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Sapnap was good at pretending. He was good at pretending he didn’t hear the suggestive phrases Dream would spit out during a Manhunt, a stream, or a recording, because he knew that the lines were for George. He was good at pretending that it didn’t matter when Tommy asked if they would ever date, or when donos came in telling George and Dream to kiss after winning MCC. He was good at helping them play up the bit because he knew the fanservice would give them more views.
He wasn’t good at pretending when he was alone…
When he was alone, he couldn’t stop thinking of Dream: his voice, his face (which he reminded himself, possibly unfairly, that George hadn’t seen), his jokes and his smile. He thought about how kind Dream was: always giving back to the community, trying to interact with artists, trying to improve his merch, posting pictures and videos with Patches and replying to as much fan mail as he could. He donated to charities, he raised awareness for organisations, he tried to be better. Sure, he might snap sometimes, but anyone would be frustrated if hundreds of thousands of people were screaming at him for something he didn’t intend to do, or something he didn’t even know about.
He was human, he was trying his best, and that was why Sapnap loved him.
For a while, Sapnap had tried not to love him, but with someone as magnetic as Dream it was impossible to deny his feelings forever. When he’d finally accepted them, he found a way to coexist with them: he wouldn’t embrace them; he wouldn’t try to fight it. Most importantly, he wouldn’t tell Dream.
Recently, it was getting harder to pretend for the camera. It was harder to try and ignore the stab in his stomach whenever Dream and George flirted with each other. It stung all the more when their words began to sound genuine.
They liked each other. Sapnap was certain that their tone had gone beyond that of friends having a laugh.
Fuck.
Sapnap wondered if he’d missed his chance. If maybe, once upon a time, Dream might’ve liked him back. Maybe that had been why Dream showed him his face, maybe that’s why they’d once planned to meet up but now barely spoke about it. Maybe Dream had moved on. The idea that he could have missed out on a sign, on some brilliant bright light or words spoken down a megaphone, that would’ve made him realise that his feelings had at some point been mutual hurt more than thinking that Dream had never liked him at all.
He reasoned with himself. Dream was the more outgoing one of the two - and he flirted so obviously with George that if there’d ever been a time when he held feelings for him, it would’ve been addressed. Dream couldn’t sneak a crush under the radar, he’d just never had a crush on Sapnap to hide.
It might hurt less to tell himself that, but it still hurt like a bitch.
Sapnap started streaming at different times of the day, trying to avoid being online when George and Dream were. If they were flirting, he’d give them space to flirt. He’d let them have their privacy, their relationship, and he wouldn’t intervene. It hurt cutting his friends off like that, but he could blame it on school, and for his fans he could blame the lack of Dream Team content on his fucked up sleep schedule. It worked, mostly. Sometimes Dream would pop into a stream (even when he was live at 4am - he swore that he’d be safe then), but Sapnap seemed to be saved by whoever else was on call, or by the fact that George probably was sleeping.
Whenever the subject of George and Dream was broached, Sapnap would go quiet. He’d find an excuse to leave the call, to end the stream - he had a list of pre-made reasons on a notepad beside his keyboard - and he’d mute his phone for a few hours. He didn’t need the constant reminder that his best friends were in love with each other, and that Dream had never fallen for him. At least, he hoped, that meant he did a good job of hiding it.
# # #
Dream: We need to talk
Sapnap had been staring at the message for far too long. He was invisible, Dream wouldn’t know he was online and wouldn’t know he’d see the message as soon as it was sent, so what the hell was it about?
Oh.
It made sense, he supposed.
If it was something bad, Dream would just call him, or he’d ask to talk when he was already online so he couldn’t avoid it. This wasn’t a bad conversation, this was just something serious.
He and George had made it official, hadn’t they?
It would be easier to get it over with now. He could let Dream tell him, congratulate them both, then make an excuse to get out of there. If he disappeared for a few days, they’d be too deep in their honeymoon phase to notice. They wouldn’t ask where he’d gone, he wouldn’t have to come up with some crappy excuse to cover the fact that he’d just been crying, eating ice cream, and feeling sorry for himself.
Sapnap: I can talk quickly, what’s up?
Dream had obviously been waiting for his reply, because a response pinged through almost immediately.
Dream: I’ll call you
He did.
Sapnap took in a final breath, steeling himself against whatever Dream had to say, and he answered the call.
Dream had his facecam on - unusual, but a pleasant surprise. Less pleasant was the look on his face. That wasn’t a look that said I’m in a relationship, I’m excited and happy, I can’t wait to tell you, it was a look that said I’m sorry.
“Dream… What’s wrong?” Sapnap turned his facecam on, running his fingers through his hair as concern flooded his face. “Talk to me.”
“Hey, Sapnap.” Dream said, his voice strained as he tried to force a smile. “How’re you?”
“Cut the crap, Dream, what’s up?” Sapnap worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “This isn’t like you, a ‘we need to talk’ and a face like that, I’m worried.”
“I need to tell you something… I need you to promise that you won’t shout.”
Sapnap blinked twice. He was wrong, this was bad. “Dream, you’re my best friend. Whatever you need to say to me, if it means this much, I wouldn’t dream of shou--”
“I like you.”
“What--” Sapnap whispered, bringing his hands to his eyes and rubbing at them to try and make himself more alert. “Dream can you--”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how it happened or when it happened but fuck, Sapnap, I like you. I tried to make it go away. I tried to give you space, I played up the fanservice with George, I thought if people paid more attention to us then maybe my brain would stop thinking about you but I just… I couldn’t stop. I figured you should know, maybe if you flat out reject me it’ll be easier to get over you.”
“Dream--”
“Just y’know, be gentle.”
“Dream, shut up.” Sapnap said, keeping his voice level as he tried to find the words he needed. “You’re such an idiot.” They were not the right words.
“I know, but I can’t he--”
“I like you too!” He laughed. “You’re serious, right? This isn’t a joke? You actually like me?” Dream nodded. “Holy shit, Dream!”
“You’re not rejecting me?”
Never mind, apparently calling Dream an idiot was the right thing to do.
“No, Dream, I like you too! I’ve liked you for months!”
“You said nothing!”
“You were flirting with George!”
“Oh my God, did George fucking cockblock us without even realising?”
“George is the ultimate third wheel.” Sapnap smiled. He felt light headed, like so much weight had been lifted off his shoulders all of a sudden. It was magical, it was freeing, and holy shit Dream felt the same way! He couldn’t help the giggles that left his lips, his hands coming to cover his mouth as he tried to keep some semblance of dignity, but Dream was smiling just as wide, laughing just as softly, and blushing just as deeply.
“What do we do now?” Dream managed to ask after a moment. “I kinda went into this thinking you’d say we were just friends, I haven’t really planned this bit.”
“I think…” Sapnap said, opening up a new tab and forcing himself to look away from Dream for the sake of a hasty google search. “I think I book a flight to Florida. Or you book a flight to Texas. I think that’s what we do next.”
“Okay.” Dream smiled. “Do you have a spare bed?”
“No.”
“I’m coming to you then.”
Sapnap scoffed, shaking his head and clicking back to look at Dream again. “You’re an idiot.”
“ Your idiot.”
Sapnap smiled. He could get used to that.