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Body (Tamaki x Ftm! reader)

Summary:

Reader's dysphoria gets bad and Tamaki comes home and helps him through it.

Notes:

I based this on what my dysphoria is like and how I wished to be comforted during that time. Obviously, it isn't the same for everyone

Work Text:

Y/n sat on the bathroom floor, only wrapped up in a towel, tears rolling down his cheeks. Water fell off the tips of his hair to the floor, leaving small puddles that surrounded him. He needed a shower, as he hadn’t taken one in several days due to his dysphoria and even though he was still dysphoric as ever he thought he could do it. And at first, he did, but the moment he went to wash his body, it was over and done with. His body was his but at the same time, it wasn’t. He hated his body and just wished he could afford the surgeries needed to make his body more of what made him comfortable. He wanted a flat chest more than anything. The fat on his chest possessed so much more weight on him than anything else.

So there he was, sitting on the floor, alone in his apartment, sobbing in the middle of the bathroom floor. He knew his boyfriend won’t be back for a while, as he was busy lately with hero work, giving Y/N plenty of time to clean himself up and put back on the fake facade that everything was okie.

Y/N was in the process of getting up off the floor, finally going to try and put some clothes on and begin to compose himself. He readjusted the towel, wrapping it tightly around his body, covering up his chest the best he could. As he went to open the bathroom door, he heard the front door of the apartment close, signaling that his boyfriend was home. This only caused Y/N to panic, as he was naked in the bathroom, still trying to recover from the breakdown as well as not expecting his boyfriend to be home so soon. He had been coming home late recently so him being home before the sunset was shocking. On a normal day, this would make Y/N happy as he would be able to spend quality time with his boyfriend, Tamaki, but today was not a normal day and Y/N just wanted to be left alone.

“Y/N, I’m home,” Tamaki called out, causing Y/N to panic more. He needed to get clothes from the bedroom but he didn’t want Tamaki to see him naked or even see him at all right now. Y/N relocked the door and shut off the bathroom light, before sitting on the floor, his back against the door. Maybe Tamaki would assume he wasn’t home, but that still didn’t solve the issue of getting clean clothes.

“Y/N honey, are you here?” Tamaki called out once again, Y/N could hear a quiver in his voice, knowing he was starting to grow anxious. He completely forgot he usually greeted him when he came home or left a note when he went out. God, his head was a mess and he just wanted to curl up and cry.

Without meaning to Y/N let the back of his head hit the bathroom door, making a knocking sound. Y/N mumbled some curses as he heard footsteps grow closer to the door before there was a soft knocking on the other side of the bathroom.

“Bunny, why are you in the bathroom with the lights off?” Tamaki questioned him, his voice filled with concern and worry. This just made Y/N feel bad cause he hated making Tamaki worry about him. He hated it when he broke down and was dysphoric. He felt so weak and not good enough like he wasn’t good enough for Tamaki. He started to cry again, letting out a small whimper.

“Y/N, can I come in please?” His boyfriend asked, clearly hearing him crying.

“N-no. You can’t see me like this. I’m disgusting.” Y/N whispered out, unsure if he heard you or not. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he tried to muffle the sob that was about to break loose. In the end, the sob broke loose and Y/N just sat there sobbing, alone in the bathroom in the dark. The longer they were alone, the more they longed for Tamaki and just to be held. Maybe he would make things a little more bearable, so with a shaky hand, Y/N moved away from the door just enough to unlock and open it. There he saw Tamaki sitting on the floor, a worried expression on his face. When he saw Y/N faintly he quickly moved closer.

“Oh, bunny.” Was all Tamaki said, looking at him sadly. Y/N watched Tamaki get up and walk away. Y/N assumed Tamaki was just tired of dealing with this, tired of dealing with him and this only caused him to cry even more. He was so in his head that he didn’t see his boyfriend come back with some clothes.

“Hey, Y/N it's okie. I just went to get you some clothes. I thought you would be more comfortable to talk and uhh held if you weren’t...ya know...wrapped in a towel.” Tamaki stumbled over the words, a light blush on his cheeks. Y/N nodded and took the clothes, closing the bathroom door and quickly putting them on before opening the door once more.

Y/N stood wearing his sweatpants and one of Tamaki’s baggy shirts. Y/N kept pulling at the front of the shirt, trying to hide his chest and make it less prominent. Tamaki pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly. “One of those days?” he whispered, just standing there holding him close.

Y/N nodded before forcing himself to talk. “It hasn’t been this bad in a while but I just caught a glimpse of my chest while showering and that was it. I hate my body, it's just all wrong. I don’t understand how you could love someone like me, I’m just a mess.”

Tamaki held him close, rubbing small circles on his back. Y/N tried to ground himself at the moment, hoping it would help him calm down. He realized at that moment that Tamaki wasn’t in his hero outfit, he was in his normal clothes. Y/N took that moment and gripped onto his shirt, feeling the texture, the scent of the detergent used to wash their clothes, hitting his nose. The sound of Tamaki’s heartbeat filling the quiet.
“Y/N...I love you. I love you for a lot of reasons and I know I’m not always good at sharing them out loud, but I love you. I don’t see anything wrong with you, even if you do. I see a handsome guy in front of me that I’m so grateful to call mine, my boyfriend. You may be a mess, but so am I. I’m a mess and you still love me, right?” He paused and pulled back a bit to look at Y/N who only nodded. “So see, if you love me and all my messiness, I’m gonna love you in all of yours. We are in this together, you and I. We can overcome any obstacle that gets thrown our way. You help me through all the obstacles I face so let me help you through yours. I know it’s hard and I don’t and won’t ever know how you are feeling and going through but I still wanna help and support you any way I can Y/N.”

Y/N cried even harder, hugging his boyfriend tightly just mumbling thank you and I love you over and over again. Tamaki kissed his head softly, just holding him close. Eventually, they slowly moved to the living room, where Tamaki pulled Y/N into his lap and held him close. For a while, both of the men sat there, the only noise was the sniffling that came from Y/N. Tamaki occasionally whispered out loving words, trying his best to help his boyfriend.

Eventually, Y/N calmed down and just held onto his boyfriend tightly. “Thank you…” Y/N mumbled into his boyfriend's chest. “I just love you so much, you are too good to me.”

Tamaki leaned down and kissed Y/N’s head. “I love you more. You deserve all the goodness. Plus as a hero, I have to save and protect everyone, that includes you. Whether it’s from villains or yourself, I’ll be here to save you.”

Y/N lifted his head up and looked at his boyfriend. “Do you mean that?” Tamaki smiled and nodded in response. This caused a small smile to form on Y/N’s face as he lifted up his hand. “Pinky promise?”
Tamaki chuckled and interlocked his pinkie with Y/N’s. “Pinky promise bunny, I promise.” With that he leaned down and kissed him softly, holding him close as they spent the rest of the evening in each other’s arms.