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I love you.
You would think it’s easy to spit out three simple words. The first word is technically not even a word, it’s just a letter.
So then why does Tine always have such a hard time saying it?
He’s not drowned in cynicism, he’s actually a hopeless romantic. He dates around, finds people attractive and asks them out or on some occasions, gets asked out. Simple dinners, cute picnics and fun days in the amusement parks, he knew what to expect on dates. His friends even called him “Mr Serial Dater”.
However, there’s one thing he has never uttered to any of his past lovers. As you can already guess, it’s the L word, or some might say, three words and eight letters. It’s not that hard to figure why actually because he knows deep down, the reason why he can’t. He has been stuck in the same position for the past ten years of his life and it was getting too exhausting, even for him.
Sarawat Guntithanon.
The person who holds the key to his fragile heart. Or in this case, too stubborn of a heart because he can’t seem to ever forget that little shit.
“Why can’t I ever seem to forget you? It’s been ten years! Let me go already,” Tine cried out on the phone like he always does when he’s drunk.
In the middle of December, out in the cold, stood a boy who was supposed to celebrate with his friends about being single again inside a restaurant. Instead, here he was, outside of it, the only private place he could go to for some alone time. Or in this case, a place where he can call Sarawat when he is extremely drunk without feeling judged.
It’s pathetic, really. He can’t seem to remember the basic formulas for Math but he is capable of punching in Sarawat’s phone number like he’s on auto-pilot. Who even remembers phone numbers these days anyway? Caller IDs exist for a reason.
But no, Tine is a loser who still remembers his first love’s number to the T without any added effort.
“I dated people you know. I even dated a fucking celebrity for godsakes,” He rambled on, bending forward and almost met the floor with his face if he drank way more than this.
"I won’t tell you who it was because his manager didn’t want any rumors going around. Yeah, apparently Bright Vachirawit is a big deal here in Thailand. Oops, I just gave his name away. Whatever, you don’t know him anyway since you’re in America. Anyways, he broke up with me because I couldn’t say I love you back to him," He remembered the hurt that flashed in the other man’s eyes when Tine remained silent after the confession.
"This is your fault, you know. If you weren’t so annoying, I would have moved on. But no, you had to be good looking and dreamy. I hate you, goodbye and have the worst night ever!” Tine vented, letting out all the pent up frustration he had on his phone and pressed the end call button aggressively.
He put his phone away and let it rest on the bench he was sitting on. Covering his face with his hands, he sobbed into them, just like any night he gets pissed drunk. Truthfully, he just wants to give up and accept his fate that he will never move on from Sarawat. It’s been ten years, another ten years didn’t seem impossible. That man could be married for all he knows and Tine would still be head over heels for him.
“Tine? Oh come on, did you call Sarawat again?” Tine lifts his face up upon hearing Fong, his best friend’s voice. Tine raised an eyebrow at the assumption which is true but he did not want to prove the other right. It’s creating a dent on his pride and he already has been losing too much of it.
“You’re talking as if I do that every time I get pissed drunk,” He slurred, hitting Fong’s shoulder.
“You do call him every time you’re drunk like this. Your consistency amazes me,” Fong says, chuckling as he leans his back on the bench. A few moments of silence passed by until Tine spoke up in a small voice.
“Fong, be honest. Am I pathetic?” Fong took a while to answer Tine but nonetheless, he did.
“No. That’s what love does to you. You surrender to the person you love and the same goes to the other person. You, on the other hand, is brave enough to surrender to someone who isn’t sure about you,”
Tine didn’t say anything to that because he knew Fong was wrong.
Sarawat is sure about him.
He is sure that he will never ever see Tine the same way he does.