Archive of Our Own

🐻🐰 

“BEOMGYU-HYUNG!”

Beomgyu winces at the sudden shout and opens his eyes, jerked out of the light doze he’d been falling into as he listened to music. He takes out the pods in his ears. “Dude, what? You know I can hear you perfectly fine.”

Kai grins at him from across the practice room, unrepentant. “Just in case. Anyway, you want in on our midnight snack tonight?” he offers, wiggling his phone to indicate he has the delivery app open and ready to take his order.

“What are you guys having?”

“Some seafood something something, Taehyun wanted to try this new restaurant out.”

Beomgyu wrinkles his nose. “What else is on their menu?” he asks, and when Kai lists down their non-seafood choices, shakes his head in final answer. “No thanks.”

Kai shrugs easily. “Suit yourself,” he says as he taps away, order finalized. 

They lapse back into easy silence, the type of quiet that’s really only possible at the end of a productive day. Kai giggles every so often at whatever it is he’s busy with on his phone, and Beomgyu leaves one pod out, content to let the white noise wash over him and lull him back into that blurry zone between sleep and consciousness.

He must have fully dozed off for a while, though, because the next thing he’s aware of is the crackle of aluminum foil being unwrapped and the scent of something decidedly fishy permeating the air-conditioned room. 

He yawns and stretches, looking around. Kai is still in his spot, cross-legged on the floor and this time joined by Taehyun, who’s fussing over the freshly-delivered food, sniffing in appreciation. Beomgyu twists his face in mild distaste, and then his brain wakes up enough to register something.

“Hey, where’s Soobin?”

Kai looks up from where he’d been clicking his chopsticks in anticipation and offers a one-shoulder shrug in reply, obviously more interested in Taehyun as the other boy lays their mini-feast out properly. Beomgyu’s brow furrows in confusion when Taehyun reaches over to clear some space up and he sees there’s not enough food for their three habitual midnight snackers. 

Huh. Odd. Usually Soobin would be right there with the two maknaes, and not even to mention that the menu of the night is seafood, one of his favorites. 

“Don’t worry, I asked him if he wanted some food too,” Taehyun pipes up, and huh, Beomgyu didn’t say anything out loud? 

“Taehyun-ah, please stop reading my mind,” he requests, serious. 

Taehyun twists around to look at him, amusement clear in his eyes. “I’m not, I could just see your face in the mirror. He said he’d take a rain check for now.” 

Finished laying everything out, Beomgyu watches him butt-walk over to Kai’s side and take out his phone to take photos of the food, letting the mirror in question support him as he maneuvers to find the perfect angle. Kai waits beside him, lightly tapping his lips with his chopsticks.  

“Okay.” A slight pause. “Did he say why?” 

Taehyun rolls his eyes, swiping through his gallery after every picture to check how each one turned out. Kai leans forward, gaze fixed on a particularly plump squid in what looked like an assorted seafood stew.

“Um,” Taehyun replies absently. “Not sure. Something about a surpr-- hey!”

Beomgyu jerks up, shocked at the sudden flurry of movement, because Kai, who he’d thought was completely engrossed in committing each food item to memory lest he be unable to eat them within the next hour, had just delivered a very sharp reflex-jab into Taehyun’s side, causing a minor crisis in the form of some of the stew spilling to the floor.

In a flash, Kai leans over Taehyun’s lap, snatches the squid he’d been staring at particularly hard with his chopsticks before it rolled too far away, and throws it in his mouth. 

“MMM, THIS IS DELICIOUS,” he says, shrill and muffled as he chews enthusiastically, like Taehyun isn’t curled up beside him in a ball of pain and Beomgyu isn’t staring at him in horror at having eaten something that had rolled on the floor where they sweat for approximately 30 hours a day, 9 days a week.

“Don’t worry, hyung, that was on the floor for less than three seconds, duh,” Kai assures him in between chews.

“I think I’m going to die in less than three seconds,” Taehyun wheezes, still hunched around his side.

Kai quickly swallows the squid and then coos in concern, bending over to check on his friend. “Oh no, Tyun-ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to hit so hard.”

Taehyun groans, finally able to sit back up. “How,” he grits out, hand clutching tightly at his side, “did you even get to be that strong? You don’t even work out.”

Kai puffs his chest out. “I’m still a growing boy, and sometimes I don’t know my own strength,” he declares, and then deflates a bit. “My dad told me that over the phone when I told him I grew a couple more centimeters since the last time we were measured.”

“And he’s right.”

“You don’t have to agree so quickly!”

“You almost just killed me with your steel elbows --”

“Don’t be so dramatic!”

“I was keeled over, Kai, struggling for breath --”

“So you admit I make you breathless?”

“NO? That is so far away from the point I’ve been trying to make -- how’d you even get there -- the mental gymnastics --”

“Breathe, Taehyun-ah, look, I’ve stolen your breath away again.”

“Are all your pick-up lines centered around breathing, your game is atrocious, Kai Kamal Huening --”

“Oh, so we’re doing full names now? You know, Kang Taehyun-ssi, you start using really big words when you get riled up --”

“Who says you’ve riled me up, you delusional, presumptuous, aggravating --” 

“The food’s getting cold, guys,” Beomgyu remarks mildly from where he’s wiping the spilled squid dish with tissue paper. “Just to let you know.”

The two maknaes spring apart from where they’d unconsciously started leaning into each other’s spaces, looking for all the world like they’d forgotten Beomgyu was in the room, let alone notice that he’d already made his way over to them and started cleaning their mess. 

There’s a beat, and then -- “Wah, of course, thank you, Beomgyu-hyung, can I help you with that?” Kai offers sweetly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Beomgyu snorts. Taehyun is busy looking around for his phone, avoiding both their eyes, and Beomgyu reaches behind him to hand it over when it buzzes in his hand, the screen lighting up. 

“Oh, it’s from Soob --!”

The phone is out of his hand before he can even say Soobin’s full name, Taehyun grabbing it quick as lightning, but not before Beomgyu could see a couple of characters.

Soobinie-hyung ／(･ × ･)＼
Wher
BG’s gif

Beomgyu’s eyebrows fly up his forehead. “...Uh huh. Not suspicious at all, Taehyun-ah.”

“Shut up, shut up,” Taehyun hisses, all wound up. “Just pretend you’re surprised, okay?”

Beomgyu laughs. “Don’t worry. I know how Soobinie gets.” Then he smirks. “Besides. Did you really think he could hide a secret from me? We sleep in the same room!”

Kai, obviously glad that the secret was out now, sighs in relief. “That’s what I said. Except he smushed my face and threatened to maim another one of my babies if I let it slip that he had a little something planned.”

And then he smirks. “And in the end, it wasn’t even me, he had to threaten, it was Taehyunie here who did the deed.” His voice takes on a teasing tone. “I wonder which of Taehyun’s babies Soobin will come for when he finds out.”

Taehyun mutters something under his breath, and Beomgyu turns to look at him curiously. Kai, who obviously hadn’t heard but equally as obviously knew Taehyun had mentioned someone, lets out a gleeful squeal. “Hobakie? Aengdu? Will Soobinie-hyung risk it all to get revenge on Taehyunie for spilling his secrets?”

Taehyun grabs a dish at random from the spread before them and shoves it into Kai’s hands, threatening to feed the other boy himself just to shut him up. “God, just eat already.”

Miraculously, the other boy listens, and just like that, the three of them lapse back into comfortable, chewy silence, this time with Beomgyu lying spread-eagled on the floor across from them. More than halfway through the meal, and again, just as Beomgyu was on the verge of a catnap, Kai smacks his lips and says, “This restaurant was a good choice, Taehyun-ah,” in a quiet voice, presumably not to wake Beomgyu up.

“...Thanks?”

“Man, just take it.”

“What?”

“The compliment. I’m saying, you have good taste.”

A snort, amusement coloring Taehyun’s voice as he says, “Oh, I know, but sometimes I doubt it.” Then, more sincerely, “Thank you, Kai-yah.” 

A few clicks of chopsticks. 

“D’you think we should wake Beomgyu-hyung up?”

“Nah, let him sleep. You know how he is.”

The two of them keep up a quiet, back-and-forth conversation, light and bantering, until Kai leaves to throw the trash out, and Beomgyu sits up, wiping the doziness out of his eyes. 

Taehyun is on his phone, scrolling away in deep concentration. Beomgyu watches him for a few moments until Taehyun looks up and raises an eyebrow in a silent question.

“Nothing.”

Taehyun sighs. “Spit it out, hyung.”

Beomgyu hesitates, but really, ultimately, whatever is up Taehyun isn't really any of his business, so he just says, “You’re working hard, Taehyun-ah. I’m rooting for you.”

The other boy blinks, then blinks again, then smiles a little smile, slightly sad around the edges but genuine nonetheless. “Thanks, hyung. You too.” 

Beomgyu squishes his face at him in reply, nose crinkling and lips pursed, and the smile on Taehyun’s face grows, loses the melancholy. 

“Oh, and happy birthday, in advance. Welcome to adulthood and everything. For real.”

Beomgyu glances at the wall clock in the room and jolts when he sees it’s around half an hour to midnight. He laughs a little. “Thank you. Soobinie will hate that you beat him this time.”

Taehyun rolls his eyes before stretching languidly. “Nah, this greeting doesn’t count. He only cares once it’s the day itself.”

Beomgyu stretches too, twists around back and forth a few times, gets up and does a couple of little jumps to wake himself up. It’s coming. He’s turning 20.

🐻🐰 

He turns 20 in the car on their way back home to the dorms, actually.

It’s anticlimactic, but with how hectic their lives usually are, Beomgyu thinks he appreciates this as well. This, as in, the smaller things. The quieter things, gentle and almost-unnoticeable, but which hold their own meaning, their own significance anyway.

A hug around the shoulders, a kiss on the top of the head, a swipe of the thumb across the back of the hand. A soft squeeze around the waist, a deep breath in the space between the neck and collarbones.

Love and belonging, their own definition of family, encompassed in this car that’s moving along in the dead of the night.

He smiles to himself. First lesson of being an adult: happiness in the little things.

🐻🐰 

So, here’s the thing about Soobin.

Over the course of the birthdays their group has had so far as debuted idols, they had learned that, rather unexpectedly, their Soobin turns really competitive in showing off his social media presence, to the fans or otherwise. Like, super competitive.

Whether it was being the first to post a lengthy greeting on Twitter at the strike of midnight, or sending screenshots of birthday messages with the timestamp encircled thrice straight to the groupchat to prove that he was the first to greet, as Taehyun had said, on the day itself, Soobin did his ridiculous best to be the first to congratulate his members on being born and herald in their birthday for them. 

It’s endearing, to say the least, and for Beomgyu, this trait -- this development, because it is a development -- is adorable as hell.

Who can blame him? Soobin’s practicing sentimentality, a trait he’d spent years trying to instill into the guy. Well, to be fair, it was a group effort, but Beomgyu prides himself in putting in the most work into coaxing this type of mush from the guy. Sure, they’d only known each other for a couple of years, but a good sizable chunk of that time was spent trying to convince Soobin it was normal to develop attachments, to be open with his own emotions, to process and not just compartmentalize and shove whatever he was feeling into a dark, dusty drawer in the deeper parts of his brain, lock it up, and then throw away the metaphorical key.

And here’s the thing about Soobin in relation to Beomgyu: they’d just been so different, the two of them. Yes, Beomgyu had stark contrasting points with each of his other members as well, that’s true, but even as a trainee, Beomgyu had spent a truly significant amount of time trying to figure Choi Soobin out. 

For one, Beomgyu was a crier. 

It had bothered a lot of the older trainees, back when he’d first joined, he was aware. Even if they were kind almost to a fault, like Yeonjun, there were limits to how much emotional outbursts one could hold a fellow trainee -- someone they had no legal, familial, or any other personal responsibilities to -- through. And no one really understood, Beomgyu supposed, that crying was his coping mechanism, not even the smart ones, those who prided themselves as more open-minded, those who knew with their brains -- but not with their hearts -- that everyone had different coping mechanisms. 

Beomgyu followed his own logic. He’d gotten better as he grew older, experienced more of life, but this, at its core, remained: crying was something he never really saw as a sign of weakness. To him, it was simply his own process -- let himself feel everything, let his body react accordingly, and then, afterwards, get to pick himself back up and try again, as many times as it takes.

Soobin, though, had been averse to showing and being shown emotional response in a way that was almost hostile, at first. Not that he’d been unkind, or cruel, no; Soobin was always gentle, soft-spoken and warm, and he’d never outright turned away whenever he came across a softly weeping Beomgyu, or a forlorn Kai, or a dejected Yeonjun, but it was exactly these core qualities of his that Beomgyu found it so hard to believe that this shy, mild-mannered, sweet individual would be so reticent and tight-lipped when it came to what he felt, what he thought. How could someone so kind and in-tune with others’ emotional states be completely opposite when it came to his own? 

(He’d realized later on that this was an unfair judgment towards Soobin. Just because he didn’t operate the same way Beomgyu did didn’t mean Soobin’s methods were wrong, or unacceptable, or invalid. Eventually, Beomgyu realized that it’s not that Soobin represses his feelings; rather, he takes them, rough and jagged and messy, and places them carefully inside that metaphorical drawer, and then takes them out and examines them, processes them, on his own time.)

For another, when it came to matters of self-improvement, Beomgyu tended to push himself to the point of fatigue, willing (eager) to work until he physically could not stand anymore, and he has to rest more than he wants to in order to get back up and then try again. In directed contrast,  Soobin adopted “slow and steady” as a mantra -- constant effort put in at a constant rate, meaning constant, steady improvement.

Much the same with their differences in emotionality, Soobin didn’t understand at first why Beomgyu danced himself sick, threw himself into vocal practice until his throat was raw and he couldn’t speak, agonized in front of the practice room mirrors until he broke down crying. Beomgyu didn’t understand how Soobin could put a limit on himself whenever they were given time on their own to practice. 

(Eventually, Soobin realized that it’s not that Beomgyu has a death wish, or that he wants to work himself to the bone, to the point of burn-out, for some sick, self-hating reason; rather, Beomgyu had just been young, desperate, and incandescent with the desire to prove himself worthy, here, in this company, in this industry, that he had what it takes.)

As trainees, as future members of the same team, Beomgyu simply could not understand Soobin, and it was clear as they spent more time together that Soobin did not understand him either. 

It took years, though, and lots of effort, so much introspection, and countless hours of just simply talking and figuring the other person out, to get through these fundamental differences and reach a point where they learned from each other and managed to find their own personal centers of balances together, to get to that point of mutual understanding. And got there they did.

With these, and with many others, Beomgyu found that the two of them differed, but in equally as many aspects, they shared similar traits. While Soobin may be content to put in a steady amount of work day to day and Beomgyu would rather work himself to the bone, their foundation was the same: the drive to work hard. While Soobin didn’t cry, and Beomgyu cried the most, their core was identical: an unshakable attunement to their own emotions that made them indespensable during times of crisis.

So, in the end, the thing about Soobin is that after all this time spent into picking him apart to see what he’s made of; after all this time Beomgyu spent pouring his own self into Soobin’s shape for the sake of understanding; after achieving their dream of debuting and creating new dreams and achieving those too -- well. Safe to say, Choi Soobin is pretty fucking important to Choi Beomgyu. 

With all that said,

Soobin’s still pretty reserved when it comes to The Cringey Stuff, especially when doing so face to face, but god he’s come so far, in Beomgyu’s humble opinion. He may hate the toe-curling messages too, but in terms of visualizing their improvement at dishing it out and taking it, both on-cam and off-cam, it’s Soobin who’s by far improved the most.

(Though sometimes Beomgyu thinks Soobin helps himself through such ordeals by thinking of them as games or competitions, of sorts.)

In any case, Beomgyu doesn’t care. Through some miracle of compromise with himself, Soobin decided that birthdays, then, are the most appropriate occasion to let all his previously-carefully guarded sentimentality come forth, and goes all out out when it comes to his loved ones. And Beomgyu, the fundamentally gigantic sap that he is as a person, intends to soak this up and gloat this year.

🐻🐰 

Sure enough, the moment the clock strikes 12 and the date on his phone blinks to March 13th, there’s a notification that pops up on Beomgyu’s screen. Truth be told, he hadn’t been sure Soobin would be able to pull it off this time, seeing as in the time leading up to midnight they’d been preoccupied with fixing up around the agency and then had gone their merry, pleasantly tired way home, plus no one actually had their phones on, but Soobin must have figured something out anyway. 

Beomgyu reads the caption on the tweet and looks towards Soobin’s direction, the light from his phone bathing him in light. It’s sweet, despite the teasing tone of the message, and a part of Beomgyu is in alignment with Soobin marveling at the fact that he’s an adult now, too. But it’s the latter part that makes him grin. “Thank you, Soobin-ah.”

It’s dim inside the car, but he can still make out the boy’s eye roll, though the grin mirrored on his face softens its blow. “Shut up. Happy birthday.”

His other members greet him quietly, surround him with soft, and then they’re being dropped off in front of their building. As they make their way to the elevators, Beomgyu feels a tug at his shirt. It’s Soobin, who jerks his head towards the stairwell when he looks at him questioningly. 

“Stairs today?”

Something in Beomgyu’s chest squeezes, strangely enough. This was a fairly new development -- the chest thing, the reaction he can’t seem to shake off or force to stop whenever… Soobin. Whenever Soobin makes him… nervous? His palms sweaty? Which doesn’t make sense.

The stairs thing, though, was a modified tradition of theirs, developed from a shared mutual dislike of working out paired with a lifestyle that required one to be dynamic as much as possible. Before they’d moved into this building, the two of them got their fill of low-level exercise by walking around the block where they lived; this had provided them the opportunity to talk too, where Beomgyu could be the quieter version of himself and Soobin could take his chance at filling the silence. 

When the five of them had moved into this building, Soobin and Beomgyu had jumped at the chance to be roommates together, so they didn’t have to do so much to be able to steal time away to themselves anymore, just the two of them. But the tradition continued, and the stairwell served its double-purpose of morning exercise and placeholder for nostalgia.

The chest-squeezing, though. That’s something Beomgyu needs to look into. Why would Soobin make him nervous?

Beomgyu realizes he’d gone too long without speaking, the Soobin in question still looking askance at him, so he pinches softly at the fabric of Soobin’s long-sleeved practice shirt instead, and tugs him to the direction of the stairwell in reply. The others are used to this; Yeonjun throws them a quick two-fingered salute, the only indication that at least one of them is aware of them leaving. Beomgyu doesn’t expect either of the maknaes to pay them any mind, which is why it’s even more obvious when Kai widens his eyes significantly in their direction, an act that Beomgyu clearly sees, and that Soobin knows Kai knows Beomgyu will see.

The elevator dings behind them, but the sound doesn’t cover the exasperated sigh that leaves Soobin, and the giggle from Beomgyu’s mouth.

“I warned you, Hueningkai,” but Kai is already inside the elevator, safely out of Soobin’s reach. The last thing they see before the metal doors slide close is Yeonjun cackling into his fist at the look on Soobin’s face, and Taehyun getting his revenge by jabbing his own elbow into Kai’s ribs.

Soobin pulls Beomgyu to the stairwell, Beomgyu laughing at the taller boy’s disgruntled expression. “Aww, Soobinie, don’t be upset with them. I was going to find out eventually.” They start making their way up the stairs. They live on the third floor, so the trek doesn’t really take long.

“I ask him one thing, just the one, and Hueningie still manages to let it slip --”

“Actually,” Beomgyu cuts him off. “It was Taehyun.”

Soobin honest-to-god gasps. “No way!”

“Yup. Our Hueningie actually tried to cover for him, but I’m smart, so obviously none of them can fool me.”

“Just know that the only reason I’m letting that slip by is because it’s literally your birthday.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s the truth anyway,” and Soobin doesn’t even say anything, just rolls his eyes again. 

Beomgyu raises a hand to rub at his nose and look smug at his obvious victory, and it’s then that he realizes that, at some point in their back-and-forth, Soobin hadn’t actually let go of his wrist. There’s another clench, somewhere around the vicinity of his ribs, and he thinks his heart stutters and then picks up its pace. He clears his throat. Gently, he tugs his hand out of Soobin’s hold, and leans on the handrails of the second floor landing for a second, fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater.

“So, what’s up?”

Soobin grins down at him, easy and lighthearted, a step or two ahead of him. “Nothing, really. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

A kind of warmth starts in Beomgyu’s throat at that, spreading through his cheeks. “Thank you..?”

“Wow, I’m trying to be sweet here,” Soobin huffs, already halfway up the third flight of stairs, and Beomgyu hurries after him with a laugh of his own.

“Soobin-ah --”

“Hyung --”

“-- we are literally roommates.”

“Eh,” Soobin shrugs, and there’s still a grin on his face. Handsome, comes a thought, unbidden, in Beomgyu’s head. “Wanted to tell you beforehand.”

That piques Beomgyu’s interest. “Beforehand? Before what?”

Soobin shoots him a slight smirk. They’re in front of their front door (their only door, Taehyun always says whenever they refer to it as such, because he’s maddening like that), so Soobin doesn’t say anything, just silently keys in their passcode and swings the door open to a pitch black living room.

Which doesn’t make sense, the others were supposed to have gone ahead --

“Soobinie, what --”

“SURPRISE!”

The lights flicker on, and in front of him are Kai, Taehyun, and Yeonjun, party hats sitting haphazardly on top of their heads and a small chocolate cake in Yeonjun’s hands. Taehyun is holding up a couple of packages, and Kai is carefully handling what looks to be several plastic tupperwares of -- were those tripe dishes? And jokbal? Behind them, laid out on the dining table (so-called primarily for its function, not for any indication of its size; they usually sat on the floor to eat anyway) was an array of Beomgyu’s favorite snacks and desserts. Big, golden letter balloons are taped to the kitchen wall, spelling HBD BG, a star on either end.

Beomgyu whirls around to face Soobin, who’s closed the door behind him with a soft click and whose turn it is now to look very smug. “Before this,” he announces with a relish.

“How did you even manage to do this?” Beomgyu asks the room at large.

“Soobin asked our protocol team, and Sungseok-hyung went ahead to get set up before we got home,” Yeonjun informs him, sounding smug himself too. “I dunno what went down when you were with these two,” he nods at the two boys beside him, “about the secret spilling or whatever, but Soobin planned this and, judging by the very real surprise on your face, I’m guessing this at least was kept a secret?”

Taehyun snorts and makes a prissy face, but then clears it up immediately. “I get it, I’m bad at keeping secrets nowadays. Nothing’s as bad as accidentally singing our title track in my own birthday vlive.”

Kai laughs at that, and Soobin wastes no time flinging an accusing finger at him. “You’re one to talk! What was that earlier, by the elevators?”

“A teaser, hyung, obviously, and it worked didn’t it?” he quickly asks, giving Soobin no time to respond. “Beomgyu-hyung was intrigued!”

“Yeah, actually,” Beomgyu agrees. “I thought I had it figured out, that you’d do something later on today or something, so this is… this is nice.” He shakes his head, smile wide enough to split his face. “Thanks, everyone.” And then he grins. “Even though you guys didn’t actually do a lot of the actual stuff, just got here and posed.”

Yeonjun looks affronted, but then there’s an elbow nudging his arm, an arm wrapping around his shoulder and shaking him. “But thank you to Soobin especially, right, Beomgyu-yah? Your hyung who went out of his way to plan this and roped people in on secret? Your special and most precious roommate, who organized this whole thing for you? I’m so great, right, Beomgyu-yah?”

Beomgyu laughs, making no move to get out of the hold the taller boy has around him. “And if I say no?”

Soobin pouts at him exaggeratedly, pouting his lips and furrowing his brows. “Then I’ll be sad -- all my hard work and meticulous planning, gone to waste, unappreciated and trampled upon, you don't want your best friend to be sad, right? Especially on your birthday, right, come on now, Beomgyu-yah…”

“You’re weirder than me sometimes,” Beomgyu informs him, matter-of-fact, but then he decides to be honest, before Soobin could do anything even more ridiculous, like get braver and use Beomgyu’s own tactics of invoking gay panic against him. He shifts around, and Soobin’s arm falls around his waist. “Hyung, I liked it. Thank you. I think you’re great, especially for this one.”

The way Soobin has him in right now makes it so he’s looking directly into his eyes as he says this, and the arm around him falls away completely, but it’s alright because that shuts Soobin up, and there’s a flush of red on his cheeks and the tips of his ears when he brushes his nose and starts looking around. 

“Ah, well, yes, obviously I am,” and then, directed to somewhere behind them, “YAH, why are you guys already cleaning up, Beomgyu hasn’t even gone there yet!” 

“It’s late and we need to be up early tomorrow,” Taehyun says fussily, but there’s no bite behind his tone. 

“That is so rich coming from you, who actually has Weverse hours, honestly, you wouldn’t be complaining about your height if you start sleeping before 3 in the morning, Taehyun-ah,” Soobin shoots off in rapid-fire, striding towards the kitchen table.

Beomgyu is left by the entrance still, and he’s sure his face might be red too since it’s so warm all of a sudden, but then Yeonjun is sidling up to him with a party hat still atop his newly-bleached hair and then he’s being swept up into a tight hug. 

“Happy birthday,” Yeonjun greets as he pulls away. “I’m sure Soobinie already got to you first, but I wanted a moment to myself too.”

“Hyuuuung, I’ll start crying, stop it,” Beomgyu whines, but in truth he feels warm and floaty. He reaches up to tug on the other boy’s ridiculous hat, fond beyond belief. “Thanks. This was sweet.”

“Well, Soobi-- we can be sweet,” Yeonjun bursts. 

“Any more praise and his head just might actually swell up big enough to float away,” Beomgyu says with a roll of his eyes.

“I know, but he set himself up for this one, I’m gonna figure out some way to pressure him into outdoing himself when Hueningie’s birthday comes around.”

Beomgyu giggles, and then the Kai in question motions them over, mouth full of cake. “Hyung, c’mere, it tastes awesome.”

“Hey, that’s my cake?”

“Then come over here and get some or there’ll be none left for you, duh!”

Yeonjun drops a quick kiss on the top of Beomgyu’s head before the older boy leaves his side in a flash. “Yo, leave some of the cake for me --”

“That’s my cake!” 

🐻🐰 

“There’s actually another one.”

Beomgyu turns around from where he’s just finished patting on his face mask. “Huh?” 

It’s quieter now, after everyone has cleaned up and showered, all of them agreeing to let Beomgyu go first. Birthday privileges. They’re in their rooms, settling down for the night, their doors all left slightly ajar. It’s a leftover habit from when some members-who-will-not-be-named were afraid of the dark, and nowadays it doesn’t really apply to anyone anymore, the need and respect for privacy an unspoken agreement between them all, but the act of leaving their bedrooms open in case anyone needs anything is still comforting.

Soobin is sitting up on his bed, expression carefully neutral as he rummages from a small bag he usually places his daily essential belongings in. “A gift, I mean. Another gift. That I have.” He clears his throat. “For you.”

Beomgyu stills, struggling to keep his eyebrows from flying way up on his forehead. “Oh, wow. You went all out, huh?”

Soobin grimaces. “Don’t tease.”

“Aww, is Soobinie-hyung embarrassed? Is Soobinie-hyung --”

“You know what, actually, never mind, I was planning something silly like, leave it on your desk or something as another surprise, which is obviously just -- I’ll just --”

“Oh, hey, wait, no,” Beomgyu hurries to say, surprised at this uncharacteristic backpedalling. “I’m sorry, Soobin-ah, I don’t think it’s silly, what is it? I wanna see.”

Soobin grimaces again, deeper this time. “Seriously, don’t tease.”

“I won’t, promise.”

The other boy draws something out from the bag -- two somethings. One is a flat rectangular velvet box that looks ridiculously tiny in Soobin’s gigantic hand, and the other is a plain white envelope, pinned unassumingly between the box and Soobin’s thumb. Beomgyu eyes pop wide open, and he tears the mask off his face, skincare routine be damned.

“Oh my god, finally,” he yells, snatching the items out of Soobin’s hand and making quick work of the envelope. He dances out of Soobin’s reach, fending him off with one arm as he takes the letter out of the envelope and reads it out. “Dear Beomgyu, happy birthday, you mentioned once before that --”

Soobin slams the door shut, the sound explosive in his ears. The force actually ruffles his hair a little, Beomgyu is sure it reverberates throughout the dorm, and it’s so surprising he reels back and almost drops what he’s holding.

“Hey --”

“You promised not to tease.”

Oh. That’s not good. Soobin’s voice is icy, and fragile underneath the cold, like one careless step would break and fracture him forever. Beomgyu reaches out, touches a hand to Soobin’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Soobin remains unmoving for another beat before he’s sighing and dropping to the floor, rubbing his face and then turning to face Beomgyu, smiling ruefully. “I’m sorry for being touchy. It’s just that it’s -- I didn’t want anyone to hear, you know, it’s for you.”

“Aww,” comes reflexively out of Beomgyu’s mouth, but he follows it up, “thank you, hyung, I mean it.”

Soobin wrinkles his nose, but the tension drops out of his shoulders, which Beomgyu takes as a win. 

“Can I open the letter now?”

“Wait --” Soobin crawls to his bed and flops on the mattress, draping a small pillow over his chest, just something to cling on. It’s another endearing habit, Beomgyu thinks. “Okay, go.”

Beomgyu flips open the letter, setting the box aside from now. It’s long, Soobin’s neat handwriting filling up the page quite well.

“Dear Beomgyu, 

Hello, you. Happy birthday! You mentioned once before that you were upset about never receiving a letter from me. This is a bit embarrassing since I genuinely never thought about it like that; I always thought we were close enough for you to know how I think of you, and how I consider you, but I realized -- well, you can’t actually read my mind, can you? I hope you weren’t actually upset about my having accidentally left you out, but I don’t like to take chances when it comes to your my members’ feelings, so here goes. I figured, on your birthday must be as appropriate a time as any, right? 

Umm… Where to start… As I mentioned, we’re close, right? We’ve never really talked about this before, though. I think one of our team’s strengths -- if not our best strength -- is that we’re all close to each other in our own ways, and how I am with Kai is different with how I am with Yeonjun-hyung, or with Taehyunie, or with you. But I think -- I think I’m my most me when I’m around you, if that makes sense. In my most honest opinion, I think choosing you to be roommates with was the best decision I ever made. 

(Well, you know. Besides deciding to stick it out up to debut.)

Warning: some cheesy stuff ahead. Not that everything I said above wasn’t already cheesy, but. This is my first letter to you, might as well make it count, right?

I’ve never told you this because saying things like this is embarrassing enough when we see each other every day, let alone literally be rommates with, but… I think you are by far the loudest, headstrong, and bravest person I have ever met, and I think I am so lucky to have met you. We’re almost polar opposites, don’t you think? You rush into things head-first, while I’m more careful. I like to think of myself as more serious, you know, especially when it comes to team matters, while you just do things as they come to you. At this point I should just quote Blue Orangeade to you… 

When we first met, I thought you were the quietest little boy, all dressed up in black nice-looking clothes sat in the corner of the practice room, but then the next day you were so chatty it was almost unnerving. You played the guitar so well and you made the debut cutoffs almost immediately and if I wasn’t careful I would have ended up maybe resenting you, but you were also kind and gentle and soft and cried so much, who could resist taking care of you? And you worked so hard, despite the raw talent you so obviously had. You were always homesick, back then, I remember. And I think that’s how we bonded, didn’t we? All the trainees missed their families in their own way, of course, but I think it was in you that I could see a certain homesickness that matched mine with how deep it ran. We were homesick together, and you helped me when it got bad, and I hope I did the same for you. 

You… Aaah I’ve mostly been writing everything on a whim here, just to get things out of my head, so I’m sorry to reminisce so much and if these thoughts run a bit weirdly, but I think my original point was --

We fit so nicely together, don’t you think so?

I hope we keep learning things about each other for a long, long time to come.

My best friend, happy birthday! I love you.

Your forever friend, 

Soobin

...ie hyung >_0”

Beomgyu doesn’t look up immediately once he reaches the bottom, but Soobin must see him finish the letter, because he calls out, tentative. “Beomgyu?”

He takes a deep breath to get himself together. And then takes another. And then --

“SOOBIN-AHHHHH!”

He tackles the boy in his own bed, grabbing Soobin into a headlock, and the other boy is struggling underneath him but Beomgyu is not letting him out of his grip until he can let out his affection as aggressively as he can. “SOOBIN-AH, SOOBIN-AH, SOOBIN-AH!”

“WHY, WHY WHY WHY WHY --”

A tentative knock on their bedroom door snaps them out of it, and then Yeonjun’s bleached head is poking inside, eyes squinted suspiciously. “Yo, is everything okay with you guys? I heard, uh, yelling.”

“SOOBINIE FINALLY WROTE ME A LETTER --”

“CAN YOU STOP YELLING IN MY EAR --”

“YOU JUST YELLED IN MINE --”

“Both of you stop yelling!” is all the warning they get before Yeonjun is smacking both of them on the heads. “We’re gonna get noise complaints from the neighbors!”

“We have thick walls,” Soobin tells him snootily, but he’s finally managed to extract himself from Beomgyu’s aggressive bear hug, and he scoots a good distance away from the boy’s clutches.

“You guys are so weird,” Yeonjun informs them, backing up.

“I’ll bite you, don’t think I won’t,” Beomgyu warns him, “and since it’s my birthday you can’t do anything to retaliate.” 

Soobin nods, “Hyung, he really will.”

“Weird,” Yeonjun repeats, sidestepping the box Beomgyu had left on the floor when he’d jumped Soobin. He bends down to pick it up and fling it at the boys on the bed. “Go to sleep alread, we’re early tomorrow, aren’t we?”

“Good night, eomonim,” Beomgu shoos him out with a hand, even sticking his tongue out. Yeonjun sticks his right back, and then slips out the door so he doesn’t see if Beomgyu retaliates. Idiot. 

And then it’s just him and Soobin again, in their room, the contents of the letter out in the open but unacknowledged by either. It’s not them to be so sentimental, but instead of this instance being suffocating, there’s a certain comfort in the air, like something shifted, clicked, and for the better. 

Beomgyu finally opens the box he’d neglected for so long, and it’s a bracelet, simple and pretty, dainty. He slips it on, adjusting the size so it fits perfectly on his wrist, and he turns his hand around, admiring the way the accessory sits on his skin. He looks up to thank Soobin, and sees the other already looking at him, watching him fiddle with the bracelet.

“What do you think?”

“It’s pretty. I like it,” Beomgyu says, voice colored in sincerity. “Thank you.”

Soobin smiles, and it’s so sweet it sticks in Beomgyu’s chest, warm. “Glad you do. You gotta wear it tomorrow and show it off to everyone, okay, it was hard to pick out,” he threatens, pointing a finger at him, and Beomgyu giggles. 

“Also,” Soobin hisses. “Quit dropping honorifics with me! I’m still older than you!”

Beomgyu lets his smile curve into a smirk. “Oh, yeah? We’re literally just three months apart.” 

“Still.”

“What you gonna do about it, Soobin-ah?” Soobin rolls his eyes, but doesn’t answer. “Yeah? Yeah? Soobin-ah, Soobin-ah, you’re so easy to tease, Soobin-ah --”

Suddenly, Beomgyu’s falling forwards, Soobin’s hand wrapped around his wrist, tugged into Soobin’s space. That shuts him up completely, and then it’s Soobin’s turn to smirk. He doesn’t say anything, just quirks a smug eyebrow to let it do the talking for him, and then he’s releasing his grip on Beomgyu’s wrist and moving backwards. Beomgyu struggles to get his expression under control, and he’s sure his face must be flaming, which he hates. 

He clambers off Soobin’s bed and they don’t speak anymore, just move in silence. Beomgyu collects his gifts, tidies up his desk, switches off the light, and then climbs up to his own bed, foregoing his usual routine. Before settling in, he leans over.

“Good night, Soobin-ah.”

There’s a slight rustle, and then Soobin is kicking his mattress upwards. Beomgyu only laughs, and then they fall quiet again.

“Good night, Beomgyu.”

It’s a good start for his birthday.

🐻🐰 

“MOAs, I love you! Bye-bye!” 

Beomgyu keeps the smile on his face for a few more extra seconds just to be safe, and then once it was sure the stream had properly cut off, starts to peels off the ribbon he’d use to tie his hair up into the apple sprout hairstyle. He isn’t given a minute of quiet to himself, though, since the moment the others see he’d ended his birthday livestream, they start barging into the artist lounge again, excitement evident in their eyes. 

“Happy birthday again, oppa,” Kai teases, laughing loudly when Beomgyu only rolls his eyes.  

“You’re so weird,” Taehyun shoots at his friend, to which Kai only flutters his eyes charmingly.  

“Ignore them, Beomgyu-yah,” Yeonjun says good-naturedly. He’d stripped off his ridiculous fuzzy jacket, bleached-blond hair freed from the cap and hood combination the moment he and the others had stepped out of the frame. “Oh, hey, can I have some of the icing from the cake later?” 

“Later?” Beomgyu swivels up to face Yeonjun in confusion. “Why not now?”  

Yeonjun laughs, bonking him gently on the head. “Did you forget? We’re going out for dinner tonight, company’s treat!” 

 “Oh, right,” Beomgyu mutters. The dinner slipped out of his mind, especially since he already received so much food from last night. He turns towards Soobin expectantly, the only one who hasn’t spoken yet, but their leader only flashes him a close-lipped smile and immediately busies himself with his phone, flopping on the couch.  

For a split second, Beomgyu is confused. This is the nth time he’d been weirdly brushed off by Soobin, which is just utterly bewildering to him, since, well, he knows what’s wrong, but he had apologized, Soobin had accepted, and he’d thought that was the end of it. 

Beomgyu knows why Soobin is slightly upset with him. He had, despite what he and Soobin had talked about last night, forgotten to wear the bracelet to work today. Honestly, it was highly uncharacteristic of him to forget the damn thing, he took care of his friends’ gifts well, and Soobin’s especially, but he’d thought that, after being separated by hours of individual vocal practice and him holding his birthday broadcast, he would finally be let off the hook. Besides, Beomgyu had already apologized! And Soobin had accepted, told him so point-blank to his face. 

So he nibbles on his lip and frets; there’s no way to get back to the dorm to swipe the item in question off his desk, it’s too much of a hassle and would derail everyone's plans… With a sigh, he resigns to cozy up to Soobin even more and show he was sorry through actions too, now that they were technically off work.

Beomgyu snaps himself out of his own funky mood and resolves to start now. 

“Soobin!” he calls out instead, watching Soobin’s head snap up and his eyebrows furrow when the lack of honorific registers. “–hyung,” he tacks on, mouth curving into a smirk.  

Soobin’s expression flattens even more. “Yes, Beomgyu-yah?” There’s none of the overly sweet, wheedling tone that typically laced his voice whenever they bickered like this, which makes something in Beomgyu’s chest drop. He’s really going about this wrong, huh. Against his better judgment, defensiveness curls around Beomgyu’s throat. It actually stings. 

No matter. If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s annoying people into paying attention to him.

Beomgyu holds up the ribbon he’d slipped from his hair, the one Yeonjun had tied around his neck earlier.

“Come here,” still purposefully drawing out the end of his sentence before finishing it in polite speech. Well, Soobin can’t flat-out refuse a request from the birthday boy, can he? Beomgyu grins in success when, sure enough, Soobin rolls his eyes but gets up and makes his way towards the table anyway. 

“What do you want,” he says, monotone. 

“Tie my hair up? Give me a proper apple hairstyle, please.” Beomgyu reaches his hand out, where the ribbon is entangled around his fingers. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, honestly. He just doesn’t want Soobin to ignore him again, not today when it’s his birthday. 

(Not ever.) 

Soobin looks like he’s restraining himself from rolling his eyes again, but takes the ribbon anyway, his fingers snatching away from Beomgyu’s hand as quickly as possible. Beomgyu holds back a frown at that; part of him held the thing out like that because he wants Soobin to slip their fingers together. But anyway, he’s still getting what he asked for.

Soobin moves behind him and wordlessly gathers a bunch of his hair. It’s quiet, Beomgyu hadn’t noticed but the maknaes have made themselves scarce, and Yeonjun is sprawled on the couch Soobin himself had abandoned just a few minutes prior, engrossed with something on his phone. 

In this moment, it’s just him and Soobin, him holding as still as possible, Soobin and his long fingers deftly carding through his hair, gently fixing and re-fixing the bunch he has gathered to make for the neatest, bounciest little apple sprout. It’s so silly, is the thing. Beomgyu doesn’t even know why he asked for this, but he also doesn’t know why Soobin agreed, so he figures it’s quits.

He has to admit, though, that having Soobin’s fingers in his hair feels… nice. Makes him feel nice, being prettied up like this, even if it’s silly. 

(Even if, or because, it ends up feeling really intimate, and if Beomgyu quietly relishes in having Soobin’s attention on him like this, it’s not like he’d admit it to anyone.)

🐻🐰

They all gather up in the office lobby after a while, Beomgyu still proudly wearing his hair in the apple hairstyle. It bounces around every time he moves, and he thinks being bubblier on purpose is working; every so often, he notices Soobin staring after him from the corner of his eye.

His weird mood from before was gone too, essentially forgotten at the prospect of food and celebration, and however else Soobin might treat him today, Beomgyu can still coast on the high the taller boy’s letter had given him anyway. Taehyun and Yeonjun are chattering away beside him as they wait for their other manager to descend, and every now and then Yeonjun can’t seem to help himself from tweaking at Beomgyu’s sprout hair. He wants to act annoyed, but it’s attention that is appreciated, especially considering he’s not exactly under 100% favored conditions from one of his members. 

Something in Beomguy’s chest twists, though, seeing Soobin intentionally avoid him for the while being. The stunt from earlier didn’t really work, and Soobin had still stayed away, dragging Kai with him as a companion. He sees Soobin and Kai whispering to each other a little away from them, and it’s alright, Beomgyu's happy, but little dark spots appear around it nevertheless. Some of it must show up on his face, since Yeonjun sidles up to him and shoots him a look. “You good?”

Beomgyu nods. “Yeah, why?”

Yeonjun stares at him for a while, and he deflates. Yeah, it’s obvious whenever there’s tension in the group. Even more obvious when it’s Soobin who has some beef.

“Eh,” Beomgyu shrugs. “He’s a bit upset with me. I forgot to bring his bracelet. I think the fact that I got to show off your gift a while ago but not his didn’t help…” He sighs. 

“Wow, you two are hopeless,” comes Taehyun’s input. He doesn’t even look up from his phone. 

Yeonjun elbows him, and he shoots the older boy an affronted look. “What? Tell me they’re not?”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to say it!” Yeonjun insists. “Besides, you’re one to talk about being hopeless  --”

“SOOBIN-HYUNG!” Taehyun calls, waving him over when Soobin looks at them curiously. Taehyun points a finger at the elevators, which let out a ding! as if on cue. Beomgyu gapes. Maybe Taehyun really is a wizard, because how in the hell did he know--?

“I was watching the floor numbers go by, my god,” Taehyun rolls his eyes at Beomgyu. 

“Again,” Beomgyu says fervently. “Stop reading minds.”

Well, in any case, their managers are all here, beeping the car doors open so they can all file in one by one. Beomgyu slips into his unofficially established place by the backseat window, expecting Soobin to settle beside him like usual, snuggle into their usual position of his head on Soobin’s shoulder and their hands brushing together, but Soobin sits in front instead, by the solo seat farthest away from him. Yeonjun must have been expecting the same, going by the very minute pause before he enters the car, but he takes it all in stride and slouches beside Beomgyu instead. 

“Hey,” he whispers. 

Beomgyu offers Yeonjun another helpless shrug in response, and the older boy wraps a hand around his shoulders in sympathy, squeezing lightly. “Ah well. Talk it out later.” And then he shakes Beomgyu. “I overheard some of the managers talking a while ago, since you’re official official-legal, they’re gonna offer us some drinks later!”

Beomgyu perks up at that, intrigued. “Oh?”

“Heh, yeah, but I’m sure it’s some watered-down version, it’s still a company dinner, you know? Say the word, however, and I will be able to procure some good quality stuff,” Yeonjun assures him with a rub of the nose.

He rolls his eyes. Kai pipes up from his seat, asks “What about me?” cheekily, and the conversation derails to whether or not the two youngests can actually drink or not. Beomgyu thinks at one point Taehyun says he already has, to which Yeonjun is shocked and Kai is indignant, but Beomgyu lets the flow of banter wash over him instead of joining in and being noisy like he usually would. He ruminates quietly; he really hasn’t ever had alcohol before, so it would be… interesting, he guesses. It’s not like he’s aiming to get drunk, and he’s safe around his members and their staff. 

Eventually, they reach the restaurant, a quiet, unassuming barbecue house that's been rented for the night, just for them, so it's safe. Beomgyu is expecting Soobin to sit far away from him this time too, so it’s a surprise when his roommate sniffs a bit, hesitates, then drops down beside him. The five of them get a table to themselves, which is nice and welcome. Beomgyu likes being surrounded by his loved ones, and the acknowledgement from Soobin -- a sign he's not so mad anymore -- makes him feel like soaring, embarrassingly enough.

“Hi,” he whispers. Soobin looks at him and Beomgyu takes another chance, touches feather-light across Soobin’s wrist where his hand is resting on his thigh. Soobin smiles, “Hi,” and then a small frown, “I'm sorry, for the. You know.”

Beomgyu pinches him lightly, reproach but reassurance at the same time. “It’s alright. I get it.”

Soobin’s brow pinches. “Do you really?”

“I would have been upset if you didn’t wear my present too.”

Soobin purses his lips slightly, and then nods and shrugs. “Yup.” 

The food arrives at that moment, and it’s all merriment from then, plates of meat and side dishes piled on their tables. The bottles of beer and soju come as well, and Beomgyu grimaces at his first gulp of alcohol, burning and bitter, while Yeonjun cheers. Do people really like this? He feels the trace of heat travel down his throat and settle behind his ribcage, and he shakes his head to try to dispel the feeling.  Soobin silently hands him a glass of soda to chase it down, amusement on his face. 

After that, he tries again, matching sips between bites of food, and it’s enjoyable but unsurprising to see Yeonjun down glass after tiny glass, but it’s a new sight for Beomgyu to see Soobin do the same. 

“Okay, so you have experience with this,” he tells Soobin after his roommate sets down his glass. Beomgyu stuffs a huge wrap he had made in Soobin’s mouth so he can’t actually reply immediately, but it’s not like Soobin doesn’t try. “Chew first, you look disgusting.”

Soobin swallows with huge effort, and then hits his shoulder for good measure. “I do.”

“Look disgusting? Yes, I just said --”

“No, you idiot, have experience, Yeonjun-hyung --” he drops his voice to a hush, suddenly remembering the presence of their staff around them. “-- hyung dragged me out when he turned 20 himself. Yeah.”

“Hyung,” Kai gasps, twisting around to face Yeonjun, who was clinging to him like a soft blond oversized octopus. Beomgyu startles, because honestly he hadn’t been aware that Kai was listening. “You didn’t.”

Yeonjun shrugs whatever. “I like company, and Soobin was curious. Besides, it was safe.” Then he flings an arm out to draw Taehyun beside him into a side-hug as well. “Cuddle me.”

They all laugh at Taehyun’s slightly rumpled expression, but he goes willingly enough, settling against the older boy’s side comfortably. Beomgyu eats a wrap himself, a bit messily done, and then there’s a hand around his wrist. 

“Ah, you have --” Soobin gestures around his mouth, pointing at his own when Beomgyu misses the spot, and then making a noise of frustration and reaches out himself, thumbing at Beomgyu’s face. Soobin’s thumb swipes across his bottom lip, and for a moment Beomgyu forgets to breathe. 

He thinks Soobin does too.

There’s a loud clatter of metal against metal, and they break apart in surprise (when had they gotten that close?) , but it’s only Yeonjun accidentally dropping his chopsticks on his plate. Kai hits him on the shoulder, eyebrows moving at high speed to convey… something, and Beomgyu doesn’t understand it but apparently he and Taehyun do, because Yeonjun grimaces something like an apology and Taehyun just snorts, squeezing around his hyung’s waist. Soobin has fallen silent beside him.

Beomgyu, for his part, needs to pee.

He honestly doesn't know what being tipsy or drunk feels like, so it doesn't really register that the alcohol might be flowing through his bloodstream and affecting him until he makes to stand up and stumbles on his feet. Soobin is there to catch him, though, steadying him with an arm around his waist and a hand on his arm, and it’s this close, close contact that seems to cut through the haze he didn’t even notice had begun to cloud his senses, molten fire-hot liquid sliding under his skin from where Soobin’s fingers touched him. 

“Thanks,” Beomgyu says, or thinks he says. He licks his lips -- he doesn’t feel it completely, his lips seem to be numb, is that normal? -- but he does see Soobin’s gaze fall down, inexplicably, impossibly, to track the movement. 

“Um. Bathroom,” he gestures awkwardly towards the direction he’d seen the signs point to, and he picks his way carefully towards the comfort rooms. Emphasis on carefully -- the world is a bit -- tilty? And his face feels really warm, but that might just be the alcohol instead of -- the Soobin --

He feels someone place a hand on his shoulder, and oh, it’s Kai.

“They sent me to accompany you,” he explains. Beomgyu would bristle, but Kai is there to offer a sturdy shoulder to lean on when Beomgyu over-balances a smidge, so. It’s okay. He does his business, washes his hands, washes his face for good measure, spritzes Kai just to be annoying, and he feels a lot less woozy.

When they pick their way back, Taehyun hands him a glass of water, which he gulps down gratefully. He settles comfortably against Soobin’s side, the traces of awkward whatever that was a while ago gone, Soobin easily wrapping an arm around his shoulders too. 

“It’s last call now, so we ordered one more set,” Yeonjun informs him, and then tilts a bottle of soju his way. “Want some more?” 

So far, being tipsy has been an enjoyably fuzzy feeling, challenges to motor skills aside, so Beomgyu nods, holding up his shot gloss for Yeonjun to pour into. Against him, he feels Soobin sigh, and then hold up his own. Taehyun and Kai watch them with amusement, content to sip on their own non-alcoholic drinks. 

They talk and joke around. Beomgyu has been full for the better part of the night, anyway, so at one point he simply puts his chopsticks down and settles his head on Soobin’s shoulder, resurfacing every now and then to alternate sipping at his last bottle of beer and his glass of cola.

He doesn’t know when it happened, but at some point Beomgyu realizes he’d been holding Soobin’s hand, playing around and poking at his fingers with his own, and usually Soobin talks with both hands, but he realizes the other boy hadn’t tugged this one out of how grasp yet, has been letting him have his way. Soobin’s been so soft towards him tonight, it’s a bit disconcerting.

“God,” Beomgyu mumbles into Soobin’s shoulder. “You’re so cute.”

The shoulder under his head stops moving, and he feels Soobin twist to look at him. Beomgyu wants to look up, but he’s… for some reason, he doesn’t want to.

“Beomgyu..?”

He thinks it’s divine timing or something when their manager suddenly shows up at their table and tells them they’re going in a bit. They all get busy tidying up, the younger ones doing their part in forcing them all to drink water. 

When they’re ambling their way towards the car, Beomgyu gets a moment of fear that for some reason, Soobin’s going to start ignoring him again, but it’s unfounded -- they get in the car and Soobin slips right beside him, almost smothering if not for the fact that it’s Soobin and Beomgyu doesn't think Soobin could ever be too much, to him.

They hold hands. The rest of them notice, he knows the others do, but they’re also ignoring it, letting it -- them? -- be. Which is nice, Beomgyu supposes. He doesn’t have the necessary brain power required to process anything right now, so he’s just going along. Maybe it’s the buzz of the alcohol singing in his blood. The clinginess isn’t new, the constant touching is not unfamiliar, so why does it feel like there’s a new flock of butterflies in his chest every time Soobin squeezes his hand, or entangles their fingers together, or when it’s him doing something -- when he traces the pads of his fingertips on Soobin’s palm and he doesn’t move away?

We fit so nicely together, don’t you think so?

I hope we keep learning things about each other for a long, long time to come.

Soobin’s closing lines filter through his thoughts, and Beomgyu just… breathes. They do fit together. He hopes the same.

🐻🐰

They’re dropped off, with end-of-the-day reminders that they need to be at the agency around noontime, which, considering it’s almost midnight, is actually a lot more leeway than they usually get. Their manager greets Beomgyu one last time, and then it’s just the five of them again.

Up the elevator, towards their dorm, into the living room; dibs on who gets to shower first; some yelling at Yeonjun when he flops on the floor just because, groaning at how stuffed he is. Soobin concedes again this time, and Beomgyu just traipses his way toward their bedroom to pass time until it’s his turn. Soobin joins him, closing their door quietly.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

They lie on the floor, heads next to each other. 

“I’m sorry again.”

“For what?”

“For… the bracelet. I know it was important to you, and I forgot.”

Soobin snorts. Beomgyu feels him raise a hand beside him, run it through his hair. “It’s okay, I overreacted. I should apologize, I think I made your birthday a bit suckish for a while there.”

Beomgyu shifts so he’s on his side, facing the other boy, and he doesn’t reply. Soobin pushes him playfully, “At least deny it!” and he laughs.

“I mean! I won’t lie to your face, it did suck a bit.”

Soobin shifts too, and they’re face to face. Beomgyu can’t seem to look away, not even when there’s a hand on his hair, brushing his fringe away from his face. “You were cute this afternoon, during that stream.”

“Just this afternoon?” Beomgyu lets some teasing into his voice, and Soobin rolls his eyes, tugs on his hair instead. 

“I’m trying to compliment you here.” 

Beomgyu preens, closing his eyes. “Uh-huh. Carry on.” He peeks out of one eye. “Hyung, if you keep doing that, your eyes are going to roll out of your skull,” he points out.

“Let them, letting you know what I think of you is more important.”

“Uh-huh,” Beomgyu says again, grinning. “And all your eyerolls only make me think you think I’m pretty and cute and handsome and definitely endearing and not at all annoying --”

There’s a fleeting touch of lips on his, which promptly shuts Beomgyu up. His eyes fly open, and he’s pretty sure if anyone’s eyes are rolling out of someone’s sockets, it’s his. 

“You wouldn’t let me speak,” Soobin says, quietly, and his face is tinged so prettily in pink Beomgyu wants to lose his mind. 

“You --” 

Soobin places his index finger lightly, against his lips, and for the second time in less than a minute, Beomgyu is rendered speechless.

“I do think all those things. I tried putting my thoughts on paper, but I’m not sure how they came across,” Soobin informs him. The tips of his ears are so red, but his voice is calm and steady. “I tried it with the bracelet, but you weren’t wearing it today and I got upset. I didn’t -- I don’t know for sure what you feel, but you asked me to tie your hair, and I know the, the touchiness isn’t new with us but, I don’t know, you kept playing with my hand -- and you wouldn’t shut up, you’re always so cute and,” he gulps, “k-kissing you is all I think about most days, I was trying to go about it better but -- but you haven’t run away screaming yet, so --”

Beomgyu takes the finger on his lips and tangles their hands together. He can feel Soobin’s hand trembling slightly, or is coming from him? He’s not sure. Soobin takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been trying to tell you -- Beomgyu, I like you.”

“I like you too,” Beomgyu says back, automatically, and it must come across wrong, the speed with which he says it, because Soobin’s face falls a bit and he plays it quickly back in his head. “No, Soobin-ah, I like you too, in the kissing way, the same way you do. Breathe, Soobin.”

They -- laugh. At themselves. What a mess of a confession. But it's okay. 

“I,” Soobin exhales. “You’re serious?” The nervousness coloring his voice makes Beomgyu’s heart swell.

“Yes, I am,” Beomgyu tells him, as earnestly as he can, when the butterflies in his chest feel like they’ve multiplied exponentially and he doesn’t quite know how to conduct himself. “I haven’t run away screaming, I won’t.”

Soobin laughs again, breathlessly, like he’s as overwhelmed as he is. “God, today has been -- I’m so happy.” He presses his forehead against Beomgyu’s, and it’s a good thing they’re already on the floor because Beomgyu wants to melt.

“Can you kiss me? Properly, this time?”

Soobin giggles, placing a hand on the back of his neck and pulling him closer, Beomgyu cupping his cheek in turn, and then Soobin is leaning in and pressing his lips against Beomgyu’s and --

Finally, the air in the room seems to breathe out. Finally.  

🐻🐰

When Yeonjun tentatively opens the door to Soobin and Beomgyu’s shared bedroom to let them know that the shower is free, he doesn’t expect to see the sight that meets him. They’re on the floor, fast asleep, which isn’t strictly anything new, but the way that they’re curled around each other is -- Beomgyu’s hand on Soobin’s neck, Soobin’s arm around Beomgyu’s waist, their legs tangled together, hair messy from what he presumes to be fingers running through. WELL, he thinks, that took them long enough.

The hugest smile threatens to break his face, and Yeonjun is quick to snap a picture before anything else. He hates to be the one to ruin it, actually, but he knows his members, none of them would be happy to wake up tomorrow and start the day in clothes from the previous night, so he pads his way towards them and bends down, shaking Beomgyu by the shoulder. He’s a light sleeper, so he wakes up easily.

“...Soobinie?”

What the hell, that’s cute.

“Try again,” Yeonjun says quietly, and has to stifle a laugh at the way Beomgyu freezes and then shoots up, hand on his mouth.

“Hyung? Is something the matter?”

“No, don’t worry, I just came in to tell you the shower’s free now,” and then giggles. “Two of you talk it out, then?”

Beomgyu is confused for a moment before his face clears up in understanding, and then he laughs, once, breathless and glowing. “Yeah, we did.”

Yeonjun reaches out to ruffle his dongsaeng’s hair, relieved beyond belief. “I’m glad. It’s been a long time coming, I think.”

Beomgyu looks down at Soobin, who looks young and innocent in the comforts of sleep, and Yeonjun can’t read minds like most of them jokingly think Taehyun can, but he thinks he doesn’t need superpowers to know what Beomgyu is thinking, in this instant. Beomgyu brushes the hair out of Soobin’s face, gentle.

“Yeah, hyung. I think so too.”