Chapter Text
i. the way you move is like a full on rainstorm
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Meredith Grey isn't a hopeless romantic per say, or at least, she doesn't want to think that she is but if you asked her if she believes in the idea of having soulmates and soul marks, she'd tell you you're crazy not to believe in them in a heartbeat.
Don't get her wrong, she's not one of those crazy soulmates fanatics that will go berserk on the theory but she does believe in it religiously. What's the point in believing in love if you can't believe in the magic and destiny of it?
After all, love moves in mysterious ways doesn't it?
So no, she's not a hopeless romantic, just an optimistic, believing in love and destiny, kind of person.
So when she meets Derek and studies his charming, soft eyes, she believes it's fate. That if today was a perfect full moon and she's looking at his eyes as if to read the story of his soul, time would inevitably stop for them and his eyes will glow as he gives her his signature smile, in full slow motion with the most dramatic and romantic background.
Especially in the setting they found themselves in, slight drizzle of the rain pouring from outside, just enough to make this a romantic and not disruptive. His eyes are studying her like she's this intricate goddess with the never ending captivating details.
As naive and childish as it sounds, she fully expects fate and destiny to just sweep her off her feet and onto Derek Shepherd's strong, protective arms.
It didn't matter if his eyes remained in dull colours tonight, Meredith, the not so hopeless romantic, Grey will still believe he's her soulmate at this very moment.
Except, when it happens.
When she shows up all intimidating long legs, strutting with so much conviction, so much confidence as if she owns the place in her dark tinted shades covering what is surely a piercing beautiful eyes, that breaks her reverie. It's incredibly unnerving to see this woman walk.
Meredith immediately figured she'll hate this woman with her long legs and cocky smile, and she hasn't even spoken a word to her.
She takes every stride with so much menacing swagger like she's a Victoria's Secret model walking into the room in nothing but her underwear like the world is her stage and the ground is her runway.
She makes her way towards her and Derek, not losing that annoying smirk on her face that's almost challenging Meredith to crack and just slap it off of her. It's incredibly irritating to Meredith how this woman could just waltz into the room looking like a model and smirking like she knows a secret that will destroy anything and everything Meredith knows about the world.
Meredith managed to look away and ignore the woman, focusing on what's truly important in the moment and that is her and Derek. But right now his eyes are locked onto the woman.
And without warning, the woman is right in front of them, standing so tall in front of her, making her look like a puppy in front of a bear.
Meredith turned to look back towards Derek and she can vaguely hear his half hearted apology. Was that even an apology? She's not so sure but one thing she's sure about is this woman is definitely not a stranger to him.
She can sort of hear them argue about Seattle and returning phone calls. If she's being transparent, she's not really listening to them talk but she can't stop listening either. She's much too confused and overwhelmed to even comprehend anything.
She can feel the world spinning around her. It's as if her thoughts have left her, everything doesn't make any sense. Sense makes thoughts nothing. What are thoughts even?
Before she can process any of it, the woman has taken her shades off and is sticking her hand out towards her, like some kind of sick formality is necessary for this bizarre turn of events.
She can't help but stare dumbly at the perfectly manicured hands for a long while, contemplating on what the socially acceptable action should be in this kind of situation.
"Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd" she hears the words spoken to her like she's being forced to walk on a path of fiery charcoal in slow motion.
Meredith is about 99.98% sure the implications of that statement, that revelation.
Not high school or even med school have prepared her for this moment. Why has no class provided a lesson for what to do when your boyfriend's wife turns up and ruins your perfect night and love life?
She's awfully unprepared for life like this and as a surgeon in the making, she's taught to always be prepared. For a moment there, a cryptic part of her mind thinks this is just a fucked up lesson Derek has conjured up for her and that all this has been Derek's way of being her Attending and teaching her an important lesson of how to be a prepared surgeon.
She takes the hand without thinking, her body moving to its own accord as if to save her from whatever dumb shit her reputation will become after this.
"Shepherd?" She asks dumbly because a part of her still can't believe this is happening to her. In real life. Full 3D and all.
Addison smiles almost kindly at her as if amused by the question, like this isn't causing some kind of major shift in her world too and maybe it doesn't, the hell should Meredith even know, she's only an intern.
Addison clicks her tongue and speaks again, "and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband".
And at that Meredith's world crumbles. Meredith snaps her head up almost giving her a whiplash and fully meets Addison eye to eye for the first time under that night.
And the first thing she sees is her eyes.
It's perplexing, having that much colour and life in a pair of eyes so foreign and new to her. Meredith is almost too certain this isn't the eyes of a normal person.
Colours dancing around in her irises, almost like there's a story being told behind all of it. How can something that small have that much to say? Let alone an organ that cannot even produce sound. It should not be able to convey this much story but somehow, Meredith feels like she's hearing it, privy to only her and the woman before her.
It's honestly mesmerizing. Meredith is pretty sure she's not gay cuz if she is then she would totally have thoughts about how beautiful and starry those eyes are, how her body aches to reach out and stroke her cheeks, how she could just drown in the colour of her eyes forever.
And she's definitely not having those thoughts.
Seriously though, what's up with her eyes? It's freaking Meredith out. And why can't she seem to tear her own eyes off of them? It's crazy. It's terrifying. It's exhilarating.
Meredith thinks she might have a concussion or something somewhere in the middle of the night, her head did a full three eighty and five and now she's crazy. She's not even a surgeon in training yet, she doesn't know how to diagnose acute brain damage like that. Maybe someday, but certainly not right now at this moment.
She doesn't realize she's been staring at the woman in front of her, refusing to let go of her hand until she hears her name being called out.
She vaguely remembers Derek being in the same spot as they are, it's a bit off putting to Meredith how for a second there she almost felt like the world only had her, the dirty mistress and Addison, the wronged wife in it when only a few minutes ago she'd daydreamt about wanting to be the only person McDreamy sees in the moment.
She doesn't hear Derek's voice calling for her, she hears Addison's soft voice call out her name like it's a fragile porcelain being transported from a flight of stairs to Mars.
She realized Addison has caught her name through Derek calling out hers earlier and it strangely felt serene to her, hearing Addison enunciate the syllables of her name. As if her voice and her lips were meant to say her name from the beginning.
She eventually snaps out of her long ass reverie and actually looks at Addison's worried eyes and it's-
Glowing.
Her eyes is glowing. That's weird. Almost hilariously weird. Why is it glowing like that? Is she sick?
"Are you okay?" She hears Addison ask and somehow, she thinks it's funny to hear this woman asking the same exact question she wants to ask.
She shoots Addison a look and ignores Derek's background worried noises. Something about bringing her back into the hospital or taking a seat, whatever it was Derek was blabbering about, it certainly went ignored by the two.
Like a lightbulb over her head has switched on, Meredith realizes something.
Glowing. Eyes. Glowing Eyes. Glowing Fucking Eyes.
The woman in front of her, Derek Shepherd's wife, Addison Shepherd's eyes are glowing. Right in front of her. Right at her.
Feeling the heat of realization creeping up at her, she feels nausea building up in her esophagus, begging to be released.
No. No. No. No. No. It can't be. It has to be a mistake. She isn't supposed to see her eyes glow like that. That's not supposed to happen with her and with anyone not named Derek Shepherd. And especially not with Derek Shepherd's wife.
This has got be a joke. A mistake. A prank. Is she in an episode of punk'd right now?
This isn't how her destiny is supposed to work out. It was supposed to be romantic. Like a confession with dozens of roses in Derek's hands as he asks her to dance with him.
This wasn't romantic at all. Not even in the slightest. This is her boyfriend's wife for fuck's sake, what could be more unromantic than that?
This is not how she pictured it to be. His eyes were supposed to glow for her tonight, not her's.
Meredith looks away, clears her throat, takes her hand from Addison as if the contact is physically burning her and she steps as far away back as she can from the two Shepherds.
"I-" she begins as she looks at anywhere but Addison, her throat is too dry to speak full coherent sentences right now.
She clears her throat and tries again, "I have to go" she says as she hurries away, not daring to look at either of the people in front of her.
This is too overwhelming for her, she needs a place where she can get away and breathe.
She can hear Derek trying to chase after her, maybe to explain the situation, thinking that she's upset about him keeping his wife a secret and yes, she is upset at that but this isn't just about him anymore. This is way bigger than that, something she's afraid he'll never understand and she can't deal with this, not right now.
"Meredith, let me explain" Derek tries as he stumbles towards Meredith, guilt and regret evident in his tone.
Meredith turns around and stops him from taking any step further, "Don't. Just-" she inhales, as if preparing for an outburst but it never comes so she just exhales, exasperated and says "Please leave me alone." Her voice cracks as she takes one final glance towards the woman who's invaded not only her night but her entire life not even with so much as a little warning.
Addison is staring at her like a deer caught in the headlights and it is enough for Meredith to understand that they both are thinking and feeling the same thing. She turns away and turns back around stepping into the rain as George slips in covering her with his umbrella and taking her home.
Derek turns back around to a still stunned Addison and angrily says, "Are you happy now?" He storms past her, not giving her the chance to reply as he walks off into the distance, but she couldn't even be bothered by it.
This is so much bigger and messier than Derek right now and Addison could not find two shits to give at Derek's retrieving form. Much like the last time she's seen him like that.
And she should at least feel something, like how awful she felt as she sat there, frozen as she watched Derek walk out of their room after finding her and Mark together but this time, Addison could not even find it in herself to feel anything about it when all she could think about is not the guilt but the girl that was in front of her mere minutes ago.
Her eyes, they were glowing, Addison thinks as she looks off into where Meredith's car has sped towards.
Addison likes to think she's a romantic. She likes to plan dates, she likes to cook for her dates, she wants to be the one to propose, she believes there is no gender assignments to intimate celebrations such as a marriage proposal. If she could turn back time, she would definitely have beaten Derek to the punch and proposed first. She loves receiving romantic gifts and even more so giving them.
She's what you would call a hopeless romantic maybe if it weren't for the fact that she absolutely hates the idea of destiny and fate.
She believes love should be something you work towards. Something to build with significant time and effort spent with and for someone.
Love cannot be magic and destiny. Love needs time to build and work.
So yes, Addison is a hopeless romantic, but she is also a logical, believing in the careful creation of love by two people, kind of person.
So when her mind wanders back to Meredith's eyes, she couldn't help but laugh at the messiness of it all and curse at the sky.
"Damn you. Like hell am I gonna be a slave to bullshit destiny" she whispers to the full moon above as she walks into the rain and thunder shakes the ground.