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That night, they decide to go for a bike ride near the river.
The air is already chilly, humid by night and the jeans jacket Jimin is wearing is way too light for such a late hour, but he doesn't care much.
He and Jeongguk move side by side, at their own lazy pace, while talking about everything and nothing at the same time: about college and places to visit when they will have the cash to, about cute baby pandas and religious believes.
Jimin likes to hear Jeongguk's voice, watch him smile with such an intense look, yet naive smile. Under the flickering light of the old streetlamps, his eyes sparkle, deep lights reflecting inside them like a myriad of dancing stars.
That or Jimin is just slightly venting over his best friend.
When they stop, Jeongguk offers to buy something to drink. Just holding the warm can of tea close to his chest helps Jimin to alleviate the iciness he's been feeling for the past half hour, especially on the tip of his fingers and nose, that by now is probably cherry red.
The tea has a good, slightly herbal flavor and linger sweetly on his lips.
When Jeongguk engulfs him in a protective hug, the night breeze passes under his black windbreaker and Jimin, whose nose is pressed right into his clavicles, can smell it; the clean, maybe a tad sweaty scent that is so definitely Jeongguk, mixed with their favorite fabric softener and something else, an indescribable sweet scent that he can only associate with home. The home they built together, in their cozy apartment.
He doesn't know how long the hug lasts; it is surely long enough to make is already blushing cheeks fiery hot. But Jimin doesn't mind, quite the opposite, actually. Jeongguk makes him feel safe and protected and so, so loved, he'd hug him forever, if he only could.
Jimin remembers the day they met. It's clearly imprinted in his memory and, curiously enough seems also far away from him, engulfed in the thick fog of a lucid dream.
It happens during one of the last days of summer, on the train back from the beach. Jimin is looking outside the window, at an ocean tinted of gold and orange by the setting sun; the ocean it's the only thing he can see and looks so close, they could be riding on it, for all he knows.
He's still wearing his flipflops so, his sandy toes can wiggle and feel the delicate summer breeze. It'll feel awkward to arrive in the city with those still on, because they don't belong together, like ice cream doesn't belong to ketchup, but Jimin is too lazy right now to change into his converse and kinda likes the idea to bring one of the last pieces of this fading happiness at home with him.
A ray of sun hits him in the eyes, distracting him from his toughs. Jiimin instinctively turns his head and there, right in that moment, in a stuffy train car he catches someone looking at him.
Not like it's weird, to meet someone's eyes on public transportation, but Jimin could have sworn he was the only passenger left and also, the look this guy is giving him feels too intentional, too intense, to be casual. Even if he wasn't sure, the reaction the stranger gives is very clear: when their eyes meet, he violently flushes from the tip of his ears, down to his neck and quickly looks away, seeming suddenly very interested by his own shoes.
Jimin thinks he's familiar, like someone he's seen somewhere else, but can't exactly place him in a definite context or a precise time. He's just a boy with a big nose and even bigger eyes that could be his age, or younger. A mop of pitch black hair frame his face and he looks scrawny, like pretty much all teenagers do. He looks average in every sense of the word but somehow, he also doesn't. Something about him feels irregular, but not in a bad way.
When the stranger looks back up, he notices Jimin is still watching him and this, apparently gives him the courage to speak
“You are Jimin, righ?”
And he's a bit taken aback, by the fact that the guy knows his name, so he quickly answers “Yes, it's me. And you are?”
“Ah... I'm Jeongguk.” he stares at Jimin, like he's expecting some kind of reaction, but since there's none he explains “ My grans are the owners of the konbini near the beach. But I just work in the aisles or in the back.”
Jimin can vaguely remember, now that they're talking about it, a brooding, dark figure, near piles of boxes, or busy mopping the floor during his visits at the convenience shop, but not him nor his friends ever noticed Jeongguk. They were always busy joking around with each other, bantering over which chips flavor to buy or making puppy eyes to the owners to receive an extra lollipop.
“You spent the whole summer with 'em? I never saw you around”
It's true. A lot of teens, around there, help their relatives with family activities, but they also come and go as they please and oftentimes hang out with their friends at the beach or at the mall or something like that. Jimin pretty much knows everyone around there, but he absolutely doesn't recall to have ever seen Jeongguk around.
The question, in fact, makes him uncomfortable “ I'm kinda new around here, my family got back not long ago. I didn't know anyone, so I kinda stuck with my grans.”
So, he has no friends, Jimin thinks.
Knowing it, makes him upset: Jeongguk looks like a lost, sad puppy, his big eyes full of poorly canceled enthusiasm, just because Jimin is talking to him.
“Well, you can hang with us, next summer”
For the rest of the ride, they talk, listen to music on an old, ratty mp3 player and stare outside the window, the immense ocean still the only thing visible outside.
When Jimin reaches his stop, Jeonnguk gets off with him, claiming that his house is not far away and that he could really use a good walk to stretch his legs. So, they just walk, side by side, bathed in the last golden rays of summer.
This happens when Jimin is 15 and Jeongguk's 13. That same autumn, the younger starts high school and everything moves along.
They get closer to one another but also make new friends, find new hobbies, complain about studying but always end up doing it anyway, because they fear parents rage. Years melt together as they pass by, leaving behind important memories. Some bad, like the few fight they had or an ugly accident at the skating park, most of them good: sipping hot coco during winter breaks, infinite sleepover nights made of junk food and video games, birthdays at the bowling alley and long, hot days of summer spent at the beach, looking for crabs between the rocks and diving from the cliffs.
It's wonderful, and amazing and familiar to have a best friend that you know, is always gonna have your back, so Jimin can't exactly explain how his feeling start to get more complicated, a bit too bothering to be normal.
He just knows that, the first time Jeongguk tells him that he has gotten a girlfriend, that doesn't make him happy as it should. A hot, burning sensation, hits him at the throat and leaves him breathless, gaping for hair. He's just glad that on the phone, his friend cannot see the tears that started filling his eyes and threaten to spill any minute now.
During the following days, Jimin tries to reason with himself : Jeongguk is tall, talented for sports and handsome, it was just a matter of time, before he would start a relationship. It's fine, totally fine. And he overreacted because he never had to share the attention with someone else, because he's too short and still chubby-cheeked for girls to like him. That's it.
No further reason. Case closed.
It doesn't work.
Some days later, during an heated LoL round, they end up fighting pretty bad. They don't come to blows, but the raging look Jeongguk throws him before leaving says it all. Jimin has exaggerated and now his best friend hates him. He spends the nigh curled under his comforter, a nauseating, anxious feeling makes it hard for him to move. It takes them two week, to finally clear things up and that's by far, the longest they've gone without talking to one another. During that period, Jimin feels lost; when he and Jeongguk are together, it always feels like they're the only two people in the world, but without him, even Jimin's own bedroom looks infinite, full of empty space and he doesn't know what to do.
After that, everything goes back to normality, kind of.
Jimin gets over it, slowly and decides that at 18, he should date someone too. He goes out, gets his first experiences, finds the time do graduate between a dance class and a steamy make-out session near the boys locker room, waits for Jeongguk to finish High school too, so they can go to college together as they promised and finally moves is with him, in their actual apartment.
That uncomfortable, burning sensation still visits him at times, when Jeongguk doesn't return home for the nigh or when he introduces his new girlfriend, or boyfriend to their group of friends, but Jimin has gotten better at pretending everything's fine. It's just his overprotective and jealous self talking. And if Jeongguk is happy, nothing else matters.
When they go back from their night ride, Jeongguk whines, complains that he's still not sleepy and somehow manages to coax Jimin into watching a movie with him, even if it's late and they could both use a shower.
The apartment is thankfully warm and smells like the clean laundry they folded in the morning. Is already December and the small Christmas tree they decorated together glows with yellow, blue, red and green hues, that shine in Jeogguk's eyes. They've always been like that; round, deep, almost black but still able to minutely reflect all the light that surrounds him.
In a couple minutes they're under a soft, warm blanket, all cuddled up, as they usually do, the movie playing in low volume on the tv. Despite his complains, Jeongguk quickly falls asleep and, bored by the cliche plot, Jimin turns around, so that his face is almost smushed against his friend's broad chest. If he looked up, right now, they could easily kiss he thinks.
Than he stops,backtracks and proceeds to panic, hard.
What was that? Why should they kiss? They're best friends right? It wouldn't make any sense. No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't but maybe it could stop that horrible sensation of needles that pinprick at his heart every time Jeongguk looks at him and smiles.
Because Jimin loves him and would do anything for him and this feeling he's been carrying around has long surpassed the simple, platonic affection for a friend and became something completely different. The knowledge hurts, hurts so much, like something finally exploded inside of him and destroyed everything he has inside and he can't stop the tears that, big and salty start wetting his cheeks.
He's in love with Jeongguk and doesn't know what to do with it, so he cries.
He's also deep in the rabbit hole, so he doesn't realize that the other boy woke up and hugged him, his strong arms cuddling him gently, as if he was a porcelain doll “Jimin-ah, what's wrong?” he asks slowly.
It just makes him wanna cry harder as he blabbers “I....I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, I'm...”
“Shhhh, nothing to be sorry about. It's fine if you want to cry”
Like that, Jeongguk just holds him tighter and card his finger trough Jimin's hair, whispers to him tender, lovely words till he stops crying and falls asleep.
Jeongguk will tell him he loves him just a couple weeks later, on the train ride that takes them home for the holidays. And they will kiss for the first time and for many others, till the train reaches their stop. It will be one of the best Christmas he's ever had, but Jimin doesn't know just yet.