Work Text:
[text message - start]
Off: New, is Tay with you?
New: Huh? Isn't he celebrating with you guys tonight?
O: He said he'll meet us here but he's not picking up our calls.
O: So we thought you two are together.
N: My shoot just finished and he hasn't contacted me since he told me he'll be with you guys.
N: I'm contacting him now.
N: Will text you once I know about his whereabouts.
O: Thanks New.
[text message - end]
[text message - start]
N: Bub, where are you? The guys are looking for you.
N: Are you at home?
N: I'm calling.
N: Please pick up the phone.
N: Bub?
N: Tay?
N: Just tell me you’re alright please.
[text message - end]
I dialed Tay's number again but it just went straight to voicemail. I tried a few more times but he still won't answer. I was starting to get jittery. It's true that Tawan has a habit of not picking up calls and replying to messages from friends, but he always makes it a point to respond to mine.
I pocketed my phone with a deep sigh and began driving because I have an inkling where Tay could be at this moment. I tried to pacify my thoughts, willing myself to have a clear mind.
My heart thumped with every step I took. I forced myself to breathe and remain calm, after all, negative thinking only attracts negative circumstances.
It was eerily quiet when I finally reached our apartment. There was no sound or movement, but I know—I feel—he’s inside.
I slowly twisted the knob, careful not to startle him, and called out his name softly. Once, twice, thrice. No answer.
I chastised myself for beginning to tremble. “Negative thinking only attracts negative circumstances,” I repeated silently in my head.
I walked further, still calling out for him—each becoming more urgent than the last. But I was still met with the same silence.
Just when I was about to succumb fully to the worst of thoughts, I saw the soft light seeping through our ajar bedroom door.
I swallowed down my emotions and cautiously approached the door, only to take a slight step back.
Relief, sadness and longingness enveloped me all at once when I saw his slumped figure by the foot of our bed, head between his knees, hands weaved through the strands of his hair.
“Bub?” I called. He still didn’t respond, not even a head raise, but his hunched back stiffened slightly. I took that as a sign to sit beside him and waited.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Five minutes.
It took awhile before he turned to me and when his swollen eyes finally met mine, my arms automatically enveloped him.
He just let me hold him at first, but after a couple of beats he hugged back tightly, before his shoulders began shaking profusely.
Every tear that soaked through my shirt pierced straight to my heart. Every sob that registered in my ear seemed to knock on my remaining resolve.
He cried harder and I held him even tighter until I was silently crying with him. It hurt to see him like this. Most know him as the perfect embodiment of his name, tawan, the sun. His mere presence comforts people, his gummy smile always warmer than the sunniest of days.
No one would think that the sun struggles alone once it sets, trying its best to contend with the darkness surrounding it and the personal blackhole slowly sucking in all its light and heat.
It went on and on until at some point, the tears subsided and the sobs quieted.
He raised his head and completely faced me. We silently took in each others' tear-stained cheeks and slowing heaves.
He still didn’t speak and I didn't ask. He’d tell me eventually. All he needs to know right now is he’s not alone and will never be.
This isn’t the first time this happened and I know it won’t be the last, but it doesn’t make it less hard. Especially for him.
But we swore to always be by each other’s side no matter what and I’m nowhere close to breaking that promise.
We continued to stare at each other until he finally, finally mustered a weak smile. “I love you, hin,” he said in a raspy voice.
I smiled back and replied, “I love you always.”
This time, it was him who took me in the warmth of his embrace, caressed my hair, and whispered, “Thank you for being my light.”