with you, Jihoon? It’s been weeks! Come on, think of something! But no, nothing comes up to his mind for him to paint. It’s been more than a year since he worked with KD Studios but this is the first time ever that he was at loss on his art. The first week of having no inspiration didn’t pressure him because to be honest, he thought that maybe he’s just taking his time of thinking for a new masterpiece yet that one week turned into 3 weeks and now he’s just hopeless.
The pressure is starting to sink in to him. He is KD’s most prized artist since he joined the company. And he can’t lose that title, he can’t fail the company that saw the real talent in him. He’s good at working and he does his best every time that’s why his hard work pays him back well. But considering his situation right now…he doesn’t know anymore.
Feeling anxious and exhausted with things running in his mind, he got his phone and dialed a number. He’ll understand me. I hope he can help me resolve this problem. He knows me well anyway.
“Hey, Ji! What’s up?”
“Hyung….”
“Oh...is there something wrong? What’s with the long sigh?”
“I..uhh, you know that year-end exhibit we’ll have?”
“Oh yeah! You mentioned that. It’s the biggest exhibit this year, right? How’s your art? Oh nevermind, you’re good at this Jihoonie why am I even asking.”
“That’s the problem hyung. I haven’t done anything else yet.
He heard shuffles on the other line. Seungcheol was probably so shocked at his statement huh?
“Ji...what? I- how..really? We didn’t bother you for some weeks, afraid that we might disturb your peace...but Ji is there something wrong? This is not usual of you.”
Is that Jihoonie? Let me talk to him. He heard Jeonghan’s voice.
“Jihoonie, hey it’s Jeonghan hyung.”
“Hey hyung.”
“I heard your conversation with Cheol and I might know how you can have a solution to this problem of yours.”
“Hyung….if this is some joke again I’m not taking it!”
“Aw Ji I’m hurt! I’m sincerely helping you here but it seems like you don't want to hear me.”
He can imagine Jeonghan sulking while talking to him. Alright, I’ll hear him out.
“Okay hyung, what is it?”
“Hmm are you sure?”
“Hyung….”
“Alright alright I’ll tell you!”
For some reason Jihoon was nervous to listen to whatever Jeonghan will say. Why the hell am I nervous? It’s just an opinion anyway.
“Remember university days? When you had a deadline in a week but you still had nothing in mind for you to paint?”
“Yeah...and I thought that was the last time it’ll happen but guess I was wrong. I’m in a shitty slump right now and-”
“And you know who helped you during that time right?”
What?
“.....Jihoonie you there?”
“I’m dropping the call hyung”
“Hey hey heeeey! Listen to me first!”
“I already listened hyung and I don’t want it, now goodbye.”
“It’s not like I'm telling you to get back together but I’m just saying maybe he can help you again? You know….like friends. You ended on good terms anyway, what’s wrong in asking for something like this, yeah?”
“I don’t know hyung, I’ll think about it.”
“Alright Jihoonie! Your Cheol hyung and I are always here to support you okay? Good luck on your art! And don’t hesitate to ask him! We all know he’s the best artist aside from you. ”
“Thanks, bye Jeonghan hyung.”
Sigh. How the hell will he help me? Best artist huh...yeah right he is.
"Jihoon?"
He was startled when someone called his name. He found himself standing in front of the door of his studio. How long have I been spacing out huh?
"Hey Won."
"You alright? I thought you froze in there or something."
"Yeah just...thinking about something. How are you? What are you doing here anyway?"
"Oh I have a meeting with boss K here. How are you. Ji?"
Wonwoo. He's working on the same company just different sector. He's an editor at KD Publishing and close friend from uni.
"I'm fine Won...working on some uhm art for the exhibit."
"Oh right! It's in 2 weeks time right? Bet you're already finished and you're just polishing up your work."
Jihoon looked around before answering Wonwoo.
"Wonwoo, actually...I haven't started anything yet. I've hit a slump and I'm still lost on what to do."
"Oh Jihoonie, I don't know how can I help you with that,"
Wonwoo was shocked. Not expecting that response from his friend.
"Yeah...I don't know what to do too."
"Maybe...someone can help you. I remember sometime in college you hit a slump and well...yeah you know, Ji."
Jihoon laughed at that.
"You know what? That's the same thing Jeonghan hyung told me. To ask for his help."
"Well it's the only thing we can all think of so yeah that is our only advice."
"I'll think about it, Won. Thank you."
With that, Wonwoo left him drowning in his thoughts. There's no harm in asking him right? It's just like a friendly request and maybe he can grant me this one?
He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. Fuck it, I'll ask him. There's nothing to lose anyway.
"...Hello?"
"Hey Soonyoung, it's me uhm Jihoon."
"Yeah I know, I didn't delete your number."
Oh. Great.
"Oh. Uhm are you busy now?"
"Why?"
"I have a favor to ask, if it's alright?"
"I'm not really busy. We just finished our performances and we have about a month of vacation so yep I have nothing on my hands now. What is it about?"
"Oh you're on vacation? I'm sorry I shouldn't have bothered you then."
Jihoon heard the other chuckle. Dumb Jihoon why did you even bother.
"Ji did you hear me? I said I have nothing to do now so I'm free. You know that vacation also means doing whatever to me. I'd still want to do something and if that something is about helping you, then I'm in. What do you want me to do?"
"Be my muse."
Violet
inspires creative pursuits, uniqueness and independence
It's also the color of Soonyoung's shirt when they met for the first time in high school. The eggplant looking kid was smiling brightly at him, introducing himself and asking Jihoon to be his friend. He shook his hand with no hesitation.
Their arrangement comes like this: Soonyoung agreed to be his muse for this project and in return Jihoon must help him on his new choreographies. Jihoon might not be a performer but he is good in that field anyway. They work for 2-3 hours each day at Jihoon's studio and 2 hours on Soonyoung's. Jihoon isn't a hundred percent sure why he agreed to this arrangement but he's already said yes and there's no taking it back.
"Your studio is nice Jihoonie. It's bigger than the last one."
"Thanks, I got this studio last year when I was awarded, guess my prize from the company is a bigger studio."
They both sat down on the couch in the corner of his studio. Blank canvasses and different colors of paint are scattered everywhere. Jihoon somehow feels awkward with Soonyoung inside his studio. He suddenly stood up making Soonyoung looked at him in question.
"Would you like any drink? Or food? Or anything?"
Soonyoung smiled and tapped the space next to him on the couch. He sat down quietly.
"Why are you so nervous? I'm fine. I don't need anything yet. Let's talk about your project? What's the theme of your exhibit?"
"This year's theme is 'Emotions'. It's not actually hard to think of something from that theme but here I am."
"It's a nice theme. How do you want to do this? As your muse, I shall of course talk to you on how we should do this hmm?"
"I'm not really sure how....I don't know, pose for me?"
"Is there any pose you want me to do?"
Jihoon was not sure about that. He doesn't really know how he wants to do this. But being with Soonyoung inside his studio sparks some creative ideas to him. It feels like once they start, the flow of everything will be smooth.
"Since the theme is about emotions, how about you pose with something you're feeling? Art should be real and unique anyway. Then show raw emotions."
"Alright, I'll be sitting on the stool then."
When Soonyoung sat down in position, Jihoon also hurried to sit behind his easel. After staring at his palette for some seconds, Jihoon looked at Soonyoung only to find him staring at him. He was flustered for a moment before focusing on his canvass.
"I'll start painting now."
"Go ahead, Jihoonie~"
He was embarrassed. To look at Soonyoung's eyes like this makes him blush. What is wrong with you, Jihoon? Be professional! He started to paint Soonyoung's shoulder. Trying hard not to look on Soonyoung's face to stop himself from turning into a tomato.
Indigo
integrity, sincerity, devotion to the truth and selflessness
"Hey Jihoon, I think I like you." Jihoon didn't know how to react to that confession. It was so sudden but it felt so sincere. They've been friends since high school and Jihoon has been holding the torch for him since then, it's just that he wasn't brave enough to confess.
"Are you mad? I'm sorry I cannot hide what I truly feel about you. But if you're uncomfortable with this, maybe I should just forget about it? I'm sorry-"
"I like you too, Soonyoung." He felt like running away at the same time he wants to see that look in Soonyoung's face. That fond smile he'll never get tired of.
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in Jihoon's studio when Soonyoung came in smiling. They had to finish early yesterday because Soonyoung had been called by his friends and he can't say no. So he's here bringin in himself and some food for them to eat.
"Hey Ji I'm really sorry for yesterday."
"It's fine, no need to be sorry. It's not like I'm paying you here. I'm fine with whatever schedule you have, I just need this to be finished before the deadline."
"Okay, here's some food. Please eat before we start." Soonyoung gave him his food.
He continued painting the base for Soonyoung's shoulder. Focusing on his canvass which fortunately have something on it now, he heard Soonyoung call his name.
"Hmm?"
"Would you be available to come to my studio tomorrow?"
"Yeah I can, do you have new ideas now?"
"Kind of."
"I'm really glad I can call you mine now. You're such a wonderful person Jihoonie~ Thank you for being mine."
"Why are you so sappy?"
"Heh I'm just happy because it's our first anniversary. Aren't you happy with me?" Soonyoung sulked and Jihoon can't say ignore that.
"Of course I am happy with you. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. I promise to love you for many more years."
Blue
makes you think of the unknown. caring and concern, yet aloof
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, this is both our decision after all. I only hope the best for you. Be happy, Jihoon."
"You too, Soonyoung."
"So welcome to my studio. You've been here before but yeah there were some changes."
Soonyoung's studio might have physical changes but standing inside makes Jihoon feel the same as before. Remembering the times when he waits for Soonyoung to finish his work so they can go home and eat together makes Jihoon somehow miss it. But you cannot bring it back now Jihoonie. Please stop thinking about it. You're only here to help him.
Jihoon didn't paint this day. Wanting to focus on helping Soonyoung with his work, they met on the way to the dancing studio. Soonyoung played some music and danced freestyle to it. Seeing him so focused in his own element makes Jihoon feel proud. He had always been proud of him. Jeonghan didn't lie when he said that they are the best artists. Jihoon with his paintings and Soonyoung with his choreographies.
"It hurts so much, to hear him agree with breaking up."
"Hyung you're drunk let's go home." Mingyu pulled Soonyoung up so they can send him home but the other is so stubborn he fell down the floor crying.
"You guys know how much I love him, right? I love him so fucking much it hurts. Maybe I wasn't enough?"
"Hyung come on that's enough, let's get you home." Chan pulled him again, asking for Junhui and Mingyu's assistance so they can bring him home properly. Seungkwan was quiet, stopping himself to cry from pity because of his hyung's state. 'You are enough hyung, maybe the time for your love was not right' he thought to himself.
When they arrived at Soonyoung's apartment, Chan volunteered to stay the night so someone can watch over their broken-hearted hyung. Which he regrets moments later when he hears Soonyoung sobbing in his room. He went to check on him and it broke his heart to see his hyung look like a total wreck. His eyes were red and puffy from nonstop crying. He ran to him and hugged him like how a mother hugs her child in pain.
"Hyung stop crying please? You'll be dehydrated."
"Chan, why is it easy for him to break up with me?"
"I don't think it was easy for Jihoon hyung too. But maybe he thought that this is the best for both of you."
"How can it be the best when he's not here with me? Jihoon is the best for me."
Green
growth, renewal, self-reliance
"Congratulations on your performance hyung! Seungkwan and I were shouting loudly from the back. Did you hear our cheer?" Mingyu asked enthusiastically.
"You were so loud, how can he not hear you? By the way, it's embarrassing to sit between you two, you know? People were looking at us like we're some weirdos. Congrats on your performance Soonyoung."
"Thanks Won. Thank you guys really for supporting us since day one."
"Ah hyung of course! You guys are so great, our Chan here has improved a lot I thought he would destroy the stage."
"Eyy hyung stop complimenting me! Let's just go and eat. Come on."
"Jihoon! Congratulations on your new studio! Wow KD Studios really stepping up huh? Your new studio is such a flex."
"Thank you Cheol hyung. I really worked hard for that piece. Now that I got a bigger studio because of it, i'll work even harder. We don't know what they'll give next. Maybe an apartment?" Jihoon joked. "I don't really need material things except of course my painting materials but I really appreciate how they take care of their artists."
"Aigoo, that's our Jihoonie~ We're so proud of you" Jeonghan pinched his cheeks to his dislike but didn't swat his hands away since he's happy, he'll let his pass.
After painting the base of Soonyoung's shoulder and chest down, he started painting leaves as a background. Painting Soonyoung feels serene and peaceful so he decided to put leaves to exhibit a more peaceful aura.
"Hey Soons what color do you want for your shirt?"
"Hmm I'm not really sure. You're the artist behind this painting. Do as you please."
"I think yellow suits you. Yeah okay I'll try yellow."
"Whatever pleases your eyes Jihoonie~"
"Stop playing cute and stop moving so much please. Thank you."
"Oh so I look cute right now huh?" Jihoon stopped moving at that. Hiding behind his canvass so Soonyoung won't see the blush on his face. What the hell Jihoon! Why are you suddenly embarrassed?
"Someone's feeling embarrassed right now~ Stop hiding Jihoonie, let me see your beautiful face while you paint me."
"Stop Soonyoung I'm focusing here."
Yellow
clarity, enthusiasm, color of sunshine
"Wow, yellow looks really good in you huh? I know this color suits you well."
"That's why I told you to pick the color for me, I know you'll know what fit me the best."
"My piece is just a simple painting of a person but I hope people can feel what I felt while doing this." Jihoon mumbled unconsciously.
"What do you feel right now?"
"Huh?" Yah Lee Jihoon! Did you say that out loud?
"You said you want people to understand how you felt while painting me. So...what do you feel hmm?"
"Uhm, I feel at peace? I don't know, really. Seeing the colors on this painting calms something in me."
"Can I take a peek of it now?"
"No. Not yet, I'm still doing finishing touches on your clothes and neck. I'm polishing the details."
"Details of...my neck?
Jihoon looked at him with irritation.
"Well, if it's details of my neck I bet you had it memorized? Unless you forgot about it because you're dating someone new?"
"I'm not dating anyone, Soonyoung."
He then realized what he told the other. Really Jihoon? And what is it to him if you're not dating anyone huh? He looked at Soonyoung only to realize the other had a smug look on his face.
Orange
creativity, equilibrium, motivating
"Hey I'm on working on the details of your face now. Please don't move too much okay?" Jihoon might finish his piece earlier than expected. His friends are right at making him ask Soonyoung to be his muse. He really pulls something out of Jihoon.
He moved his easel closer to where Soonyoung is sitting. Since he's working in the details of his face, he needs a closer view so he can properly paint.
He was busy mixing colors on his palette when Soonyoung asked a question that made him stop.
"Ji, how are you after our break-up?" Jihoon didn't know how to answer because honestly it was so hard for him. He considered it one of his dark days he don't wanna remember since it only makes him feel sad.
"I'm fine, I guess? Still had work to so yeah it was like I didn't have time to really feel how heartbroken I was." No, I wasn't fine. I stopped working for a week to cry myself alone at home. It was hard for me too, Soonyoung.
"Glad you were fine."
"Hmm, you?"
"I wasn't fine Jihoon. It broke me so much to lose you."
Red
passion, security, strong emotion of love, courage, strength
After what Soonyoung said, they both went silent. No one dared to add something to what he had said. After their session on Jihoon's studio, they went to Soonyoung's to polish some choreography they made.
They acted normal. Like Soonyoung didn't drop that statement, like they didn't open up about their break-up.
Today, Jihoon is working on Soonyoung's eyes. The last part of this piece. He made sure to paint his eyes last because it will be the highlight of his painting.
He looked at Soonyoung, about to tell him to pose with an emotion he feels right now when he saw him looking straight through him.
His eyes speak a lot of emotions but Jihoon can definitely name one. Yearning. Soonyoung is yearning. For what? For whom? Jihoon is not sure if he wants to know.
"Ji..."
Jihoon didn't want to look. He's afraid of facing Soonyoung but at the same time he wants to listen to whatever he'll say.
"Ji, look at me."
Sighing as he put his paint brush down, Jihoon gathered up courage to face the older. He knows they need to talk again at some point. Jihoon isn't blind and oblivious. He feels that there is something he and Soonyoung needs to talk about.
"What is it?" Jihoon looked at him in question.
"What happened to us, Ji?"
"I'm sorry Soonyoung."
"No, don't say sorry. I just want to understand how we fell apart because to be honest, even after a year I still don't get it. Was I not enough?" No! Soonyoung you are more than enough for me.
"Soonyoung I loved you."
"Maybe you didn't love me enough?" Maybe. Maybe that's where the problem lies. My love for him wasn't as fierce as his love for me.
"Maybe. Maybe my love for you before wasn't as strong as your love for me. I was busy thinking about my career I might've neglected you at some point. But believe me, I really loved you."
"Before?" Soonyoung looked at him adoringly.
"Wow you really caught that huh." Jihoon chuckled nervously. There's really no escaping from Kwon Soonyoung.
"I listen to everything you say Hoonie~"
"Hmm alright. If you listen to everything I say then can we please focus now so I can finish this?"
"Then we'll talk after?"
"We'll talk after."
Soonyoung smiled at that. He fixed his position and stared at Jihoon. The latter also continued his soft strokes on his canvass. Eager to finish his new masterpiece and eager to talk with Soonyoung. He knows there is something good waiting for them. He knows it.
SIlence enveloped the whole studio. Only the calm buzzing of the air conditioner can be heard. They both like this kind of silence. It's quiet, yet very comforting.
He was on the last part of his painting. Jihoon felt proud and giddy. Just a week ago he felt hopeless, thinking he won't be able to make it to the deadline. But now he even had some more days left before the final submission which gives him time to polish everything.
Making his last stroke, Jihoon smiled widely on his artwork. A smiling Soonyoung in yellow shirt and leafy background with an adorable yearning look on his face. Jihoon loves this. Jihoon you love him.
"Done!"
"Really?! Can I see it now?" Jihoon immediately tried to cover his canvass.
"No! I'll let you see it on the exhibit day."
"Will I come with you?"
"I uh...yeah we're required to bring our plus one anyway. Might as well bring my muse."
"Hmm alright. I can't say no to that."
Jihoon nodded and proceed to fixing his canvass and putting it in a safe place. Polishing his work can wait. Soonyoung sat down on the couch and streched out his body. Probably numb from sitting for too long. Jihoon sat on the other side.
"What are we talking about?"
"Jihoon, I'm gonna ask this once and for all. I've taught of this since our break-up and I don't want to sound desperate but I can't also lie to myself"
Jihoon was playing with the ends of his sweater. He's anticipating whatever Soonyoung might say.
"Ji, is there still a place for me in your heart? I'm not assuming that you still love me so I'm asking this but...i'm hoping that maybe?"
"Remember when I told you, you got the biggest space in my heart? That didn't change, Soons."
Soonyoung's smile got wider at the younger's statement. Grabbed his hands to intertwine with his.
"Same with me. It's always been you. Although I did fine with my career and other stuffs after the break-up, my heart still yearns for you."
"Aren't we taking this too fast Mr. Kwon?" Jihoon smiled playfully while playing with their hands.
"I don't want to waste more time. We lost each other for a year, that's already too long of a time. But if you want to take it slow, I'm fine with that. I told you, I listen to everything you say hmm?"
"So uhm are we like....dating again? Or what? I wouldn't mind being yours again Soonyoung. This is my place after all. To be beside you."
"Now, that's my baby! I love you Jihoonie! My promise to love you for many more years wasn't broken. I never stopped and never will."
"I love you too, Soonyoung. Thank you for loving me. I promise to love you stronger than before."
The exhibit turned out well. As expected of Lee Jihoon, KD Studios' best artist, his masterpiece was at the center. People flocked over the said piece, looking intently at how it was beautifully made. He let Soonyoung see it. The older hugging him tightly while looking at the art, congratulating him for doing such a good job. You really are the best, Jihoonie.
"colors on you - LJH
The colors of the rainbow represent different feelings and emotions, and together they make a paragon.
We bring out the best in each other, my muse."