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kageyama tobio had never known true heartache until he met you.
you with your bright eyes and wide smile, he had never wanted anything as much as he did when he saw you. the only rivaling thing in his mind was his passion for volleyball, and that was his entire world.
he was so deeply in love with you and it ached. so imagine the ecstasy in his mind when he found out you were just as far deep for him as he was for you, even after his quite awkward confession.
two years had passed since then, and he would say without hesitation that it was the best two years of his life. he had spent those two years loving you and being loved by you. you had healed him, shown him what it felt like to be truly cared for and loved like no other.
you would kiss his fingertips for good luck before his games, run your fingers through his soft black hair when he was too tense, and his favorite of all of the effortlessly caring things you did for him, you would always make it a habit to write beautiful songs for him on the spot when he was upset, your angelic voice lulling him to sleep on the most burdening days.
he loved you more than he thought he could ever love anything in this world, possibly more than volleyball too. he loved the way your laugh was loud yet music to his ears, the way your eyes sparkled when you spoke about something you loved, and the way your entire face would visibly light up at the sight of him, but most of all he loved how you supported everything he did, even if it hurt you in the end.
which it did.
you were right by his side right before the biggest game of his life, the one that had the scouts from the schweiden adlers watching him. you sang an effortlessly beautiful song you made for him as you warmed his hands in yours, and stared lovingly at him like he was the most incredible being on this earth. he visibly relaxed as he watched your focused eyes shut while you created lyrics on the spot, and he leaned forward to press a feather-light kiss on your forehead. you opened your eyes and smiled softly at him, and he blurted the first thing that came to mind.
“i love you.” was what he said, staring at you lovingly.
you brought his hands to your lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of his hand as you stared up at him, a soft smile displayed on your face.
“i know.” was what you replied, without a moment of hesitation in that statement.
--
but if he loved you, how could he have been so cruel to hurt you the way that he knew he did?
he brushed a fallen tear from his cheek as he packed his gym bag, pulling his phone from the small pocket on the side. he stared at the small milk shaped phone charm that you gave him at the beginning of your relationship, tears welling in his eyes as he remembered all of the things he could no longer see, no longer do, and most importantly, what he didn’t have.
he would no longer watch the pure joy on your face as you made a successful batch of cookies, could no longer bring you your favorite onigiri on bad days, no longer kiss your cheeks as they flushed from something he did to make you flustered, and what ached in his heart most of all, was knowing he didn’t have you anymore.
--
he sat on the school bus in silence, without your voice chattering away beside him as he listened intently, unknowingly hanging onto every single word you spoke. your voice was always so smooth and soothing, but could always become so loud and endearing at other times.
he scrolled mindlessly past other apps and social media when he came across his snapchat. he had about 20 unopened messages from hinata, about 7 of them were videos explaining how he like the way that he had set the ball that game, and two unopened photos from you from a few days ago. he clicked on the nickname that he had created for you two years ago, allowing his heart to ache once more when he saw your smiling face from when he had bought you gummy worms and sent them to your house when he couldn’t go due to practice times.
he saw that you had posted something on your story, so he subconsciously clicked on the icon, bringing the image of your guitar larger on his screen. it was captioned ‘writing again! posting soon!’. the image was posted about an hour ago, around the time kageyama had left to meet with the scouts. he knew it never took you a long time to write songs, so he found himself fishing his headphones out of his bag to plug into his phone quickly. he clicked to the next snap, pressing the volume button higher to be able to hear the song you wrote. the video began with your face close to the screen, adjusting the camera to a decent angle. your tongue stuck out slightly as you moved the camera, and only then did he notice the slight redness and puffiness of your eyes, and his heart ached at the sight. he watched as you let out a sigh as you fixed the guitar in your lap.
you began strumming a few strings on your guitar, and kageyama watched as you softly sang the first few words, his heart already slowly breaking.
“better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all.”
of course. you’d see the bright side in every situation, even one that he could see had torn you apart.
“better to have to bear the heartache, than never get to experience ‘the fall’.”
he knew your heart was aching, by the small quiver of your bottom lip as you sang, by the way your eyes glistened in the light of your bedroom. you both knew how hard you fell for the other, how deeply and how quickly you fell in love. the reminder of the day you both blurted your love for the other sent a pang to kageyama’s chest, deepening the furrow in his brow.
he watched as your hurt expression contorted into one of pure despair, how your tears threatened to fall as you sang the next verse.
“better to be broken right now, than go my whole life without, knowing what it felt like to be loved by you.”
by then several tears had fallen from your eyes, the ones usually filled with such enthusiasm whenever you'd speak to him, were now dull and utterly broken. his eyes brimmed with tears as he listened to the slight cracks in your voice as you sang, but he still thought you looked and sounded absolutely perfect.
“but sometimes, love is pain. and you gotta do what’s best for you.”
he let the first tear fall at this line, his ‘pretty blueberry eyes’ as you’d call it, now showing more emotion than his teammates had ever seen before. they were seeing it now, though.
he watched as more tears streamed down your face, with sobs threatening to leave his body as he watched you sound as broken as you did.
you had both mutually broken up after hearing the news from the schweiden adlers that he had been accepted, and you believed he should focus on his dreams and pursue the things he had worked so hard for. you smiled at him and told him that everything would be okay, but he could see the tear you had brushed away quickly and frowned at the sad smile you sent him as you told, no, encouraged him, like you always did.
of course, he agreed, because if it came down to it, he would have given you the moon if you asked him for it. no matter how much it hurt to hear you and see you force yourself through pain just for him, he vowed to make you so proud one day, and that was a promise he could keep to you.
“i just wished that the dreams that you’re leaving to chase...involved chasing me..too.”
the wall he had managed to keep up had finally crumbled as he listened to you strum the final chord, sing the final few words, and what had truly shattered his heart, was the forced smile you sent to the camera, with your eyes, the brightest eyes he had ever seen, looking so utterly heartbroken as they flooded with tears. he cried as he heard a soft sob from the video, not bothering to care who was watching or listening to him. he clicked out of the video and closed his eyes, leaning his head on the back of his chair.
“always, my love. i’ll chase after you. after all, you were one of my dreams too.”