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Swathes of green fill Dean's eyes as far as he can see. Trees— tall, broad and unnerving, hover over him like a canopy of green, and he feels easy. At least for a moment.
This is it, he thinks, this is what I get.
But something feels a miss.
Even as his eyes focus on the road ahead, as he continues driving, Kansas blaring through Baby's speakers, he can't help but feel empty. His vision turns hazy, and he realises after a few seconds, it's tears. They cloud up his eyes and threaten to spill.
Sam is alive. He might be alone, but alive at least. And he will pull through. He's always been the stronger one. He'll pull through. Had it been Dean, however, he wouldn't be able to. Which is exactly why Dean is satisfied with the way things are for Sam. And hey, he's got Miracle with him.
And yet.
Lurking in the back of Dean's mind, is a smile.
Gummy and wide.
A voice— deep and warm.
I love you.
The words, the voice— they ring through Dean's mind over and over and over again, like a hymn, and at last—
Goodbye, Dean.
A tear rolls down his face.
'Cas helped,' Bobby's words echo through Dean's mind, loud and clear, but instead of feeling his usual emptiness, Dean finds himself hoping.
Praying.
The Impala comes to a screeching halt. Dean is all alone on the road. Around him, wind gushes through the trees and kisses his face, prompting him to flutter his eyes shut.
Cas is here.
Cas is here?
Another tear trickles down Dean's face, an almost pathetic reminder of the way Dean has everything he will ever need, and at the same time, he doesn't.
His fists clench around the steering wheel, and he lets his head drop against the front of it, tears streaming down, one after the other.
"Cas," he whispers— prays— into the silence.
Wind gushes through the windows. Mighty and daunting.
"You got your ears on?"
Another breeze grazes Dean's face.
"I hope you can hear me. Need to set some things straight."
A loud ruffling noise draws Dean out of his reverie and he opens his eyes.
Footsteps echo on the ground outside.
"Hello Dean."
Another tear rolls down Dean's face.
At last, he wills himself to turn, to face Castiel, to feel, to say, to—
To breathe.
Deep, blue eyes gaze into his own.
"You came?" Dean gasps, throwing the door open, stepping out and pressing his back to the car, unable to move as he drinks in the sight of Cas. Still dressed in his horrible beige trenchcoat, and his usual blue tie. But somehow, he seems different. His face is smoother, somehow, and Dean realises just how beautiful he looks without stress lines creasing his forehead.
"I always come when you call." Castiel croaks out, and finally, Dean's eyes are drawn to the glassy, hazy tears brimming at Castiel's eyes.
Silence lingers between them.
Tear after tear spills down Dean's face, but he doesn't turn away. He wants Castiel to see him. He wants Castiel to know how much he means to Dean— enough for Dean to be broken without him.
"I'm sorry," Dean says after a long pause.
"For what?"
"For everything."
"You apologized to me already. In Purgatory. I heard your prayer, Dean." Castiel smiles, and takes a few steps forward, his hands in the pocket of his trenchcoat as he moves closer to Dean.
"But it's not enough."
"It's enough for me."
"Cas—" Dean starts, ready to speak, to let it out, to spill everything that has been lingering on the tip of his tongue for years, but a weight settles against his jaw. A hand— unmoving, simply there.
It's Cas's.
Instead of words spilling off his tongue, however, it's tears spilling down his eyes. And then it gets hard to breathe, hard to see, hard to comprehend anything but Cas, and this time, Dean doesn't hold back. He falls, without any qualms or burdens pushing him down, right into Cas's arms. He squeezes Cas, as tight as he can, and buries his face in Castiel's neck.
"M'sorry," he croaks out, unable to say anything else, "-m'sorry Cas, I missed you— I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." Castiel whispers against his face, his breath warm and soft over Dean's cheek.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be brave enough. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you when you needed it the most. Cas— I'm— I'm so sorry—" he sobs, unbothered of how petulant he sounds or feels, because right now, it's all he can do— let himself fall apart in Castiel's arms. But he knows Castiel will put him together. He always has.
"I tried to be brave for Sammy, but I should have been brave for you too. All this time, you kept thinking you were alone, all this time, you kept thinking you couldn't say anything to anyone, m'so sorry—"
"It's alright, Dean, I'm alright."
"No, I— Cas— sonovabitch— why'd you have to be so— so— just please— tell me I was wrong, because I really want to make this right, but I want this to be fair. All these years... and you never said a thing— and that wasn't fair. I need to do this right, so please, please just do whatever you want, shout at me, or punch me, kick me in the gut, call me a jerk, I don't care, but something—"
Castiel's warmth moves away, and Dean's heart skips a beat, but a moment later, soft, gentle lips press against Dean's, and he stands frozen, rooted to the ground as Castiel barely brushes their lips together.
Is this real? Dean asks himself, but the tender touch of Castiel's fingers over his cheek, and the mellow, pink blush spreading across Castiel's face is more assurance than he'll ever need.
"I love you," Dean breathes out. Castiel's eyes find his, and Dean compels him to hold their gaze, "-I'm so proud of you, Cas. And I love you so much. And I should have told you but—"
"I already knew."
"I know, but I just..."
Regret washes over Dean. Like a bucket of cold water.
"I wish I could have said it when you needed to hear it. I wish I could have been just a little bit braver."
"That's exactly why I didn't need you to say it back, Dean," Castiel breathes out, and Dean presses their foreheads together, "-because I knew how hard you were trying to be brave for everyone. For Jack, for Sam, for the world. But you don't need to be brave for me. You don't need to apologize, you don't need to pray, Dean, you just need to be you, and I'm always going to be with you. Even if the whole world turned against you, I wouldn't leave your side, and you know that."
Dean's hand travels up to Castiel's face, and his fingers graze against Cas's lips.
"Please don't leave me again."
Castiel chuckles, and rests his cheek against Dean's shoulder.
"Never."
A beat passes between them.
"Hey Cas?"
"Hm?"
"Wanna' go for a drive?"
Their fingers link together at last.
"I thought you'd never ask."