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“Something terrible has happened.” Robin whispered urgently to Strike as she greeted him at the door, much less enthusiastically than Wolfgang (who was already in his arms) had done.
Strike had just arrived, slightly late as usual, to the dinner party they had decided to throw for Nick and Ilsa. There wasn’t strictly a special occasion, but Strike and Robin were planning to finally tell their friends about their relationship.
They hoped that if they plied them - and by them they meant Ilsa - with enough good food and wine, she wouldn’t be furious that they had kept everything a secret for so long. Even better, Ilsa had asked if they could bring their friends, James and Chloe along, so hopefully they could act as a buffer.
“What is it? Are you okay? Are Nick and Ilsa alright?” Strike asked, alarmed now.
“Oh god, no nothing like that - sorry! No, it’s just, the friends they've brought.”
Strike, thoroughly relieved that nothing serious was wrong and amused at her evident panic, tried to reassure her, “I’m sure there will be enough food. They said they’d be bringing friends right?”
“I’m not bothered about the bloody food,” she told him irritably, “It’s their choice of friends. I assumed when she said their names that they were a couple but...Ilsa’s arranged a triple date for us.”
“Well that’s typically presumptuous of her, assuming we’re together.”
“But we are toge...no that’s not the point, listen! It’s not the triple date you think it is: their friends are single.”
“So she’s trying to set them up as well as us?” Strike asked, still not comprehending.
“Oh my god, call yourself a detective! Pay attention! She’s trying to set us up with her single friends. One for each of us.”
“What?! But we’re not single!” Strike said, slightly panicking himself now as he begun to see the bigger problem.
“Yes but Ilsa doesn’t know that. We were going to tell her tonight remember?! That’s why we’re having this bloody dinner party in the first place.”
“But if we tell her now she’ll be even more annoyed with us cause we’ll have wasted her friends’ time as well!” Strike groaned. “What’s she playing at though? I thought she was trying to set us up.”
“Well, I actually think this is her convoluted way of doing exactly that, by trying to make us jealous or something.”
“Well that’s stupid. What woman could compare to you?”
“Flattery will get you everywhere Mr Strike”, she smiled up at him, momentarily distracted. “If she is trying to make us jealous she’s not being subtle about it, the friend she’s brought for you is a yoga instructor.” A frown had now replaced Robin's smile.
“Well that’s perfect, I’ve been struggling with my balancing poses.” Strike countered, a cheeky grin tugging at his lips. He was pleased to see Robin laugh despite herself.
”If you think this is just a ploy then why don’t we just tell her now?” He asked her.
”Well on the off-chance it’s genuine, then you’re right, she’ll be even more annoyed with us. I think we should just get through the evening.”
“Agreed. So who’s she’s got for you then?” he asked melodramatically, “A fireman?”
“A doctor.” She told him rolling her eyes. “One of Nick’s co-workers.”
“Well, if this is a game then the joke’s on Ilsa. I’m not the jealous type.”
“If that arsehole grabs your arm one more time...” Strike growled as he, Robin and Wolfgang made their way downstairs a mere twenty minutes later.
Wolfgang, confused at what was happening but having noticed the rising tension in the room from the moment they’d sat down, had come to Strike’s aid just when it looked as though he may stab James the doctor with his fork. Pretending to need to go out for a wee, Wolfgang had whined at Strike’s heels to give him a ready excuse to leave the table.
Robin had said she’d go too and take care of Wolfgang so Cormoran could smoke whilst they were down there. Instead they took refuge in Robin’s bedroom, both well aware of Wolfgang’s ruse and giving him a well-earned biscuit as a reward.
Closing her door behind them, Robin looked at Strike, pacing around the room like a furious bear. Tempted though she was to call him out on his earlier insistence that he wasn’t ‘the jealous type’, the dark look on his face told her she should placate him instead.
“He did touch my arm a lot.” She conceded sympathetically, fighting back her amusement. It was strange, Matthew’s brand of jealousy had been repulsive, but Strike’s was rather adorable.
“He touched it way too much! Smarmy git.”
“A bit smarmy yes.” She had to bite her lip now to stop herself grinning. “Look, Cormoran, this is ridiculous. I was wrong, we shouldn’t have even tried to get through this evening. We should just tell Ilsa about us.”
“But she’s going to be furious! And I thought you didn’t want to offend her friends?”
“I think we may have passed that point, you weren’t exactly subtle about your feelings towards James.”
Wolfgang meanwhile was looking between them exasperatedly. He was so frustrated. Why were his friends acting so strange? And why did they seem to be hiding their relationship from Ilsa? She had wanted them to be together almost as much as Wolfgang had, and had even helped him set them up on occasion.
He had thought the two of them had moved on from their hopeless stage when they had finally got together. But here they were, overcomplicating something that was really very simple. He decided to take matters into his own hands. Or rather, paws.
Neither of them noticed him leave the room and Robin continued her argument, “We’ve got to tell her. Consequences be damned, we said we’d do it tonight. Ilsa is our friend and as much as I’ve loved the sneaking around, I love you and I want people to know it.”
Cormoran relaxed instantly, his heart swelling at the words he wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to hearing from her lips. “I love you too” he murmured, closing the space between them and tucking her hair behind her ears. “Does that mean we can finally tell your parents?” he teased.
“On second thoughts James isn’t that smarmy.” Robin teased back, moving towards the door.
“Oh no you don’t Ellacott, you’re not going anywhere.” He pulled her back to him into a fierce kiss that escalated rather quickly, as their kisses were so prone to do.
Too absorbed in one another to notice the door swinging open, they suddenly heard a very deliberate and exaggerated cough. Stood in the doorway, led there deliberately by Wolfgang, was Ilsa, watching them with an inscrutable expression on her face.
“Ilsa, we can explain…” they shouted in unison as they sprang apart.
She stared at them blankly for a few seconds, the atmosphere building painfully. Then, quite suddenly, she turned and yelled up the stairs, “Nick, you owe me a fiver!”
Flabbergasted, Cormoran and Robin watched as Nick came hurtling down the stairs to see for himself.
“What?! Oh Oggy! You couldn’t hold out a bit longer?” Nick demanded. “We knew that you’d drag Robin off the second you got too jealous, I just thought you’d at least last til the main course. Ilsa bet the starters."
“And I was right." Ilsa boasted smugly. "James did great with the arm touches though to be fair, even better than I expected. Shame we didn’t get to Chloe’s yoga demonstration.”
“So you were trying to deliberately make us jealous, to set us up?” Cormoran accused Ilsa, trying to catch up.
Robin, who had been watching Ilsa shrewdly and who understood her game as only another woman could, contradicted him, “Oh she was trying to make us jealous all right, but not to set us up. To catch us out. You know about us!”
“Of course I bloody know!” Ilsa declared proudly. “You know, for two world class detectives you are pretty rubbish at sneaking around!”
Wolfgang barked amusedly, enjoying the whole situation immensely, though he didn’t fully understand it. Humans were so silly.
“So you were trying to torture us?” Cormoran asked, understanding at last.
“Too bloody right!” Ilsa defended, “Thinking you could keep this from me, it’s no more than you deserve.”
“You’re an evil genius” Nick told Ilsa affectionately, kissing her cheek before heading back upstairs to let James and Chloe know they could stop the charade.
“Fair enough.” Robin yielded, thankful that her friend was at least still speaking to them. “We’re really sorry Ils.”
“Well, if I wasn’t so bloody happy for you both I might be more angry.” Ilsa beamed. “Finally you two!”
Grinning like idiots themselves now they laughed, relieved.
“You can stop meddling in our love lives at last eh?” Strike joked.
"Oh I don’t know about that, there’s a whole wedding to plan yet!” And with that, delighted by their panicked expressions, Ilsa made her way back upstairs with Wolfgang, intent on finding more well earned biscuits for her partner in crime.