Chapter Text
A jigsaw to him, a wall to him, and a locked door to him.
Jaemin wonders in every second he takes as he spare a glance to the high being sitting on the throne, why does he has to look ethereal in a way it could be dangerous?
He's not to be shared either, in the golden kingdom of the east, where the sun wakes and shines at the people, the high being creates the flow of the system. Jaemin has been here since two years ago, the kingdom never fades its glow and probably because of the beautiful young prince sitting on his golden throne.
Jaemin sees him everyday, wakes up to him everyday but he regards an intangible malfunction of thoughts to the prince. Jaemin has walked the corridors, the gardens, the throne room, and even the desirable dining room but he never finds himself in a clock striking six on twelve with the prince.
Jaemin is awestruck just like any other beings on the castle, his blood floods to his face when the prince walks to his throne. His long white cape slides on the floor as he holds his chin up with three of his maids following him behind.
But the throne is not for him. The throne has never been for the ethereal prince that sits on it everyday. Even with the velvet clothes and fancy accessories, the throne belongs to others.
Jaemin desires to be seen, maybe even have a glance but he fails. He fails everyday, to let his whole being be noticed by the wonderful person before him. Jaemin paddles to the family room, or what the former queen has decided to label a room full of pillows and sofas. He finds him there, sitting prettily with a glass of champagne in his hands.
Jaemin lets his clothes dance with his walk, a subtle sound of feet stepping on pure marble gathers the attention of the prince.
“My king,” The prince greeted.
Jaemin smiles and the prince returns it though he knows it is fake and a foul act of fake display of affection. Jaemin removes the silver blazers he has on for the whole morning and sits on the sofa a meter away from the prince.
“You're not to drink liquor in your state, my prince.” The prince only shushes him with a small scoff. He lands the glass to the table and moves his slender legs towards the direction of where Jaemin is sitting. Jaemin flinches but holds his own game.
“Our child won't be bothered by a small sip, Jaemin.” This time he scoffs. He crosses his legs and daintily grabs the glasses himself for him to drink on it. Jaemin sips on the liquor and feels the smooth kick in his throat, the prince is correct, the liquor won't budge their child.
The prince is glowing under the moonlight, as Jaemin puts the glass back to where the prince has put it, the moon shines with the beauty of the prince in front of him. Jaemin has to suppress a smile when the prince has laid his head on the mountain of pillows prepared for him and their unborn child.
Jaemin is an alpha, born to be one and skilled to be one. On his 19th birthday, the prince has been awarded an omega, a prize he never wants to share. He receives the omega the night before his birthday has approached and fascination was not enough to leave off the growing hunger of the alpha inside him.
The omega is now pregnant with his child, a child they expect to be a son. A child Jaemin wishes to be the cause of how the prince will maybe love him back. Jaemin loves children, he loves them so much that he wishes to produce a lot of them.
Jaemin steadily stands and walks to the prince, he kneels down to see the gray eyes of the omega who fulfilled the desires of his wolf inside. Jaemin brushes the black strands of silky hair and kisses the forehead of his omega.
The omega revolts and pushes him. Jaemin is not even surprised, he shakes his head and calmly composes himself. The omega eyes are defensive and even painted with pain and livid. Jaemin breaks from the stares and chuckles. “Are you still going to act like this to your king?” Jaemin has asked this multiple times since the birth of their first dead baby two years ago.
The prince winces, submitting without any question. Jaemin loses his wolf when the painful cries of his omega breaks through the walls of the supposed family room. Jaemin lowers himself back again, his calloused palm drives to the three month old bump of his omega. Jaemin soothes him with his scent, mixing with the sour rose scent his omega is emitting.
“My prince, My omega..” Jaemin whispers, a hollow sob links to his ears and his wolf comes back with a growl. His wolf is disappointed with him, he feels it. The alpha wolf inside him begs him to strangle himself and never come back.
“Please don't hurt me..” His prince whimpers, his biting his lips so hard it draws blood. Jaemin listens to his wolf and immediately pulls his omega to his lap and bites the mark on his neck, scenting him with his possessive scent.
The omega calms down but soon turns lifeless with the trauma. The king gathers him in his arms and walks to their room. He lays him slowly, the omega is shivering and Jaemin has to secure them both, he pulls the thick duvet and succumbs his omega with warmth.
“Renjun, my omega.” The king turns off the lamp and leaves their room, he feels light and heavy at the same time.
—-
In the heavy rainfall that came from the north, the kingdom has become the sanctuary of Renjun's faint cries. He pains in the relief of being home to a spacious palace but he's alone. In his mind he's alone, even if the king himself waits for him every night until the sun rises, in his mind he's alone.
The only one who accompanies him is the unborn child inside his stomach, steady heartbeats and the small bump lulls him to sleep each night. But even with the warmth of the fetus inside him, he still wakes up in the middle of dawn, screaming until the whole kingdom knows that he's suffering.
His nightmares is with him, after the death of his first child, his daughter, their daughter. His nightmares visit him every single sleep he takes, winding up his emotions and tearing the remaining sanity he has inside his mind. The prince screeches in agony when the pain inside his chest consumes him, holding on to the king as if his last breath will be taken away as soon as he opens his eyes.
The omega prince soothes himself with the pillow the past queen prepared for him. The different sizes of pillows were supposed to be for the dead princess. The queen gifted him dozens of pillows each month to let him build a nest for his daughter but the princess failed to experience anything as she died a minute after she was brought to the world.
The prince has taken the liberty to blame himself, cautiously begging the moon to let him die if his third child inside his stomach will die too. Renjun experienced the traumatic stress after his daughter died in his arms, her small hands turned blue as soon as she was handed to his chest and arms.
Renjun cries, and refuses to let go of the dead child.
The king has always promised him to always give him a pup, a pup that will make him happy and this is their third try, the first two pregnancies failed. It taunted him, two of his children were supposed to be with them, inside their chamber, but both of them are dead.
The second pregnancy was last year, when both of them were 20. The king knotted him on the night of their mating anniversary. The prince was happy to announce that there will be another heir to the throne, that a possible contentment will be produced inside the palace.
But after four months of extreme sickness, the child died in his sleep. He woke up with the castle physician by the side of their bed, a cloth in his hand. The physician handed him the cloth and there he saw another result of failed pregnancy. The unborn fetus inside the white cloth, small details of his body already turning blue.
Renjun screamed and hugged the fetus to his chest. He wished for the moon to kill him too. His only wish was to have a child for him and the king but the moon goddess had taken two of his children, plainly playing with his emotions.
But even so, the king is always with him.
The king has never left his side and the king treasures him. The king loves him and he full acknowledges it but he can't bring himself to love the king back, not when two of their children died because of him.
Renjun wakes up in the slumber of the king, the king has embraced him all night. The rigid breathing of the king has made him feel worthless. He's obviously the reason why the king has built up bags under his eyes and how fast the king has been breathing. The king is as restless as he is.
Renjun seizes the opportunity to prepare early, leaving their chamber in a silent manner. He calls for his maids, asking them to bring his maternity dress. It's still early for the dress to be worn but he misses the feeling of how his daughter hugs his dresses.
Renjun smiles at the maids, the silky dress gently rolls down to his legs. The maids guide him to this vanity, wiping his face with a clean cloth and applying a faint color of pink on his cheeks and lips. Renjun usually wears a decoration on his head but he declines it today, saying he wants his hair to hug his nape.
The maids have excused themselves and Renjun is left with his mouth trembling as he stares at himself in the mirror. His gray eyes show nothing but remorse to him, as if it's telling him to just die and let him be content in the heavens with two (turning three) of his children.
Renjun picks up the brush and gently brushes it to his hair.
He hears small squeaky noises. The king has finally woken up, his robe neatly tied on his waist and his pale complexion meets the glowing red eyes of the omega. The king has smiled at him, he wishes to return it but he can't, not when he thinks of killing himself and letting his mate bear the painful after effects.
Renjun sits there, momentarily pausing his tears to clearly look at his tired mate. The king squats and wipes the unrestrained tear that left his eyes. “It's okay, Renjun. It will be okay.” The king touches the dress and brings it to his lips to kiss it.
The prince has not moved, he lets the king indulge himself with closure to their first child.
“We will save our child, we'll make our children proud, my prince.” The king promises, he kisses the omega's bump and hugs him tight. Renjun secures his hands on the arms of his beloved, a nod his head answers the promise of his mate.
Renjun trusts him, he trusts him with all his heart. His wolf trusts their alpha but his own wolf doesn't trust him anymore.
—
The east kingdom has to mourn for the death of the princess. They have too, they can't let the upcoming omega queen to mourn alone. The castle has painted a mural for the dead princess and shows it to the people so they can lit their candles and pray for the safe travel of the princess to the heavens.
The king and his mate has to wear white the whole week of mourning, as tradition for them to never taint the death of their own child. The castle has been quiet as they prepare themselves to remember the first and last cry of the dead princess that lasted for only a few seconds.
The castle has also prepared a wake for the princess, all the clothes that were gifted to the dead princess beautifully placed inside her supposed room. The room that has been painted with gold to award the first born but it's unfortunate for her to never even lay inside awake.
The omega prince wears the clothes he wore in her funeral, not minding if the hem of it is turning yellow from bleaching. The prince walks to her room, there's no portrait of her, an accurate one. There's a predictive portrait of her painted by the great artist of their kingdom, the portrait was made for the king and the prince to remember her face. Though it's predictive and inaccurate since it was a portrait made to let them think that the princess lived up to an older age, the prince relies on it.
He talks to it as if the child can hear him.
The door of the room opens and he sees the brother of the king. The duke has paid his greetings for the first born.
“You miss her,” The duke said. He places the white chrysanthemum on her bed.
“How can I miss my child if I only get to be with her for a minute?” Renjun asks back. His eyes can't find any other direction but towards the portrait of his child.
“You can stop blaming yourself, Renjun. She's traveling to the heavens now, you can finally be at ease.” The duke hugs his sides.
“I killed my own daughter, Donghyuck.”
“The two of you were fatally ill that time, only you can be saved.”
“...”
The duke smiles at him, “My brother would have been dead if he's to find out that you were the one who succumbs to death.”
Renjun caresses his own left arm. “She would have been pretty, Donghyuck. She would have been a child of our love.”
“And you have another child of love. Renjun, the world won't stop. The moon goddess has gifted you another pup.” The duke walks around the room, touching the flowers one by one.
“This isn't out of love…”
“To you it isn't but for the king, it is. You have to forgive yourself, Renjun. The death of the princess will be the death of yours and Jaemin.” The duke picks his coat and leaves another sigh inside the room. “I'll see you later, your highness.”
—
The cold garden where both of his children reside has been vacant ever since the funeral of the second dead pup. Renjun has avoided the place ever since the spring starts. The first year ever since the death of the first born and as the summer approaches, the second pup will have to be mourned too.
The king and the prince walk towards the garden. The garden is still beautiful just like how the king promised him to keep after the burial of their two children. The king has greeted the gardeners with his alpha demeanor. The king has held his hand from their room up to the garden, and the omega submits. The king is afraid to let his omega walk alone, fearing that he may hurt himself in the process.
They walk towards the center of the garden where two angels decorate the two tombstones. There are sunflowers too, the king's brother has requested for it so his niece will remember him even to her tombstone.
“My beautiful children,” The king removes his coat and hands it to his maid. He lets go of his mate so he can kneel to his children. He never once got the chance to hold them, all chances were given to the omega. The king has placed a new set of clean clothes for their children, all given by the former king.
Renjun watches the king, tears forming in his eyes. The king has been nothing but a lovable husband to him, the king loves him day and night but the king suffers with him. In two years of them being together, the prince has never successfully given birth to an heir.
“..the two of you will have another sibling, I hope your sibling has my princess' face. I hope your sibling has princess Narae's pointy nose.” The king talks to the tombstone, his fingers tracing the name of the dead princess Narae.
Renjun puts his hand to his mouth to muffle his cries. As the sun shines with them, the painful possibility of it setting in wrong hours creeps him. The sunflowers smell heavenly, it would probably be the best scent for princess Narae to play on.
The king stands back. His blue dress shirts adorn some tears on. The king has been crying, the king has been crying with him. Renjun wipes the tears with his sleeves. “You're brave, my king.” Renjun whispers, he cups the cheeks of his mate.
Renjun doesn't wait for the king to respond as he moves to the tomb to set the crown of flowers he made for them. The prince didn't say a word, he lets his heart grieve for the death of their children.
—
The prince takes the chance of the peaceful night to be alone inside the room of the princess. The prince walks to the bed of chrysanthemums, her violet duvet covered because of the hundreds of flowers placed on top of her bed. Renjun has cried so many times today but tears won't be enough for him to bring back the life of their princess.
It was supposed to be the first time that a princess will be born in the east kingdom, the loss of the life of princess Narae has affected the lives of the people of the east and it broke the family too. The death of the princess has taken a toll to the health of the former queen, killing her vegetable body almost instantly.
In just a matter of two years, the palace has grieved three deaths. The palace has never been the same after, they had to wear white clothes for a solid three weeks every year now that three of the royal bloods have died.
Renjun doesn't hide the pain he feels, he let the whole palace know how painful it is to lose a gift given by the moon goddess. He lets the palace see how he mourns everyday, he lets them feel the sorrow inside his heart.
It's selfish but he had never been selfish his whole life, he wants to be this time. He wants to be selfish with the death of his children, of his pups.
Renjun looks at the framed clothes of the princess on the wall adjacent to the princess' bed. It's a light pink jumper, the only clothes she ever wore. When she was handed to Renjun, when Renjun heard her cry, and when Renjun cried with her, the urge to give up his life was strong enough for him to consider letting his child be alive.
The night felt the same as the night when they had rushed inside the chamber of the royal couple, the omega prince begging to save his daughter's life. He was fatally ill that time and giving birth was not parallel to them. The physician has said that only one can be saved and it's not for Renjun to decide but to his alpha.
The alpha chose him, of course, the king will always choose him and that night he begged for the moon goddess to take him also.
Renjun felt the dip on the bed and he turned to see the king, still in his white clothing.
“You should be sleeping.” The king mumbles.
The prince shakes his head and retreats to the portrait of their daughter. “Our princess would have been pretty. She would have turned 1 now.” Renjun says out of the blue. “She deserved to live, Jaemin. I have whispered my thoughts to you each night, telling you that you should save her when it dawns to you choosing between me and our daughter. “
The king can't utter a word. He listens still just like how he always does.
“I prayed to the moon goddess to let her be saved, for her to be in your arms right now. You're so selfish, Jaemin.” Renjun hisses.
“How can I do that? I love you with all my life, Renjun—“
“How can you love me when the only thing I want to do is give you an heir and yet I can't even do it? I killed two of our children, Jaemin. Two!” Renjun turns, his eyes back to red and his fist clenched on both sides. “I have never wished to be killed that night more than my whole life. Our princess would have been so happy right now!”
It's the king's turn to snaps. “You're my mate, my eternal mate, Renjun. Do you expect me to let you die on our bed for a child I haven't even hugged to my chest? I have told you that an heir is not what I need and yet you keep pushing me to a point where you want me to choose even if I don't want to and need to.”
The prince scoffs. “I was a gift to you, Jaemin. You promised to always do what I wished for you to do and the only thing I wished for you to do is to save her. To save Narae!” Renjun cries in his yells.
The king has now calmed down. He walks to his mate and holds his hands open. There's a crescent shape built by his nails on his palm and blood adorning it. “You can always blame me, Renjun but please don't hurt yourself.” The king kisses his palms and cries on them.
The vulnerability of the king has been established when his husband turned almost blue when the princess was brought to the world. He wasn't allowed to see the process so he waited outside of their chamber, biting his nails while praying to the moon goddess to let his husband be alive and so as his daughter.
The prince just looks at the king, the king who he cherished the most but can't bring himself to fathom the idea of loving him back.
“We'll save our child this time. I'll pull heaven and earth for you and our child.” The king promises again and Renjun just nods his head again.
—
The ghost of his nightmares wakes him up, his body soaked with the blood of his daughter and second child creeping in his feet. Renjun wakes up in a stigma made by his mind to keep him from suppressing the thoughts of killing his third child. He awakes inside the family room with the king lying beside the nest he created.
The prince still wears the dirty white funeral clothes he had yesterday, a shallow growl comes out of his stomach, his third unborn child probably waiting for him to feed them both. The prince wobbles to stand up but manages to do so, he opens the wide windows and lets the morning shine blinds Jaemin's deep sleep.
The king stirs awake and he looks shocked to see his mate standing on his feet and his small right hand on top of his stomach. “You must be hungry,” The king says.
“We are,” Renjun mutters in a small voice. The king chuckles and hands Renjun his robe.
“I can change in my wardrobe.” The prince rejects.
“My scent will help you soothe your hunger somehow.” The king initiates.
The omega prince grabs the blue silk robe and ties it on his body. It indeed soothes their hunger. Renjun walks past Jaemin to reach their own private chamber, preferably changing to another white clothing.
It's the second day of mourning and the in between days of first and last day is particularly normal. The birds still chirp and the hunters still go out to the woods to provide food for the local village. It's the same except for the royal family, they have to mourn until the moon goddess rises by the end of the week.
Their mourning consists of them eating breakfast that is served lightly, Renjun is an exception to the light breakfast as he carries the heir to the throne but Renjun still tries to eat less after all it's his daughter's death anniversary. Then, they will pray for the travel of the princess towards the heavens, an amulet had been offered yesterday for the princess to take with her along in her journey. And lastly, the visitation of the wake inside the princess' room.
The visitation is for the royal family, the dukes and duchess of the east are to stay inside the palace for a week to pay their respect towards the dead heiress. The tradition not only runs to the princess' death anniversary but it applies to all of the royal family and it needs to last for three years.
The moon goddess has traveled three years before reaching earth, making the count of the journey three years to leave also.
Renjun has worn another white maternity dress, this time, it's a dress sewn by his old friend from the south, a gift to him to celebrate another life of a pup inside his womb. Renjun then wears a silver crown with rubies furnishing it. The prince places it on his head, the heavy crown feels suddenly light when it touches the soft hair of the prince.
Renjun thanks his maids and proceeds to leave their room. He doesn't wait for the king to finish his change of clothes as their child is begging to be fed. He still wears the robe and lets it flow as he walks with ease towards the blue dining room.
“Your Highness has arrived,”
Renjun enters the dining room and sees Donghyuck. The duke gives him a slight smile before tending to his own son. The duke is an omega just like him but the difference is that the duke is happily married to a beta lord from the north.
Renjun sits on his own chair, a plate specially requested by the king is prepared for him. The plate is nothing but vegetables and fruits, there is no meat on his plate. Renjun sighs and looks at the butler next to him, “Bring me another plate.” The prince ordered.
The butler looks tensed but still complies.
“Your Majesty has arrived,”
Jaemin enters the room just in time when his plate has been filled with meat of lamb and deer. Renjun thanks the butler and sets his first plate to Jaemin's table. The prince sits on his chair right beside Renjun and sees an untouched plate of vegetables in his area.
“Give me another plate,” The kind hands the untouched food to the butler. “You should have at least touched the food prepared for you.” The king plays with his fork as he looks at the prince who gnaws the meat in front of their family.
“I don't like the smell.” Renjun rolls his eyes and gnaws the meat again.
Being pregnant always works in the stage of royal omega inside the palace as they are always treated with care. Omegas are gifts given by the goddess to produce children of the future so thus creating a magnificent idea of pregnant omegas should be treated with care.
The king just sighs and focuses on his brother who sits two chairs away from his mate. “How's Minhyuck?”
The duke turns and laughs. “Minhyung has been teaching him how to talk, I'll show you how he speaks your name later.”
Renjun stops eating and places the meat back to his plate. He wipes his mouth and observes the duke's family.
Donghyuck was the beauty of the east, he had so many suitors lined up outside his bedroom, waiting for him to open the doors and welcome their gifts. But when Renjun enters the palace, as a son of a lord from the south, he becomes the beauty of the east. A perfect omega for the upcoming king that time and Donghyuck was left behind the shadows of his brother.
Despite being older than Jaemin by two years, the omega has refused to take the throne from Jaemin, saying they need to follow the moon goddess' tradition of an alpha leading the country. Renjun envies Donghyuck's capabilities, successfully giving birth to a possible heir if Renjun fails to give birth again, can overpower an alpha anytime he wants to, and Donghyuck is free.
Renjun envies the way Donghyuck is not tied with his past. The duke has experienced miscarriage too but the duke has let the child go and now he's happily feeding his three year old so, Minhyuck. Renjun envies Donghyuck's whole existence, and somehow wishes it would be his life too maybe in the afterlife.
The king has noticed the pause in his husband. He taps the back of the hands of his husband. “My prince?”
Renjun flinches and looks at him. “Yes?”
“Do you feel unwell?”
Renjun shakes his head. “I'm good. I just spaced out from oversleeping.”
The king seems to not believe what he says but the omega just lets it go and continue eating. The dining room smells like bread and coffee, possibly the light breakfast the kitchen has made for them. The duke has taken the roll to uplift the mood by telling stories of their ventures in the north where his mate used to live.
Renjun feels aloof all of a sudden, the king has started talking to others and tries too but he can't attain a significant topic that can go on until breakfast is over. He stays quiet and stops eating, he calls for a maid to wipe the oil off of his hands. He then wipes his mouth and stands up first, he gathers the attention of the people inside the dining room.
Renjun doesn't smile at them just like how he usually does. He marches to leave the dining room with his female attendant holding his right hand. The whole dining room has become eerily quiet, deserted the sound of their laughs and conversations.
The prince hears someone following his steps.
“Why do you always act like that?”
It's the king.
“It's my daughter's death anniversary. It's not a party for people like you to laugh at.” Renjun spats. There's disappointment in his eyes but more than that, Renjun feels a realization of difference between them.
“They're trying to lift the castle's mood, Renjun. How long are you going to act like that in front of them?”
“Until I join my daughter to the heavens.” Renjun snaps.
There's disgust in Renjun's stare and fire in his mouth that stops Jaemin from speaking another word. The prince has left him alone again, he can't seem to stand six to twelve with him even if he tries to.
—
When the week rolled, Renjun is back in his usual state again. Waking up every morning, taking a warm bath, and spending most of his time in the family room, where his nest is located. Renjun has gotten used to the way the palace feels to him, it's only been a year since his husband has become the king and because of that they had to move to the castle.
Renjun patronizes the dead queen, he likes the way she tended her gardens and how she raised her two sons successfully. Renjun wanted to be like her, she was strong willed and would often stand beside the king rather than behind him despite being an omega. The queen was the gold of the east kingdom, she was the most important person inside the kingdom, not even the king could deny it.
But now that the queen is gone and the king has been ill ever since the death of his loving wife, the palace is trying to pick up the remaining pieces of joyful memories the couple had inside.
When Renjun and Jaemin moved to the castle, the princess has recently died and that a new pup was inside Renjun's belly. The kingdom has rejoiced for the heir and so as Renjun. He had wished his whole life to be a person who brings life in the world, someone who laughs with the laughs of his children. The kingdom has vowed with them when they both said to always be there for each other.
And Renjun wished he didn't say that.
He's sitting in the throne room, a change of view and scenery offered to him by the husband of the duke, Minhyung. Renjun sits in his place, his pale blue dress blending with the silver chair. Renjun watches the match between his husband and their nephew, Minhyuck.
Jaemin is enjoying it, much for Renjun to see. The king has always wished for a son, a son who can play tag with and a son who can protect his mother. But Renjun gave him a dead daughter and a possible dead son.
The king never complained. The king always waited for him. When the moon is too bright and the memories of their children come, Jaemin is always there, whispering their song to his ears. When he throws a fit to the whole palace and forcibly picks on the guards, Jaemin is always there, holding his hand to calm him.
Renjun knows he's being selfish. Too much.
But he can't be happy and selfless when his mind and thoughts are crumpled by the taunting memories of his children and the physician who didn't listen to him that night.
He snaps from his thoughts when the king finally drops his wooden sword and hugs his nephew tight in his arms. They will be living tonight and the king won't probably see them again until Christmas, he likes to nurture the remaining time and create it as a huge memory inside his head.
Renjun smiles when his sweaty nephew comes running to him in a big smile.
“Najun!” The baby yells.
Najun has been given to him by Donghyuck, shortening his now name, Na Renjun.
“Get home safe, okay?” Renjun says as he wipes the sweat of his cheerful nephew with the sleeves of his dress. Renjun looks up and sees Jaemin looking at them both with a satisfied grin in his mouth.
Renjun tries to smile back but he can't, Jaemin looked at him as if Jaemin was wishing for them to be like this when it clearly won't happen.
Minhyuck detaches himself and runs to his father.
Renjun glues his eyes back to nothing and tries to relieve the stares from Jaemin.
“How are you?”
It's a question both of them has failed to ask frequently, it seems absurd and genuinely mocking because they both know they are not okay. The relationship has been shaky after their announcement of another heir. It's a sensitive topic.
Renjun heaves a breath and closes his eyes. “What do you think?”
“Renjun,” Jaemin breathes. “I just want you to welcome me back to your arms.”
Renjun scoffs. “I will die soon, Jaemin. Once our child is born, you'll need to let me go.”
Jaemin feels ridiculed. “You will not die. I will save you both even if it means we'll need a hundred physician in our chamber. Don't decide on your own, you're betrothed to me.”
“How can you be so sure that I won't die on our bed?”
Jaemin combs his sweaty hair. “Renjun, please don't do this to me.”
“I don't even want to see this child anymore. I want to join my children to the heavens now.” Renjun says absentmindedly but it reaches Jaemin's ear.
“This is our child, Renjun and I'm your mate. How can you be like this?”
Renjun is full. Renjun has been full.
“Because I fucking hate my life. I only wish to have a child of our love, a child I can carry, a child I can cherish but the goddess always takes my children. I just want to hear them cry and laugh in my arms. You don't know how painful it was to hear your child cry for a second and suddenly goes blue on your chest.” Renjun screams, he points his fingers to Jaemin.
Jaemin climbs to the throne chair. “You think you're the only one suffering? I was in pain too and in constant pain knowing that my mate is close to rejecting me and is close to killing our child. Your children are my children too, they were my pups. I couldn't even hold them even for a bit because I gave you that chance since you're their mother. I didn't even see Narae even in her funeral because I want to let you have your time alone with her. “
“Are you blaming me?”
“That's not the point Renjun! I just want you to bounce back and let me enter your life again. I don't want to be in the same bed as you knowing that you despise me.” Jaemin breathes hard. “Fine! You want to blame me? Fine! I killed our daughter. I killed Narae because I chose you. Do you even know how hard it was for me to choose? I considered saving Narae because you wished too but they let me see you that night and how could I choose Narae when I saw you fighting for your life? I'm a bad father and I don't want to be a failure of a husband to you too. So just...please, Renjun. Please..come back to me.”
Renjun turns quiet. He never had the chance to listen to Jaemin ever since Narae died. He closed his ears and mind to anything Jaemin would say. He looks at his husband and he touches the tears falling from his eyes.
“...I have been suffering too, Renjun. But if we're going to suffer, let's suffer together.” Jaemin finally kneels and scoops Renjun's bare legs. Renjun sobs and hugs the head of his husband close to his bump.
“Please..Please...” Jaemin whispers.
Renjun feels a stroke of pain in his stomach. He screams and grips on Jaemin's shoulders. The king sees blood between his legs and panics. The king yells for help, the guards immediately running to them.
The king holds his husband in his arms and runs to their chamber. The physician closely followed them.
He lays his husband on the bed and he's the one to remove the clothing of his husband.
Jaemin is pushed by the physician who gasps at the sight.
“Wha..What's wrong Physician Yoon? Is my child and husband going to fine?”
The physician turns and smiles pitifully to Jaemin.
“We'll try our best to save them both but if it comes down to only one surviving, you will need to choose, Your Majesty.”