Chapter Text
Alec knew what he wanted, and he was nearly certain he knew how to get it.
Alec wanted Magnus. He had spent the last few days thinking about how to go about it, and after his talk with Izzy earlier that day, he finally felt he was ready.
Yes, he was still nervous - more so than he'd like to admit, but he was sure if he could hide it - cover it with a confident facade, the results would be in his favor.
As he entered the apartment and Magnus confirmed that they were actually alone, Alec put his plan into motion, catching his boyfriend off guard with the suddenness of his kisses.
What Alec hadn't counted on was Magnus holding up the show - talking about possibly losing him if they rushed this. "What? Why would you think that?" Alec had asked. In Alec's mind, the idea of walking away from Magnus was unfathomable - nothing could cause him to do so - certainly not spending the night together.
So, as Magnus made one more attempt to explain that he was feeling vulnerable, Alec decided it would be better to just show the Warlock how much he meant to Alec, rather than continue to discuss it.
As Alec maneuvered the two of them into the bedroom, reassuring Magnus how much he wanted this, he was pleased when his partner became more responsive. Through kisses and a few giggles and the removal of some clothing (including Alec's own shirt), things were headed in the right direction.
As they fell to the bed, Alec caught Magnus in his arms and landed comfortable beneath him.
"That was graceful." Magnus said, impressed.
"Shadowhunter." Alec answered as he reached up with both hands to cup Magnus's face and go in for another kiss. No more talking - just this - just you! Alec thought.
By the Angel it felt good to have Magnus with him. All of his nerve endings were on high alert as he felt Magnus against the naked skin of his chest. And it just made Alec want more. He reached for the edge of Magnus's shirt and started pulling it upward, ready to remove the barrier that was between them.
And then in a flash, Magnus was gone. Well, gone as in no longer touching Alec. No longer kissing him, no longer participating.
In fact, the Warlock was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to Alec pulling his shirt back into place. His head was down and he was breathing hard.
Alec's confidence shattered. Magnus knew how this worked. He had done this so many times over. There was only one reason Alec could think of that would cause him to suddenly pull away. As the silence lingered, Alec couldn't help but voice his greatest fear at that moment.
"Am I doing something wrong?"
Magnus let out a shaky breathe, "No such thing." he answered.
Well, now Alec was unsure and confused - if it wasn't him persay, then what was the problem? Alec's mind went back to the entryway of the apartment - Magnus had hesitated, Alec had pushed. Not forced, but probably pushed more than he should have. He hadn't intentionally done so - it was the only way he felt he could keep his nerves at bay. But, did he miss something that should have told him Magnus wasn't interested in this tonight?
"Do you not want to?" Alec asked, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt.
"No." Magnus answered. But before Alec could process what that meant, Magnus was talking again. "I mean yes! Of course I do!"
Magnus' tone of voice was enough to finally pull Alec out of his own stupor and to make him really look at his boyfriend. Magnus sounded overwhelmed. His breathing was harsh. His head was down and he wouldn't look at Alec at all.
"You're not the only one who feels vulnerable." Magnus' statement from earlier echoed in Alec's ears. Vulnerable. That was the only word that could describe how Magnus appeared, and it made Alec's stomach turn over. He had brushed off Magnus's feelings earlier, but he couldn't ignore them now.
Sitting up, Alec reached out and put a hand on Magnus's shoulder. Magnus was tense, but didn't shrug him off.
"Magnus…...what is it?" Alec didn't even try to hide the concern in his voice at this point - something was wrong with Magnus, and Alec would give anything in the world to make it right.
Beside him, Magnus took a deep breath. "It's just…...sometimes….I lose control….." Slowly, he turned toward Alec and raised his eyes to meet those of the Shadowhunter.
Magnus' eyes had turned golden brown, glowing, revealing the demonmark that was part of his identity as a downworlder.
Alec looked right back into those eyes, and, much like when Magnus appeared at his would-be wedding, he found he couldn't breathe. Alec knew in a second he would be perfectly happy to stare into those eyes for the rest of eternity. They were gorgeous!
Except, they were clouded with doubt and uncertainty. There was a shadow of fear within them, clearly expecting a negative reaction. Vulnerable
Alec let out a short breath as he realized that he could, in fact, breathe again. He changed positions enough that he could reach out a hand towards his boyfriend.
"Magnus….they're beautiful!" he said, still awestruck, as he reached to hold the other man's cheek. "You're beautiful!"
As he let his words sink in, Alec let himself get lost in Magnus's eyes. He realized this was a part of Magnus that so few people got to see, that he wanted the memory to last. He wanted to be able to recall at a moment's notice the exact color and shape of Magnus's eyes without his magic in the way.
As the seconds ticked by, Alec saw Magnus's eyes begin to fill with new emotions. There was no longer fear or doubt (thank the angel!), but trust and…..and…...something much stronger. Something that Alec was also sure was within himself, but he wasn't ready to explore just yet.
Magnus brought his hand up to rest against Alec's, which was still gently holding his cheek. He leaned forward, and Alec was more than happy to meet him halfway.
Alec had been sure that the kisses they had shared earlier that evening were the best he'd ever experienced, but nothing compared to this. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't desperate, but it was raw emotion shared between the two of them. In that kiss, Alec knew there would be no one else for him. Magnus was it.
As the kiss continued, the desire and want that had been present earlier in the evening began to resurface as well, but Alec held back. His entire focus was on Magnus and making sure he was comfortable and okay. Alec never wanted to see the person he cared about most be so full of doubt - especially with him.
Mangus ended the kiss and pulled back just enough to look Alec in the eyes. "Alexander." he said. His voice was soft, but confident - a complete change from the last time he had spoken.
"I spoke the truth before when I said that you did nothing wrong, and that I want to be with you. The fact that I lost control to this point is a testament to how amazing you make me feel - and how I can think of nothing else other than how much I want you."
Alec's heart raced - Magnus's magic had slipped because he was enjoying himself - with Alec. Alec, inexperienced though he was, had turned Magnus on so much that even his own magic took a back seat to his need for Alec. His confidence soared back and his desire for the Warlock spurred him to immediate action.
He launched himself at Magnus and pushed him to the bed, reaching for, touching, kissing and relishing in every part of him he had access to.
Alec grunted in frustration though, as he realized how limited that access was, as Magnus was still, for all intents and purposes fully clothed. Alec wasn't sure how to handle this, as he was reluctant to separate himself from Magnus even for a bit.
Alec heard the snap of Magnus's fingers, and suddenly, the barrier of Magnus' shirt had disappeared. This surprise made Alec pull back and look at Magnus. "That was convenient." he managed to say. Magnus just gave him a mischievous smile. "Warlock." he said.
Alec couldn't help but laugh before Magnus met him with another kiss. Alec moaned as skin met skin, with the promise of more to come.
Hours later, Alec looked down at Magnus' head resting against his chest. He already missed those "cat eyes" that were closed in slumber. But if he had his way, he'd be seeing them a lot in the future.