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The first time Meredith threatened him with the fact that he was an apostate, Hawke was unsurprised. He had hoped she wouldn’t pull that card just to get him to fight the qunari with her, but he wasn’t surprised. Of course he had played along, in the first place he was just giving her a hard time because he didn’t like her.
What did surprise him, though, was how prickly Fenris was towards Meredith, afterwards. The whole time they were fighting together, Fenris kept his distance or glared at Meredith, or would even intentionally stand in between Hawke and Meredith. Hawke was actually afraid she would try to talk to him and he would say something bitey. Something Hawke would probably get away with, but definitely not Fenris.
It was weird, but quickly forgotten in the chaos that came next.
The second time Meredith threatened Hawke, he was even less surprised. Expected it, almost, since she had done it before.
“I won’t be used to hunt down rogue mages,” Hawke shook his head and waved a dismissive hand at her, “Get your templars to do it.”
Again, Hawke was testing the waters. It would be nice if he didn’t have to do this, however unlikely. It seemed like all of Kirkwall’s problems were thrust onto him, with no choice in the matter whatsoever. Increasingly so since he became champion. A title he never really wanted in the first place.
“I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this,” Meredith sighed. Hawke could instantly tell where this was going and internally groaned at his increasing workload.
“You are an apostate, and I have been very lenient with you so long as I deem you safe,” Meredith explained, Hawke crossing his arms, “We will see how much longer that lasts. How can I be sure you’re not one of them if you refuse to help me?”
“So if I don’t do anything I’m a threat?” Hawke replied, irritated at her. It was as though she thought she could make him do anything by holding his apostate status over him. In a way, she could. Hawke would rather die than be sent to the Circle. What would happen to Orana and his dog, for starters?
Unexpectedly, though, Fenris took a step in front of Hawke, almost like he was trying to shield him. Which would be silly since Hawke was taller than him.
His stance was tense, every muscle coiled and ready to spring into action if need be. It was almost as if he was standing up straighter, though he was still shorter than Meredith. His back was almost against Hawke’s chest, a few inches away. It had to be, to get in between Hawke and Meredith. The Knight-Commander took a step back in surprise at his sudden appearance.
“You come after Hawke,” Fenris warned in a low voice, “And it’ll be over my dead body.”
The room was silent. Hawke felt his heart stutter, then beat faster as his face flushed. He would have said something witty, if he wasn’t too busy thinking about the implications of what Fenris said.
It seemed like the rest of their companions were surprised too, because the room stayed silent. Meredith set her shocked eyes on Fenris, who didn’t budge from his position in front of Hawke. If anything, he stood even more firm. Fenris was fixing Meredith with an intimidating glare, all of his muscles tensed and on edge. Ready to attack if need be. Hawke shook himself out of his stupor and set one reassuring hand down on Fenris’ shoulder, gently trying to push him out of the way. Fenris stayed put, not pushing Hawke’s hand off his shoulder but also not budging.
“I’ll do it, but I want you to know I don’t like it,” Hawke said to Meredith, still fruitlessly trying to push Fenris out of the way, “And I also don’t like you.”
Meredith shrugged, seemingly out of her shocked state as well, “You don’t have to like me. Just get the job done.”
“And...” Meredith gave Fenris a look of contempt, much like the one she used on Hawke so often, “Try to keep your elf in line.”
Hawke frowned at her as she made her exit, giving Fenris a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.
Fenris didn’t move until Meredith left the room. He slowly untensed, then glanced at Hawke with an almost embarrassed look. Even his ears were flushed red. Not that Hawke was any better, he was sure a blush still remained on his cheeks. Fenris wasn’t usually so bold. It caught Hawke off guard.
Then, of course, Anders had to ruin the mood.
“So you’re okay with it when any other mage is taken to the Circle, but not Hawke?” Anders crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, “No offense, Hawke, it’s just hypocritical.”
Fenris whipped around and glared at Anders. If looks could kill, Anders would disintegrate on the spot. Hawke considered getting in between them, but Fenris was already stalking towards the other mage.
“Yes,” he snarled, a truth Hawke wasn’t expecting to hear. Sure, he could make use of context clues, but Fenris straight up saying it was a different thing altogether.
Deciding that right now really wasn’t the time to unpack all of that, Hawke needed to intervene.
“Can’t you two get along for twenty minutes? Let’s get out of here. I feel like I’m being watched.”
At least Anders had the decency to look a little ashamed as they exited the building. On the best of days, Hawke felt like a babysitter for rambunctious children who argue all the time. On the worst of days, when Hawke decided to chime in on the fighting, he felt like Varric was the babysitter.
Later, he and Fenris were returning to Hawke Estate. Fenris often walked him home since they lived so close to each other and Hawke was far more likely to get jumped than Fenris, even during that three-year-long awkward phase. Better two than one, especially when one of them was a mage.
it was a little chilly, but Hawke was still taking his leisurely time on their walk back. Fenris didn’t seem to mind. Hawke’s ears were kind of cold, though, so he was sure Fenris’s would be.
“So, Fenris...” Hawke began, and Fenris immediately tensed.
“Yes?” he asked, looking on edge. His muscles were tight, as though he were getting ready to make a run for it if Hawke didn’t approve.
“Earlier, with Meredith,” Hawke didn’t dare to look Fenris in the eyes just yet, instead staring at the ground as they walked, “Did you mean what you said?”
There was silence for a while. Hawke didn’t look at Fenris, and he could assume Fenris probably wasn’t looking at him. The difference between how confident Fenris was earlier and how embarrassed he seemed now was incredible.
“I would not have said it if I didn’t mean it,” Fenris said carefully, not bothering to ask what Hawke meant by ‘earlier’.
Hawke felt his cheeks heat up, but he knew he had to ruin the moment.
“I’m a mage,” Hawke pointed out, “Isn’t that sort of a, I don’t know, conflict of interests? To defend a mage against a templar?”
Fenris looked conflicted, “Not if it’s you, Hawke. I told you once I couldn’t bear the thought of living without you. That hasn’t changed.”
Hawke almost couldn’t handle it. It was too much to take in, that Fenris would betray his own beliefs for him. And to admit it so openly, as well. Hawke thought he might be sweating. However cold he was before, he was nothing but hot now.
“Then I’m glad, I guess? That you wouldn’t turn me over to the templars?” Hawke said, trying his best to turn the conversation less serious. Fenris, however, had other ideas.
“Did you really think I would do something like that?” He frowned. Hawke shook his head violently to deny it.
“No, of course not,” Hawke was waving his hands. Fenris frowned at Hawke again, peering into his eyes through messy white hair. Hawke looked away, now sure he was sweating.
“Let me set one thing straight,” Fenris said, “I would never betray you, Hawke, just as you have never betrayed me. You have stayed by my side for six years, even though I hardly think I deserve it. You are by far the most important person in my life, Hawke. The thought of you, trapped in a tower where I can never see you again... I can’t bear it.”
”I would follow you to the ends of the earth, it would seem. Despite the fact that you’re a mage.”
Hawke simultaneously wanted Fenris to stop talking and keep talking forever. His heart was beating wildly and he definitely had sweat beading on his forehead. His face felt like it was on fire.
“Uh,” Hawke stuttered, and Fenris gave a small smile at his awkwardness, “Good to know. You too?”
Fenris chuckled, and took Hawke’s sweaty hand into his own. If the moisture was uncomfortable, he didn’t say anything. Hawke hoped the cool night air would allow his face to return to a normal color before they got back to his estate, so Fenris couldn’t see what a mess he had made him.
They walked back to Hawke’s estate, hand in hand, albeit awkwardly. For now, though, they felt content, despite everything.