Work Text:
dear diary,
today i spent more time with minyoung! she’s very pretty, and i think she’s super cool. i don’t know why more people aren’t trying to be her friend! she has an amazing voice. i’m a little jealous and i’m the idol!
i... might have a crush on her? she makes me really happy.
dear diary,
I’ve been working really hard. i think we’re gonna have a comeback soon! i don’t know how we’re so successful for a rookie group- it’s a little scary! but i’m so grateful to our fans and our company who support us so kindly! mr. park keeps an eye on us and asks after dongho hyung and jaewon hyung’s health all the time. i wonder if he thinks dongho hyung works too hard hahaha! he probably does, if he has to cover eyebags with concealer!
dear diary,
i got told i was really good in vocal practice today! i’m the youngest, so i’m super scared of letting down the others, it’s a relief to know I’m doing okay!
minsoo hyung was late to practice, he seemed kinda upset. i know i’m just a kid to him, but i wish i could cheer him up.
dear diary,
we started reading the good earth in school today. it makes me sad how someone could be so cruel to the person who gave up so much of themself to help them. poor o lan...
i should probably finish the reading instead of write about it, haha!
dear diary,
jaewon hyung got in another fight and was so late to practice that we were waiting for an hour. he came in with a limp and a black eye! so i finished the good earth while we waited. i don’t know why i’m so stuck on how wang lung basically forgot how much o lan did for him. i hope i’m never like that.
dongho hyung just looked really sadly at me when i asked. i guess he still remembers it too!
dear diary,
today, someone asked me why i hung out with that fat pig. they were talking about minyoung.
i don’t know how to react to all of this.
that’s cuz i probably already knew this was what people said and didn’t want to talk about it.
do i avoid the question like i avoid the question about jaewon hyung? wouldn’t not knowing make her happier?
i was happier when i didn’t know.
well, i guess i knew the whole time. but i was happier pretending i didn’t.
dear diary,
am i a liar? i’m doing what i used to do but i feel so wrong. i knew and refused to admit it and look at me-
i can’t even look at myself in the mirror. i’m... ashamed, i think. and i should be. the choreographer hyungnim got mad at me for being so distracted during practice. it’s sitting in my mind and i don’t know what to do. or who to ask.
dear diary,
it’s dogging me everywhere i go. somebody lied because they didn’t say something makes a scandal, is a plot in a drama i see on a tv display i pass headed to school.
i heard a preacher in the streets, he yelled that lying is a sin.
all i’m doing is keeping a painful truth from Minyoung’s ears.
so tell me, dear diary, am i a sinner?