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Jeff held his head in agony as the tears ran down his face without a sign of stopping. His head was pounding, his limbs felt cold and his eyes were swollen red. This was the state he was in basically every 48 hours with a lack of proper sleep. No matter what he had tried, he couldn't bring himself to lay down in his bed and fall asleep. It seemed like it was the most impossible task in the world for him. Another sob escaped his strained throat and he took a deep breath. Why couldn't he just go to bed at the end of the day and fall asleep like a normal person? Just close your eyes and relax.. Jeff just couldn't do it. No matter what he had tried, it failed. Every time he laid down thoughts would overtake his mind, keeping him from getting any rest. It was like his own mind was screaming at him to get up. Jeff dragged his nails over his head as he desperately tried to keep himself from crying. It made him feel weak and pathetic.
The ginger sitting next to him on the couch gulped a little as he watched his secret Friend trying to contain himself. This was the first time he saw Jeff this upset over not being able to sleep. Usually the brown haired male would simply shrug it off and just stay awake like it was no big deal, but today he just broke down. He just couldn't take it anymore. Randy was aware of the sleeping problem that Jeff had, the first time he slept over, him and his friend were playing video games. A few hours into the night the ginger was completely tuckered out and fell asleep in the middle of one of their games. Jeff couldn't bring himself to lay down and sleep as well, so he played video games all night long without any breaks in between. Randy was surprised that Jeff hadn't moved from his place when he woke up and was still playing. At least on that day the ginger got an explanation on why Jeff constantly had dark circles under his eyes.
Randy gulped as he still watched his friend trying not to completely break down. What was he supposed to do? Should he start talking? Or maybe just leave him alone? He had no idea. Jeff had been rather stressed all morning and as they sat down on the couch together the brown haired boy simply couldn’t take it anymore. Jeff put a sleeve from his hoodie over his hand and wiped the tears from his puffy red eyes. His eyes were still wet and with every new blink a few tears dropped from his eyelashes. At least he seemed like he was slowly calming down again. Randy gulped and took a deep breath before he started to speak again.
“You okay, dude?..“ He asked hesitantly and tilted his head a little. Hopefully Jeff wouldn’t get upset again. The boy in the white hoodie simply nodded and looked to the ground, avoiding eye contact at all cost. This was so embarrassing for him. Jeff was never a guy that got overly excited to show his emotions, especially if it was sadness or distress. He liked to keep everything to himself and gulp it down. Why bother someone with his feelings when he simply couldn’t?
“I’m fine, really. My head just hurts.“ He answered the ginger after a moment of silence between them. He wasn’t even lying, his head did hurt from staying awake for so long and not giving his brain some rest. Randy believed him, but he also knew that there was more to it.
“Come on, be honest. It’s the lack of sleep isn’t it?“ The ginger continued to ask as he watched Jeff. Jeff only tensed up his muscles and shrunk into himself. He wished he would stop asking and would just leave him alone. Was it so hard to understand? He shook his head and gulped. Bad idea, it only made his head thump in agony, his vision blurry and made him dizzy. Fuck, he shouldn’t have shaken his head so quickly. His eyes already began to water again. The ginger looked at him worried, but he still didn’t dare to touch him. If he got this upset over another question he didn’t want to find out how bad Jeff would lash out for touching him. Jeff bit down on his lips to prevent another sob and grabbed his knees to find a hold of himself.
“Jeff, I know that you can barley sleep, that’s nothing new to me…“ Randy started talking and leaned over. “…but I can’t help you if you won’t admit that you have a problem.“
Jeff knew that his friend was right, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say something. He didn’t want to embarrass himself any further. Who knows, maybe Randy would drop him as a friend again and continue with the bullying that he had gotten used to over the years. Jeff still didn’t know how he would describe their friendship. It was definitely complicated. They seemed to be good friends when they were alone or talking over text, but at school they would simply ignore each others existence. Maybe it was still only because they still hadn’t told anyone about their “friendship“.
„You can’t just ignore it, I can see that you’re completely stressed out. You have to talk to me, dude.“ The ginger now said in a more snappier tone. The ginger was quite literally a hothead when he couldn’t get it his way. Jeff shortly glared at him. He could barley make out the features on Randys face anymore, everything was a blur. „Fine. My head hurts from not sleeping. Thats it, there’s nothing more to it.“ Jeff huffed back at Randy. The ginger only rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. „You know i’m not gonna leave you alone till we properly talked about this.“
In frustration Jeff grabbed his head again. Every sound the other one made felt like a dozen bricks being dropped on his head. Randy didn’t have an annoying voice, it was actually quite soothing, but currently it was just too loud for him.
“What do you want me say?! Theres nothing you don’t already know!“ Jeff barked at him. Randy was surprised at the lash out. He expected it to happen but it still caught him off guard. He started feeling bad about pressuring his friend so much to talk about it.
“Listen, Jeff… i’m sorry if i’m overstepping my boundaries with you but you not being able to sleep is a problem. Does Liu know about it at least?“ He asked in a softer tone and still kept his distance from Jeff. The other one only shook his head in reply. “He thinks i’m staying up late to play video games all night long. My parents don’t know anything about it either.“ Jeff sighed and started digging his nails into his knees. He would try not to lash out again, but it would be difficult with his head pounding.
So nobody but Randy knew about this? He couldn’t help but feel at least a little honored. Not even Jeffs brother knew about this and the two practically were best friends.
Randy let out a small sigh as he watched the other one slowly calm down. “I’ll try to help you with your sleeping problem, okay?“ He said with a small smile on his lips. Jeff was rather surprised. “You’ll help he?…“ He asked in disbelieve. It still felt weird to him when the other one wouldn’t make fun of him for something like this. They had been friends for a couple of months now, but it was still so foreign for Jeff to not hear the other trying to provoke him. The ginger nodded with a smile.
“I promise. We’re friends after all, right?“
Jeff couldn’t help but feel the heat rising to his face. Was it from all the crying? All of his other limbs were still ice-cold from all the stress. Randy slowly laid a hand on top of Jeffs hand as to not startle him.
“I truly promise that I’ll help you through this. Thats what friends are for.“