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the familiar heaviness presses down onto your chest.
you already lost count of how many times you’ve gone through this ever since you started dating him.
kuroo is talking with a girl —who’s obviously flirting with him since she keeps leaning closer and smiling playfully at him.
“tetsurou-kun, your blocks are amazing!”
his smirk widens, clearly enjoying the ego boost.
it hurts to see him flirt so openly while you stand a few meters away from him, his teammates right next to you watching the scene as well.
you watch as his hand grasps a strand of the girl’s hair, her giggles making your blood boil, but it’s the way he kisses her cheek —slowly and then whispering something in her ear— that finally stabs the knife into your already wounded heart.
are you surprised you haven’t started crying yet? not at all. that’s a ritual reserved exclusively for the comfort of your room.
they finally bid their goodbyes, kuroo jogging the small distance until he joins your small group. he speaks with his friends for a bit until you can no longer take it and pull him aside.
“that girl, she was flirting with you,” you state, observing him closely so you can gauge his reaction, “and you played along with it.”
his face morphs into a scowl, “i was being friendly.”
“well, don’t be friendly with her.”
a mirthless laugh escapes his lips, “kitten, you won’t tell me who i can or can’t talk to.”
your entire body freezes, letting his words sink in and tear at your heart. you reflexively look to the side, only to realize his words were loud enough for his teammates to hear.
their uncomfortable and pitying looks make you want to dig a hole and disappear.
you have to get out of there and that’s what you do, “i-i should get going.”
kuroo doesn’t pay much attention, nodding his head and turning his back to you and facing his friends again.
you start your way home with tears gathering at the corners of your eyes.
—
the ice in your coffee has melted, giving it a bad taste.
you had foolishly decided to wait until kuroo arrived to start drinking your beverage. but forty minutes later and he still hasn’t shown up.
you tried calling him after waiting for twenty minutes: the first time it rang for a minute, the second time you were sent straight to voicemail. you have kind of grown used to it, it’s not unusual of him to stand you up, although it doesn’t make it any less painful.
trying to pass the time, you check your unopened texts and find one from kenma asking you about the controller he lent you a few weeks ago. you quickly type an apology and press send.
your phone vibrates on the table two minutes later and, expecting a text or a call from kuroo, you pick it up eagerly.
kenma: it’s fine. kuroo brought it earlier
you: do you know where he is?
kenma: he’s here with me
it doesn’t take long for kenma to realize kuroo was supposed to be with you instead.
he casts a glance at his friend who lies unbothered on his couch, his feet dangling to the side while he plays with his phone.
kenma doesn’t understand him. at the beginning of your relationship he was always clinging onto you, and now it’s as if he doesn’t want to spend time with you anymore.
and don’t get him started with kuroo’s harsh words from the other day.
“get up,” kenma kicks his foot to get his attention, “i forgot i had to buy something for my mom.”
luckily, kenma remembers you mentioning something about wanting to go to the coffee shop and kuroo agreeing to it.
kenma pretends he didn’t hear him say ‘shit’ once he spotted you sitting all by yourself, scrolling on your phone.
kuroo makes his way towards you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders which causes you to jump on your seat.
“hi, kitten,” he purrs in your ear and kisses your cheek.
you become a blushing mess but a relieved smile graces your face once your boyfriend takes the seat next to you.
kenma doesn’t understand your relationship, but he does know that that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
—
can we meet?
you lock your phone after sending the text. you know it’s going to be hours before you get a reply from him.
and you’re right because it's now two hours later and there's still no sign of him.
you debate between sending another text or wait until you see him at school. but after murmuring ‘fuck it’, you press send and throw your phone to your bed.
i wanted to do this in person but i think we should break up. you go over your words in your head, regretting them already.
as you reach back for your phone, you see the screen light up with kuroo’s name displayed on it.
after taking a deep breath, you grab it and press the answer button.
“yes?”
“care to explain that text?”
sighing, you allow yourself to flump on your bed, “tetsurou, i can tell your feelings have changed.”
“that’s not true.”
“it is. you’re always flirting with other girls.”
he scoffs, “i can’t just shove them away, they take the time to watch my games.”
“okay,” you let it go and jump to the other topic that bothers you, “what about our dates? you either stand me up or cancel at the last minute.”
“because i’ve got stuff to do!”
the line goes silent.
it seems as if he has an excuse for everything… or is he simply telling the truth?
“i’ll make it up to you, okay?” his tone has softened considerably, “i’ll drop by your house later and we can watch that show you wanted.”
you hesitate, the offer sounds tempting but something is holding you back from accepting it.
“kitten?”
the way he coos the nickname goes straight to your heart, and that’s all it takes for him to win you back.
“mhm, i’ll order a pizza then?”
“you know you’re the best, right?”
you hang up after setting up the details, a stupid smile tugging the corners of your lips upwards.
yes, your plan might have failed, but you’re finally spending time with your boyfriend.
—
another failed date.
kuroo was supposed to pick you up from your home and he either forgot about it or deliberately chose to stand you up.
the disappointed looks from your mother are the last straw. you have made up your mind and —as terrified as you are— your eyes have finally opened to the cruel reality: kuroo tetsurou is not the love of your life.
as much as you want him to be, he wouldn’t be treating you like he does if that were the case. you can’t keep living in a fantasy where he’ll suddenly go back to how he was during your first three months together.
before you confront him at his house, you take a quick detour to your favorite spot. it’s a park you always went to as a kid and now you go whenever you feel suffocated or need to think things through.
the park has a nice pond with a bridge over it, so you take the time to walk on it, your fingers gliding over the worn-out metal railing. you take note of the little ducks swimming in it and how lovely the petals look floating on the water.
you have never been one of those people who easily recognize others from afar —your sight barely allows you to look two meters ahead of you— but your eyes are drawn to a tall figure standing under a tree. it looks familiar, but you have to take a few more steps in their direction so you can put a face on it.
the universe must really want you to open your eyes, giving you a push and showing you your boyfriend making out with another girl.
you almost feel jealous, wondering how would it feel to have him kiss you with such desire. to have his large hands running over your waist and his breath brushing against your lips.
instead, you find yourself disgusted at how easily he can ignore your relationship and do this behind your back, like a coward.
kuroo’s eyes open right as you walk towards them and he curses, shoving the girl away and running his fingers through his hair nonchalantly.
“h-hey, kitten! what are y–”
“we’re done.”
he blinks, not sure if he heard you correctly. though the hostility coming off of you tells him that wasn’t the case.
“c’mon,” he smiles but it falters at the last second, “we’ve gone through this before.”
the way your brows scrunch up and your eyes look fleetingly at the ashamed girl next to him, cause an unsettling feeling to sit on the pit of his stomach.
“i’ll change,” he smiles refreshingly but the way his eyes dart from your face to the space behind you, never making direct contact with your own, betray his tone.
“no, you won’t,” you say curtly and sigh, your posture visibly deflates as if a huge weight has been suddenly placed over you, “tetsu, i’m tired.”
upon hearing the defeat in your tone, his throat knots painfully. he notices how you do look tired, your eyes don’t sparkle as they used to when you saw his face, and your lips are drawn downwards.
kuroo doesn’t remember the last time he saw you smile. he can’t even remember the sound of your laugh but he knows it used to make his heart flutter.
you look drained, and it’s all his fault.
“one more chance,” he pleads, his tone unusually anxious, “kitten, just one. i swear i’ll treat you like you deserve.”
he takes a step forward, trying to get a hold of your hands but you involuntarily move away.
“it’s over.”
your figure backs away until he can no longer see you, never turning to look back at him, not even once.
and that’s how kuroo tetsurou experienced his first heartbreak, caused by no other but himself.