Chapter Text
Being woken up at three in the morning by mysterious sounds in your backyard was never a great thing. The thought that someone was breaking into my house was in the forefront of my mind as I peeked through the blinds, my heart racing as I tried to be discreet in case whoever it was saw me. What if someone was trying to break in? What was I going to do then? Where was my phone? Did I have time to call the cops? But my worries were quickly turned into confusion because there, stood in my backyard, was a random guy, patting my dog. I watched him for a solid minute trying to work out what he was doing. Judging by the squashed shrub in the corner, it looked like he had hopped the fence for whatever reason. He was wearing a hoodie, to hide his face, possibly? So maybe he was trying to break in? But he was making no moves towards any windows or doors..? He just seemed entirely infatuated by Jake. This was weird. This was not at all how I expected my Saturday night to go. After a few more minutes passed and this guy didn’t seem to have any malicious intent, I made my way downstairs to work out what the fuck was going on.
I stepped out onto the back lawn, keeping close to the door in case I needed to make a break for it and lock this guy out. But he didn’t even seem to notice me, I could just hear him making weird noises at Jake. Who, for the record, was being an awful guard dog. Apparently, he was a fucking pushover as soon as someone gave him ear scratches.
“What the hell are you doing?” I called out, finally getting this man’s attention. He looked up at me in surprise, his blonde fringe falling into his eyes before giving me a goofy smile.
“I love golden retrievers.” Was the answer that tumbled out of his mouth.
“I can see that.” I nodded with a frown.
“Dogs are so great.” He mumbled as he kneeled down in front of Jake, who was more than happy to keep receiving this attention.
“Why are you in my backyard?” I asked, taking a few apprehensive steps forward.
“What’s its name?” He questioned, opting to completely ignore me.
“Jake.” I answered.
For all intents and purposes, this guy seemed pretty innocent in his intentions as he now repeatedly said my dog’s name (who just wagged his tail every time). The closer I got to him, the more I saw his slight wobble as he was trying to keep his balance. Ah. He was drunk. This suddenly made much more sense.
“Dude,” I started, placing a hand tentatively down on his shoulder. He looked up at me, with a doe-eyed look in his brown eyes. “why are you in my backyard?” I asked again in a softer voice.
“I-” He hiccupped quietly, “I was trying to take a shortcut and I think I got lost.” He frowned, scratching at his beard as he seemed to be racking his brain for an explanation.
“Shortcut to where?”
“Uh, my place.” He answered. “Or maybe an uber. Or a bus.” He continued, then seemed to get distracted as Jake shoved his nose back into his hand.
“Do you want me to call you a taxi?” I offered.
“Do you have to?” He pouted. “I wanna keep patting this guy.” He whined as he wrapped an arm around Jake’s shoulder and pressed their heads together.
I had to admit, the sight was pretty adorable. Jake seemed incredibly stoked about this turn of events, and was staring up at me with a complete look of contentment. This random drunken man was also looking pretty cute with his face pressed up against my dog’s. I supposed this situation could’ve been much worse. There were a lot more awful things than having an attractive guy in your backyard fawning over your dog. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation.
“You have the cutest smile I’ve ever seen.” The guy slurred as he turned back to Jake.
“Are you talking to me or the dog?” I asked in amusement.
“You.” He answered instantly.
“Are you flirting with me?” I laughed. “While trespassing in my backyard?”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Is it working?” He asked with what I assume was an attempt at a charming smile, but it just looked a bit dopey.
“Not really, hate to break it to you.” I admitted.
He stood up, taking a step towards me. “Well, what if-” And then he promptly threw up onto my slippers. Great.
“Gross, man!” I groaned. At least it had mostly gotten on the grass, but these were definitely destined for the trash now. I saw Jake suddenly become incredibly intrigued in my slippers and quickly grabbed his collar to stop him from making this situation even more revolting than it already was. “You ruined my slippers.” I huffed.
“You’re being dramatic.” He said dismissively.
“I’m not being shit! You’re the one who just hurled on me!” I shouted.
“Did I?” He seemed entirely oblivious to the situation.
“God, how drunk are you?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.
“I’m just… I’m just gonna sit down.” He muttered as he stumbled a few steps past me towards my back step.
“No! No, you’re not!” I called after him, dragging Jake behind me who still desperately wanted to inspect that patch of grass.
“I’m just gonna sit here for a bit.” He said again as he sat down and rested his head against back against the wall.
“No, get up- ugh.” I tried to grab his hoodie with my left hand, but didn’t have the strength to pull him up and hold Jake. And by the looks of things, it looked like this guy had already passed out anyway. “Fuck sake…”
* * *
It was a long Saturday night. I had to haul Jake inside so that I could spray the vomit off the lawn with the hose, and then promptly throw out my slippers. Once I was able to let him back outside, I then had to try and get the very drunk and passed out stranger into the house. A little voice in the back of my mind suggested that it might not be a good idea to take a wasted weirdo into my home, but I wasn’t the sort of person to just leave someone passed out outside. He seemed nice enough. I mean someone who gets distracted by dogs probably isn’t an axe murderer, right? And certainly for how drunk he was, he wasn’t going anywhere fast for a while, anyway. Once he was set up on the couch, it was already approaching five in the morning. I wasn’t likely to get much more sleep, but at least went back to bed for the sake of it.
When it approached a more reasonable hour, I headed back downstairs. The man was still passed out on my couch. In the light of day, it was easier to properly take him in. His hair clearly wasn’t naturally blonde, because it had a good amount of dark brown growing out into it. The clothes that he was in certainly made him look like he could’ve been a thief, what with the black jeans and dark hoodie. Maybe I should’ve been prepared for the situation that he woke up and tried to mug me… Should I have a weapon handy? As I glanced around the room for something to at least have nearby, I heard him starting to come to.
“What… where…” He mumbled as he sat up on the couch. “Where am I?” He asked as he stared around the room, bleary eyed.
“On my couch.” I spoke, taking a step into his line of vision.
“I- uh, hi.” He said as he stared at me for a second. It looked like he was trying to work out if he recognised me or not. “Who are you?” He questioned eventually.
“The stranger whose backyard you stumbled into last night.” I answered.
“That I what??” He asked in shock.
“Who the fuck are you?” I chuckled. This poor guy seemed to have no recollection of his drunken night out.
“Alex.” He said as he rubbed at his eyes.
Jake suddenly bounded into the room, clearly having heard his new buddy’s voice. “Hi, Ja- Oh.” Alex started, before catching himself with a look of realisation. “I am suddenly remembering some things…” He said as he stared down at my dog.
“Really?” I asked with a laugh as I watched him process this.
“Your shoes.” He gasped. The look of pure embarrassment on his face was incredibly amusing. “Oh my god, I’m so, so sorry.” He rambled as he looked up at me apologetically.
“It’s fine, they were cheap.” I sighed as I sat down on the recliner opposite him. This guy didn’t seem like he wanted to kill me. I think my decision to drag him inside had been a safe one.
“And I’m pretty sure I ruined one of your plants out there too, didn’t I?” He asked with a grimace as he glanced to the back door.
“I’ve been trying to kill that thing for years, I’m sure it will be fine.” I dismissed.
Alex looked at me for a moment, seemingly trying to take in how his Sunday morning was going. “Would you let me make it up to you? I swear I’m not normally… like that.” He said, a sheepish smile making its way onto his face.
“You swear?” I asked with an eyebrow raised.
“We were out for an album release party and things got a bit out of hand.” He explained.
“Album?” I questioned instantly. “You make music?”
“Let me tell you all about it, over coffee?” He suggested with a hopeful expression.
I contemplated the offer for a moment. Realistically, I had probably met people under worse circumstances than having them throw up on my slippers. And this Alex guy was pretty attractive. “I’d be down for that.” I nodded.
“Maybe, uh, another day, though.” He amended quickly. “When I’m less hungover.”