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Being alone in the House of Lamentation was almost unheard of, usually someone would stick behind. Whether everyone was going to school or out to eat, there would always be at least two people staying home. Most often it was Levi, having already done his coursework and gaming the day away, and Belphie, not having realized his alarm went off and being too heavy of a sleeper for his twin to wake him. The House of Lamentation being completely empty was a rare sight, only happening once every other month at most. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights.
Lucifer had told us that we were to be at the Demon Lord’s Castle at 6 pm sharp, or else there would be consequences. Apparently there was a dinner and a party, something that tends to run late into the next morning. Nothing I wanted a part of. Nothing I had the energy to plaster a tense, fake smile onto. The punishment for not attending one of Diavolo’s events is always the same, though, so it’s not like I’m all that inclined to attend anyway. I’ll just have to be prepared to be flogged and hung whenever he gets back from it. Annoying, but tame for him, seeing as this sort of event happens often enough.
Being alone in the house is always a weird experience. The halls are so much larger with no one filling the space in them, the floors creaking echoes louder, the doors being closed with no light behind them feeling eerie, the windows somehow letting in more wind than usual, as if trying to emphasize the fact that you’re completely alone here.
I stood with my hands on the sill, looking out into the Devildom night sky, the lights from the Celestial Realm glaring down on the house. On me. I sighed and closed the window. There wasn’t a need to run up the electricity bill by forcing two different temperatures into the house. Lucifer was already going to be annoyed with my skipping out on His Lord’s most Magnificent Meal… I snickered to myself, and opened the window up just a crack again before walking away. If he’s going to punish me, I should at least make it worthwhile.
Making my way back to my room to pick up the book I was reading before going to R.A.D. that day, I stopped in front of Asmo’s door. I remembered him telling me that I was always free to use his bath if I ever wanted to destress, the only rule being that he “must be there in order to take pictures~!” I scoffed at the memory and opened the door to his room, deciding what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. It always smells like he just came out of the bath in there, anyway. Even if he did somehow find out I was in there, all he would do is bitch and moan about it for a few hours until he got bored of me ignoring him.
Closing his bedroom door behind me, not bothering to turn on the main light, I headed to his bathroom. Stepping through the archway, I flicked on the lightswitch there, where a warm yellow light slowly lit up the bathroom. I sighed, breathing in the smell of roses from his previous encounter with his oversized tub. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed some of his petals for this, either.
I walked up to the full body mirror he had set on the wall in front of the bath, looked at myself, and winced. Had it really been that rough of a day for me…? I guess my professors have been piling more work on us lately…
I rolled my shoulders, trying to relax a bit before eventually searing my body with the tub water. But, to no avail, I couldn’t untense. Remembering that all of the exchange students were required to attend this dinner, which means that I was truly alone in the house, I let my shoulders drop fully, exhaling hard as I let myself release my current form, opting for the lighter to maintain one. The one the humans refer to as our “demon forms.” I laughed softly to myself as I slowly looked back up at my reflection again. If this is what they think demonic looks like at its most basic form, they would have loved seeing us immediately after the war, true demonic forms on full display.
I winced again, “Don’t bring up the war.” I stared at my horns, twisted and pointed towards the ceiling, and glared at them. I looked down at my tail, swishing back and forth against the floor without my trying to, and willed for it to wrap itself around my ankle, forcing it to not move as freely. I halfheartedly undid my tie and unbuttoned my shirt, letting them both fall unceremoniously to the floor.
I stared at my scarred chest, wounds from the war, from Lucifer, from my other brothers and some strangers staring me down. I huffed quietly at them and turned to my side so I could try to see my back from this angle. My back was equally as scarred, if not more, my shoulder blades bearing the majority of the damage. I tried to stretch and rub at them, letting loose the rest of my built-in stress. I closed my eyes and hissed at my own touch, pressing perhaps a bit harder than I should be.
As I felt the last of my bodily stress relieve itself from my bones, I opened my eyes again and looked back at the mirror. My wings fanned out around me, instinctively hiding me from view. I slowly exhaled and shifted them back a bit, looking at where they connected to my flesh. They were sleek and black, covered in feathers I often refused to take care of, some sticking out here and there. I reached over and plucked a few that were falling out and held them up to my face.
“Lucifer…” They looked like him. Hell, if the smell of roses wasn’t so overwhelming, I was almost positive they would smell like him, too. I clicked my tongue at them, tossing them to the floor to fall onto the pile of clothes at my side. I faced the mirror head on again and let my wings span out as far as they could.
“Of course he burdened me with his smaller pair.” Seeing them, I thought back to the Celestial Realm. I didn’t remember much of it, having been too busy trying to fight against my own life, but I remember the angels and how they looked at me. How they gawked at my wings, pitch black against their immaculate pristine world. A smudge in the lens of our Merciful Gods’ eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows harder, hating the taste of that memory on my tongue.
I remembered how Lucifer looked at me that first time. Only mere seconds after I was born. He was scared, we both were, neither of us had known what happened. Underneath the fear, though, was familiarity. He looked at me like he knew me, and I could tell I knew him, but I wasn’t entirely positive how I did. He held his arms open to me, and fuck was it so inviting. I was frozen, I remember, unsure of what to do. Unsure of how I knew this relative stranger. Unsure of where I was, who I was, what I was… I didn’t know what to do, but he never moved. He stood in front of me like a stranger would a stray cat, waiting for me to assess him before picking me up by the scruff of my neck and dragging me to somewhere where someone more informed could… Assist me…
I couldn’t trust him, no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I needed to. I had bared my teeth and beat my - his - wings at him, my tail standing straight behind me, angling my head so my horns were pointed directly at him.
I shook my head out of the memory and looked back at the mirror. I rubbed my shoulder, urging my wings to stop tensing so hard from the memory. There was no need to cause a whirlwind in Asmo’s bathroom right now, I was already invading his space. I turned around fully to get my wings centered in the mirror. I craned my head so I could look at them. The scarring around their base forever seemed fresh, as if from the slightest provocation they would split open again, staining my back and the floor crimson.
My wings were undoubtedly Lucifer’s, even though they were smaller than his own. As were my horns, just reflected from his. The only thing that was truly my own was my tail. I let it unravel from my ankle and it immediately swished back and forth again. I smiled slightly at it.
“At least some things can feign peacefulness.”
I returned back to the tub and started running the water and removing my clothes again. I deserved a long, warm bath after the day I apparently hardly managed to survive. I had another few hours left to myself, after all, I might as well treat myself well for once.