Chapter Text
Standing on stage, a girl with pale green hair as she parted her lips. Up to this point, the words came out naturally. She sang with much ease, having worked so hard up to this point. She was dedicated to doing her best, and she wanted to showcase her efforts for everyone to see. That was her ambition, what she's strived for, having dedicated so much of her time to this musical theatre. To stand underneath the spotlight was her reward. With her violet eyes turning to the audience as a wonderfully sweet and gentle voice escaped from her lips, she smiled warmly. She was content to have finally taken center stage, to be a star of her own musical, it was a time to remember. And after that performance, she wanted to make sure she would record this in her memory. The moment where she had finally shone brighter than the rest, the moment she had been recognized.
'Ah, I heard that you finally got a lead role in your troupe. Congratulations, Nene.' She recalled that time where he and her met after a while, a brief encounter then. He had congratulated her, with a somber smile on his face. She knew why, but regardless, she was thankful that he had even bothered to congratulate her who was one step closer to her dream. Unlike him, who was alone with no one to perform with, she had friends who'd strived to make the best performances alongside her. Despite that, he said 'congratulations', he was truly a wonderful friend, wasn't he? That childhood friend of hers, whom no one else appreciated, she would appreciate him all by herself. For she was sure that one day, he'd go to great lengths. Make the most exciting shows that no one could have ever anticipated. And she wanted to see that, see him soar to greater heights.
When that happens, will she be there to support him like he had with her? She hoped so, from the bottom of her heart. To be his quiet support, even when it seemed like the whole world was against him. His words that, although pained him to say, still managed to hold so much warmth in them, she wanted to return them with as much warmth. And then, it would be his turn to say 'thank you', isn't that right? Someday, she wanted to see that solemn smile of his turn into something bright, radiant even.
Singing her heart out on that stage, she drifted her attention back to her performance. Before anything else, she had to make sure that this show was a success after all. This performance that she shed her blood, sweat and tears for, she'd put in her all. So that she'd one day bring more smiles to people, she'll turn this anxiety into adrenaline instead. Adrenaline and excitement, so that everyone would enjoy this wholehearted performance of hers. And she continued to act, dance, and sing, more and more...
...Until she became unable to say a single thing.
The girl paused as the music continued to play. Despite everyone else continuing to perform with ease, she had stopped by herself, her lips beginning to tremble as she struggled to get the next line out. Huh? How did this happen? What could have led to this development? Why was her voice not coming out? Beginning to drip in cold sweat, she desperately tried to speak, but as if something was caught in her throat, nothing would come out. She begun hearing words of concern, and because of that, she trembled all the more. She was nervous, a hand reaching up to her neck as she traced her fingers down on her throat. That girl, she wanted to sing. She wanted to perform again. She worked so hard for this stage, but why wasn't she able to sing?
'Why... Why won't my voice...' She choked on her words, her expression darkening as her eyes turned to the ground. She hung her head, beads of sweat trickling from her forehead, down her cheek, then dropping from her chin. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't sing anymore. Would this performance end here? This performance that began with her first leading role? Was it just bound for failure? Overwhelmed by these feelings, yet the show went on. Even without her, everyone was acting their parts. It was only her. She was the only one that couldn't move her lips. As that anxiety of hers began to turn into guilt, she clenched her fists, her teeth gritted together, and she ran off stage.
While backstage, her knees gave in. She dropped to the ground, panting heavily as her hands were placed firmly on the floor, acting as her pillar of support as she choked on her words. No matter how hard she tried, her voice just wouldn't come. Was this just not meant to be? Was she not meant to perform? Then why had she worked so hard up to now? To believe in this stupid false hope? No, it can't end here! It mustn't! If it stops now, then what was the point of everything?! The show must go on, no matter what! Just one mishap shouldn't stop her from doing her best!
Just one mishap shouldn't stop her from moving towards her dream...!
Just one mishap, that's what she continued repeating to herself as she curled her hands into a ball, unable to stand. Her head was facing the ground, as her eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip. She wanted to go back up there, perform as if nothing had happened. And yet, all she could do was sit on the floor, beating herself up over a single problem. This was supposed to be the benchmark, the beginning of many shows to come for her! She was supposed to be the star that brought smiles to everyone's faces! Yet now... Now... She was so frustrated with herself, that all she wanted to do then was hide herself away.
As she raised her head, facing the monitors that showed what was going on on stage, she watched as everyone else improvised where she had left off. Despite her being the lead role, everyone had tried their best to adapt even without her. Although she believed that this show would end as soon as she had made a blunder, they still performed as best as they could, despite her mess-up.
...Was she supposed to feel relieved?
Her heart ached, in spite of this being an assumedly good thing. Why, everyone could execute this well, even without the lead role! Their improvisation was good enough for the show to go on! Yet, all she felt in that moment was unease and humiliation. For them to be able to perform despite her gone from the stage, to her, that meant that she was useless. She didn't have to be there for them to put on a good show, is that it? Then what was the point of setting her up as the lead role? Yet more than being angry, more than her humiliation, she...
"...ah..." She had finally released a sound from her voice, but joined with that was the warm tears that trickled down her reddened cheeks. With a hand over her left chest, clutching the torso of her dress tightly, she sobbed. Despite everyone working so hard on this show, she was the only one who messed up. How was she to face the others when the curtains closed? Will she be on stage for the final bow? No, she didn't even know how to face the audience. She couldn't brush things off like nothing happened, because she was the one at fault in the first place. Now everyone had to do improv because of her single mistake. She really had to praise the narrator, who had to come up with a storyline on the spot. Standing from her spot, she turned away from the monitors and went to the dressing room, unable to look at the performance anymore. She didn't want to look at others succeed, while she herself failed. Not anymore. Right now, by herself, she just wants to cry alone.
"...Kusanagi-san, we're about to take the final bow soon. Will you come out for it?" A voice came from beyond the door, as Nene sat in the furthest corner of the room, diagonally away from the door. She hugged her knees against her chest, her face buried in them as she sniffled. When she raised her head and turned to the door, her nose was red and her eyes were puffy. She had already been crying for a while, and yet the tears seemed to continue to flow. Mentally exhausted, she turned her gaze downward and took a deep breath. Then she spoke, barely loud enough to echo in the room. She had hoped that the voice had caught it, "It's alright, please go on without me." Then, she heard nothing more. Just footsteps that gradually became softer with each thud.
Nene laid her chin on her knees, arms wrapped around them firmly as she released a small sigh. Her face was probably bright red by now, and she feared what would happen after they came back from stage. She... Wanted to go home, away from this stage, from this failure of a show that started with her own mistake. Yet she had to face forward, isn't that right? Who knows, maybe they'd encourage her, say that there would be a next time... But she knew that there was no point in being optimistic. Regardless of their concerns, she was sure that many were mad at what happened. No matter what she did, there was no point in quelling their rage. After all, she chose to run away. The real question was if she could handle all their words.
She didn't know if she could face her ambitions with that same passion anymore, without looking back at this blemish and messing up all over again. All she could be glad for then was that this show didn't end up in a complete bust. Everyone tried their hardest to save what they could. That was great, fantastic even. To put together a show even without their main lead, it was an accomplishment worthy of praise.
...it was really... praise-worthy...
-Then, the door slammed open. And in came the cast of characters who were supposed to act alongside her, most exhausted, some with visible frowns on their faces. She flinched as she heard the slam. She knew that she was really in for it now, and with her just staying still in the corner with no effort to get up, she had nowhere to run. A girl approached her, a hand held out to her as her eyebrows creased with worry. "Are you alright?" She spoke in a quiet voice, as if not wanting to frighten Nene. Unable to find the right words to say, she just glanced away, nodding her head in silence as she refused her hand. The girl sighed, smiling slightly as she crouched down to meet the crestfallen girl at eye level.
"Whatever happened out there, it's okay, it happens. You were just nervous, after all. It's understandable," she reassured her, although from behind, someone's tongue clicked loudly. Turning to the culprit with eyes wide with surprise, Nene's violet eyes met with a guy's obvious glare. He looked down at her, making her feel smaller than she already was as she sunk lower against the corner space. If there was a part of her that felt assured, it was surely gone now that that boy was glaring daggers into her.
'...She didn't say that it wasn't my fault...' Nene noticed as she tried to avoid his piercing glare, that meant that they were all aware that what happened was her fault. She was blamed after all, huh. Though even she blamed herself, so it couldn't really be helped. She gulped, afraid of the next words to come. Hoping for a chance to go home, she spoke in a rather small voice, "Is it alright if-"
"Oh, now she speaks!" The guy spoke out from behind, a bright smile plastered on his face as he placed his hands on his hips. He spoke in a condescending tone, as if mocking her. And with that, she couldn't speak anymore. His voice had overwhelmed her in a matter of seconds, echoing in that small dressing room as others stopped packing and stared at the scene. "Couldn't say shit up there on stage but for some reason, now she's capable of human comprehension, ain't that funny?!"
"Ah- that...!"
"I can't believe you," before she could speak, she was immediately cut off. "Just because it's your first lead role, doesn't mean you can come on stage and screw us all over. Then explain yourself with, 'oh, I was really nervous so'! If you were nervous about it, might as well don't do it. Am I right?"
"Hey, that's not funny. She might've gotten overwhelmed," the girl who tried to reassure her spoke up. Yet Nene's anxiety did not settle. She was getting more and more anxious, and now, barely a word could come out. She was frightened again, just like that. She didn't know what to say. What excuse could she give to settle the tension and defend herself? She herself wasn't sure.
"Overwhelmed? Yeah, like this is our first ever rodeo, huh? If she was ever prepared for the role in the first place, she wouldn't have messed up like she did back there."
"...ry..." In a shaky breath, barely a syllable passed Nene's lips. Her expression darkened, unable to refute his words. She herself thought that she was prepared for what was to come. Who knew that she would freeze dead center on the stage like that? She didn't, that's for sure. She worked her butt off, but now, for what? Humiliation? No, she just wanted to do what she loved. Was it supposed to be nothing more than a dream now?
"Haaah? Speak up, if not, how're you gonna do another performance?!"
"Stop it-"
"I'm sorry...!!" Nene cried out, her heart pulsating in her chest as she stood from where she was with her fists clenched together. She truly was frustrated that she couldn't do anything, she was upset that she couldn't even utter another line. She was disappointed in her own cowardice that she couldn't even spare the effort to come back on stage even once after her blunder. Although it was waiting, beckoning her to come back, she didn't have that motivation to come back. And she only had herself to blame. These emotions were on the verge of spilling, and no matter how much she tried to push them back, the dam in her heart had weakened. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!! I...!" Tears spilled from her eyes as she tried to find the words to say. Yet they were all held back by her choked sobs. She thought of herself as truly pathetic then, not even capable to continue even one show after all the effort she placed into it. It was really all for naught.
No matter how mad everyone was at her, there really was no one that was more infuriated with her other than herself.
Silence flooded the room after her outburst, even the person who started this had gone silent. It wasn't long before he came to a self-realization, because she herself felt frustrated. The show that she had painstakingly worked for was destroyed by her own hands. After a brief moment of silence, she was quietly handed her belongings by the producer who gave her a wry smile. Although she had caused the production to be a total mess, he still managed to give her a smile. "...Go home, Kusanagi-san. I think you should take a break."
Her heart sank at his words.
Quietly taking her bag, she bit on her lip hard, releasing small hiccups as she left the dressing room. These heavy emotions of hers that have flooded her heart, how could she have conveyed them properly? She could only stand and be blamed, apologizing over and over until they were satisfied. No matter how many words she tried to say, it would never be enough to express how she felt. Gripping the sash of her bag tightly, she could only walk down the street of her home with these complicated feelings in her heart.
As Nene was nearing her house, her eyes made contact with a pair of golden eyes that were peering out the window. Though she immediately averted her eyes, embarrassed to even face her neighbor. The person whose words helped encourage her on that messed up stage, how disappointed would he have been had he found out that it had become a mess? She didn't want to find out. So she just walked, trying to ignore him as much as she could with her head faced down.
...Well, not like that did much anyway since soon after, she felt her body bump into someone. She stumbled backwards slightly, then raised her head with widened eyes as her nails dug into her palm. She was clenching the sash even tighter than before, as she faced her childhood friend with moistened eyes, wet with tears. Noticing that something was very off, the purple haired boy bent his knees to catch her at eyelevel. His eyebrows furrowed as his gaze remained fixated on her. Whispering, he spoke gently, as if to avoid breaking her any more than she already was. "...Nene?"
The way he called her name with that sort of gentleness, for some reason, it caused her heart to ache. Why was that? She thought that a person's gentleness would be calming, even soothing to her. But why does it hurt instead? She parted her lips slightly, her breath shaky as she became teary once more. "Rui..." In a quivering voice, she whispered back his name. She sniffled, her emotions were pouring out abundantly, yet why won't the words in her heart come as easily? It hurt so much, she had so much to say, but she was scared. Why was it that just one incident could cause so much dread in her heart?
Figuring out that something had happened, the boy named Rui raised a hand to her cheek, brushing his thumb across as if to console her. Although he didn't wish for her to bottle up her feelings, he didn't want to force those words out of her either. So the least he could do was to stay by her side, for as long as she needed it. Wiping away a tear, he caressed her warm cheek and gave her a soft smile. For what else could he do than to express that he was there to support her?
"Rui... I... That show..." She felt the need to say what had happened, but the words came between sobs. With a hand over the one that was over the cheek and the other resting on his arm, she leaned her cheek against his hand. It was slightly cooler than her cheek, and affected by that demeanor of his, she felt her walls weakening all the more. Although she wanted to explain, why was it that the words wouldn't come out as she had liked? She clicked her tongue, frustrated with herself.
"...It's alright, you don't have to say anything," Rui reassured her as he pressed his index finger against her nose, then pulling his finger away as he let out a soft chuckle. She herself let out a small giggle, and the atmosphere lightened. Just like that, he had made her feel okay, even if it was for a short while. "I can wait until you're ready," he said with both hands now cupping her cheeks.
"...Thank you, Rui," Nene's lips curved upwards, a small grin on her face as the color of her cheeks were now a paler shade of red.
'Ah, she's finally smiled,' Rui thought to himself as his heart warmed. To him, that expression suited her much more than the sorrowful one from before. Although her smiles were rare, they were worth seeing. To see her cry like that, for some reason, it hurt. This childhood friend of his was much prettier, much lovelier, had she continued to smile.
"Hey, I have a show that I'd like to try out. Do you wanna come by and take a look?"
"...Okay."
As he released the hold on her cheeks, he straightened his knees and back, walking by her side. The two then made their way to his house.
He didn't want her smile to vanish just yet.