Chapter Text
Xiao Gui stared at Liu Yuning, his eyes careful to not look too lustful. But, a stare was still a stare, and Yuning turned to face him, their eyes meeting. Xiao Gui immediately turned around from the elder, and let his eyes wander towards the empty seats around the stage, and his thoughts to how the two of them were alone there. Together. No one else.
"Hello?"
Yuning was snapping his fingers in front of Xiao Gui, his head tilted slightly, mouth parted, hair tousled and eyes shimmering under his glasses. Xiao Gui wished he could take those glasses off. And so he did.
And he wished he could kiss those pouting lips.
But, he couldn't.
"Give them back!" said Yuning, his hand reaching to grab his glasses back, only for Xiao Gui to reactively reach his hand backwards, and higher, even if Yuning was the tallest of the batch.
That didn't bother him.
"Not until I get to wear them."
"Like every other time," Yuning answered back, a playful expression reaching his eyes.
Yes, every other time. Yes, Xiao Gui had stolen them before. But only for the same reasons, and only for the same reasons.
Not just because he thought Yuning would look much more handsome without them.
With a pouting face, Xiao Gui hesitantly returned the accessory back to Yuning, though you could see the happiness in his eyes. They were brighter than the Sun. "My place?"
"Sure."
Gosh, how could he say that like they knew each other for years?
They only met 3 weeks and two days ago. Not that Xiao Gui was counting, of course. But still, 3 weeks and two days ago.
I'll promise you more than that.
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"Xiao Ge said that you were looking for me after the concert."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
It was the silent, not awkward yet so type of night. Mayhem was behind the stage, make-up artists removing the singers' accessories, telling them what their routines should be for the next session, and exchanging their show clothes for their casual wear. Though you could say that it wasn't really the case for Xiao Gui and Liu Yuning, the two of them being less taken care of - you could say it was because they didn't really need much to do.
"There he is," said Yuning, smiling and waving in the direction of 'Xiao Ge', the boy returning the gestures before mouthing a goodbye, his night of staying back over.
"Lucky."
"You know you can go back, right?"
Xiao Gui looked over at Yuning's direction with a smile. "I know. I just don't want to leave yet." Surely, the smile told something else, but Yuning didn't seem to see it, too busy enjoying the meeting point of two busy schedules, discussing together like an everyday normal.
"Well, if I say I'm leaving then, will you come with me?"
Xiao Gui was up on his feet in seconds, a hand stretched out invitingly, a playfully smile dabbling his lips.
"Of course. Is that an invitation?"
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The two of them were standing at Yuning's kitchen counter that stretched on to the balcony, sipping water from their glasses as they stared out the glass back door, looking at the open stars of the night sky. It was time.
"Yuning?"
"Mn."
"I like you."
"Here here."
Xiao Gui paused at that, turning to look at Yuning, whose face was hidden by the terrible lighting work of the ceiling lights. He had built up enough confidence that he'll purposely lose the competition to not see him anymore if his feelings were not replicated, but not like this. He didn't sacrifice his friendship for a simple 'You're my friend.' And so he took the next, bigger step.
"As in, I love you sort of way."
Slowly, so painfully slowly, Yuning turned his head around to face Xiao Gui's. The expression was empty, unreadable, as if he didn't want anything to do with anyone. It will be my last, then. And so, believing it was the end of it, he leaned in and snatched the free kiss that he could take, and simply walked away too quickly for the water in his cup to not spill, leaving the glass on the counter on his way towards the front door. But a hand had reached out to him, grabbed him, turning him around in the process. "I like you too."
But, there was always a but.
"But we can't. Our ages, our relationship status, our genders, our profiles as idols."
Xiao Gui sighed. He knew it. Xiao Gui knew it. His love life was going wronged.
"But, even with all the buts, I want to be with you, and kiss you. Properly."
And Xiao Gui was pulled into Yuning's hold, and he stared up to see stars staring back at him, and soon, those stars were gone like a blown out candle. Only for direct euphoria to enlist on to his lips.
And it stayed like that for...
Too little of an amount.
Yuning had pulled away, eyes still closed, and lips slightly wet as his tongue licked them. Xiao Gui could feel the tears building up in his eyes, and so he shut them out by replacing the missing warmth by placing his hands on to his lips, fingers trailing them until he could no longer think.
"I'm sorry," Yuning said, and his eyes had opened with the pupils dilated; but it was probably hiding sadness behind it.
"W-we can still be... Friends, right?" Friends, as Xiao Gui knew it, wasn't something he wanted to be in this situation. But it was all he could offer. Yuning smiled sadly back at him, as if their thoughts were the same.
"Y-Yeah. Friends. That's all we are."
Friends who return the same romantic feelings.
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"You've been looking quite gloomy lately."
Lou Qi had been staring questioningly at Xiao Gui, the two of them sitting down on white stools in a practice room. It was one of the times when no one was filming the team’s practise of discuss, so they could be one on one with each other. Xiao Gui snapped out of his thoughts, and his head immediately flew up to face his senior's.
"No I'm not," he said. Lou Qi looked like she won't believe a word that will come out of the younger's mouth.
"Then why is it that Yuning and you both look so lost and "xiong di" restrict each other?"
A good point. A good question. But Xiao Gui had no good answers.
"Because he's my ge*?"
"And I'm your jie*."
What they didn't know, however, was that a boy was standing outside of the door listening to their conversation.
Time to report them to shi fu*.
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"Ah," Yuqing said, "but, Weizhou, how would this link the two?" The actor stared at him with a near hanging wide mouth.
"It's suppressed romance, shi fu!"
"Quiet, Weizhou."
Weizhou stared at him apologetically, then his phone rang a loud pang of some gunshot sound. "Shh..."
It was Yuning, coincidentally.
"Weizhou."
"Ah, hi Ning ge, what can I do for you?"
"You... acted in a BL right?" Yuning sounded like he was scared Weizhou might take it the wrong way, but instead, Weizhou's tone afterwards made it sound like pride. "Sure! And you may have heard of it, something like 'Heroin' or 'Addicted', (can't really remember) but I do know that the authorities made a big deal in banning it. Why did you ask?"
"I was wondering if..."
"Yes, Ning ge?"
"... You may be felt a change or question about your sexuality?"
It was deadpanning silence after that. Excluding Fei Yuqing coughing silently into his fist and gesturing for Weizhou to talk.
"Sure? Why do you ask?" was all that was managed through Weizhou's mouth, though he would have willingly said much more.
"Because I suspect that-"
"You suspect that you're in love with a guy? Don't be afraid to tell me."
"You just cut in though, plus I feel that it's too early to say... love?" Yuning's voice tremble through the room, and echoed louder through Weizhou's ears. "Really?" he said, probably too enthusiastically. Hopefully Yuning wouldn't detect it was the only thing in his mind going on, but otherwise, not much else.
"I-"
"Come over to the practice room I'm in - you know which one - immediately!"
And he ended the call with a very disappointed looking Fei Yuqing facing his way. "You just exposed yourself," he said, with a shake of a head, "that you have thought about it before."
'Oops,' but really, no problem.
His ship was sailing, and with that, it meant that Xiao Gui was the only chess piece left. Then, he would have won.
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"Stupid feelings!" shouted Xiao Gui as he kicked the stool over hard enough that the sound echoed around the room. He wanted to hide inside a rock and disappear, probably become like Tarzan - except that there was no Jane. No people to disturb his peace. Just him and a loving family.
Not that his family wasn't loving, it was more like the society wasn't, really.
"Are you all right Linkai?" asked Xiao Zhan, the man happening to walk in on the younger having a fit. Xiao Gui tried to suppress his emotions and stared behind Xiao Zhan as he answered with a small gulp.
Xiao Zhan picked the stool up and stood it next to the remaining chair. "Would you want to talk about it?"
The thing is, Xiao Gui thought that Xiao Zhan was far too kind and deserved much more. But then again, he did want to talk about it to someone didn't he?
"Yes," he whispered obediently as he went over to sit next to the elder, and he leaned down so that he was out of view from the closed door just in case someone else were to walk in. "What is it that is holding you back?"
"I like someone. A lot."
"And do they not like you back?" asked Xiao Zhan, his voice extremely calm yet stressed out.
"They do, but they won't. Like, as if, they know that society won't allow it."
"Being honest," said the elder, "do you like a male?" If there was any more saliva in Xiao Gui's mouth than there was now, he surely would have choked much harder than he did now. As he coughed, Xiao Zhan gave him a small expression of sympathy. "Sorry if that came out too much, but if you don't want to tell me, then that's okay."
There really was no going back was there? Xiao Gui knew that he had to do it, that he had to admit he was maybe feeling a little bit tipsy over someone who won't allow it all for the sake of society and public image - not the latter's public image, but his. Xiao Gui's.
"And if it is...?"
"Then you can just say it, you know? Don't worry about my opinion, it's just yours that matters."
Xiao Gui took a deep, long breath as he decided once and for all to say anything. Even in a public workspace where he knew the others would scold him for ruining his own image as an idol.
"I like someone, a lot, and they're a guy. He's around 187cm tall and 29 years old. Xiao Ning - I'm in love with Yuning."
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Dramatic. I know right? For the door to tumble open the second Xiao Gui had said the name of his crush, and turns out that Yuning was the one who stumbled through? Great, wasn't it? Weizhou was peeking out behind him, and just in time was pulled back by Fei Yuqing to not be seen, and the two of them made it passed the door like a quick pass by through the hallway - six rooms away from where they were supposed to be practising.
"Y-Yuning ge," said Xiao Gui as he saw the elder trying to balance on his feet. He swore he could see a smile twinkle of something in Yuning's eyes, and there was a full on blossomed smile on Xiao Zhan's face. "Yuning ge! You see, Linkai here just wanted to tell me something really nice about you but I guess you might have heard it so why don't the two of you talk about it? Tell me if anything happens." And as he stretched his arms open to walk out of the room, he gave a reassuring glance to Xiao Gui before shaking hands with Yuning who just stood unresponsive.
"You were eavesdropping."
"I guess you could call it that."
"Why were you eavesdropping!"
When Xiao Gui shouted at Yuning, the latter's whole world seemed to tumble.
"I-I was t-told to-"
"You heard something you weren't supposed to hear," said Xiao Gui, tears forming in his eyes. He was now going to be rejected for the second time by the same person. Of course, that was just how his life had to work. But maybe Yuning had other plans, as he shut the door behind him and rushed forward to engulf Xiao Gui in a hug, basically looming over him with warmth.
"I love you too."
And when Yuning pulled back from the hug, he placed a few of his fingers over Xiao Gui's left eye and used them to close the eyelid before leaning back in again with an embrace that held the warmest kiss that Xiao Gui could ever feel. And they stayed like that, with no eyes of anyone else, and without the care of the world that felt no right to them.
Who cares if they're both males?
Who cares if they're nine years in age difference?
Who cares if... they're idols that serve everyday like someone else's wish?
It didn't matter when Yuning lifted his head to rest Xiao Gui's against his chest, and to fill the height gap, he leaned down to lay his chin against the younger's scalp.
"I never told you the words directly-"
"It's alright. I'll wait for you."
"And what about a second rejection?"
"If I were to reject you again, I would be a full blown idiot," said Yuning.
"But you'll still wait for me?"
"I'll wait for you."
"And I'll wait for you too, then."
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"I love you."
Xiao Gui snuggled up in Yuning's grip, and he turned to drape his arm around the elder's waist. Yuning, who was probably the most awake at the moment, flushed a light pink. It could just be his morning talk. He smiled, and just as he was about to sit up, Xiao Gui tugged slightly at his shirt's collar, pulling him back down again. "I prefer you without the glasses."
"Do you want me to wear contacts then?"
"Even if they ruin your eye colour, why not."
Yuning would have stayed in that position for far longer if he had the time. But Xiao Gui was due to the stage of Our Song in three hours, with the place being half an hour away, and so in order to get the younger moving, he had to move first.
"Ning-Ning," said Xiao Gui, though his voice sounded more like he was breathing it. Yuning could only nod his head as he attempted to lift himself up.
"I wish we could always have sleepovers."
As the oldest one, Yuning had to be mature, but with such conversations like these, he had trouble thinking that he was thirty and old enough to survive military. "Don't we?"
"But we get to sleep in."
A chuckle. A chuckle came from Yuning, and that's all that mattered for Xiao Gui to finally give up on restricting the former from getting up. With the final freedom to get up, Yuning pulled Xiao Gui to face him and gave him a small peck on the cheek that was extremely close to his lips.
"Why did you do that," whined Linkai as he finally stood up to find his clothes.
"Because I want to," said Yuning.
"Old man."
"Young man."
"But you love this young generation person don't you?"
"I love you too."
"I love you."
I love you.
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