Work Text:
A quiet night, within your office -- like always. The only noise you can hear at the moment is the sound of the rain from outside gently pattering against your window.
You glance up at the clock to find that it was nearly 2AM, and you immediately come to the conclusion that the rest of your co-workers had likely already gone to sleep.
...Not you, however. But it made sense; it was something you were used to. Late hours were no new occurrence to someone such as yourself, you had been following a similar schedule for years on end once you had begun to work for Team Rocket. Countless nights were spent falling asleep at your desk, and you didn’t mind it in the slightest.
Tonight was a bit different, though -- you doubted that you would be able to fall asleep at all. You would nervously fidget with the collar of your suit, before huffing quietly and picking up your pen once more. The blank sheet of paper was directly in front of you; so you suppose that you should start writing now.
“To Master Giovanni,
It’s a bit hard to express directly in words how much you mean to me -- how much you mean to this entire team, in fact. I believe that I would likely embarrass myself, or stumble over my phrasings if I tried to say the rest of these words out loud; regardless, this is a matter that I’ve been wanting to clear up with you for quite the long time now. So I do hope that a letter of this nature will be enough to get my point across.
Even despite everything that we’ve all been through; even despite all of Team Rocket’s endeavors (most successful, a few not) led solely by you for so many years...
Why?
Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me? Was I not good enough, or was there a different reason that I’m simply not following?
It hurt, I hope that you’re aware. Being left all alone for months on end without any prior warning. Not only did it affect me, but it affected the other three executives. I vividly remember how distraught each and every one of them were; and the entire time all I could do was fake my confidence -- fake my bravery, for their sake and for Team Rocket’s sake. Because I was a leader now; and an unexpected one at that. A heavy responsibility for someone who’s always been ranked right below someone such as yourself.
Upon leading the mission regarding the invasion of the Goldenrod Radio Tower, I had never felt more panic in my entire life. I could not possibly begin to list every single horrid possibility that ran through my mind as I ordered everyone throughout the operation, before hurriedly making my way up to the top of that tower as if my life depended on it.
That entire nerve-racking day could have easily been avoided if you had just communicated with me like we’ve always done together; if you hadn’t left without warning.
I thought that you would at least tell me, if not anyone else -- but you never did. And that hurt so terribly, because ever since then I’ve begun to wonder if everything we’ve been through together even means half as much to you as it does to myself. I’m constantly unsure if something has changed between us for the worst, without myself knowing a single thing about it.
...Often times, I find myself reminiscing about the past. About those months… those several months that I took over for you, leading Team Rocket and striving for glory. All in your place.
Truthfully, I’m not ready to potentially become Team Rocket’s leader again. Even despite my professional demeanor and my efficient work… I do not believe that I’m cut out for that job, as it’s a heavy weight on my back.
It’s a position that only you and you alone can fulfill, so please -- promise me that whatever happens… you won’t leave again. All I want is clarity on that matter. I want to know if you still trust me enough to be able to confide in me, rather than leaving without saying a single word about it the day beforehand. I miss how things used to be.
I fear that if you leave Team Rocket again, I… won’t be able to take on your role the way I was able to back then. So please stay. Please.
We need you. I need you.
I’m sorry.
I love you.”
You always have, and you always will.
But by the end of the night -- you’ve already torn up and thrown away that letter. And before you inevitably passed out on your desk once more, you’d cried endlessly for what seemed like hours. At least no one could witness you breaking down; that, you were highly grateful for.
...You slept that night, bearing in mind the fact that you would possibly never receive any form of true clarity from the one that you cared about most.