Archive of Our Own

Alex ripped his arm away from Reggie, but the damage had already been done. As Alex looked over at Luke, he could see in the guitarists' eyes what was about to happen. "You found your soulmate?" Luke asked, a slightly bitter tone already in his voice. His nose was scrunched up a little. Not in hate or disgust per say, but edging toward those emotions. Like he was ready for Willie to be a total jerk or hurt Alex.

"Yeah," Alex slowly admitted. Reggie shot Alex an apologetic look but Alex just shook his head. Reggie hadn't done anything wrong. Normally it would even be a good thing, like when Julie had spent hours talking to him about Flynn and how happy she was that Flynn had been her soulmate. Luke wasn't Julie though. Before Luke could go off like he was getting ready to, Alex stood up to his full height, determination setting in his eyes. "And you know what? I'm glad I did. Willie is really great, and it's nothing like they used to say soulmates were. It isn't forced or weird or magically easy. I don't feel addicted to him. It wasn't even like we were flirting with each other or anything. It was really chill and nice, and he was funny and easy going and listened to what I had to say and understood my feelings and helped me. He's a good guy."

Luke was suddenly very interested in his guitar. "I'm happy for you." His tone didn't support his words.

It was hard, because Alex knew that any other time Luke WOULD have been incredibly happy for him. He'd have wanted to know every detail and have hyped him up and been excited and invested in the story like he always was. Luke would have been more than happy to tease and laugh and be so, so very happy for him just like he said. He'd have smiled and hugged Alex, because he knew how hard this had been for Alex. How he'd always thought he'd die without ever really falling in love and then he DID and now despite everything he has answers and a cute boy who's interested in him and a promising relationship waiting to bloom.

But Luke wasn't, and it was all due to the fact that Luke had a soulmate once and swore them off ever since. Sometimes... Sometimes Alex wished Luke had never met Y/n.

-

It had been a good performance, and Luke was tired. He wanted to go back to the studio and burn off the rest of his performance high with lots of snacks and a good movie, right beside his best friends, like they did after every performance. Before that though, they drank lots of water so they could drive home without passing out. It had happened once and Reggie had sprained arm. He'd sat out the next performance and they all made a rule to be more careful about self care so it wouldn't happen again. They would have just canceled the gig but Reggie would have killed them. They did learn however they hated not performing with everyone present, so here they were.

Because they were just performing at a little bar on a slow night, there weren't many people around. They also weren't a big enough to perform at somewhere they could get a real bad stage, so they all just sat on the bar, sipping on water so they wouldn't hurt their stomachs. Luke had thrown up once and it was another lesson they'd taken to heart.

As the guys were refueling, a girl approached them. Her smile was wide and she took the open seat next to Luke. Alex had been sitting there but he'd gotten up to use the bathroom. "Hi," she greeted. Her cheek rested on her hand and her eyes sparkled.

Bobby was immediately returning a flirty, "Why hello." He'd always been more of a charmer than the others. Luke was a close second, but Bobby did it more often than he did because Luke didn't like what usually happened when you flirted with someone.

The girl ignored Bobby though, turning to the lead singer, who currently far too busy shoving his face full of food to pay attention to her. 'Hey, slow down or you'll get a stomach ache," Reggie reminded.

Luke nodded and then swallowed, breathing for a few seconds before going to take another, smaller bite. He paused when the girl cleared her throat. "Uh, hi," he said hesitantly, only now registering she'd been talking to him. For some reason.

Her smile grew when he greeted her. "You're Luke, right?" She leaned against the counter, draping herself in an odd way.

Despite how much he hated when people did this, he wasn't thick enough to know when it was happening. He wiped his mouth, offering an awkward smile. "Uh yeah. What's your name?"

"You can call me anything you like," the girl responded evenly. Her bright hair moved fluidly as she twirled it around her finger. She was pretty, Luke could admit that. Her eyes were a bright blue, and her clothes were a nice silver, which went well with her deep tan.

Unfortunately for her, he wasn't interested. "I'd prefer to just call you your name if that's okay with you."

Her eyebrow arched in surprise. She seemed like the type of girl who dealt with people like Bobby or Reggie. People who were into her and didn't often say no when offered the chance. She was attractive, and probably popular. Luke just... didn't want what she did, and what she wanted was getting more clear by the second. Before she could make some comment that would probably make him feel even more awkward, he slipped off the stool and began to move away from his friends, using it as an excuse to dismiss the girl. She only followed after. "Oh come on," she drawled. "You're hot. I'm hot. We'll have lots of fun. I promise I'll be worth your time." She stepped in front of him, stopping his path and hooking her finger into his collar, pulling him closer to her.

Luke felt panic begin to rise. He'd never had someone come onto him this strong before. Usually they backed off pretty quickly after he made it clear he wasn't interested. What could he say to her to make her lose interest that would make sense without offending her? He didn't want to be mean but... he was the last person to sleep around, even after Alex who was gay in a world that hated people like him. A world that demanded him to keep it secret. HE was more sexually active than Luke was. To say, Luke wasn't. "Listen..." he began slowly, feeling his nervousness twist his gut. His friends had told him so many times that it was okay he didn't want to be with people like Reggie and Bobby did, the same way that Alex didn't want to be with girls like that. It was fine. Yet, every time he had to face it in a situation with someone who might not be so forgiving, he felt the weight of the world on his chest. Not all people were like Alex, Bobby, and Reggie.

"Darling, you're breathtaking." The low purr came from a new body. A hand touched Luke's arm with the most gentle pressure, just enough to nudge Luke backward so the new person could pay attention to the girl. All Luke saw was hair and broad shoulders, but he was distracted suddenly by a weird tingling where the person had touched him. A guy, he realized. "I can't believe there's anyone here that can't see how absolutely beautiful you are." The man rose a hand to brush the girl's cheek with a thumb. Her shining eyes turned to him, taking in his charm in gulps. The man's arm moved to go around her shoulders as he tucked her into his side, burying his nose in her hair to leave a little kiss on her forehead. "What do you say we ditch this poor soul who's so obviously blind and have some fun of our own?"

The girl blushed. "Oh definitely."

An odd feeling went through Luke when the guy made eye contact with him and winked. He turned away from the couple as they began to walk away, hurrying back to his seat. He sat down, trying to get the guy's face out of his head. He'd never been exactly blind to how attractive some people were, but usually it was easy to ignore or forget. This guy... his mind was packed with this guy. Everything about him that Luke had seen in those short moments before he'd left. How he'd smiled at Luke with a look that said he knew Luke had been trying to get out of the situation. Almost like a little 'you're welcome'. And if he was honest, he was thankful.

"Hey, what's that?" Reggie grabbed Luke's shoulder, stilling him so he could get a better look.

"What?" Luke looked over, but he could only see the tip of something inked on his shoulder. It was just out of view for him to see any better.

Bobby moved over then, a smirk growing on his face as his eyes widened. "That's a soulmate mark."

There was a tension between the three boys for a second. Everyone knew that soulmates were a huge taboo, but with all the things between them that were taboo, it was kind of thrilling too. Bobby shrugged off his jacket, offering it to Luke. "Probably a good idea," Luke agreed, putting the jacket on and covering the mark. Even if all of them were cool about it, other people might not be. He could get it tattooed over later or something.

-

Three full days and no one had stopped talking about Alex and Willie. Willie seemed really cool and Luke was easing up a bit, but when the conversation turned that way he found himself usually drawing away, focusing on cleaning his guitar or writing more lyrics. Today he was fiddling around with a melody quietly, a pencil in his mouth and his lyric journal on the floor next to him. He absently rose a hand to tug at the collar of his shirt. He'd never really gotten used to how high the collar went, or the feeling of fabric against his shoulders. He had always worn cut off sleeves, but had changed it after...

His stomach felt suddenly ill.

"You know we still have some of your old shirts," Alex comments casually. "Most of them are cut off actually. You could wear one of those instead." He spoke with a soft voice, and Luke looked over to see Julie and Reggie going off about Flynn. Of course Alex wasn't one to call Luke out in front of anyone else, but he'd still had to check just in case.

Luke's eyes fell back to the song he was sort of writing. "No it's fine. The sleeves cover... my shoulder."

Alex didn't have to ask, but there was something in his expression. "You know you don't have to hide it here," the blonde reminded gently. "Julie and I have our marks too, and-"

"I know," Luke cut off. "I just... don't want her to ask about it." His eyes flickered to Julie before moving away again.

This time Alex nodded and let it drop. "What song are you working on?" Luke smiled, appreciating his friend more than ever. Luke didn't get to respond though because Reggie began to come over. He was holding Julie's glass of water, thrilled by the fact that he wasn't dropping it.... He tripped though, spilling the water all over Luke's shirt.

"Crap!" Reggie hissed, his eyes widening with guilt. "I'm so sorry, Luke."

Laughing it off, Luke rolled his eyes as he moved to his feet, putting his guitar down. "It's fine Reg." He pulled out another shirt, pushing down the way he wanted to glare at it as he pulled off the wet shirt to change into the new, dry one.

Julie's eyes went wide. "You have a tattoo?"

Luke suddenly froze. He tossed the wet shirt by his other stuff, forcing himself to move to cover his midrift again. "No, I don't."

Alex made an expression between pained and amused. "Guess there goes keeping Julie from asking," he mumbled quietly.

As if on que, Julie asked, "What is it?"

Now, Luke could have lied. But he hadn't, and he didn't want to. He hated lying, especially to bandmates. "It's a soulmate mark. It appeared the first time my soulmate touched me." He pulled his shirt the rest of the way down, covering the mark. Without even thinking about it, he tugged at the sleeve. He'd never worn sleeves before using them to cover his mark. He'd always passed it off as a tattoo, but when the mark had just turned into a bad reminder, he'd started covering it up for himself.

Julie didn't pick up on the tone of his voice though. He had played it casual, so he didn't blame her, especially as she rushed up to him with shining eyes and a wide smile. "Wait what? You have a soulmate? How come you never told me?"

"Because I HAD a soulmate," Luke answered softly, offering a small smile in response to her enthusiasm. It turned a little bitter when he continued, "I don't. Anymore."

Suddenly Julie looked really guilty. "Luke, I-"

"It's okay," he dismissed quickly. "That's just why I don't usually engage in soulmate conversations." He forced his smile to brighten. "Now, where were we?" Seeing his urgency, the others shared looks before moving the conversation onward. They talked about soulmates around him a lot less.

-

Hey, wait!" Luke's eyes had caught the guy that had saved him earlier as he moved through the crowd. Luke picked up his pace, reaching out to catch the guy's arm. Suddenly they were looking at each other straight on. Luke was a little shorter, but he was a little shorter than most people so it wasn't new. "Sorry, I just wanted to thank you for earlier." He felt his body heat up under the stranger's gaze. "I... thought you would have left."

A smile rose to the stranger's face. "I don't exactly require a lot of space to handle business." When Luke drew back, the man ducked his head. "Sorry I didn't mean to be vulgar, I'm just used to people... anyway." He shook his head. "You don't have to thank me. Not everyone likes to get attention like that from people, and I have no issue stepping in when it's required." His fingers tapped against his leg, his demeanor a lot different from the flirty, confident front he'd put on earlier. 

Luke swallowed, trying to pull himself together. "Uh... what's your name?"

The guy's shoulders sagged, as if he was disappointed by the question. "Y/n. Yours?"

"Luke," Luke responded. "Listen, I was just wondering-"

"Look," Y/n began, a sudden tiredness coming into his features. "I get that you're not into girls and that's fine, but I've already had sex tonight and I'm really not in the mood to-"

"What?"  Luke's face screwed up in confusion. "I don't want to do that. With anyone, let alone you. I... I'm into girl. And guys. But- I- That's not why I-" His face burned hotter. "Listen." He reached forward, grabbing Y/n's palm. He turned it up, to reveal what he was so hoping would be there. A mark, in the shape of a rose. It looked a lot like a tattoo, just without any color. The details were outlined in black ink - even the thorns on the stems. He felt thrilled when he saw it, angling his body to show the exact same mark on his shoulder. "I know we all grew up on the same stories. But I thought... maybe we could get a drink? Talk? I'm the first one of my friends to get a mark and I'd hate to lose the chance to act on it." He shuffled nervously, ready for rejection.

By the look on Y/n's face, it might be harsher than he wanted to face. Y/n surprised him though with a gentle, "I don't think you want me. I- I know we're soulmates, and this has nothing to do with you being a guy, or the whole weird thing most people have with soulmate bonds. I just... I'm not the best person. People don't usually stick around for long."

There was something in what Y/n said that pulled at Luke. "Maybe I could change that. I'm planning on sticking around for a while. How about you?"

Hope of the kind Luke had never seen before filled Y/n's eyes and Luke was rocked breathless by the sight. "You promise?"

"On my life," Luke swore. "At least give me one date t prove I'm not a total waste of time."

Y/n grinned. "You have one. Date." Luke pumped his fist and Y/n laughed. "Now what did you have in mind?"

-

Luke plopped next to Julie on the couch, concern already on his face. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, slowly reaching out to rub her arm. Alex was on the other side of her, leaning on his chest. The two had gotten really close in all their talk about soulmates but when Alex had shot him a plea for help, Luke had been plenty willing to jump in.

"Yeah," Julie sides, picking up her head. "Flynn and I just got in a fight. It was dumb, I just... Someone made a comment asking about 'my boyfriend' after the performance yesterday. Claiming we were together. They were talking about you." She sighed and Luke felt like he was the worst person to get involved in this, but one look from Alex made him stay where he was. "I told them you weren't my boyfriend, and the conversation moved on. She was a little annoyed that I didn't mention she was my girlfriend, I guess? And then went off about how you're into me or something?" She shook her head.

Luke's eyes went wide. "Wait what?"

"I know!" Julie gushed. "I tried to defend you, because we all know that's kind of just how you are with everyone. I mean people also think you're dating Reggie and that's not true..." Suddenly her head tilted. "Is it?"

Despite the tense feeling of the situation, Luke laughed. "Uh, no." Then he considered it, and tilted his head in thought. "I mean, not that I'd pass up the chance if it came. Just-"

Seeing him struggling, Julie supplied, "Your soulmate?" Luke hesitated before sighing and nodding. "When did you..."

"Not long before the night we died, actually. A month max? Time started to kind of blur  as things got more intense and trying to get over a break up and stuff." He shrugged.

Julie nodded. "That makes sense." She hesitated, but finally asked, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, of course, but... what was she like?"

That made Luke smile. "He."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

He laughed. "Yeah, really. Uh, I mean it was actually Alex who helped me come to terms with that whole me being attracted to dudes thing." He shook his head. "Anyway-"

Julie chuckled. She calmed, her eyes settling on Luke with a gentle curiosity. "What was he like?"

Immediately Luke remembered a time when things were amazing. When life had seemed truly good since he'd run away from home. "He was... like, a light. In a really dark part of my life, he came to me like sunlight in the morning? You know when the nights really dark and the clouds cover the stars and the moon just isn't enough and then the sun rises and it's almost a relief? It's like that. I had enough before him, but after... It was like everything I needed - everything I'd ever wanted or dreamed about or thought of - it was just right there. A whole person made of my dreams." He got a sort of dreamy smile on his face. "He was always so warm and soft. He used to... trace it." He rose his hand so his fingers ghosted over the mark on his shoulder. "When he did, it sort of tingled. Like this warm sensation that rippled across my skin. It always did that when he touched it. I usually did it more though. I'd hold his hand in my lap and just like stroke the mark. Cause his was on his hand, below his thumb. He used to call me his flower because of it." A bubbly laugh rolled from him and Alex and Reggie looked at each other in surprise. They hadn't seen Luke like this since...

Julie's eyes were very soft. "He sounds amazing."

"He is." Luke's smile suddenly faded, slowly. His fingers grazed the rose again. "He dances like I play music. He was really good at it. All kinds of dancing actually. He used to slow dance with me all the time. Just pulling me close when it was just us and swaying back and forth. He did actually dancing too, but I loved slow dancing with him the most. If he was feeling really restless he would HOARD spray paint and sneak out. The next day we'd wake up with some street art of our band. It's how we did most of our advertising back then. No one could ever pin it on us because we didn't do it, and no one knew me and Y/n were..." Suddenly Julie realized why Luke looked so sad while talking about something that was obviously such a happy time. "I mean, two guys are soulmates in a world where both soulmates and anything nonheteronormative is demonized? I was trying to make a band that was gonna get really popular and do a lot of incredible things and we couldn't even DREAM of being caught together, let alone going public. Girls would still flirt with me all the time, and I got distracted really easily with practices and writing music." He shrugged. "I always thought that soulmates were... different, I guess. I learned my lesson." He stood, putting his guitar down. "I'm done for today. I'll see you guys later." He walked out and Julie almost went after him, but Alex shot her a look.

"Well that went well," Julie mumbled, sitting down again and rubbing her face.

Alex sighed. "About how well it always goes." He shook his head. "But anyway. How about we figure out how to get you back on Flynn's good side?" He winked and Julie managed to actually smile. Luke hadn't had luck with soulmates, but she had. The past was the past. It was time to enjoy the now, until Luke was ready to really talk about it.

-

Luke wasn't sure what he had walked in on, but it was obviously something he wasn't supposed to have. When he opened the garage door, the muffled sounds of an argument trying to be hushed died out immediately and of all people, Reggie and Y/n were the ones who stepped away from each other to break out of whatever heated exchange they'd been having.

Since Y/n and Luke had started... whatever it was they were, Y/n and Reggie had become like best friends. At first Luke had been a little jealous, but at the end of the day he was just glad that his two favorite people had someone when he was busy as he so often was. Bobby and Alex were important to him of course, but Y/n was his soulmate and he and Reggie had known each other the longest. Sometimes he felt like there was a disconnect between him and Alex; the same with Bobby. He and Reggie were always on the same wavelength though. Even when Reggie missed something, he always got the idea or figured it out after a second. He was slower to do so when it came to the others. Y/n was the same way, as if he was just an extension of Luke's body. Rather than an echoed return, it was just one fluid motion. He and Reggie bounced off each other and built; he and Y/n slowly grew together, feeding off a constant wave of energy. Reggie and Y/n were like a game of hot potato, where the potato got hotter each time they threw it. They had that same gaining effect, but not an echo or a constant, just a little bit of energy from each until it was overflowing. The three of them were kind of unstoppable and anytime they could all hang out, it was the most fun any of them had ever had.

That didn't seem to be the case right now.

Y/n snagged his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. "Hey." His voice was strained, and all of his muscles seemed to be tense. He couldn't focus directly on Luke, his eyes constantly drifting to the door. He wanted to book it.

Luke caught Y/n's shoulder, his eyes full of concern. His eyes drifted between the boy trying to run and the one still in the studio, retreating to the furthest corner - seeming just as desperate to escape. "Wait what's happening here?" Luke asked. "You guys never fight." When they didn't answer, he pressed, "Come on, maybe I can help. Friends argue all the time; it's not a good idea to leave on a bad note."

Despite how odd it was, he did not miss at how the two flinched at the word 'friends'.

Finally, someone spoke. "It doesn't matter, dear." Y/n didn't relax, and the small smile he managed onto his face was so forced it was painful to look at. Luke went to argue, but Y/n rose a hand and caressed his cheek and Luke got distracted for a second - just long enough to Y/n to add, "Just some talking between friends." The word came out harder than the others. Friends. Luke was even more confused. "It was stupid to argue about. Some people just have their minds set, and that's it."

Luke's eyebrows came together, eyes moving between Y/n and Reggie. "You know you guys could... tell me, right?"

"Of course," Y/n reassured. "We just..." He sighed. His walls fell and Luke relaxed, knowing whatever was about to come out of his mouth would be genuine. "Can we just not talk about it please? It's something we need to deal with."

That was understandable. Luke could let it go for now.

-

Luke was glad he couldn't dream anymore. It had taken him a while to figure out he could go to sleep. He didn't tire like he used to, and usually any exhaustion he felt faded pretty quickly if he just sat down and relaxed for a few minutes. He had been nervous the first time he'd fallen into what he now considered sleep, and had woken up pretty quickly. But then he realized he'd been out for half an hour and he hadn't had any dreams. Not like when he had when he was alive.

Y/n wasn't in his dreams now that he was dead.

If he was being honest though, in the very back of his brain, he did miss it. He missed going to sleep knowing that he would be lulled all night by imaginary arms, dreaming of a life he yearned for. A life he missed. A relationship he so regretted losing.

Without the dreams, he started to imagine. Just out of nowhere, if he wasn't engaged in something important, he might just sort of... zone out. And he would think. Think about what things used to be like when Y/n was still around. What life might have been like if Luke had been better. Just, in general. They'd never even called each other boyfriends. The title had never been used, and Luke knew it was because their relationship didn't deserve that. They cuddled sometimes and kissed sometimes and knew each other well, but Y/n had never been Luke's first priority. Of course his music was important but...

The night they'd... broken up? No, that was for people who dated. It was more of just a parting of ways. They'd argued and then Y/n had walked out and like an idiot, Luke had let him. He hadn't gone after Y/n, or tried to fix it after. He'd just lost himself in music and the thrill of being so close to fame and victory. It hadn’t been until he was dead and had realized he’d missed twenty-five YEARS that he even thought about Y/n again.

And now he couldn’t STOP thinking about Y/n. How wonderful and special their time together had been and how much Luke absolutely didn’t deserve it. How he had ruined everything and just let it be ruined. He had been too ashamed to go looking for Y/n because he knew it would only bring him pain. Seeing him with someone else - or even worse, still alone - it would kill him. Again.

What really sucked is that Luke was back to exactly where he’d been when he was alive, after Y/n had left. He was distracting himself with music and work and shutting everyone else out and refusing to talk about it or acknowledge it or anything, and WANTING to go back and fix it but being far, far too terrified too. The result was that Y/n was just always on his mind, more prominent than ever, because now he had so much more guilt. So much more pain, watching all his friends be happy and in love. It was all so much harder to ignore.

Maybe that was why he saw Y/n across the street as they stood outside Bobby’s house, Julie telling them off for going after Bobby and holding onto the past when there was so much in the present to focus on.

Luke suddenly couldn’t hear a single thing Julie was saying.

He stepped past her, eyes wide and heart racing. He had forgotten how beautiful Y/n was. Maybe it was a weird word to use for a guy but... GOD it fit.

The weird thing was that Y/n wasn’t a day older than the last time Luke had seen him. So for a second he thought that maybe he was just imagining it. But the longer he looked, the more clear Y/n became. He wasn’t looking at Luke. His eyes were focused on Bobby’s house, anger twisting his features. And then someone passed him, a woman and her child, and they walked right through Y/n and the small child, a little girl, jumped, eyes wide as Y/n seemed to become clear to her. She dropped her toy and Y/n ran to pick it up and hand it back to her, a soft smile on his face. She took it back with a look of awe and then hugged her little toy close, a huge smile on her face.

She said something to her mom and Luke didn’t know how but he HEARD it.

“Mommy! Mommy! The angel helped me!”

Luke took another step forward. “Y/n?” He only whispered it. He was sure the others hadn’t even heard it, let alone Y/n from all that distance away. But he looked anyway, as if answering to his name, and his and Luke’s eyes locked.

Behind him, someone gasped and someone else shouted in a voice flooded with concern.

Then Y/n disappeared, and with him, Luke felt his heart shatter all over again.