Chapter Text
“How is it?”
“It’s only day one.”
“I know, but how is it?”
“I still haven’t gone swimming, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Well, it’s not. I’m asking if you’re enjoying yourself over there.”
“I don’t know Jun… It’s a beach. What do you expect?”
“Uh, maybe you having fun and being all lovey-dovey—Wait. Why do I feel like we’ve had this conversation before?”
Josh chuckled, putting his book down on the small table beside his sun lounge.
It was still early in the day, but the sun was beaming down from the sky with its scorching rays. The heat did not only tickle Josh’s skin; it licked against his long-sleeved top like it wanted to gnaw at his flesh. His huge outdoor umbrella under the canopy of beach-side trees could not even shield him from the rays.
Josh lowered his sunglasses to stare at the sky, a serene color of baby blue striped with thin wisps of white clouds. He wished the fluffs had more substance in them, that way they would give him additional shade. But no. The sky was awfully clear, and it reflected the cerulean ocean below that was blue and green as far as it could reach into the horizon. The water glistened under the sun’s unabashed rays, tempting, beckoning Josh to dip and dive in.
Yes, it was too hot and too bright for such an early day. For some reason, none of the surfers and the early-morning divers seemed to mind.
“I do think we’ve had this conversation before,” Josh told Jun. “Some time ago… I think I hung up on you right after?”
“Har, har,” Jun told him off. “Seriously, though… Since you’re on vacation, please loosen up and enjoy yourself?”
“Geez, when will you stop treating me like I’m such a bore?”
“Well, you are a bore, Josh Cullen,” Jun said. “I mean, what kind of person hates the sun and the beach?”
Josh paused for a moment. Unable to think of a witty comeback, he just said, “Point taken.”
Jun was right. Josh had never been an outdoor person. If there were a term to describe him, he would be a hermit by volition. Josh hated the sun. He hated the open sea even more. He hated the blistering heat, the humidity, and the heaviness of the air. He hated the breeze that stuck to his hair and his skin, overwhelming his senses with saltiness so strong he could almost taste it.
He hated all those things with conviction. By all accounts, he would be the last person to be sitting on a sun lounge by the bay, sipping iced coffee under the shade at seven in the morning.
“I hope you’re not dragging Ken down by being all mopey and boring?” Jun said. As he did, Josh could hear a secondary voice snickering on the other line. Stell was laughing.
“I’m not!” Josh grunted. “I’m being… supportive.”
“Oh, yeah? How is your surfer boy?”
“Well, you know. Surfing. He woke up at exactly five-thirty so he could wax his new board and drag me to the beach.”
Jun bellowed out a laugh. “Uh-oh… You didn’t get cranky, did you?”
“I did. He woke me up at a shitty hour…” Josh said, slurping away at his cold drink. “But then he got me iced coffee…”
Jun laughed again. “Wow, he is getting about as good as me in handling you!”
“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Josh said. He was complaining but he knew there was a fondness in his voice he did not bother to hide. “Sometimes, it scares me how he can control my mood so easily.”
Josh stared at the sea again, at the tide that stretched as tall as a grown man before crashing back into the ocean. The surface of the water rumbled and foamed, like it was disintegrating while the waves whipped against it with fury. It was a beautiful sight. Scary, but wondrous. And yet not even Mother Nature and all her wonders could tear Josh’s gaze from the man who held his full attention.
Ken appeared right above one spectacular wave, catching the swell and riding his surfboard with a beautiful focus on his face. Surfer boy stood, proud and commanding. He glided on the surface of the water like a demigod of the sea. Josh could almost imagine he was the one controlling the waves.
A year. They had been together only a year. It was a year of waking up to the brightest smile Josh had ever seen and sleeping to the strong scent of brine. It had also been a year of being held, of being overwhelmed by love that was as burning and hot as the sun itself. Ken, by his very nature, was the sun and the sea which Josh hates. But Ken, like the sun and the sea, was also the warmth and brightness Josh did not know he needed.
Ken had been marvelous. Josh had a million words in his vocabulary, but he did not think even an entire novel could begin to describe who Ken was to him. Surfer boy was loving, kind, and patient, yet passionate, playful, and driven. He had an innocence and air-headedness that contrasted his aloof and distant façade. And while Josh feared he would grow tired after they began living together, it was not quite the case when every day was a new chapter of the book they were writing together.
It did not hurt that Ken was painfully handsome. As Josh watched him emerge from the water, walking with swag back to shore, Ken looked like a dream even from afar. The way he carried himself with nonchalant charm, the way the sun made the water off his skin sparkle, the way his hair clumped to one side, the way he unconsciously puffed up his tanned chest… every little detail was a work of art. A rare masterpiece made only for one boring and lonely writer.
Josh wondered how in the world he had missed Ken when they first met. If he were not mistaken, Ken was surfer boy number three; only the third among two other gorgeous surfers Josh had ogled in the past. Back then, perhaps Ken had not struck him so much in terms of looks. But now, Josh could almost ignore the rest of the half-naked surfers and hunks as he zeroed in on his surfer boy walking with a smile back to him.
“Hey, bud. I’m really happy for you,” came Jun’s voice. It cut-off the memories from their morning playing in his head.
“Uh… Yeah, thanks,” he replied, distracted by the heat creeping up to his cheeks.
“Aren’t you glad I forced you to go on that trip a few years ago?”
Josh chuckled a little. “Well… Yes. Very.”
“And… are you happy right now?”
Josh licked his dry lips as he paused.
“Yeah… A little nervous, but yeah.”
“Nervous why?”
“Well… I’m ecstatic… and that makes me worry about bad things lurking around the corner, you know?”
“Oh, you and your pessimistic brain!” Jun cried. Josh could almost imagine him stomping his feet in frustration. “Nothing bad is going to happen, alright? So just enjoy the moment, please? For Ken?”
“Yeah. For Ken. Yeah, I will.”
“Now, enough sappy talk. Stell just finished cooking breakfast. I’ll call you later?”
“Yeah, talk to you later, Jun.”
Josh put his phone away, placing it on top of the light novel he had been reading. Jun was probably right. It was pointless to worry about things that might not even happen. If there was one thing Josh learned in therapy, it was that most of his catastrophic thoughts rarely ever turned to reality. He should not stop them from ruining his present.
And even if they did, Josh guessed he would be alright. He had people now. Josh had friends. He had Jun and Stell… and he had his own personal sun, his sanity, his surfer boy.
“Hi…”
The familiar deep voice made Josh snicker. He turned from his phone and novel to the one who greeted him. A man stood in front of Josh’s sun lounge, hair and body soaked, board shorts dripping with water, surfboard tucked under one arm. Ken gave Josh his trademark wonky-toothed grin.
“Hi,” Josh replied. He grabbed the towel that they hung on the sun lounge to hand it to his lover.
Ken did not take it, though. Instead, he said with a playful smirk, “What’s your name?”
Curious, Josh gave him a suspicious look. “Uh, what?”
“My name is Ken…”
“Okay…?”
“What’s your name?”
Josh paused, cringing for a second. Then, he replied, “Josh.”
“Are you alone?”
“Uhm…” Josh hummed, playing along. “Uh, no… I’m with company.”
“Oh…” Ken’s face turned into one of disappointment. He looked like a puppy who had his treats taken away and Josh wanted to pinch his cheeks.
“Did you need something, stranger?”
“Uhm… I was actually wondering if you wanted to hang out.”
“That wouldn’t be a good idea." Josh smirked. "I have a lover, you see.”
Ken’s eyes brightened. “Is… Is your boyfriend nice?”
Josh let out a laugh. He nodded, making Ken smile.
“Does he… uhm… treat you well?”
“Like no other,” he replied.
“Does he… Is he handsome?”
Josh grinned at him. “About as handsome as you?”
Ken blushed adorably. “Really?”
“Felip Jhon Suson,” Josh said with an impatient but loving tone, “is this how you’re going to fish for compliments from now on?”
Ken gave him a pout.
“You’re no fun.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I’m boring,” Josh chuckled. “Are you done surfing?”
Ken nodded. He took a seat next to Josh on the lounge.
“For now,” he replied. “The waves here are awesome! Did you see that big one that almost made me topple over?! That was so cool!”
Josh just gave him a smile, draping the towel over his head and starting to dry off his hair.
“Yeah, I saw that. It looks like you had fun.”
“I did!” Ken told him, smiling so brightly Josh winced behind his sunglasses. Who turned up the lights? “Thanks for coming here with me, Josh.”
Josh just smiled at him and went back to drying his hair. Meanwhile, Ken sat very still, staring at him.
“You’ve gotten quiet.”
“We’re in public,” Ken said, frowning.
“Well, yes. Yes, we are.” Josh gave him a look. “So?”
“Wanna kiss…” he pouted.
Josh laughed, throwing his head back. Then, he pinched Ken’s cheek, earning him a pained yelp.
“You little idiot… Later,” he said. Josh dusted off his board shorts, took off the button-down shirt he wore over his top, and handed it to Ken. “Didn’t you say you had the whole day planned for us?”
“M’kay…” Ken replied, drying himself off and wearing his shirt.
Josh had only walked a few steps when Ken called out to him.
“Josh!”
“What?” he said, turning back around.
Ken gave him a fond grin and raised his hand. In it, he held up a phone and a light blue book. “You forgot your stuff again…”
Josh chuckled.
He strode back to Ken and grabbed his things. Their fingers brushed just at the tip, unseen from the other guests near the shore, and he said, “What would I do without you?”
In hindsight, Josh should have taken more vacations. He had been so caught up with his writing and his emotional turmoil for the past few years that spending an entire day island hopping, trying not to drown, and playing by the shore was taxing to both his body and mind. Many times, he had asked himself why he was outdoors instead of their warm and cozy bed, reading a book. In each of those times, he would look at his surfer boy’s ecstatic expression, and he would tell himself to endure it. Because though the outdoors were not Josh’s favorite, Ken’s smile was.
And Josh did endure it. He would be lying if he said he did not enjoy parts of it, either. Sure, panicking even with a life vest and almost drowning was not fun, but snorkeling and watching the bountiful marine life was not so bad. It was peaceful, beautiful. Ken also seemed to enjoy Josh clinging to him every time they were in the water.
No, their first day was not too horrible at all. Especially when Josh found himself walking along the quiet shore later that evening, listening to the waves kiss the shore under the pale yellow moonlight. The sound of the water’s push and pull was gentle but prominent, drowning out the cacophony of noise and music in the background.
It was not too quiet, but it was serene. Josh found himself getting lost just listening to the waves and walking side-by-side with Ken. Their hands were not quite touching but brushing ever so slightly as they strolled—almost as if their fingers were kissing with every little touch.
“Atishoo!”
“Ack! Are you okay?” Ken immediately turned to him with a worried expression. “Josh, are you cold?”
Josh sniffed. His train of thought derailed when he sneezed, and it brought him back to the beachside where they walked, the sand cool and soft beneath his supple feet. He shivered, feeling the cold go up his spine. Even in his long-sleeved shirt, the night breeze pierced like tiny needles at his skin.
“I’m fine,” he replied. “It’s just a little chilly.”
Ken moved with practiced ease and pulled Josh close to his chest, surrounding him with the strong scent of the sea. With the gentleness he had always had, Ken rubbed his hand up and down Josh’s arm.
“Wow, you really get cold easily…”
“Owowowowow!” Josh cried. “Ken, that stings!”
“Eh? How?” Ken let Josh’s arm go but kept a warm hand on his back.
“I dunno… Sunburn? I think I spent too much time under the sun.”
“But you wore a rashguard. And lots of sunscreen. I spent all day in the sun and I’m not sunburned…”
Josh pouted at him. “Well, not everyone’s skin makes love with the sun like yours, okay?” he said. “Some people burn like a vampire—even when covered up.”
“Hehe,” Ken said, fighting back a smile. “You still look cute, though…”
“Oh, shut up!” Josh wrapped his arms around himself. His shirt was too thin for the cold wind, so he pressed closer to Ken’s warm body for heat.
“Do you need a jacket or something?” Ken asked him.
Josh looked around their spot. A rave party was going on some hundred feet behind them, the noise being the very thing Josh wanted to get away from. Guests who were not currently focused on dancing the night away were huddled on the sand near the party where the bonfire raged and provided heat. Ken and Josh were the only ones who withdrew from the party, from the crowd, and from the alcohol-hazed eyes of the other guests.
“No, that’s okay,” Josh said. When he pressed his back to Ken’s chest, surfer boy wrapped both arms around Josh’s shoulders before either of them knew what they were doing.
“Uhm… Is it okay even though we’re outside?” Ken asked.
“It’s fine,” he assured. “You’re warm.”
Ken chuckled then hugged him tighter.
Josh found a cheerfulness with the way Ken held him. It was the same feeling Josh found in him every time he asked Ken of anything. At first, Josh thought it was Ken’s naïveté. It was only later he realized that his surfer boy liked to do things for him. Whether it was getting Josh a cup of coffee or giving him a back massage, Ken showed his affection with those small acts of love.
In the past, the writer would have scoffed cynically at the thought of the little things giving him satisfaction. But now, Josh found comfort in the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. It felt nice. Not being looked after, per se, but of being cherished. Of being looked at as if he were the most precious treasure in the world.
The writer knew the look well. After all, Josh sees it in himself every day whenever he thinks about Ken.
“Josh, your face feels cold,” surfer boy suddenly said, his lips touching Josh’s cheek.
“Oh… Yeah… It’s the breeze,” Josh replied.
“Hm… Can you turn your head this way?”
Josh chuckled. “Why?”
“I’ll warm you up,” surfer boy replied in a playful tone.
This time, Josh sniggered. “This reminds me of that time… We were at a bonfire party, too. And you forced a kiss on me.”
“Whaaaat?” Ken drawled. “Didn’t you kiss me back, though…?”
“That was in the heat of the moment…! And alcohol.”
“Hehe. Sure, sure.” Surfer boy nuzzled his cheek against Josh’s. “I’m just glad you don’t refuse me anymore. I’m glad I can do a~ll the things I wanna do for you.”
Josh melted into Ken’s chest. It had always been for Josh. Ken looking for opportunities in Manila, becoming a model, and staying with Josh—even their vacation was something Ken had planned for Josh. And Josh was grateful for everything, he just wished there was a way to tip the scales a bit. He wanted to give Ken something, too. Something extra, especially since they were on a vacation.
As Josh thought about it in his head, an involuntary snicker escaped his lips.
“You’re laughing by yourself,” Ken noted.
“So, it would seem,” Josh replied, biting back his smile. “And?”
“When you laugh by yourself, you’re either thinking of something for your story or you’re thinking about something funny that I did…”
“Is that so?”
“Yup…”
“You think you have me figured out, hm?”
“Not really? Maybe?” Ken took his hands back and rubbed Josh’s arms again, gentler this time. “But I know that you’re shaking. C’mon, let’s go back to the cottage.”
“Alright,” Josh said.
He turned and began to walk ahead, but Ken stopped him midway and grabbed his wrist. “Waaait.”
“What?”
Even in the dark, Josh could see Ken’s signature wonky-toothed grin. He mirrored that smile, feeling his cheeks rise before he could stop himself.
Ken leaned in, still smiling, and stopped just as their lips were about to touch. As he paused, his eyes implored Josh’s. Rich brown irises that glowed from the distant firelight mesmerized Josh as he stared into them.
“If I kiss you right now, will you punch me?”
Josh chuckled, the small breath he let out fanning Ken’s face.
“Come here and find out,” he challenged.
But Josh himself pulled Ken and kissed him.
[part 1 of 3]