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time heals all wounds, honest conversation does so more.

Summary:

Zoro turns down Kozuki Hiyori's invitation to the festival celebrating Luffy's defeat of Kaido, and now he's *strums on guitar* forced to face the music.

Notes:

spoilers for the wano arc, including references to chapters that have not been animated yet.

edit: 8/9/2021: this was written before chapter 1022!!

edit: 15/6/2022: minor edits to make this slightly more canon compliant.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It all begins because Zoro was an asshole to a girl.

Specifically, to Kozuki Hiyori. The most beautiful woman in all of Wano decides to shoot her shot and invite the handsome swordsman to the festival celebrating Luffy's defeat of Kaido and Wano's liberation from the Beast Pirates. She won't get rejected; she has never been turned down by a man before.

...Until now.

Zoro is sharpening Wado, not even looking up from his work he casually says, “that he’s not into women, and not interested in her.”

Hiyori is taken aback. She was not used to rejection and was caught off guard by the swordsman’s sincere but blunt honesty. She tells him that she should not be spoken to like that and deserves respect as a woman. She storms off and it takes a second for Zoro, forever the most subtle person in the room, to realize that he had screwed up.

(Momonosuke would chew him out later for it, telling Zoro that he should slit his belly for what he said to his younger sister. Zoro takes it because, well, Momo’s a good older brother despite being mentally eighteen years younger than her. He respects that he is protecting her honor like any good samurai.)

Zoro decides that he needs to swallow his pride and have an honest conversation with this woman he might have led on. He meets her sitting outside her room in the castle, smoking her pipe and looking towards the well-kept garden. A deer scare mechanically making a plop sound every few minutes as it fills up and spills out in the dwindling hours of the afternoon.

He doesn’t want to be having this conversation at all. He would rather just crawl back into his bachelor cave forever and try not to think about how inconvenient sexual orientation is. But he wouldn’t be a man if he couldn’t be honest to her. He could see Mihawk silently shaking his head at him and his sensei rolling his eyes, judging him for his obliviousness.

Kunia would probably be teasing him about it. Laughing at how awkward he is. He could almost hear the girl cackling “Well, you lost again Zoro!” Dammit.

He sits criss-cross next to her as she takes a drag on her pipe. They sit silently for a few minutes until Zoro sighs and announces he’s sorry.

“I didn’t mean to come off as insincere. I get asked that question a lot by random women so it didn’t register to me how it would come off to someone I consider a friend.” He says, scratching the back of his neck. His face feels warm, and he refuses to look her directly in the eyes.

Hiyori doesn’t look at him either, she continues to stare into the garden, sighs, and passes the pipe to Zoro. Silently insisting that he takes a turn.

“I’m not used to rejection like that.” She responds as he inhales the smoke, and he feels just a bit more relaxed.

“Of course, you’re an oiran.” He says, taking another hit on the pipe before handing it back to Hiyori. “Nobody rejects you unless they’re,” Zoro gestures to himself with wide eyes, in an attempt of self-deprecation. “Y’know, gay.”

Hiyori lets out a dry laugh. She couldn’t hold a grudge against the man who saved her life, her family, and her country. “I’m surprised you didn’t say married people as well.” She says with the most endearing smile.

“You can’t count the number of married men you have fucked over the years on your hands, can you?” He asks with a grin, leading to another, louder laugh from the courtesan. The laughter is making them more comfortable

“Ok, fine. You got me there.” She replies, taking another puff on her pipe and hands it back to Zoro before groaning. “Rejection isn’t fun.

“Men are the worse. No tact. Just like myself.” He says taking another drag on the pipe, balancing it between clenched teeth.

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” She tells him, nudging him to pass the pipe along and hoping that her father’s heirloom doesn’t have teeth marks all over it.

“You could say that.” Zoro passes the pipe back to Hiyori for her inspection. No bite marks, she inhales one more time before dumping the old tobacco out into a cigarette holder. “Elaborate. I want to know.” She asks, finally turning to face him.

Zoro’s face, which had finally returned to normal, lit up bright red again.

He isn’t romantic. He would rather just slit his throat then get lovey-dovey, unlike a certain curly brow cook. Generally, he does one-night stands and gets out of there before he catches feelings. He doesn’t get rejected a lot, he’s gotten good at reading the room, scoping out those who would be down for it and for him.

A lot of people find him handsome. He doesn’t get it.

He doesn’t talk about sex either unless someone brings it up. In the grand scheme of life, his goals and dreams, the people who he finds attractive is minute. He would like to convince himself of that. But Roronoa Zoro also likes a challenge, and his first rejection was a test to him.

He drags his hand down his face then turns to Hiyori, still red in the face, sputtering out words. “I got turned down by a boy once when I was nineteen, I might be bitter about it.”

Hiyori draws slightly closer to him, Zoro is taken aback and moves from sitting crisscross in front of the garden to sitting on his knees facing the woman. “I’ve known men who have sat in their anger for longer than that. Tell me more?” She tells him, inching closer to his face.

Zoro really doesn’t want to, but he gives in. “He doesn’t like men” He narrows his eyebrows and sighs, appearing defeated. Hiyori backs off slightly, assuming a position like him. “He asked me what kind of women I was into and when I told him I wasn’t interested he just said that it was ‘disappointing’ that I wasn’t into women before fucking off to bother Onami”

Hiyori perked up a bit. “Someone on your crew?”

Zoro wants to smash his head against the porch to destroy the brain cell that made him say Nami of all people. “Yes, the cook.” He growls, looking down and digging his nails into his thighs almost drawing blood through the fabric of his yukata. He could feel his throat close and hives beginning to form on his face. His body’s visceral reaction to Sanji was not an abnormality, it was trying to protect him from hurting his pride. Too late for that.

Hiyori didn’t seem to notice that Zoro was having an allergic reaction. Instead, the oiran cocks her head to the side, trying to remember who the cook was before snapping her fingers. “Sangoro, right?”

“Yes, him.” Zoro looks down bashfully.

Hiyori shrugs her shoulders. “He’s certainly handsome, just a little overbearing. I can see the appeal.”

He shakes his head. “He’s only like that towards women, he despises men,” Zoro remembers the time Sanji went on a drunk tangent. Declaring that if he ruled the world, he would “outlaw all men and build a matriarchy with Nami as the queen.” He disputed this proclaiming he would instigate a masculine revolution to take down the feminine dictatorship, much to the cook’s ire.

(“To be a man would be a crime and they will all be executed as punishment!” The cook climbed up on the aquarium’s bar and beat his chest once. Zoro swallowed the whiskey in his mouth and placed the empty cup on top of the bar with a thud. “Wouldn’t that mean you will also need to die? He asks with a sly grin. The cook bites his lip and double downs on his statement. “I would gladly kill myself for the sake of the Queen! Right, Nami?”

She laughs, “No need to kill yourself, you can be useful to me as a manservant.” The cook looks slightly relieved. “Yes sir!” He salutes her before hopping off the bar, grabbing the whiskey bottle to top off Zoro’s glass.)

Although they were just joking, it felt like a sincere acknowledgment that Sanji didn’t care for male attention. Something about it just didn’t make sense to Zoro. Their rivalry is something to keep him on his toes and it was fun to mess with the cook about their bounty posters (before he got that massive raise after.) He didn’t think his irritation over the cook’s rejection was the driving force behind their frequent bickering. But the obsession he had for the cook went beyond a mere rivalry.

If he could pinpoint the moment he became sexually frustrated with Sanji, it would be all the way back to that conversation in the East Blue. His rejection left a bitter taste, and instead of accepting it, he decided to act out his frustration on him. He wasn’t sure if that meant anything, where the resentment ended and where, uh, feelings began. He thought he was over it during the two years they were apart. But seeing the cook again awakened in him something fierce that had only maintained its momentum over the two or so months they’ve been reunited.

The arranged wedding just made it worse. Who fucking knew that bastard wasn’t kidding about being a prince?

Sanji was annoying, and Zoro has just wanted closure since.

“Are you going to tell me when he rejected you?”

“Huh?” Snapped back to the conversation he was having with the oiran. He stared at her confused then replied, “I thought I already told you?”

Hiyori’s face turned from an expression of bewilderment to stern as she narrowed her eyebrows. “You consider that a rejection?”

“Uh yes,” He said, but now he feels unsure of that. “He told me he was disappointed that I wasn’t in the girls, I’m pretty sure that means he’s not interested in-“

Hiyori slaps him, he hadn’t expected because his guard was down. His body was slammed into the wooden floor. “That isn’t a rejection!” She stood over him with clenched teeth and fists.

“What do you know? You weren’t there, you don’t understand the context!” He snaps back, sitting upright and rubbing his cheek. She packs a punch and he wonders if Denjiro or Kawamatsu were considerate enough to teach her Haki because that shit hurt like a motherfucker.

Hiyori glares at him before kneeling back down and giving him the biggest pouty face. “He didn’t say yes or no,” she muttered with puffed-out cheeks.

Oh, goodness. “That’s what you’re basing this on?!” He was trying but failing to yell, he was starting to get flustered and red in the face. “Read the room, he doesn’t like men!” It felt weird to tell someone how oblivious they were being. He was dense; however, he didn’t expect Hiyori to be so literal-minded.

There was a bit of awkward silence between them, staring at each other. Hiyori bit her lip before saying “You said to me that you weren’t interested in women and that you weren’t interested in me.”

Hearing her repeat the words he had told her earlier in such a dejected tone made Zoro’s heart sink.

“He never said he wasn’t interested in men.” She continued. “He just said he was disappointed that you weren’t interested in women, am I wrong?”

The realization is slow to hit the swordsman but when it does, he audibly gulps, his face feels like it's burning. She’s right. There was no point that the cook had said that he wasn’t interested in men either, but his brain just internalized as if he wasn’t. Sure, the curly brow idiot has made his vitriol for men well known. That wasn’t any indication of his sexuality, maybe just his preference.

Hiyori continues, “I might be wrong because you’re right. I don’t know the mood. But to me, it sounded like he was trying to get to know you better. Men get to know one another through their mutual interests. Perhaps he just wanted to know your type.”

She was being presumptuous. Since when has he ever been interested in him? He remembers near the beginning the cook would ask him stupid questions like “What’s your favorite food?” “Do you have any allergies?” “What’s your favorite brand of sake?” “Mind showing me how you sharpen your blades?” Zoro mostly ignored him. The cook had this haughty attitude that pissed him off, these questions were merely transactional. The cook finally retaliated by throwing up his hands and saying “Fine! If you die, you die. I don’t care what happens to you! You're a piece of shit!” He stopped after that.

Is it possible that he was confusing some sincere attempt to know him between the mess of survey questions the cook asked him all that time ago? Zoro shook his head. He’s an idiot.

He sighs an admission of defeat, muttering “I get it” under his breath. They just overthrew Kaido, for sure. But this lady who barely stood up to his chest was running him through a grinder. It feels less of a struggle to admit he’s wrong to her because this entire conversation is just about how much of a fuck up, he is, isn’t it? He probably deserves this for how insensitive he was. 

“I’m sorry for leading you on. Again.” Zoro can’t even make eye contact with her saying that he begins to get up and leave. Telling her he’ll see her later at the banquet before Hiyori pulls him back down. “What are you going to do now?” She asks.

“I was just going to go take a nap.” He replies before getting smacked on the head. “Hey! What was that for- “

“What are you going to do about him?” Hiyori interrupts him staring bullets into his brain. She crosses her arms demanding an answer from him. He’s rubbing the part of his head where her palm met his skull, clenching his jaw. This time he did see it coming and it still hurt! “There is nothing to be done! I don’t even like him.” He retorts.

“That’s a lie.” She replied coldly, sending shivers down his spine. Something about her vocalizing the truth could hurt him more than a blade to his flesh. “You’re still hung up on him after all this time. You’re telling me that isn’t a crush?”

“S-stop.” He began stuttering as the pure mental damage of the word “crush” could kill him. Crush was the correct word, probably, he thinks. But what was he? Some teenager hiding with a love letter behind a tree outside of town, just waiting for that boy to walk down the road. He wasn’t some blushing schoolgirl. He didn’t want to be, but she was making this difficult. He would rather just end his life than admit he was harboring, maybe, quite possibly a crush on a boy.

He was hoping Hiyori would just do it for him, as was already rolling around on the floor coughing up blood. Just end him right here and collect his bounty. Certainly that would help Wano rebuild.

But then the oiran begins laughing. Zoro shot back off the floor and wipe the blood from around his mouth. “What’s so funny about this?” he yells, and she begins laughing louder, scaring some of the birds out of the garden. “You’re dramatic, and that’s saying something coming from me.” She says after calming down. She's smiling. “You should tell Sangoro how you really feel.”

“It’s not that simple!” Zoro tells her. He can tell he’s being backed into a corner. She just rolls her eyes and grabs Zoro’s wrist and pulls him up from the floor. “You deserve a straightforward answer don’t you think?”

Or just a straight answer. He looks down at the woman whose soft eyes hardly hid her determination. He had to admit, but Hiyori was a lot like him, believing in simple answers to complex questions. This probably seemed easy enough for her. However, She didn’t know Sanji, and saying the cook was complicated was an understatement. Zoro didn’t believe this could be solved by him talking it out. He clenches his teeth and looks away before sighing. He owed this her, after all of that. “Fine. I’ll go talk to the cook.”

“Yes!” She blurts out, attempting to punch the air. Instead, her fist connects directly to Zoro’s jaw. He is sent flying into the roof of the building. His body hanging limply from the ceiling, with debris falling where he was once standing.

“Zorojuro!” She yells, all too unaware of her strength. She attempts to pull the swordsman out of the ceiling but is freaking out in the process.

Zoro just wants to know where she learned how to punch like that.

**

Hiyori patched up Zoro’s face as best she could and began to lead him to the kitchen, where the cook was currently helping prepare a feast for hundreds, if not thousands of samurai and citizens for the festival. This was Sanji's niche, after all, he feeds the future pirate king daily, which is a concerted effort.

Zoro begrudgingly admits that’s more than talent, most cooks would lose their mind feeding the crew of the Thousand Sunny. Yet, the curly brow bastard does it naturally. 

The oiran has him by the wrist, leading him up the branches of the tree that the castle was located on. The view from the castle itself, overlooking the Flower Capital and various dominions of Wano was a truly breathtaking sight. Cherry blossoms fell and were picked up by the breeze to be spread throughout the city. It was a lovely evening for the festival.

Zoro would appreciate this more if he wasn’t so distracted by what he wanted to say to the cook.

They arrived at the back of the castle where the kitchen was located. It was connected to the outside of the building and led directly onto one of the biggest branches of the tree. The castle was really an elaborate treehouse and architectural marvel that one could only encounter in the New World.

“Ah, there he is!” Hiyori stops and points to a figure standing on one of the bigger branches of the tree. A tall blond was busy trying to light his cigarette while holding a lighter and a tray at the same time. He doesn’t want to accidentally set the tree on fire, necessitating the need for the tray to collect the ash while he was there. A minor inconvenience for a very inconvenient habit.

He figures it out and places the lighter back in a pouch tucked in his sleeve. Flicking some of the ash off using his tongue to wobble the back cigarette clenched between his teeth. The cook looked mildly impressed with how he pulled that off, this is great ammunition for Zoro because the cook looked like a dork.

Wait. No. He shakes his head. Don’t call the cook a dork. Start with that and you’ll make this conversation impossible.

He then feels Hiyori remove her hand from his wrist. He looks down at the girl who gave him a determined smile. “You got this!” She gives him a thumbs-up, pushes him slightly forward, causing him to gasp audibly before scurrying off to hide in the flower petals.

“Get back here!” He begins to yell at her, but she’s already camouflaged herself among the flowers. Is this what she meant by moral support? Hiyori raised her thumb again from her hiding place and Zoro dragged his hand down his face. 

Of course, the cook noticed the commotion.

“Hey Mosshead, what’s going on down there?” Effortlessly jumping down from the bigger branch to the one Zoro was standing on to approach him. “Are you lost again?”

Was he playing dumb? He should have already noticed the oiran and completely lost it. The man's Observation Haki outclasses his, unfortunately. One look at her and he’d shoot back up to the upper branch by the sheer force of his blood pressure alone. Does he seriously not notice anyone else here?

“I’m not lost, I meant to come here.” He says through gritted teeth, pressing his fingernails into the palm of this hand. “Oh, I’m sure.” The cook had this shit-eating grin for whatever reason and flicked some ash in the tray. “Your face looks kind of fucked. Did you mean the visit the medical bay? Because it ain’t here.”

This wasn’t gonna work. He’s already lost control of the situation and the cook is just going to stand there and insult him.

“It looks like you got tossed through a ceiling. What did you do this time?” He’s laughing. But also, he’s right.

“…Bear attack.” Zoro mumbles. Oh, fucking goodness.

Zoro wants his brain to stop saying things. Immediately. Right now.

Sanji doesn’t look convinced. He gestures with his right hand, causing the smoke from his cigarette to dance in the air as his hand jumped from side to side. “Bear attack?” He repeats. Zoro swallows, he can feel his face burning for what feels like the fiftieth time today. He nods. “Yes, there was a bear attack. The bear attacked me. I defended myself from.” He points to his beat-up face. “The bear.” Exasperated.

Curly brow rubbed his chin, he was trying to suppress a smile because he knew the swordsman was full of shit. He pressed further: “This bear slapped you with the palm of her hand. Then, she knocked you on the head before uppercutting in the jaw?”

Zoro could feel his face twitching, He wasn’t going to even ask how he was able to deduce exactly what Hiyori did to him earlier. “Yes.”

“And the bear is how you ended up here.” The cook narrows his eyes and takes a quick drag on the cigarette.

“Y-Yes.” Zoro blurts out. “I was chasing the bear around the tree when she ran off into some bushes. I lost her, and then your shitty face showed up.” He points to the cook, to turn this back on him.

“Oook.” The cook replied with a shrug. “I really don’t know how this beautiful lady is going to feel about you calling her a ‘bear’ but that’s your funeral I suppose.”

Oh, FUCK him. Zoro knew Hiyori was still hiding out in the branches somewhere. He’s going to have the answer to that later. Probably apologize to Momo for calling his sister a bear and promise to seppuku himself out of existence this time. Hell, maybe the future shogun could decapitate him because the shitty cook won’t finish the job.

Zoro prepares to draw his swords because screw this! He’s just going to fight it out and never attempt this again. Sorry, Hiyori. An attempt was made, and he completely blew it.

“Hold up.” Sanji holds up his hand, signaling the swordsman to take his hands of the hilts. He’s completely mellowed out in comparison to Zoro, but his face carries a bit of concern. “Why are you really here?”

“To fight you.” He pulls out Wado, placing the sword in both of his hands. The hilt felt slippery and he realizes his hands are clammy. Gross. The nerves were causing him to sweat. That and the current state of his head made him look like a hot mess, how embarrassing.

The cook leans his head in the direction that Hiyori ran off to earlier, shifting his eyes over there before returning eye contact with Zoro. Do you really want to fight in front of her? The cook’s awareness caused Zoro to stumble slightly, before regaining his composure. He repeats the question. “Why are you really here?”

Again, Zoro finds himself backed into a corner. He’s bothered by the fact that these two particularly knew how the press his buttons so well. A testament to how similar he was to Hiyori and how well the cook knew him. He re-sheaths Wado but keeps his hand on the hilt. Hoping that some of Kunia’s strength comes through to him. “Can we talk?”

Zoro wasn’t sure how the cook was going to react to that. Probably just laugh and tell him to fuck off somewhere. However, the cook didn’t say a word. He blew some smoke out and nodded. Zoro couldn’t read him, his expression looked blank. This was either going to go poorly or better than expected. It's better just to be upfront with him.

“Hiyori asked me out.” He says calmly, and the cook’s eyes widened immediately. “And you turned her down?” He finishes Zoro’s thought, looking slightly amused.

This would be a whole lot easier if the cook didn’t interrupt him. “Yes.” He answered, fingers tapping nervously on Wado’s hilt. “But don’t get any ideas about a rebound, she won’t talk to you until we discuss things.” Snapping back before Sanji even had the chance to properly respond.

The cook rolled his eyes, groaning and letting his shoulders sag. So obnoxious, Zoro should just end it all here for him. He starts impatiently waving his hand around. “We’re talking right now, so get on with it?” 

Zoro forgets what he says next, it spills out faster than he can process it. He points to the cook, looking very exasperated. “What kind of men are you interested in!?” He then visibly tenses realizing what he just said, and the fact that he’d reached the point of no return.

It’s too hard for Zoro to look at Sanji’s face, but he notices the slight bit of agitation in the cook’s expression and immediately turns around to leave. “This was a bad idea, I’m going. Good luck with Hiyori”

“Wait,” The cook says, and Zoro stops walking.

He doesn’t turn around, but there is an uncomfortable silence. It's only about five seconds but it feels far longer than that. Zoro’s Observation Haki is heightened now, owing to this flight response. He hears the cook shift around. Shoulders shrugging. The temperature of his skin rising, his own heart racing. “If that is some preface to asking me out, honestly I’m not-“

He begins to walk away for good, to compartmentalize this entire experience and pray that he doesn’t use it against him in the future. He most certainly will. However, Sanji continues speaking. “-usually interested in guys like you.”

Zoro does a 180 immediately. What did he just say? His jaw almost drops to the ground. “What do you mean by ‘usually interested?’” He blurts out defensively. His brain continues to short-circuit because none of this is making sense.

The cook takes a deep drag on his cigarette, blowing smoke out as he comes up with an answer. “You’re impulsive, insensitive, and lazy. Guys gotta sell me more on their personality and yours is fucking shit.”

Shit personality? Like he was one to talk! Zoro could wax poetic about this annoying, horny smartass who thought he was better than everyone else. However, he was still reading Sanji’s pulse and it was beating faster. He wasn’t done.

“But you’re a nice guy. Even though you’re so detached, you’re just another big softie who’d put his life on the line for any decent person.” Sanji remains calm on the surface, but he smashes his cigarette out in the ashtray. If it wasn’t for Observation Haki, Zoro would not notice how distressed he was. He was keeping it together a lot better than Zoro was. As if he had already known what he was going to say in this situation for a long time. “You have values, you’re a good person and that outweighs your less desirable aspects.”

Zoro stood up straight, he really had nothing to say. It was a backhanded compliment; he shouldn’t take it. He looked over to the bushes, seeing Hiyori poked her head out. A gentle reminder that the cook still hasn’t said no.

“So?” Sanji is crossing his arms, looking impatient.

“So what?” Zoro finally snaps back, trying to get his wits together.

“Are you going to be the blunt shithead I know and ask me the question you want to ask? Or, are you just going to avoid it like a coward?” The cook asks pointedly, Zoro could almost feel it piercing his chest because fuck it, he’s right. He should just ask.

“Do you wanna go to the festival with me?” Zoro asks in quick succession, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. He tenses up for Sanji’s answer, swallowing hard and bracing for an actual rejection.

Sanji then loosens up, he’s smirking like a smug son of a bitch. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go with you.” He’s laughing.

Zoro collapses to the ground because holy fuck he said yes. Zoro feels the weight taken off his shoulders. Like someone gifted him a barrel full of sake. Absolute joy. He pushes himself off the ground, walking towards Sanji with his mind still racing. “You’r-“

“Not straight?” Sanji completes his sentence as they’re finally standing face to face. “Occasionally there are good-looking guys.” He shrugs his shoulders and reaches in his sleeve for another cigarette. “I used to repress the shit out of that, but after that whole wedding disaster I’ve decided to quit lying to myself.”

Sanji would have said no to him two years ago. Zoro doesn’t think about it too hard, it's cathartic how timing works here. The point was he said yes right here and now.

He was still stunned by the cook’s answer. Sanji lights his cigarette and places the lighter back in the pouch. “Do you have a plan for tonight or what?”

Oh, well. Shit. He was so caught up in everything else that he didn’t even think of what’s next. As soon as he moves his mouth to say “No” Hiyori pops up from the bush and makes her way over to the men. “Well, I was just going to take him out for drinks.” She said, eyes a tad puffy as she appeared to have been crying.

“See that worked out for you well, Zorojuro.” She pulls him into a little side hug, much to his embarrassment. He appreciated the encouragement from her, no matter how painful it was in practice.

And of course, his date’s face immediately turns into one of his goofy lovesick grins. “Of course, there’s room for you Hiyori-sama if you want to join us!”

“No.” She said turning to face the cook. “You two enjoy yourselves. Please.” She leans in to kiss Sanji on the cheek, much to his absolute joy. Collapsing onto the ground as Hiyori began to walk away, turning again to face Zoro looking just a little bittersweet. “You deserve your happiness, Zorojuro.”

Hiyori was a good person, she deserved happiness too. But he isn’t some sappy sentimental person. He just nods and waves as she walks away.

Sanji gets off the ground, brushing himself off. “Damn, we could’ve had a threesome.” Flicking some ash into the tray.

Of fucking course, the perverted cook was at it again. “Is that why you said yes?” Zoro yells, ready to cut him and maybe end this date before it began. Sanji grits his teeth and yells back. “Yeah! Like half the reason!” he stomps his foot in preparation for a Diable Jambe if necessary. Despite the fact they were currently arguing on top of a tree.

Zoro groaned and grabbed his date's hand, much to the cook’s shock. “Ok, drinks. We’re getting drinks.”

Sanji snorts, but his face was red clearly embarrassed by Zoro’s sudden nerve “And I suppose I’m paying for tonight, aren’t I?”

Fucking dammit. Zoro slaps his face in response, much to Sanji’s amusement. “It's fine,” The cook began dragging him in the direction of the festival. “Maybe nothing will come of this and you will owe me nothing.”

He sighs and forces himself to walk beside his date as they descended the tree.

**

“Wake-up call! This is a wake-up call!” Brook was wandering the Straw Hat’s temporary housing, making sure everyone was up and ready to begin the day. He sifted through several empty rooms before coming across Zoro’s room. Phasing into it using his Devil Fruit powers.

“Zoro! It’s time to wake up! The castle staff is preparing breakfast for all of us and we don’t want to be late!” he began to yell.

But then the skeleton’s ghostly jaw detached.

Zoro was up, odd considering the man could sleep through lunch. But sleeping beside him, of all people, was… Sanji?

“What? Zoro and Sanji!?!” Brook began to yell, getting the attention of Zoro who held up a finger to his mouth. “Sssssh, Brook.” The swordsman settled back down with Sanji began to play with the sleeping cook’s blond locks. “We’ll be down soon, ok?” he whispered.

Brook nodded, so this was happening now. “Yohoho, of course. See you two soon.” And he phased out of the room to check for the others.

Zoro wrapped his arms around the cook, pulling him closer towards his body. Sanji moaned slightly, shifting slightly to better accommodate the swordsman’s frame. It was warm, comfortable and Zoro could see Sanji smiling from the corner of his eye. They’ll get up soon and fight about it, but for now, it was good.

Notes:

i've had this sitting in my folder since august. it was going to be longer, but i decided to slim it down since it was dragging on.

i'm not sure how this is going to land because rejection is hard! i want to do it justice, especially for hiyori because i love her so much and i also like the idea of her and zoro talking about how dumb boys are.

the title is lyric from the song "zookeeper submarine" by strawberry mountain, or how i'm hearing the lyric from the song. the internet is inconclusive lmao.