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On his way to the kitchen, Jimin kicked the red bag that only reminded him of the things he’s missing. He was supposed to be in a car with his friends, going to the holiday resort they’ve booked more than a month ago, talking about the hot chocolate they’ll have when they get there. Instead, he was stuck in his apartment, alone.
He was feeling fine on Thursday morning, he even went out with Jungkook to do some shopping for the trip after his classes, and to his luck, it started raining on the way back. Although they came to the mall with Jungkook, Jimin wanted to stay longer so when he left the mall at 10 pm as they had to close, he realized he had no choice but to run to the nearest bus stop.
Jimin wasn’t planning to go anywhere besides the university campus when he left his apartment in the morning, that’s why he didn’t even think about taking his umbrella. If only he knew it would rain that much, he wouldn’t wake up with a headache the next morning, without any energy to move. Just a few hours later, his nose started running too.
His roommate, Jungkook, was there for him the whole day. He made Jimin some tea, helped him to move when he needed and told him to rest as much as possible. He didn’t want his best friend to miss the trip they were all so excited for. However, it was just two days before Christmas when Jimin got sick, so everyone knew it was inevitable, he couldn’t come with them next morning. Jimin was a bit emotional when his friends said they won’t go either, but he persuaded them, telling them they didn’t put all the money they saved for nothing. He was fine with staying alone, he was sure that he could take care of himself.
He was more focused on the fact that he missed this opportunity to confess to Taehyung as well. He had planned it all, he even wanted to choose the resort they were going by himself, and luckily, everyone was fine with it. He imagined him and Taehyung sitting in front of the small cabin they had, he rehearsed his speech at least ten times in the last few days too. Now, he thought he didn’t even have the chance to see Taehyung this weekend, let alone confessing. And that was why he was surprised to hear the doorbell on his way to the kitchen, and seeing Taehyung when he opened the door.
Taehyung stood there with at least six bags of what looked like groceries, and he had one of his biggest smiles on his face, which always made Jimin feel warm. “Hi! Sorry to make you open the door, they left really early so I couldn’t get the key from Jungkook.”
“It’s fine, I was on my way to the kitchen anyway,” said Jimin, opening the door more to let Taehyung in with all those bags.
After Taehyung got in, Jimin closed the door and started following him with slow steps, as he was still not feeling energetic enough to reach his friend’s pace.
“Kitchen? For breakfast?”
When he reached the kitchen, instead of sitting on a chair, he took a seat on the wooden table. “No, I had breakfast earlier. Jungkook prepared so many things, I couldn’t even eat half of them. They’re in the fridge if you want some.”
Taehyung put the bags on the counter and started taking out some stuff that needed to go into the refrigerator. “I was planning to cook and eat with you actually, but that’s fine too. Jungkook is a better cook anyway.”
“No! I love your pancakes more,” Jimin pouted.
Taehyung chuckled, the sound making Jimin smile immediately, even when he can’t see his friend’s face clearly as the table he’s sitting on is right behind Taehyung. “I can cook you some tomorrow then.”
“You’re coming back again? Why didn’t you go with them by the way?”
Jimin had this question in his mind ever since he saw Taehyung at his door, but he felt like asking it so soon might make him feel like he’s not welcomed. Taehyung had been to their apartment countless times, but it was the first time they were alone.
As Taehyung put some of the things he placed on the counter a minute ago into the fridge, he took out some small containers which had the dishes Jungkook cooked. He got himself a spoon and started filling his plate. “I couldn’t let you suffer here alone.”
He said it in a joking tone, but it meant a lot to Jimin. The guy he liked for almost a year now, chose to stay with him and miss an amazing trip to that holiday resort. “Thank you,” he said in a soft tone, and that made Taehyung turn around and look at him, smiling like he always seemed to do when he was with Jimin.
“And if I didn’t stay, I couldn’t give your gift on time,” Taehyung said, and Jimin knew how much time Taehyung spent this year to choose the best Christmas gift for everyone. They weren’t close enough to see each other on Christmas last year, but their friendship grew stronger in just a few months after that.
Taehyung and Jimin knew each other as they had some classes together last year, but they didn’t talk much besides it. He and Jungkook had been roommates in the dorm, and they became best friends in such a short period of time as they both helped each other when they needed it the most. Yoongi was his project partner for a class, and they clicked with his best friend Jin and his boyfriend Namjoon the first time they met. Also, Hobi was Jungkook’s childhood friend who stayed next door. And when they all met on Jin’s birthday last year, Jimin laughed so much that he fell from his chair a few times.
“Can’t wait to see what you got,” said Jimin, and got down from the table to make himself some tea that can help with his sickness. He was feeling better today as Jungkook took care of him so well yesterday, but his throat was still hurting a bit, and sadly, having a small chat with Taehyung made it worse.
He didn’t spend much time with it since the hot water was ready as Taehyung was about to get himself a cup of coffee. After they got what they needed, they went to sit on the really comfortable gray couch in the living room, Jimin on one side with his blanket and Taehyung on the other side with his plate and coffee. It didn’t take much time for Jimin to fall asleep after drinking his tea, the meds he took an hour ago starting to take effect.
--
It was already four pm when Jimin woke up. “I slept for six hours?”
“Yeah and you talked a bit in your sleep,” said Taehyung in a casual tone, but Jimin was horrified. What if he said something about Taehyung and his feelings?
However, he didn’t have much time to worry about that, as Taehyung stood up from his side and sat by Jimin’s side with a thermometer in his hand. “I didn’t check your temperature frequently, thought you might wake up,” he said, in a soft tone. “But everything was fine when I did two hours ago so don’t worry.”
He got closer to Jimin’s face, putting the thermometer in his mouth carefully, and pulled back immediately. While waiting for the result, he couldn’t help but look at Taehyung, admiring his features for a second, and then averting his eyes. He thought it would make things awkward if he got caught, but wasn’t he planning to tell Taehyung as soon as possible anyway?
The beeping from the thermometer made Jimin focus on what’s happening right now, instead of his feelings for Taehyung. Taehyung got the thermometer quickly but gently, checking the digits displayed on the small screen. “37.0 °C, it’s normal.”
“I’m feeling fine too,” added Jimin.
Taehyung got up from his seat next to Jimin, cleaned the thermometer with the wet cloth he had prepared while his friend was sleeping. “What do you want to eat? I was thinking about vegetable soup and some rice?”
Jimin was vegetarian for a few months now, and he was feeling so much better with this change in his life. He used to have chicken soup when he was sick, but soup with vegetables didn’t sound bad either. “I’d love it.”
“Okay then, I’ll start cooking,” said his friend, and left Jimin in the room alone. He could hear Taehyung playing one of his playlists, Conan Gray’s voice filling the small apartment.
It took a few more minutes than an hour for Taehyung to prepare the dinner, he put the small table, which Jimin and Jungkook bought a few months ago, next to Jimin, and placed four plates on it after a minute or two. Jimin was sure the soup would be delicious without even tasting it, Taehyung was not a bad cook as he thought. Also, Jimin would eat anything Taehyung made for him anyway.
They decided to watch a comedy show that was on TV while they were eating, and Jimin thanked Taehyung for being there and cooking for him, at least twice. The show got boring after two episodes, and Taehyung decided to work on the online class he’s taking, Fundamentals of Music Theory, while Jimin spent some time on social media, reading some technology news, and listening to one of his soft playlists at the same time.
Taehyung had been interested in writing his songs for a few months, and his friends were proud of him for improving so much in a short period of time. One of Yoongi’s friends agreed to give piano lessons to Taehyung, and he was really excited about it, he even sent some videos or voice recordings to their group chat. That’s why Jimin thought the best Christmas gift for Taehyung would be a special notebook with a note from him on the first page and a gift card he can use to buy some software he might need. He wasn’t sure if he should give the gift to him tomorrow morning, or today, or wait until Taehyung mentions it first.
When his friend stopped studying at 8pm, Jimin suggested watching a movie on Netflix. and Taehyung agreed happily. He made sure Jimin had some soup and took his meds before watching anything, in case he fell asleep. It was unlikely for Jimin to fall asleep before midnight; however, being sick and tired changed the circumstances.
As he was scrolling through the list of movies, he saw one that Jungkook mentioned a week ago. He said he loved it too much, especially the way the characters were portrayed. What made him unsure about it was the genre, it was romance. And in the summary, it was mentioned that the main characters were friends, which he could relate to. He didn’t want to feel awkward watching it with the guy he liked; however, when he was about to close the summary, Taehyung came from the kitchen with bowls of snacks in his hands and asked him about it.
“Jungkook mentioned this one before, so I just wanted to check it out. I don’t know if I want to watch it though,” he explained, and Taehyung looked interested, handing Jimin a bowl for himself.
“If Jungkook liked it we should watch it too,” replied Taehyung, pausing for a few seconds to eat some crackers. “I love every movie he recommends. Let’s see the trailer.”
Jimin couldn’t find a reason to say no to Taehyung, so he clicked on the play button. The trailer didn’t seem a lot like his story, yet it was still a romance that had college friends to lovers concept. It looked like there were lots of other subplots, but still, he had a bad feeling about it. And sadly, Taehyung said the movie was really interesting and he wanted to watch this one. Again, Jimin couldn’t say no.
Thankfully, the first hour went by quickly and Jimin was doing fine. It was easy to see that the main characters were in love, but they weren’t aware of it until then. And when they did and started to think about what the other feels about them, Jimin couldn’t help but compare himself to the characters. As Jungkook said, the characters and their relationships were portrayed well, and he found himself getting affected by their sadness and worries.
What is he going to think when I tell him about my feelings? Is this the end of our friendship? Should I keep it to myself and try to move on? No, it’s been almost a year already. I should do it. But why is it this hard?
His thoughts continue to occupy his mind for a long time, and when the guy was trying to tell the girl how he felt about her for the fourth time in the last twenty minutes, he felt his tears going down on his cheeks. Only a few for a minute, and then, they were followed by the others.
He took a quick glance at Taehyung, he was staring at the screen, so Jimin quickly wiped his tears and wiped his nose with a tissue. Being sick didn’t help him either, his nose was already hurting as he wiped it too much yesterday.
He tried to focus on the movie again, instead of thinking about the current situation. He was doing well, until Taehyung stood up to put his bowl to the coffee table on the side, and sat closer to Jimin when he came back. It was definitely not easier to give his attention to the movie than to Taehyung when he was sitting beside him, their arms touching.
Things didn’t get any better in the movie, lots of sad things happened to the main characters and Jimin felt himself getting emotional again. His earlier thoughts came back and he felt stressed, thinking about the same thing over and over, not having a solution to do it without the risk of getting hurt. He pulled his legs closer to his chest and hugged them with his arms, put his head on them instead of watching the movie.
His change of position distracted Taehyung from the movie too and seeing his friend like that made him worry. “Jimin, is something wrong? Are you feeling bad? You want me to check your temperature?”
Yes, something is wrong, Jimin wanted to say, he wanted to tell Taehyung. He didn’t want to miss his chance like the guy in the movie did. Jimin knew that the reason the guy failed this much was that it’s a movie, and the writers probably thought adding more drama would make it better. However, he couldn’t get rid of that feeling.
He decided to tell his feelings, he needed to try at least. He took a deep breath, raised his head from his legs. “I’m fine, but there’s something I need to tell you.”
He knew he needed to look at Taehyung, but it was really hard. What if he had a bad reaction? Would Jimin be okay with seeing it?
“Yes?” said Taehyung, sounding worried, and when Jimin didn’t say anything for a while, he put his hand to his shoulder, hoping it would give Jimin courage. “You know you can tell me anything, right? Anything, I won’t judge, I promise.”
After hearing his words, Jimin turned to his friend, seeing his face serious, his eyes soft. “I know, thank you.”
Then he stared at his hands, so many thoughts running in his mind but he only chose one of them, “I like you.”
Jimin felt like time slowed down as his heartbeats got faster and faster. He said it. He finally said it. He couldn’t say it in a fancy way or they didn’t have the best atmosphere, things didn’t go like he practiced earlier that week, but he felt lighter for a moment until he realized that it’s not over yet. The most important part didn’t happen, he didn’t know what Taehyung thought about it. He didn’t even see his reaction.
He looked up, searched his face for an answer, good or bad. But he could only see surprise, as he waited for a change in Taehyung’s reaction, a second felt like an hour. And after those few seconds, the first thing Taehyung did was to laugh.
“You were sad because of this?” he said, giving Jimin one of his biggest smiles, his eyes looking smaller than they usually are, completing his happy look.
Jimin wasn’t sure if he should completely relax, he thought Taehyung was fine with his feelings at first, but what if he was laughing at Jimin’s feelings? What if Taehyung saw him as a friend all along and he’ll leave in two minutes?
Instead, when Jimin nodded, Taehyung got up and went to Jungkook’s room. Jimin couldn’t understand why he would go there after his confession. Wasn’t he supposed to give an answer? Or at least say something else about it? “What are you doing in Jungkook’s room?”
Jimin heard some shuffling sound coming from the room and Taehyung replied, shouting but not really loud as their apartment was not that huge. “Wait a minute, I’m getting something.”
He came back with a small box in his hands, looking smaller than it already is in Taehyung’s large hands. It was a long but thin box, it had lots of colors on it forming a pattern that Jimin loved immediately. Its size was similar to the ones used for expensive pens, but it was made of paper. Taehyung extended his hand towards Jimin, “It’s for you. Merry Christmas.”
Jimin didn’t know what to expect as he took the box from his friend, putting it on his lap. “Thank you. But why did you get it from Jungkook’s room?”
Taehyung laughed nervously, putting his hand on the back of his head, only to pull it back in a few seconds. “The idea was mine but Jungkook helped me to buy it. Not financially, it’s just, something you don’t see everywhere.”
“Oh,” said Jimin, his eyebrows showing his surprise. He knew Taehyung got him a special gift, Jungkook told him Tae got special gifts for everyone, but he wasn’t expecting something so rare.
After hearing that, he wanted to know what’s inside the box more, so he opened it right away. The thing in the box was more surprising than anything that happened that day. It was a necklace, a silver one. It had a circular pendant, mostly silver but it also had purple and blue lines. It had so many little details that made Jimin think it’s not real silver, it would cost a fortune for Taehyung to buy something detailed like that otherwise.
He wasn’t sure what to think about Taehyung getting him a necklace. Was it his answer to Jimin? Why would someone get a friend a necklace like that and give it after they say they like you if you’re not interested in them?
Taehyung interrupted his thoughts with his question. “What do you think? It took us a long time to find it.”
Jimin hadn’t looked closer to the pendant so he couldn’t understand why it was hard to find. It just looked like a circular pendant with lots of random details and some colored lines. However, when he took the necklace out of the box and looked closer, he saw those details were not random. “Is this what I think it is?”
“If you’re thinking it’s a circular doubly linked list, then yes.”
He couldn’t believe his eyes. Why would something like that exist? It was just a data structure that Jimin hated because he had so much trouble when he had to do a project using it. Also, everyone in their friend group knew that he hated circular doubly linked lists as he complained about it non-stop until he finished the project. Seeing this necklace was like getting every bone’s name in Latin tattooed on their body for people studying medicine or something. He couldn’t understand the reason at all. “Why?”
Taehyung answered the question nervously, “Do you remember the day we were working on that project together?”
Jimin was majoring in computer science, and Taehyung’s major was electrical engineering; however, he was interested in programming and he chose computer science as a minor. They only knew each other’s names before they decided to work on a project together, and Jimin began to like Taehyung’s company more as they spent more time with each other. “Which day? We spent at least ten days on it.”
He answered quickly, “The day we went to a cafe next to the burger place.”
“Yeah,” said Jimin as he tried to remember any specific event that happened on that day. “I don’t think we did anything special though?”
“It was a special day for me, not for you because I didn’t tell you about it.” He started to explain with a chuckle and a sweet smile afterward. “You were so focused on the project and so frustrated with that circular doubly linked list that gave an error message every time you run the program.”
Taehyung didn’t continue for a while, he was trying to find the best words to explain it. But Jimin was curious, he wanted to know the relation between that day and his confession, he couldn’t wait. “And?”
Taehyung took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, “You were so cute.”
Jimin could feel his heartbeat going fast again, his cheeks getting red slightly, and he couldn’t keep eye contact with Taehyung. That day was special to Taehyung and he said I was cute. What else?
“I think that was the day things started to change for me,” continued his friend, Jimin’s mind was filled with positive thoughts and hope. “A few months later, I was sure that I liked you.”
Jimin was expecting this to come for a minute, but that didn’t change his reaction. He turned to look at Taehyung, his eyes looking slightly bigger than they normally are. He knew it was coming yet he still couldn’t believe how things turned out. Taehyung liked him back.
“And it continued to grow more and more every day I spent with you. I was planning to tell you about it on the trip but things didn’t go well,” said Taehyung, with a small smile on his face.
He was standing in front of Jimin the whole time so he decided to sit next to him as he was waiting for a response. Jimin still couldn’t register what was happening fully, he was immensely happy but couldn’t find any words to express it. “I don’t know what to say,” he said finally, “but I’m so happy.”
Taehyung could see Jimin’s happiness on his face and he was sure that he was in the same condition as well. “Then let’s go on a date when you’re feeling better?”
Jimin nodded as soon as the words left Taehyung’s mouth, and he quickly moved forward to hug him. It was warm and filled with happiness, Taehyung didn’t wait for a second to put his arms around Jimin too. Jimin had always been the best hugger in their friend group, also loved giving hugs and Taehyung got his fair share before too. However, this was different.
And when Jimin pulled back, he realized he shouldn’t have done it. “Tae, what if you get sick too? I’m still not feeling really well and we were close…”
“It’s not like we kissed,” said Taehyung, giggling as he could see Jimin getting embarrassed. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
“Then, can we cuddle?”