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"i missed you." tsumugi mutters under his breath, a tired smile on his lips.
three simple words yet strong enough to have feelings resurface within itaru, ones he has kept buried for awhile.
"hmm," itaru hums as he lifts the cup of coffee to his lips, eyes focused beyond the glass walls as if there's something interesting out there.
silence ensues between the two and the only thing that could be heard is the soft music playing in the cafe, with the slight clacking of keyboard at the table next to theirs.
this is a bad idea. itaru thinks.
somewhat regretting that he agreed to meet up and even accepted the other's request. whose fault is it anyways? ah, sakuya; his former tutee, now tsumugi's. the kid probably meant no harm and just wanted them to reunite. it's been two years since they last saw each other.
two years with no communication.
it's not that they (read: tsumugi) didn't try, but itaru has been caught up in getting used to his new work as an office man that he couldn't even respond to the other's texts (read: itaru was avoiding and has been using his work as an excuse).
if sakuya hadn't been so persistent about being updated on itaru's life, the latter wouldn't even respond to anyone (that's basically associated to tsumugi).
then maybe the younger wouldn't even know how he's on a work trip back at this place, a few days spared for leisure.
nor maybe tsumugi wouldn't have asked to meet up.
"have you been well?" tsumugi starts, breaking the silence.
itaru finally looks back on the other and he can see the tiredness visible on tsumugi's face despite the pleasant smile adorning his lips. the smile itaru has always-
"yes. yes, i've been well." itaru responds yet not really feeling it and adds, "i hope you've been well yourself?" in a tone unsure of his own words.
"i am, no worries."
and for some reason, relief washes over itaru, with a slight twinge of pain.
without me, i assume. itaru thinks to himself once more, unable to stop such thoughts this time.
"so, what have you been up to?" tsumugi starts once more, finally relaxing on his seat as the two slowly eases out of the awkward silence.
itaru opens his mouth to say something but pauses for a bit to think.
conflicting thoughts circle his mind, ones he thought have been long gone. perhaps two years of separation isn't as long as he thought it is. and as much as he try to come up with a coherent reply, it all just leads to the same phrase he has been wanting to say himself in return.
but then, if he doesn't let it out, when will he be able to?
itaru wonders if things were supposed to play out this way, or did he miss his timing back then.
"i've been missing you a lot," itaru mutters under his breath, a pained smile on his lips.
mustering up so much courage to say such words felt like a lot for itaru, something he didn't expect he even has his whole life. but it also felt like a burden has been lifted off his chest, while also hoping it doesn't place the burden on the other.
it doesn't really surprise him when tsumugi's taken aback by what he said. nor when the keyboard clacking nearby suddenly stopped.
it must have seemed random for the other but for itaru, it felt the closest and most accurate answer to the question.
"so much that i always had to stop myself from contacting you, or to even find out what you've been up to. you know why, right?" itaru says, forcing the words out of himself, almost whispering. a question that needs no answer and itaru doesn't intend to search for one anyways.
maybe two years was indeed long. just enough for someone to move on.
his eyes catches sight of the glistening band on tsumugi's finger. the latter notices his gaze and places a hand to cover, as if trying to hide it.
as if that'll be enough to even shield itaru from any pain.
"i think it's best for you and..." itaru trails off, turning his gaze from tsumugi's hand and towards the back of the person from the other table, and continues, "to look for another man to fill in on the spot."
tsumugi clearly doesn't seem happy about it and itaru understands. it'll be one of tsumugi's most special day, but itaru can't seem to bring himself to be as joyous for the occasion.
"maybe we can meet again someday. and maybe by then, things will be okay for me and for you."
such words, uttered in a reassuring tone. not for tsumugi. but for itaru. no use holding on to what ifs or the could bes, but perhaps with the maybes, itaru will be okay again.
"so this isn't a goodbye, but a see you later. please be happy always, tsumugi."
even if it's not with me.