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It was the third time that week that Daichi had woken up in a cold sweat. He stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to calm his breathing as the last of his dream faded away.
Suga was lying on his side next to him, breathing evenly as he slept. Daichi sighed and rubbed his eyes, glancing over at the clock on his nightstand. It was only 2 am.
He’d had worse nightmares, but lately they’d been coming more frequently. The last two had been about work, which hadn’t really bothered him that much, but this one was different. This one had been about Suga.
Logically he knew there was no reason for Suga to randomly disappear from his life, but the dream had been too vivid to shake off immediately. He could still recall his panic while he ran around their old high school, asking the first years, his coach, even Asahi, where Suga was, but no one had a straight answer for him.
He glanced down at Suga again just to confirm he was still there and sat up. Daichi ran a hand through the back of his partner’s silver hair before leaving. The sleeping man sighed and cuddled his pillow closer to him. Daichi smiled softly and got out of the bed, careful not to wake him for the third night in a row.
He walked out of their room and to the kitchen, yawning as he opened up the fridge. He grabbed a water bottle, drained half of it and sat it on the counter in front of him. He leaned onto his palms, staring out the kitchen window as a couple cars drove by their apartment.
“Suga, you know?”
“Who?”
“Koushi Sugawara.”
“Sugawara? I don’t recognize that name.”
“No, listen, he’s only a little shorter than me, brown eyes, silver hair-”
“Daichi-”
“Asahi, please. We’ve been friends since we were first years. We played volleyball together at Karasuno, remember?”
“Calm down! you weren’t drinking were you?”
“Asahi, listen to me! He played with us!” Daichi grabbed Asahi by the front of his shirt, willing him to listen. “I was team captain and he was our number two. You were my best man. Please.”
“Daichi, please calm down. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He shook his head, walking back through the livingroom and out onto the small balcony of their apartment. He shivered as the cool breeze hit his bare chest. He hoped the night air would at least help clear his mind.
Closing his eyes, he felt the wind ruffle his hair softly. He took a deep breath, but the sting of his dream still hadn’t left him. He sighed, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest as unwanted thoughts plagued his mind.
What if he’d never met Suga in high school? What if he’d never had the guts to ask him out in college? What if Suga hadn’t said yes? What if Suga ever wanted to leave? What would he do?
The corners of his eyes stung and he took another deep breath, chuckling quietly at how pathetic he must look. It was just a dream after all.
A few minutes passed and he made his way back inside, turning to close the balcony door behind him. He walked back to the kitchen and finished off his water from earlier, ready to try and sleep again.
“Daichiii~,” came a whiny voice from behind him.
Before he could turn around, Suga wrapped his arms around him in a warm hug from behind. Daichi smiled.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“No, guess I just missed you enough to wake up on my own,” Suga mumbled, resting his head against the crook of Daichi’s neck. “But fuck, you’re cold.”
Daichi chuckled, letting himself lean back into Suga’s warmth. “Just getting some air.”
“It’s 40 degrees out here.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, seems even your space-heater body couldn’t stay warm.”
Daichi sighed, turning his head to kiss Suga’s temple. Suga smiled into his shoulder and they stayed like that for a minute, enjoying each other's company.
“Did you have another nightmare?” Suga asked.
“... Yeah.”
“Well, you’re great at what you do. Even with a couple missed deadlines, you’re too valuable to the company, so don’t you worry too much about those dreams.”
“I know, I know… It was a different kind of dream this time, though.”
“Different how?”
“It was about you.”
Suga pulled away and Daichi turned to face him.
“About me?” Suga peered up at him curiously.
“You weren’t around anymore...”
“You mean I died?” Suga asked, brows furrowed.
“No, no. It was more like… you never existed,” Daichi confessed, not meeting his eyes.
He hated these dreams. He hated how weak they made him feel. They weren’t even real and yet they had so much effect on him.
“Well damn, it must’ve been a nightmare then,” Suga said, trying to get him to laugh. “Are you okay though?”
“I’ll be fine. You’re still here after all,” Daichi said, smiling down at him.
“Daichi, I promise I won’t ever stop existing,” Suga said, wrapping his arms around Daichi’s neck to pull him into another hug.
“You’d better not,” Daichi replied.
“And what would you do if I did?”
“If you disappeared? Well I’d go find you, obviously,” he mumbled into Suga’s shoulder.
“And what if I didn’t want you to find me? What if I found someone else?”
“What, would you not want me to find you?”
Suga laughed, “No, no! You’re supposed to play along. Then I can make fun of you for saying you’d wait for me until your hair turned grey.”
Daichi smirked. “Not a chance, Koushi, I know my worth.”
“I’m hurt.”
Daichi laughed and hugged him tighter.
“But I mean, it wouldn’t be easy. Just letting you go like that. I’ve loved you for so many years now.”
Suga pulled them apart, his arms still circling Daichi’s neck. “Oh?”
“If you did manage to find someone else who would put up with you, I’d make sure you were happy with them. And after that I think I’d slowly distance myself from you.”
“Aww, and why’s that? Would you be too sad?”
Daichi smirked. “No, I wouldn’t want to tempt you.”
It was Suga’s turn to laugh now.
“You’re too cheesy, Sawamura.”
“Mhmm,” Daichi hummed, leaning forward to kiss him.
Suga sighed happily, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.
He smiled against Daichi’s lips, bumping their foreheads together as he pulled their lips apart.
“Wanna go back to bed now? I’m still sleepy.”
Daichi nodded, turning and grabbing Suga’s hand as they walked back toward their room.
Daichi got into bed first, lifting the covers so that Suga could join him. He happily took his place curled against his chest.
Daichi wrapped a strong arm around his back and pulled him in tighter, mumbling something about not letting him get away. Suga giggled and pressed a kiss into his collarbone, which Daichi returned by planting a kiss on the top of his head.
“I love you, Koushi.”
“Love you, Sawamura.”