Chapter Text
It was difficult to breathe with the mask on but, Ririka knew she was never supposed to remove it. She had been scolded enough times. The back of her hand had been slapped enough times. The mask was to stay on at all times. If it was difficult to breathe, she was simply to persevere.
Ririka climbed up a rock, sitting on her knees as she peered over the edge. A small river trickled below. Crisp, clean water flowed over stones of all shapes and sizes—pretty brown stones, some a pale cream color. The trees around her were leafy and green, their thick canopies protecting her from the summer heat. Still, the back of her neck was damp. The mask made her face unbearably hot and muggy. She had to blink hard as salty drops of sweat burned her eyes. She loved her sister, she did, but moments like this left her feeling bitter and frustrated. Kirari never had trouble breathing behind a stiff mask. Kirari never got headaches from looking through two tinted lenses all day long. Ririka sighed, sitting cross-legged on her perch. ‘Why’ was a question that often rang through her head. Why did she have to wear a mask? Why did her parents give her disapproving looks all the time. Why was she expected to be quiet? Why did she have to learn how to mimic her sister’s actions? Ririka didn’t want to be quiet—she wanted to laugh and play with Terano and Rin. Ririka didn’t want to act like her sister—she wanted to act like herself.
Tears welled up in her eyes. Ririka didn’t actually know what she would do if she was able to act like herself. Everything in her mind was all Kirari. Everyday it felt like Ririka was slipping away. She didn’t have a face of her own or a voice of her own. She felt like a puppet—like those wooden dolls she’d seen performing ages ago at a festival. She didn’t have movements of her own. She was just a doll and everybody except her got to pull her strings.
Why?
Because she deserved it. She must’ve done something terribly wrong for her parents to want to hide her away. She was bad and Kirari was good. Ririka couldn’t do anything right, but she could make people happy if she was Kirari. And so she would be Kirari—she would be the best Kirari she possibly could—because Ririka was bad, but Kirari was good.
A desperate squeak caught her attention. Ririka looked up, squinting her eyes to pinpoint the source of the cry. A box was floating down the river, half-submerged and threatening to sink beneath the water’s surface. She heard another squeak.
Ririka clambered down from the rock, splashing into the river and wading through the cold water. The current pulled at her body, threatening to tug her down the river. She was determined though. Ririka was fixated on the box. Her heart hammered as that desperate cry rang through her head. She knew that whatever was in the box was in trouble. Ririka was desperate to be strong—to save the crying creature in such a helpless position. A rock came loose beneath her feet and Ririka slipped. As she sank down beneath the water, her hands immediately rose to her face. Her one thought was to keep her mask firmly in place, even as water filled her lungs. The current was strong but she fought it. Ririka regained her footing and stood, coughing up mouthfuls of water. One hand victoriously clasped the lip of the box and Ririka pulled it towards herself, taking steady, careful steps back as she retreated back towards the shore. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She should have been afraid of how the water had burned her lungs, but it paled in comparison to the feeling of her parent’s hands slapping across her face. Ririka was shaking, adrenaline coursed through her blood and tears burned at her eyes. She could only think about that strangled cry that echoed the silent cries that called out inside her mind.
Ririka peered into the box. Wide, frantic eyes stared back at her. A small kitten clawed at the sides of the box.
“It’s okay! It’s okay! I saved you,” Ririka said, reaching down to pick up the damp kitten. She gasped in pain as the kitten’s claws sank into her hand. “Ow! It’s okay! You don’t need to be afraid.” She held the squirming kitten in a firm embrace. It hissed at her.
“You’re an ill-tempered little kitten. Even though I saved you, you’re still attacking me!” She laughed, scratching its head. “I forgive you though. I know what it feels like to be trapped in a box. I want to scratch and bite people too.”
She cradled the kitten against her chest, pressing her cheek against its head. Ririka walked through the grand gardens of the Momobami manor, cradling the kitten in her arms. After offering the kitten a small bowl of milk and swaddling the animal in a towel, the kitten finally stopped its frantic clawing and relaxed against Ririka’s persistent embrace. The kitten drank greedily—eyeing Ririka with apprehension. It seemed to know that Ririka had good intentions—or at the very least, that Ririka could offer it protection and food.
“I want something that is only my own,” Ririka murmured. Her heart blossomed in her chest as the kitten purred for the first time since their meeting. It rubbed its cheek against her thigh and curled up in her lap. “Kirari has her fish. She has these beautiful aquariums that she absolutely demands father buy. There’s pretty fish and she’s so particular about what plants can go in the tank.”
Ririka exhaled a shaky breath. “I know I’m not supposed to ask for things. I know I’m already a burden, but I want you to be mine. So you’ll be my little secret. Okay?”
The kitten stretched, its claws digging into her thigh. Ririka flinched.
“I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t found you floating down the river. You’re lucky! And fierce! Fierce like a tiger.” The kitten gave Ririka a wary look, hissing as it curled it’s little mouth up in a scowl.
“Torafuku!”
Ririka pulled her mask off. She was in the comfort of her own room. There was no need to have it on. She placed a little kiss on the kitten’s head. “Your name is Torafuku and you’re going to be all mine. I will take very good care of you.”
And so Ririka took care of the kitten in secret. Torafuku lived beneath her bed until she grew big enough to move outside. The cat was an aloof, independent sort of animal, always scratching and hissing at Ririka when she tried to pet her, but she knew Torafuku still loved her. When Ririka went out for walks in the garden, she could feel Torafuku’s eyes on her from the bushes. She liked to think her little tiger was protecting her from a distance.
~~~
Ririka looked up to find Mary watching her from across the living room. Even with the mask on Mary must have felt Ririka return her gaze, because she rolled her eyes and smirked. Ririka smiled, warmth emanated from her chest and filled her cheeks with color. Mary made her way over to Ririka’s table. Each step that brought Mary closer made Ririka’s heart beat faster.
“You remind me of my cat,” Ririka said, folding her hands in her lap.
Kirari looked up at that, her expression puzzled. “We don’t have a cat.”
Ririka bit her lip. “Well, you don’t. But I do…”
Her sister’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean? When did you get a cat?”
“About eight years ago?”
A range of emotions flickered through Kirari’s eyes, like a television screen while someone was flipping through the channels. Ririka had always felt bad about keeping Torafuku a secret. She twisted her hands in her lap, hoping Kirari wouldn’t be too upset. It did feel like such a breath of fresh air finally admitting it aloud.
“If this is a joke, I do not understand it.”
“I’m not joking. Torafuku lives out in the gardens.”
“... Torafuku? I—” Kirari pursed her lips. Her hands dropped into her lap, her fists clenched like Ririka’s. “I thought you didn’t keep secrets from me.”
“I don’t! Well, not secrets plural. Just… one secret.” Ririka’s voice wavered as tears flooded her eyes. “I had to have one thing that was just mine. Only one thing though, just so I wouldn’t drown completely.”
“I see.”
“Lucky Tiger,” Sayaka said gently. Her eyes were fixed on Kirari.
“W-would you like to meet her?” Ririka asked. “All of you?”
Kirari inclined her head. The group moved out into the gardens. Lush trees grew around them, blossoming in vibrant colors of pink and yellow. The koi pond trickled in the distance, a calming sound. Ririka shook a little jar of cat treats.
“She might be a little wary. Torafuku typically stays away from other people, but I hope she’ll come out!”
Kirari sat on a stone bench, Sayaka settling down beside her. The pair sat awfully close to each other, their knees brushing. Ririka swallowed hard. She could tell her sister was upset. She had never wanted to hurt Kirari by keeping her cat a secret.
Mary stood against a tree, her arms crossed. Ririka shuffled her feet. “Torafuku! P-please come out.”
For a moment, there was no movement except the group’s hair ruffling in the soft breeze and Kirari’s foot tapping softly against the soil. A rustle sounded and Ririka looked up. Torafuku was sitting on the branch above Mary’s head. Mary followed Ririka’s gaze and looked up as well. Mary’s eyes squinted as the cat’s eyes squinted.
“H-hello! There you are,” Ririka said.
Kirari stood, turning towards the cat in the tree. Ririka waited with baited breath. Kirari was her dear sister. Ririka was old enough to know that Kirari had never asked for Ririka to give up herself to become a perfect carbon copy of herself—it was all her parents, it was their family, it was superstitions. Torafuku was Ririka’s pride and joy. Ririka didn’t know if it was selfish to want Kirari to love Torafuku. She didn’t even know if she was allowed such a blessing after keeping her cat a secret from Kirari for so long but, regardless, she asked the gods in the sky that her two closest family members would get along.
Finally, Kirari’s body relaxed. She inclined her head. “Thank you for looking after my sister and keeping her company, Torafuku.”
The cat raised its chin in a pretentious sort of way, her tawny tail flickering. Sayaka followed Kirari’s lead and bowed her head as well.
“Does Torafuku have any toys? I can design the most elaborate cat tree for the house. What food does she like? Is it most nutritional on the market? Sayaka make sure that…” Kirari’s voice tapered off. She looked back at Ririka. “I apologize. I do not mean to take control. This is your cat.”
Torafuku leaped from the tree. She moved with cautious, yet self-assured steps as she approached Ririka.
“It’s okay, Kirari. I really am so sorry for keeping her a secret. It means a lot to me that you want to care for Torafuku too.” Tears streamed down her face. She really never had perfected keeping her emotions in check. Ririka could act. She could give Sumika a run for her money (if they were portraying a certain character type), but she was still just Ririka.
“I will gladly take care of all your strays, especially if they make you happy.” Kirari gestured a hand towards Mary as she spoke.
“Aye. Fuck you. I’m not a stray,” Mary said, her lip curling right as Torafuku hissed, lamenting her lack of tasty cat treat.
“Oh! I am sorry!” Ririka crouched down and gave her cat a treat. Torafuku begrudgingly accepted the snack, rubbing her head against Ririka’s leg.
Sayaka looked back and forth between Mary and the cat. She glanced at Kirari. “They really are quite similar.”
“Amusedly so.”
“I will read up on proper feline care,” Sayaka said.
“And I will start on some cat tree blueprints.”
Excitement buzzed through Ririka’s blood. Everything was playing out as well as she had hoped it would. She couldn’t possibly deserve this. Mary reached out and plucked the mask off Ririka’s face, hiding it behind her back. “You good?”
Ririka nodded, sighing in relief. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. It was the painful sort of smile, the kind that made her think her face was about to split in two. She did deserve this. Ririka deserved a loving family, even if they didn’t all share her blood.
“Hiding a cat from your sister for so many years? I didn’t think you had something like that in you.” Mary ruffled the top of Ririka’s head, fingers sliding through her hair and sending tingles down Ririka’s spine. “What a rebel. It’s kinda hot.”
Ririka giggled and dropped her head on Mary’s shoulder.
“Scram,” Mary told the cat, “voyeur.”
Torafuku ignored the order, keeping a watchful eye on Ririka.
When the question ‘why?’ plagued her mind, Ririka was finally realizing she was not to blame. Ririka had never done anything to deserve having her identity scratched from reality. She knew Kirari loved when Ririka was Ririka. She knew her sister did not need another mirror to gaze into. Ririka knew her family was flawed and that, though she was far from perfect, she was worthwhile. Ririka felt her worth when she stood her ground, when Mary’s eyes met her own, when Sayaka first felt the difference in Ririka’s presence during their meeting years ago. Ririka was no longer trapped behind a mask. She was no longer suffocating and fading away like a ghost, desperate for anything that would anchor her to this earth and clinging to a grumpy feline that prowled the bushes outside her window at night. Ririka took her first footsteps on solid ground, holding an ill-tempered, vulgar girl’s hand. It was like finding her footing all those years ago when she slipped beneath the river’s surface—and she felt happiness blossom in her heart.