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1.
“Hey, Miri, you know how you said you liked dogs and really wanted one in our house?”
Mirian raised an eyebrow at Megan.
“I believe what I said was, ‘I don’t like dogs and definitely don’t want one in our house.’”
“Okay, yeah, but think about how cute and cuddly and soft—”
“Megan.”
“—and loyal and stupid and playful and—”
“Megan Starr Fulton.”
Megan immediately shut up. Mirian rubbed her temples as she said, “Meg, please, for the love of Allah, tell me you didn’t get a dog.”
Megan opened her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Billie’s shrieking.
“Oh my god! When did we get a dog?”
“A dog?” Riley yelled from upstairs.
“Puppy!” Jackie screamed.
As the three’s voices blended into each other, Mirian gave Megan the death glare, who in turn gave her an apologetic shrug. Mirian took a deep breath and said in a low voice, “Band meeting. Now.”
The five of them—and one dog—sat in the living room. Or rather, the other four and the dog sat in the living room while Mirian paced around the room. The dog lay on Megan’s lap and rolled over so Megan could scratch her stomach.
“So? Can we keep her?” asked Riley.
“… Inshallah.”
“… So no.”
“Yeah, no.”
“Aww, but Miri!” Billie complained.
“No buts! We have to give her back.”
“Are you kidding?” Jackie interjected. “They’ll kill her for sure if we bring her back!”
Mirian paused and looked at the dog. She wagged her tail at her.
“… Okay, but we can’t keep her here.”
Jackie groaned.
“Oh, come on! Give me two good reasons why we can’t keep her.”
“Fine. First of all, dogs shed. Jackie, didn’t you say you hated dog hair?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Second of all, who’s gonna take care of her?”
“We will,” Riley tried to assure her.
“Uh huh. Sure.”
“We will!”
“Don’t you remember Janus, that lizard you tried to keep?”
“Well, it’s not my fault Tim went to the hospital.”
“If you had done a little research , you might have known grasshoppers trigger asthma.”
“Why are you acting like you knew that? You found out with the rest of us. Plus, this has nothing to do with taking care of a dog.”
Mirian ignored them and continued, “Can we financially support a dog? Who’s gonna buy the food? Vet bills? Other supplies? Who has time to hang out with her?”
She turned to Megan and looked at her.
“Did you even think this through?”
Megan said, “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”
Mirian stared at her incredulously.
“Megan. You are the oldest one here.”
Megan shrugged, which caused the dog to jump off her lap and snuggle up to Jackie.
“… I wasn’t in charge of the brain cell,” she said in a matter-of-fact voice.
Mirian slapped her forehead and muttered, “Allah help me! Am I supposed to be the bad cop here?”
A chorus of yeps erupted, with the exception of Megan, who muttered, “All cops are bad.”
“Why don’t we vote on it?” Billie suggested.
“Yeah, 'cause that’s not gonna be biased or anything,” Mirian said as she rolled her eyes.
“Come on! Please?” Jackie begged. She pointed to the dog. “Look into her eyes and tell her you don’t want her.”
Mirian raised an eyebrow.
“You’re kidding.”
“I shit you not. Right now. Tell her she’s not wanted.”
“Well, when you put it like that…”
Jackie didn’t budge. Mirian exhaled deeply and kneeled down to look into the dog’s eyes.
“Um. Okay. Look, dude, I—”
The dog interrupted her by licking her and jumping into her lap, knocking her over onto her back in the process.
“Bismillah! Ick! Ugh.”
Riley snickered at Mirian’s misfortunes. The other did not find this amusing in the slightest.
“Riley, call your dog!”
“According to you, she’s not my dog.”
“Allah… Fine! We can keep the dog. Are you happy now?”
“Immensely. Come here, girl!”
The dog looked up and trotted to Riley. Meanwhile, Mirian stood up with as much dignity as she could muster and brushed herself off.
“Great. We have a dog. Now what?”
“We need a name!” Jackie said.
“How about Shelly?” Megan suggested.
Billie turned to look at Megan.
“Shelly? You’re kidding me. That’s a terrible name. We should name her Spot.”
“Oh, please. That’s so basic.” Riley rolled their eyes. “We should name her D.O.G.”
“What about Your Honor?”
Everyone paused and turned to look at Jackie.
“Several people are typing,” she muttered.
Mirian was, for once her life, out of words to describe her exact thoughts at the moment.
“Wh-what? Why? No, I-wait, what?”
“It would be funny! Like, you could say, ‘Where’s Your Honor? Have you seen Your Honor? I can’t find Your Honor! I found Your Honor!”
Everyone stared at her some more.
“Oh, come on, it would be funny!”
“… We’ll call that our backup plan, Jackie,” Riley reassured her and patted her knee.
Jackie pouted on the couch, but she quickly returned to her cheery disposition.
“Do you think Becky should have a say in this?” Billie wondered aloud.
“She doesn’t even live here!” cried Megan.
Some, well, questionable names were thrown out there before they all settled on Chloe.
“Welcome to the family, Chloe!” said Jackie.
“Yeah, yeah, welcome,” Mirian said begrudgingly as she plopped down onto the couch in between Jackie and Riley, ignoring their cries of dude, watch it, and bruh. She stared at Chloe.
Looks like cuteness wins over logic, she thought to herself.
Chloe climbed onto the couch and snuggled on her lap. Not that she’d tell anyone, but she started to fall in love. Just a little bit. Maybe this time, she could set aside the brain cell and enjoy some newfound company.
2.
“Riles, I think I’m dying.”
Mirian moaned as she lay sprawled out on the couch in the living room with Chloe. For a no-nonsense person, she could be such a drama queen. Riley rolled her eyes as she brought Mirian her pills.
“Relax, Mirian. You’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, in a couple weeks!” Mirian protested.
“Exactly. But anyway, this is all your fault. I told you, ‘Don’t eat the expired mochi. It’ll make you sick,’ and what did you do?”
“I ate the expired mochi.”
“And what happened to you?”
“I got sick.”
“Mhm. Now, can you try to sit up? I need you to take your meds.”
Mirian did with some struggle and lay down once she was finished. Riley kneeled next to her and frowned slightly.
“But seriously, Mirian, how are you feeling? You know, besides the stomach ache.”
“I’m okay. Embarrassed and stupid, but okay.” She paused and smirked before adding, “But, I’ve got this headache that comes and goes."
Riley blinked a couple times with confusion. Just then, Jackie walked into the living room humming a song.
“Hey, sicko!” Jackie greeted Mirian.
“There it is again.”
“Huh?” Jackie asked as she watched Riley choke back a laugh.
“Out! Shoo!” Riley said as she made a shooing motion at Jackie. “This is Misery Mirian’s section of the house.”
Jackie fought a snicker while Mirian made indignant noises.
“How could you! I trusted you!”
3.
Riley’s always considered himself pretty strong. But tonight, he had met his match: this one, specific bottle of wine. No matter how much muscle he put into it, he couldn’t seem to get the cork out. Meanwhile, conversation surrounded him from all sides.
“Man, I can’t believe we’re going to the American Music Awards!” Mirian exclaimed.
“Meh,” Jackie said, crossing her arms, “it’s just another stuffy place with stupid dress codes.”
Becky replied, “Well, I won’t be going, but it’s great that you all are going.”
“Yeah, why aren’t you going again?” Billie asked.
“ ‘Cause, like, something about backstage managers don’t count as musicians.”
“That sucks hella lot,” Megan said.
Jackie caught Riley’s eye and smirked.
“Having some trouble there, Riles?” Jackie said with more than a hint of sarcasm. All eyes turned to Riley.
“I am this close to smashing the top off.”
Jackie scoffed and went into the kitchen. Riley sighed and slumped into the couch. Chloe approached him and sniffed the bottle. As he petted her, Becky raised her eyebrow and gestured toward the bottle.
“Dude, you good?” Becky asked.
“This one bottle is becoming the bane of my existence.”
Megan laughed.
“Is Jackie rubbing off on you? Here. Give me the bottle.”
Megan grabbed the bottle and began to try to pry the cork out.
“Uh, Megan,” Billie began to say.
“Hush. I need full concentration.”
Just before Megan took any drastic measures, Jackie grabbed the bottle from Megan’s hands.
“Hey! What the hell?”
Jackie said nothing as she opened the top with a corkscrew. The group stared at her in silence.
“Did you both just forget the existence of corkscrews?”
Riley and Megan looked at each other and had the good sense to look embarrassed. However, everyone else burst into laughter.
“You both really said himbo rights. You two and Billie are the only ones who drink. Surely you use this more often than I do.”
Neither of the two knew what to say. Chloe trotted up to Jackie and put her front legs on Jackie's legs. She rolled her eyes and bent down to pet Chloe.
“Aiyah! Opening the cork with their bare hands,” she said to Chloe.
Becky leaned over toward Billie and whispered, “Is this level of stupidity common?”
“Oh, yeah, pretty much every single day.”
4.
Since almost everyone can cook, each person takes turns cooking dinner.
(The only person excused from dinner chores is Mirian, due to the Great Fire Incident of 2015. But that’s a story for another time.)
Tonight, it was Jackie’s turn. Billie knew that dinner wouldn’t be ready for a couple more minutes, so she tried browsing through Instagram to pass the time. But soon enough, scrolling through Instagram wasn’t enough to keep her entertained. She got up, headed over to the kitchen, and poked her head in the doorway.
“What’cha cooking, Jack?”
“Teriyaki salmon with green beans. I’m almost done.”
“Hey, I’ll set the table!”
“Thanks, dude!”
While Billie set the table, Jackie started dumping the kitchenware into the sink. But before Billie could stop her, Jackie grabbed the pan still carrying hot oil and put it under the cold, running water. The oil popped all over the place, and Jackie dropped the pan and scurried away from the scene of the crime.
“Aiyah!”
“Jackie!”
“What?”
“What the bloody hell was that? You can’t do that!”
“No shit, dude! I just forgot!”
Billie facepalmed and hid her face in her hands.
“You absolute moron.”
“What happened?” Megan poked her head out from the doorway. “I heard yelling.”
“Yeah,” Mirian chimed in, “what’s going on?”
“Are you okay, Jack?” Riley asked.
By now, all three of them had their heads in the doorway, almost like they were stacked on top of each other.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
“Jackie just put hot oil under water.”
“… Are you not supposed to do that?” Mirian asked with slight hesitation.
Billie stared at her incredulously.
“No!”
“Well, how am I supposed to know that? I can’t cook.”
“Yeah, but use some common sense!”
“Wouldn’t the oil just be separated from the water?” Megan said.
“Megan. You have a major in food science. That only works for not hot oil!”
“Oh, right,” Riley said.
“Sorry, Bill,” Jackie said while she put the last spatula in the sink. “It looks like you’re the only smart one here. Now, cher fan !”
5.
“You should really do that in pencil first.”
Billie looked up from her designing sketchbook to look at Megan.
“What?”
Megan waited for three seconds.
“Is this a what as in, ‘I didn’t hear you,’ or, ‘My brain needs to process what you said?’”
“I didn’t hear you.”
“You should draw your fashion designs in pencil first. You’ll mess up, and then you’ll want to redo it. Plus, you tend to change your mind a lot.”
“Relax, Meg,” Billie said as she rolled her eyes. “I’ve done this before. I’ll be fine.”
Megan raised her eyebrow but said nothing and continued reading her book. Billie continued to draw her next fashion idea.
Should I match the top with pants? Maybe a skirt? Or maybe a pantsuit? Yeah. That’s good. Jackie always said she preferred pantsuits. Maybe that’s what she’ll wear to the AMAs. She ain’t gonna wear a dress, that’s for sure. I better make sure she doesn’t wear her combat boots again. Would she wear pins? I don’t think so. I like pins. Riley has a friend who makes pins. I should ask zem to commission zir friend. Actually, what is ze gonna wear? A dress? A tux? Maybe both? What if it’s a they-day? Haha, they-day. Wait, that’s what I should draw! A dress, but with a tux top. But I already started this. Am I gonna have to start over? Oh no!
“Bloody hell!”
“See? What did I tell you?” Megan said, not even looking up from her book.
Billie groaned into a pillow.
“Ugh! Are you kidding me? This took hours to complete, and now—”
“Now you’re gonna have to start over,” Megan said, finishing her sentence.
Billie sighed deeply, ripped out the paper, balled it up, and tossed it behind her.
“Ow! Hey! Watch it!”
Billie turned around to face Mirian who was rubbing her shoulder.
“Are you littering? In our house?”
“Sorry, Miri! It was just for the dramatics.”
Mirian picked up the piece of paper and opened it.
“Dude, why don’t you just white out the part you don’t want?”
“No, 'cause then it’ll look bad, and then I’ll focus on the fact that it looks terrible, and then I’ll never do anything, not to mention that I don’t have time anyway.”
“Well, you still don’t need to litter.”
As Mirian walked away to throw away the paper, Megan cleared her throat pointedly.
“What?”
Megan didn’t press further, but Billie knew what she was getting at. She sighed and said, “Alright. You were right. There? You happy?”
Megan smiled and turned the page.
+1.
Grace didn’t ask for this. She never wanted to be here. To tell you the truth, she’d rather be going on a missionary trip to Africa. But no! She just had to be assigned to interview musicians at the American Music Awards’ red carpet. At least there were some new faces. Apparently, there was one rising band named The Lavender Years who was getting wide-spread fame for—what was it—being gay? She really didn’t know. But she has to admit, their songs were pretty good. It’s not usually the type of songs she’d listen to, but she listened to one (solely for journalism purposes) and was immediately fascinated.
After several interviews, she finally found them. Or at least, one of them.
“Mirian Watson!”
Mirian turned around to face Grace. Grace put out her hand for her to shake.
“Hi! I’m Grace Mei from CBS. How are you feeling tonight about the possibility of receiving an award?”
“I-uh, it’s, uh, good? Honestly, I’m not sure we’re getting an award, but, uh, yeah.”
Grace swore she could hear Mirian muttering to herself, “Allah, what was that?” Despite the initial awkwardness (at least, Grace hoped it was initial), Grace continued to ask her questions.
“First time here, right?”
“Yep.”
“Nervous? Excited? Tell me how you feel.”
“I’m pretty excited. Yeah, this whole thing is pretty new to us, and we’re all pretty much, uh, vibing.”
“Your name is very interesting. I’ve never heard of anyone named Mirian.”
“Thanks! It’s a mix of my parents' names, Miriyana and Eshan.”
“Are you close to them?”
“Yeah, totally. They're really awesome.”
She looked into the camera and waved.
“Hi, Mom, Dad, Aaliyah, and Kahlil! Hope you’re doing well!”
Suddenly, someone called out to her from the sidelines.
“Oh, hey, I gotta run. Tim’s calling for me. Er, uh, Tim’s our manager. Nice talking to you, Grace! Bye!”
Grace was slightly appalled not because Mirian left so abruptly, but because Mirian did double anime peace signs on camera .
Well , Grace thought to herself, at least the rest of them won’t be so bad .
The awkwardness of that interview started to take a toll on her. It was probably a good time to take a snack break, anyway. She tossed it back to the anchors back at CBS, and she and her camerawoman, Jessi, ducked out of there to the snack bar. Just as they arrived, Grace could hear the faint noises of someone talking.
“… a coward. Do twenty.”
To Grace’s astonishment, Billie and Megan were standing next to the popcorn. Billie was encouraging Megan to… fit popcorn in her mouth? Both Billie and Megan turned to look at Grace.
“Oh, bloody hell…”
Megan coughed as she swallowed the popcorn already in her mouth.
Grace cleared her throat. Once she was sure Jessi was recording, she extended her hand to both of them.
“Hi! Grace Mei from CBS. How are you?”
“Dying,” Megan managed to choke out. Billie chuckled.
“We’re fine. Thanks for asking.”
“So, do you mind telling me what you were just doing?”
Megan cleared her throat.
“Ahem. Well, we were kinda bored—”
“—‘cause being here isn’t exactly bursting with fun out the wazoo—”
“—and I was getting hungry, so we came here—”
“—and there was popcorn—”
“—and there was popcorn, yeah. So I ate some, but then, I was reminded of an incorrect quote—”
“—so then she said, ‘Do you dare me to fit fifteen of these in my mouth,’ and—”
“—and then she said, ‘You’re an absolute mad lass, you know that,’ but—”
“—but then I said, ‘You’re also a coward. Do twenty,’ and—”
“—and just as I was about to fit five more, you showed up.”
Grace nodded like she followed every word they said.
(She didn’t.)
“I see,” Grace said, trying to keep a professional voice. “So, what do you think makes your band special?”
Billie started to respond, “Well, uh, I, uh, er—”
Suddenly, Mirian showed up out of nowhere.
“Hey, there you are! Tim said it’s time to start heading into the auditorium. Like, right now. Have you seen Jackie or Riley anywhere? Oh, hi, Grace!”
Grace waved slightly and gave a small smile.
“Okay, let me just finish this question real quick. Uh… What was the question again?”
Grace inwardly sighed and said, “What makes your band so special?”
“Oh, yeah… uh… gay rights.”
“And trans rights,” chimed Megan, grabbing the microphone to add her two cents in.
“… I see. Well, it seems you’re busy, so I’ll let you two, er, three go. Have a good night!”
“You, too!”
Megan, Billie, and Mirian left to go find the other two.
You know, maybe interviewing this band wasn’t such a good idea, after all, Grace thought. I should probably toss this back to Olivia.
“I’m Grace Mei from CBS. Back to you, Olivia.”
Once the camera was off, both of them grabbed a cup of water and sipped it.
“Man,” Grace said, “this band is so unprofessional.”
“Cut them some slack,” Jessi replied. “After all, it is their first time here.”
Grace sighed and rubbed her temples.
"Yeah, but still…"
They left the snack bar to find more celebrities, but they found only a couple other people. By now, most of them were already in the auditorium. Suddenly, she heard some voices.
“Hurry up, Ry! We’re gonna miss it!”
“It’s not like we’re gonna get anything.”
“Yeah, but there are like, celebrities here! Like, people you’d listen to! On the radio!”
“I hate to break it to you, but you are also a celebrity. That people listen to. On the radio.”
Grace stepped in next to them. Jessi started recording.
“Hi!”
“Aah!”
“Sorry, sorry. Grace Mei from CBS. How are you feeling tonight?”
“What?” said Jackie.
“Oh, I said, ‘How are yo—’”
“Oh, I’m fine.”
Grace blinked several times.
“Sorry,” Jackie said. “I tend to do that a lot.”
“Oh… that’s… fine… So, where were you guys? I was just talking with your other bandmates, and they said they were looking for you.”
“Oh, uh, well, you see, Jackie thought she left something back at the tour bus, so she dragged me along with her, but then, uh, we couldn’t find it. And when we finally found it, it was locked. And neither of us had the key. So, we had to go back and find Tim. And then, when we finally got into the bus, well, it was almost time for the ceremony, so, yeah.”
“Huh. Interesting,” Grace commented and nodded her head.
“And I still never got my thing,” Jackie said.
“What was it?”
“I don’t remember anymore.”
“… Okay. Jackie, how does it feel to be a queer, Asian woman in a predominantly straight, white, male career?”
“Uh, it feels just the same as if I was a straight, white male, only better.”
Riley held back a snicker as Grace raised an eyebrow.
“Mhm. Oh, by the way, I heard you got a dog!”
“Yeah!” Riley answered. “Her name’s Chloe! She’s the cutest thing!”
“Really? What kind of dog is she?”
“Uh…”
“Oh my god!” Jackie exclaimed. “We forgot to ask Megan what kind of dog Chloe is!”
“Well, I figured she was a labrador, since, you know, she looks like a labrador.”
“Okay, yeah, but, like, how do you know she’s not part-something else?”
Riley shrugged.
Grace interrupted their conversation.
“Well, it was a pleasure talking to you both. I believe you two need to get going.”
“What?” said Jackie.
“I said, ‘It wa—’”
“Oh, yeah, you, too.”
Grace sighed a little.
“Bye, Grace!” they said.
She waved at them as they walked away, still debating if the dog was really a lab. She turned back to the camera and concluded, “The award ceremony is about to begin, so I will sign off for now. I’m Grace Mei from CBS. Back to you, Olivia, in the studio.”
“And done. Cameras are off.”
Grace groaned.
"Thank god it's over."
“Come on,” Jessi said, “we should get to the ceremony!”
“But we don't have to cover this.”
“Who cares? I wanna see who wins!”
Grace rolled her eyes, but she followed Jessi into the auditorium.
“… and the award for the New Artist of the Year goes to…”
The crowd waited with anticipation.
“The Lavender Years!”
The crowd cheered! Grace watched the monitors as the cameras panned to the band. She wondered what their reaction would be.
Not a single one of them got out of their chairs. Their faces were frozen in shock. Grace could see Jackie silently mouthing, “What the fuck?”
They eventually came back to reality and approached the stage. Megan accepted the award from the presenter and handed it to Jackie.
“Um,” Mirian fidgeted with the microphone. “Hello, everyone.”
The microphone squeaked and made an awful noise that made everyone cover their ears.
“Sorry,” Mirian apologized.
Billie smacked her forehead.
“Well, you think you can do better?” Mirian whispered to Billie, even though everyone could still hear her.
“Bi-” Billie was about to say, but then remember she probably shouldn’t swear on stage, “-itter water. Bitter water is gross. Anyway, I know I could do better.”
“Well, then you do it!”
Mirian gestured toward the podium.
Billie stepped up and said, “Hello! I’m Billie, but, um, I’m pretty sure you knew that. I think… Anyway, thank you for this award! I’d like to thank my parents for, you know, helping me get to where I am today, and my brothers, for always sticking by my side.”
She stepped away from the mic.
“See! Like that. Your turn,” Billie whispered back to Mirian.
Mirian rolled her eyes and stepped up to the mic.
“Hello, again. I’m Mirian. I’d like to thank my parents and siblings for supporting my passions, even though it wasn’t really what you wanted for me… Also the fans! Thank you so much for voting for us! You guys are too sweet!”
Riley stepped up and said, “Hi! Riley here! I’d like to thank my mom for supporting our whole family, and I hope now I can return the favor. And of course all our fans! We wouldn’t be here without you! I should also probably thank Tim for putting up with us.”
It was Megan’s turn. She stepped up to the podium.
“Hey! It's Megan! Than—”
Clang!
All eyes turned to Jackie. She hastily picked up the award and nervously smiled at the crowd. A few chuckles arose from the auditorium.
“Right… Anyway, thanks to all who helped me get here. Especially my mom! I know she’d be proud of me.”
Jackie finally went up to the microphone and said, “Hi! I’m Jackie. Uh, shoutout to Riley’s mom. And Becky, our audio person! Big rip that she couldn’t be here. And our dog, Chloe! Yeah.”
She then turned to Riley.
“I think I broke it.”
“The award?”
“Yeah.”
“Allahu Akbar.”
They left the stage, still arguing about the fact that Jackie broke the award .
“Oh my lord, there’s not a single brain cell found among them,” Jessi whispered to Grace amidst the cheering.
“Mhm.”