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Looking back from the start, Soonyoung might’ve thought that he wouldn’t be reaching this point in his life where he’s putting his everything into something that is not related to dancing. But the last time he did this, he was rewarded with a beautiful smile and countless happiness, so maybe it was really worth it.
“Jeonghan says they’re on their way.” Seungcheol was next to him, patting his back, “Jihoon’s pretty pouty the whole trip though, so be ready.”
Soonyoung couldn’t help chuckling as he imagined his boyfriend’s pout as their other friends took him out, knowing just how much he hates spending so much time outside, “Thanks, hyung.”
He went around once more, looking around the vicinity and checking if everything was already in place and nothing was missing, and as he wandered around, he couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips as flashes of memories entered his mind.
Soonyoung first met Jihoon when they were five. The younger had transferred from Busan when Jihoon’s father had been promoted and was relocated to Seoul, and seemingly being brought to a new environment, Jihoon tends to be aloof and quiet around his other classmates. At first, Soonyoung didn’t want to be associated with the new kid, but when they were paired together by their teacher for a project, he had found himself so attracted to the bright smile Jihoon had given him as he introduced himself to him.
That smile had been engraved deeply in his memory, and he had tucked it so carefully in his mind, wanting to remember such a precious moment.
Soonyoung had become Jihoon’s first friend in this new place and since then, the two of them were inseparable. When summer vacation came, Jihoon’s family had decided to go back to Busan to visit, it was then when Soonyoung made Jihoon pinky-swear to him that they were friends forever and that he would call him every day (up to this day, Jihoon would often tease him about it, about how much he cried that time and how he thought Jihoon wasn’t going back after. He was still young, okay?).
It was around their first year of high school when Soonyoung had realized that Jihoon wasn’t just a friend to him anymore. During this year, Jihoon had somehow outgrown his fluffy cheeks and had been very popular with a lot of students. He’d often find a love letter on his table or his locker, and sometimes, they would try and give it to him personally (in front of him, the audacity?).
At first, he pushed the thought away, thinking that maybe he was jealous that soon, Jihoon’s attention wouldn’t be his alone anymore. That their late-night walks and talks, and the amount of time they would spend together would probably lessen if Jihoon ever finds himself a boyfriend or a girlfriend, he wasn’t really sure what he preferred during that time since they haven’t talked about relationships.
But as time passed by, and the more love letters and gifts were being given to Jihoon, the more the green-eyed monster inside of him was growing. Soonyoung had tried to be mature about it, he was Jihoon’s best friend, and he should be happy for him, but there were times where he just wanted Jihoon to himself, wanted his undivided attention, and just wished they were more than friends, best friends, so just everyone would stop declaring their love for him.
The turning point of their friendship (for him) came when a girl had confessed to Jihoon, not even minding that he was sitting next to him. The girl had suddenly blurted out how much she liked him and that if he wanted to be her boyfriend. Soonyoung didn’t know what to feel, and he had wanted to excuse himself to give them privacy, but when Jihoon spoke, it made Soonyoung freeze.
He had managed to look at Jihoon who had an apologetic smile on his face, “I’m sorry…” He spoke so softly, as he looked at the girl, “I’m in love with someone else.”
Soonyoung didn’t understand why, but he felt his heart break at that moment. He wasn’t sure what the reason was; betrayal? Because he wasn’t aware, or pain? Because he was in love with him.
At that moment, Soonyoung had panicked and suddenly bolted out of the scene, running towards the rooftop to get some fresh air. He felt his heart constricting in his chest, he felt so sick in his stomach, everything was spinning and his eyes were becoming blurry.
“Soonyoung…” He heard his soft voice in front of him, but he couldn’t see, “Shh… I’m here.” He felt his hand cupping his cheeks, “Deep breaths, Soonie. Come on.”
He was shaking when he held Jihoon’s hand that was cupping his cheeks, he followed everything Jihoon had told him, and when he had calmed down, Jihoon had wrapped an arm around him, “You good?”
He had just nodded at him, he was afraid to speak, afraid that once he opened his mouth, he’d say something he’d regret, something that would make him lose Jihoon.
At that time, he thought keeping his feelings to himself was the right thing to do.
He was able to keep everything to himself until they were in their third year of high school. It was also around this time that Jihoon had suggested that they move in together to lessen their expenses, or so that it could be easier to watch over the other, especially when it was exam week when neither of them had the time to eat or sleep; just solely surviving with energy bars and coffees.
Soonyoung had been skeptical about it, but when their respective families heard about it, they were ecstatic, that they would worry less since they were living together and they could call the other if they happened not to answer.
He didn’t have the heart to break it to them that he was having a hard time being around Jihoon. Maybe he could survive hanging out from time to time, but being under the same roof with the other was torture. It would only be a matter of time before Jihoon finds out his feelings for him and everything would be ruined in a blink of an eye.
During the first month of living together, it was pretty awkward to him, but to Jihoon, it seems very natural. The second month was bearable, he was now used to seeing Jihoon’s morning face, eyes still closed and hair in disarray as he makes his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face (it was during the first weeks of staying together that Soonyoung’s heart almost combusted at how cute Jihoon looked as he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his sweater paws. Sweater paws!).
In the following months, Soonyoung had thought that he could somehow survive living together with Jihoon, but then, the latter had started to be very clingy to him. He first noticed it when he was watching tv in the living room, and the younger had suddenly lied down next to him, very much comfortable in using his lap as a pillow. During the following weeks, Jihoon tends to sit next to him, even when doing school work, and that was really weird for him since the other hates studying in a crowded space and would often prefer to study alone to maximize his whole space.
And then there was this other time when he was doing his computer project, he wasn’t sure if he had pressed the wrong button, but somehow, his laptop wouldn’t open, and he had resorted to asking Jihoon’s help, which the other had gladly assisted him with; even leaving all his works so that he could help him.
He was busy looking at his laptop, trying to watch what Jihoon would do just in case the same thing happens again, when the latter had asked him a question, “Want do you want for dinner?”
Soonyoung tilted his head, deciding what he wanted to eat, but when he was about to answer Jihoon, he turned his face and almost had a heart attack at how close the other’s face was to him. He jumped on his seat and unfortunately, fell on the floor from backing away.
You could see the shock in Jihoon’s eyes and had asked if he was okay which he answered with a nod. “I-I want some jajangmyeon, I’ll just go and b-buy it.” He stammered, standing up, “W-what do you like?”
Jihoon eyed him, nonetheless, he just answered him and said that he was also craving jajangmyeon too, and even offered to come with him but Soonyoung had stopped him and told him to just continue working on what he was doing before he interrupted him. He hastily took his wallet and put on his shoes before he was out of the door in a flash.
He knew he was too obvious, but he needed to get away immediately or else he might slip up and lose Jihoon in the process. When he was walking back to their shared-apartment after buying their dinner, the thunder had suddenly roared above him, making him look at the star-less sky.
“Shit!” He immediately ran as fast as he could, not because he’s afraid to get wet in the rain but because Jihoon was all alone.
When he entered, the lights were off, and he had put the food on the dining table in a haste and went straight to Jihoon’s room, another thunder rolling loudly as soon as he opened the door. His eyes roamed around the darkroom and he had found him sitting on the bed, the blanket wrapped around his shoulder, and his hands were covering his ears.
“Hey…” He said softly, making his way to Jihoon who turned and looked at him, eyes shining with unshed tears, “I’m here.”
As soon as he sat on the bed, Jihoon’s hand immediately grabbed his. He could feel his hands shaking, so he squeezed them lightly, assuring him that he was there. He lightly tugged on his hand making the younger look at him, “Come here.”
Jihoon slowly crept up to Soonyoung, and the latter had made him sit by his lap, tucking his head underneath his chin while he wrapped his arms around him, “Who would’ve thought the great Jihoon is scared of thunderstorms.” He let out a light chuckle and he felt Jihoon weakly punching his chest.
“I-I’m not scared.” He defended but buried his face on Soonyoung’s chest as soon as another thunder echoed throughout the sky.
Jihoon liked to act tough even though he was scared, Soonyoung knew he’s scared of ghosts and doesn’t really like watching horror movies, always sticking to his favorite Avenger’s movie and other action-themed movies (or sometimes rom-com movies). Jihoon hates thrilling rides, he feels exhausted after, as if they had taken away his soul. He had learned that the hard way when he managed to make him ride the roller coaster, and Jihoon wouldn’t talk to him after.
There are a lot of things that Jihoon is scared of or hates, but most of all he hates thunderstorms. He couldn’t take those. When they were young, Jihoon cried for the first time in front of him when he was left alone in their house while it was heavily raining outside. He couldn’t make the other stop crying, desperately looking for his mother, so he took the initiative to hold his hand and told him that he will always be there for him. When their parents came back, Jihoon was already fast asleep in his arms; eyes and nose red from crying.
It was at that moment when Soonyoung had vowed to protect Jihoon from everything that could harm him, to be always there for him, and make him smile when he cries.
He sang him a lullaby, just to calm him further. When Jihoon’s breathing even out, he looked down at the said lad before sighing, carefully putting him down on his bed, fixing his bangs, and wiping away his tears. “What am I gonna do now, Jihoon?” He had whispered, “I think I’m in too deep.” He lied down next to him and stared at the sleeping lad until he had fallen asleep too, dinner long forgotten (they had it the next day, of course).
That was the first time he had slept on the same bed with Jihoon, he thought that was the end of it, but boy he thought wrong.
All of a sudden, Jihoon had developed a habit of wandering into Soonyoung’s bedroom, barefooted and sometimes sleepy, whenever it rains. At first, Soonyoung had thought it was a one-time thing; that Jihoon was only making sure that he was there when the thunder came. But then it happens again, and again, and again, and again that Soonyoung has also found himself lying on the side of the bed every time it rains and waits for Jihoon to enter his room like a child.
He had asked him once why he was doing it, but Jihoon just simply answered ‘Rain’, and that was the end of the conversation. He didn’t know how he had survived sleeping in the same bed with Jihoon, but here he was, still watching the younger sleep peacefully next to him, with the rain gently pit patting on the background.
“You’re really weird, Jihoonie…” He had whispered to himself as he gently caresses Jihoon’s cheek, making sure not to wake the other.
But as much as Jihoon says he hated the rain, he couldn’t fully hate it when it brings out all the cozy and warm clothes, and the warm cup of coffee or chocolate he had always ready for him to drink. And as much as he hated being cold and wet, he couldn’t deny the fact that he had connected the rain into one of his happiest memories as well.
Jihoon and Soonyoung were already in university, studying their preferred courses, music production, and dancing, respectively. It was on one of the university breaks that they had decided to visit Jihoon’s family in Busan. The younger was ecstatic upon knowing it since he wasn’t able to go back after graduating high school, and had planned that they visit the nearby beach. But, the weather took a turn, and now it was raining. They had run to one of the waiting sheds nearby and had tried to wait for the rain to stop, but Soonyoung had looked up at the sky and had put his hand out to catch the rain on his hand.
He had missed playing in the rain, he used to do it when he was younger, running around and jumping on puddles of water. He had turned to Jihoon who was also watching the sky, probably waiting for the rain to stop.
“Hey, Jihoonie.” He called making the other turn to him before he grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the waiting shed.
“Yah! Soonyoung!” The other protested, eyes wide in surprise from the sudden action, his free hand instinctively raising to cover himself from the rain.
“Come on, it’s fun!” Soonyoung had beamed as he pulled Jihoon towards the beach, the ocean waves were crashing strongly to the shore, and the wind was blowing hard, but the smile on the former’s face was brighter than ever.
“We’ll get sick.” Jihoon had protested, trying to pull Soonyoung back.
“C’mon, just this once.” Soonyoung had pleaded, putting up his puppy eyes that he knew Jihoon couldn’t resist.
And as expected, Jihoon wasn’t able to resist him and let him pull him towards the shore. He had splashed Jihoon with the cold water that had made the other ran after him, their waves of laughter were music and they might look like a fool to the others, but for Soonyoung, he had loved every second of it.
That is until he had caught a cold after, and Jihoon had to take care of him. The other had kept on scolding him, nagging him of how he was right and that he should’ve listened to him and just waited for the rain to stop.
“It’s just a cold, Jihoonie.” He had assured him but the other was still pouting, clearly upset that he was sick.
“Still...” Jihoon sighed in defeat and wiped Soonyoung’s face with a towel.
“I’m okay, it’ll be gone after I drink some meds and sleep.” He held Jihoon’s hand and squeezed it lightly, “Don’t worry, okay?”
“How can I not?” Jihoon pouted and squeezed back his hand.
As he had said, he was back into good shape in the afternoon. He had woken up to Jihoon asleep next to him, and he shouldn’t be as surprised as he was, but waking up with their faces inches towards each other and hands still intertwined wasn’t what he had expected.
He could feel his heart beating faster, and he was afraid that Jihoon could hear it with how close they were to each other. He was in so much panic that he immediately sat up and jostled Jihoon awake from his sleep. The other had tiredly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up, a hand immediately touching Soonyoung’s forehead to check his temperature.
Jihoon breathed out a sigh of relief when he had felt that Soonyoung’s temperature seemed normal and finally smiled after being so upset the whole day.
At that moment, Soonyoung really knew how screwed he was, everything he had kept as a secret was slowly overflowing, and sooner rather than later, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. That’s why he decided, he needed to get away, to sort himself out before he could face Jihoon once again.
The chance had presented itself when Soonyoung had been chosen as a representative in a dance competition, and of course, he took it. He was hitting two birds with one stone, he would be able to prove himself through this competition and he would be able to avoid Jihoon without raising suspicions to the other.
His plan was simple, he’d wake up at wee hours in the morning, even before Jihoon could come out of his room, and he would come back in the evening when he was sure Jihoon was cooped up in his room and had no intention of going out to finish his projects.
But during one of his practices, he had made a wrong step and had fallen badly, injuring his leg in the process. The doctor had to cast his leg and was told that he was on bed rest for a week or two. His professors and trainers had been anxious about him, and they had decided to pull him out of the competition.
Soonyoung was of course devastated by the news, it was a big competition, and being chosen as a representative was no joke.
“Hey…” He looked up to the door and he saw Jihoon entering the room with a bowl in his hand, “I brought you some kimchi stew.” He gave him a soft smile before he walks closer to the bed, putting the bowl on the bedside table and looking back at Soonyoung’s legs, studying his cast, “I haven’t seen you around, and this…” He could see the worry in Jihoon’s eyes so he had to look away.
He almost flinched when he felt Jihoon’s hand on top of his, “Hey…” He heard him spoke again, “Don’t beat yourself up over this, it’s not your fault.” Jihoon had caressed his hand, drawing circles at the back of it, “No one could’ve prevented it.”
Soonyoung took in a shaky breath, everything was too much right now, “No one?” He spoke, looking back at Jihoon, “No one?! I could’ve prevented it! If I had just— just executed the steps properly! I could’ve been the one that is still representing the university! I—”
“Shh…” Jihoon had cupped his cheeks, wiping his tears away, tears, he didn’t even know he was crying, “I told you, it’s okay. No one is blaming you, Soons.” He leaned closer, “And for the record, I’m proud that you were able to make it, maybe next time, when you’re all healed, you’ll get the chance.” Jihoon had leaned his forehead against his, “They know you had the potential, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
He couldn’t breathe, his heart was beating too fast, everything was starting to spin and Jihoon was too close, really close.
“Stop!” He had blurted out and he pushed Jihoon away, surprising the lad, “God, just stop, Ji.”
“What? Why?” Jihoon had asked, clearly confused with Soonyoung, raising his hand to cup his cheek again.
“Just stop being nice to me all the time,” He let out frustratedly, “I hate that you’re only doing it because I’m your friend! I hate that I’m only your friend because— because I want to be greedy and I want more! I want to be more than just your best friend!”
“W-what?” Jihoon had stuttered and Soonyoung knew he had lost him, his first love, his everything.
Suddenly, Soonyoung felt everything was drained from him; all of his pent up feelings for the younger lad had finally overflowed and spilled out. He couldn’t contain them anymore, and with the way Jihoon was acting around him, it was really hard to stop himself.
Soonyoung sighed, trying to calm his erratic heart, he thought that if he was going to lose him, might as well tell him everything.
He had steeled his heart before he looked up to meet Jihoon’s eyes, wide and shining with unshed tears, “I love you, Jihoon. More than just how a friend should. I want to be greedy and selfish. I want to be your boyfriend.” He spoke, eyes never straying away from Jihoon’s.
Jihoon blinked multiple times and had stayed quiet, Soonyoung took it as his rejection and dejectedly lowered his head, “Y-you can just leave. I—”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Came Jihoon’s voice, making him snap his eyes back and what greeted him almost took his breath away.
Jihoon had tears in his eyes, but he was smiling, brighter than the first time he smiled at him. “W-wait, what?”
Soonyoung was very much confused, but the other smiled and cupped his cheeks, leaning again, “Do people who want to stay as friends do this?” He felt his lips brushing against his cheeks, and instinctively he closed his eyes, making Jihoon kiss the tears away.
“J-ji, I don’t—”
“I love you too, you idiot.” Jihoon murmured against his skin, “Since we were kids, until now. I’m very much in love with you.”
“But I thought--” And that’s when he realized that all along, the person Jihoon had been telling other people that he loved was him.
“Y-you should’ve told me.” He cried harder this time, hugging Jihoon and burying his face in his neck.
“Sorry, I thought I was too obvious with being clingy and sleeping next to you,” Jihoon whispered planting a kiss on his head.
“No, you weren’t.” He said, and when Jihoon pulled away from the hug, he was pouting.
It made Jihoon smile, “You’re pouting…” Jihoon whispered, eyes on his lips, “I can finally do this, I guess.” And before Soonyoung could’ve asked, Jihoon had leaned forward again and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, surprising him.
“That’s not fair! I wasn’t ready!” He protested and Jihoon had laughed at him.
“Come on, eat your dinner.” Jihoon stood up from the bed, “I made your favorite.” He leaned down again and kissed Soonyoung on his forehead, “I’ll be back after my class, okay?”
Jihoon stood up properly and made his way to the door when Soonyoung asked, “So are we, you know?”
“Are we what?” There was a teasing smile on Jihoon and Soonyoung groaned loudly.
“Boyfriends.” Soonyoung asked, “Are we boyfriends now, Jihoonie?”
“Whatever you want, love,” Jihoon replied before walking out of the door.
And at that moment, he had decided that Jihoon was really bad for his heart.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
“Soonyoung.” He was then pulled out of his reverie when Seungcheol had patted his shoulder, “They’re here.” He said and Soonyoung smiled and nodded, taking his place in the middle.
He looked at each one of their friends and was very thankful for their help. They had met them when they were already working under the same entertainment company. He had become a choreographer and Jihoon had become a music producer.
Seungcheol and his team, Mingyu, Wonwoo, and Vernon, is one of the groups Jihoon have been producing songs, and as a way of being thankful to their producer, they had helped with the preparation of the foods. Mingyu had been cooking since he had arrived and the others had been helping him in the preparation of the ingredients (none of them were as good as Mingyu in the kitchen).
His team, Minghao, Jun, and Dino, had helped in setting up the place. He had first met Jun when he entered the company, followed by Minghao who was from China, and Dino who was a fresh graduate just a year ago. The three of them had been sharing ideas with each other about choreography and they would always consult one another to check the performance if they deem it okay or would need changes.
All in all, he was so grateful to have them right here, because as much as we wanted to do it all by himself, he knew that it'd probably be a disaster if he had continued with that plan.
Everyone was in their designated areas, and when the door opened, Seungkwan and Seokmin had entered first, the duo chatting loudly and excitedly as they proceeded to take their place in the side. They are also one of the people Jihoon produces songs, and like Seungcheol’s team, had been very thankful for making every song a success each time they made a comeback (Jihoon is very much thankful to them as well for making his songs alive).
Next came Joshua, who had smiled and took his place next to his boyfriend, Seokmin. Holding his hand to calm the other who was vibrating in excitement. Joshua is Seokmin and Seungkwan’s manager. He had been very accommodating to them when they had first entered the agency. And as much as Seokmin was thankful to Jihoon, Joshua was also grateful for how Jihoon takes good care of the two.
The last that came in was Jeonghan, together with the birthday boy. Jeonghan was the duo’s stylist, and seemingly having so much time in his hands, he was one of Soonyoung’s most trusted friends. He had just told him his plan, and Jeonghan was willing to do everything so that the plan would go smoothly.
And indeed he was thankful to everyone, especially when he saw the surprise on Jihoon’s face as he looked around their shared-apartment. He looked at everyone before he met his eyes, and Jihoon looked confused but at the same time very amused with what he did. Jihoon started walking towards him, he was looking around, stopping at the photos that were hanging by the string of the balloons and smiling after.
From their first photo when they were five, to their first photo as a couple, to the countless photos they’ve shared their whole life as friends and lovers. Jihoon took one and smiled, and Soonyoung instantly knew which photo it was, it is one of his favorites as well.
It was a photo taken at their graduation, Jihoon kissing his cheeks and him raising his diploma as a sign that they had finally finished university and was entering adulthood together. Jihoon liked the photo so much that he had it as his computer wallpaper in his own studio and at their home office. It was a sign of how long they have been together, a sign that every moment with each other counted, and that he had loved every bit of it.
Jihoon was now standing in front of him, waving the photo in his hand, “I was supposed to pretend I was angry at you.” He said before looking around and smiling at their friends, “But I guess this makes it up.”
Soonyoung chuckled lightly, wrapping an arm around Jihoon’s waist and kissing the temple of his head, “Sorry, I just wanted to surprise you once in a while.” He offered Jihoon the bouquet of flowers that he was holding and the other accepted it, “Happy Birthday, love.”
“Thank you.” Jihoon kissed Soonyoung’s cheeks before looking around, “This is actually nice.” Jihoon was smiling brightly, looking at the table of foods, “Thanks Mingoo for the food.” He said and the others had protested.
“Hey, we helped too!” Seungcheol pouted and Jeonghan was already next to him, patting his head.
Jihoon laughed, clearly teasing the other. Jihoon looked so happy, so content with everything in his life right now, but to Soonyoung, he thought that was it, that was the perfect moment. So when Jihoon had turned to look at him, he went down to his knee and Jihoon had followed his movements with wide eyes.
“Y-yah.” Jihoon stuttered, clearly having a clue of what was about to happen.
“Jihoon…” Soonyoung started, “Since we were five, we have been together for most of our lives. At first, I didn’t think we’d be in this situation right now, but today, I am so thankful for that project we were paired together because if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t be here today with you. I would’ve lost the chance to be with you and you’ll probably be somewhere else. I know, our love is not perfect, I know we sometimes have things we don’t agree on, I know I could be pretty dense with the things you want to say, I know that you could have someone better who deserves you, I know—” He was cut off when Jihoon cupped his cheeks.
Tears were already falling from Jihoon’s eyes but he couldn’t help chuckling, “You’re rambling again.”
He leaned into Jihoon’s touch and smiled before continuing, “What I want to say is, you always make every moment with you shine, Ji.” Shaking, he pulled out the small velvet box and opened it, showing Jihoon a simple silver band with a small diamond embedded in the middle, “So for what its worth, will you spend all of your moments with me forever?”
With the same bright smile Jihoon showed when he first told him he loves him, he put his hand out for Soonyoung to slide the ring, “Yes.” He breathed out and Soonyoung couldn’t help but release a shaky breath, shakily taking the ring out of the box and putting it on Jihoon’s finger.
Jihoon pulled him out and he leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips, soft and gentle, full of love and happiness. They both jumped in surprise when the other popped the party poppers and started cheering and congratulating them.
Soonyoung smiled and thanked the others for their help and support, when he looked back at Jihoon, he saw him admiring the ring on his hand, a smile never leaving his lips. And when the latter turned and met his eyes, Soonyoung knew he had fallen in love with the right person.
“I love you…” He mouthed and the other smiled even more.
“I love you too…” He replied before turning back to their friends and showing his new ring proudly.