Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In retrospect, Castiel should’ve known it wouldn’t be enough. When has anything he’s done ever been enough? Even in the midst of this incredible, stupid high of loving Dean and telling him, saying it out loud, finally, it’s not enough.

The Empty isn’t appearing.

He’s so fucking selfish.

“Cas?”

“It’s not--” Cas stares over Dean’s shoulder to where he expected the Empty to manifest.

So fucking selfish.

“It’s not working,” Castiel says quietly. “I thought it would be enough. I’m happy, why—?”

He was happier than he’d ever been and the giddiness still hasn’t even worn off, despite the panic creeping in.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean says, voice barely there.

And oh god, Dean knows. Dean knows and they’re going to die.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says automatically. Not sorry he said it— finally just said it — sorry that it didn’t work and now they have to stand here waiting to die with it hanging between them. It’s better he dies knowing, even if he can’t love him back, isn’t it? Maybe Dean will hate him for it, but he needed to know he was loved.

Billie bangs on the door again uselessly.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Dean runs a hand over his face and Cas realizes he’s crying, “Your sense of timing blows, Cas.”

“I— I’m sorry?”

“You— you stupid ass, you had to wait until we were dying?”

That’s not what he expected.

“We’re really gonna die, huh?” Dean says, with a shaky laugh and Cas has to look away. Neither of them are scared; they’ve done this enough times that death isn’t scary anymore but it is— This will be final. No wiggling their way out of it.

“Dammit,” Dean breathes. “Okay. Okay. Castiel?”

It’s too much.

“Look at me, man,” Dean’s still crying, but he’s got a strange, shaky smile underneath and he takes a step closer, resting a hand on Cas’ shoulder. He’s shaking. Cas isn’t sure he’s ever seen Dean’s hands shake like this. “I didn’t know that you could even— That makes me sound like such an asshole, but I didn’t know you could.”

Cas doesn’t understand what he means. Has he thought about this before?

“You could’ve— You can, okay? We’ve got a damn minute left, but you can have—” the words get caught in his throat and his fingers tighten in Cas’ jacket, and then he’s leaning in, pressing their foreheads together so Cas can hear him say, softly, “You can have me, you idiot, you’ve always had me.”

“Dean—”

“I love you too,” Dean says and Cas should probably process, should probably ask a clarifying question but Billie’s still pounding on the door and they don’t have time — they lost so much fucking time— so he just—

closes the distance between them, which isn’t very far at all, and presses his lips against Dean’s. Dean’s hands come up to cradle his face, deepening the kiss. And they’re both crying and they’re so stupid for not saying it years ago. They don’t have enough time but what they do have is going to be like this which somehow is more than enough. It’s perfect, it’s— 

True happiness.

Cas breaks the kiss and Dean’s hands move down from his face so he can wrap his arms around Cas. He puts his face into the crook of Cas’ neck and mutters something Cas doesn’t catch because he’s too busy looking past Dean to where the Empty is manifesting.

They’re not going to die together after all.

“Hey,” Cas pries Dean’s arms from around him and pushes him back.

“Castiel...” Dean follows Cas’ gaze, turning to look behind him, then whirls back, dumbstruck. “No, Cas—”

“Goodbye, Dean,” he says, smiling through his tears because he did it . Or Dean did it, a group effort, really, and either way Dean is going to live.

Cas puts a hand on his shoulder, remembering building this body from scratch all those years ago, all the little details. Dean gives a slight shake of his head, but Cas shoves him away, hard. Can’t risk him getting back up and getting in the middle of it, can’t risk losing him after all this was to save him. The one thing he managed not to screw up in all this time.

The Empty takes Billie, and it takes him, and one last time, Dean Winchester is saved.

Chapter Text

Castiel has never felt this happy before, this ridiculous, overwhelming joy even in the face of his own death. He’s said his peace, he can go into oblivion with a smile on his face.

“Me too,” Dean says, quietly, and that stops him in his tracks even as the Empty is materializing behind Dean.

“You love me too?”

“Of course I do, Cas. Of course ,” Dean nods, crying now, tears flowing freely down his face.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I— What?”

“You never said anything. I thought you were— That you couldn’t, because my vessel is a man.”

“Well, yeah, it took me a minute. Having a sexuality crisis in your thirties is not a great time, but that was ages ago. Sam figured it out ages ago, I thought you knew.”

“Of course I didn’t know!”

“Well, sorry. In my defense, I didn’t know you could even feel that way. So you know, why make a big deal out of something that’s never gonna happen?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re all— You’re not human. And like, all that angelic stuff is hot, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t know if you could feel love. You know, the gross, lusty human way.”

“Humans don’t have a monopoly on love. And anyway, I was human once. I’m different.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“ I thought you were straight .”

“And I thought you were incapable of love. So we’re both idiots.”

“You had all the evidence to the contrary,”  Castiel snaps. “I didn’t. When was the last time you indicated attraction to men?”

“Apparently a lot, if you’re Sam and you pay attention.”

“I do pay attention.”

“ Do you ?” Dean squints at him.

“You should quit talking now.”

“Make me,” Dean bites back. “God damn , we’re really like this, aren’t we?”

“Like wh—?”

Dean grabs the front of his jacket and hauls him in for a kiss.

---

Behind them, the Empty remembers how awful Castiel is to be around and how much it does not want to spend eternity dealing with his bullshit. So long as it it's here, it might as well just snag Billie on the way out, as a treat. Get something out of this mess. It hopes to whatever deity might still be pulling some strings that Castiel will go human again, permanently. At least then it won't have to deal with him for all eternity.

As the Empty starts to retreat back into itself, Castiel shoves Dean into a wall and for a moment the Empty thinks he’s going to kill Dean, which would at least be an interesting twist to this whole nonsense, but no, they’re just making out now. Un-fucking-believable how one angel can be so annoying and gay.