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Bobby stared at the leather collar in his hands, tracing his fingers against the symbols etched into it. “Sorry, still not following you.” He said eventually. “Can't seem to wrap my head around it.”
Crowley sighed over-dramatically. “Dearest Robert, is your old age catching up to you? Or is your brain getting addled from all that salt you inhale?”
Bobby snorted, but didn't look up from the collar.
Crowley rolled his eyes. “Those little markings will not only trap a demon inside their meatsuit, they will also lock away all demonic powers and abilities. All the senses sharpen up, and the demon will feel everything just like a human again. You could torture me and I'd feel every broken bone, every burn mark, every little cut, just as a human would. You could even starve my meatsuit to near death and I'd feel every single hunger pang.” Crowley fluttered his eyelashes coyly. “Just think of all the possibilities.”
Bobby stayed silent, still staring at the collar and tracing his thumb against the leather.
Crowley snorted, then shook his head. “Are you still having trouble with understanding this simple concept? Or would you like me to draw you a picture?”
Bobby threw him a glare. “I understand what it does, idjit. What I can't understand is why you want me to put it on you.”
“Mostly boredom.” Crowley shrugged carelessly. “Life got quite dull since I retired. But you. Oh, you just keep surprising me. I'm rather curious what you'll do.” He sidled closer and leaned his cheek against Bobby's shoulder. “You could torture me. You could make me your slave and work me to the bone. You could tie me to the bed and ram me with your lovely cock until I pass out.”
Bobby stared at him, mouth pressed into a thin line.
Crowley smirked. “Don't you want that, Bobby dear? The wicked demon, completely helpless and at your mercy. Weak as a human, but still vulnerable to all those anti-demon substances.” His voice lowered into a sultry purr. “Just think how much damage holy oil could do if my skin doesn't heal immediately. Do you know how much holy water you need to burn straight through to my bones? Don't you want to know? A demonology scholar and researcher such as yourself shouldn't waste such an opportunity, don't you agree?”
Bobby's hands tightened on the collar.
Crowley grinned and leaned closer, whispering into Bobby's ear. “I've already set up some impressive wards. They'll keep out everyone, human and demon and hellhound alike. No one's coming to help me, no one's coming to stop you. You can take all the time you want.”
Bobby swallowed thickly and nodded. “Fine. I'll do it.”
“Excellent.” Crowley grinned, shark-like. He tipped his head back, baring his neck. “Would you like to do the honours?”
Bobby stared at him for a moment longer, then stepped forward. He wrapped the leather around Crowley's throat and snapped the lock shut with a click. Closing the lock connected the sigils into a full circle and, like a closed circuit, the collar activated with a glow and a surge of magic. Crowley made a choking sound and went rigid, his eyes bright red. A moment later, he swayed and slumped forward, eyes back to normal. Bobby caught the demon before he hit the floor and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him securely.
Crowley took a few gasping breaths, face pale. It took him a moment, but eventually he pulled himself together and stood up on shaky legs. He tried taking a step back out of Bobby's arms, but the hunter didn't release his hold. Crowley pushed weakly at his chest, then grinned wolfishly. “Can you feel how pathetic that was? I couldn't make you budge if my life depended on it.” He lowered his voice into a husky murmur. “Just think how helpless I am. How weak. Completely at your mercy.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes and tightened his hold on the demon.
*~*
“Seriously? Seriously? The first thing you want to do after you learn I'm defenceless is to teach me to shoot?” Crowley glared at the human, holding the gun in a loose grip. “Seriously?!”
Bobby gave him a deadpan look. “First of all – yes. Second of all – I'd teach you hand-to-hand combat, but the things we deal with tend to bite. Third of all – your safety's still on, genius.”
“You're being ridiculous.” Crowley hissed at him. “I'm vulnerable and can't do anything to stop you! Don't you want to tie me to a table and torture me? Punish me for the shit I put you and the bozo-brothers through? Cut me open to see what the insides of a demon look like? Cut me open just on principle?”
Bobby leaned against one of his rusting car wrecks, staring at the demon in silence. Then he shrugged. “You're essentially human for the day, right?”
Crowley snorted. “More or less, yes.”
“Then we're not doing demon stuff today.” Bobby said in a no-nonsense tone.
Crowley stared at him in disbelief. “...unbelievable.”
“You gonna keep yammering or are yah gonna shoot any time soon?”
The demon chuckled. “You just insist on surprising me, don't you?”
“Shut up. And try to hit the big black person-shape on the sign. I set it up just for you.”
“How thoughtful. Where is the safety on this thing again?”
*~*
“Why do I have to be the one mowing the lawn?”
“Because I'm washing the windows.”
“Uh-huh. And your transformation into Martha Steward of Plaid is because?”
“It's a sunny day, ain't a cloud in sight, so staying indoors is stupid. And lazing about is not my thing.”
“Well, if you're not going to torture me, you might as well let me laze about while you do all this yard work you apparently can't do without.”
“Some honest work ain't gonna kill yah, idjit.”
“Said the man whose main income is composed of scams.”
“I don't do scams. I do credit card fraud.”
“And lets not forget your legitimate business of collecting junk and letting it rust on your land.”
“But the front lawn is all nice and grassy, just for you.”
“I hate you and this was not what I was expecting when I gave you that collar.”
“Glad to disappoint.”
*~*
Crowley crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, not even caring that he was standing stark naked in the middle of the bathroom. “I see how it is. All that 'yard work' was just a clever ruse to get me sweaty.”
“Among other things.” Bobby smirked cheekily, running his palm through the shower spray to test the temperature of the water. “'Sides, it worked, didn't it? You're all nice and ripe.”
“Why, Robert. You say just the nicest things.” Crowley drawled with a fake southern accent, scratching under his armpit. “I've forgotten how itchy it was to be human.”
“You smell the part too.” Bobby grinned, then grabbed Crowley's arm and pulled him under the spray. Which was ice cold
“Bollocks!” Crowley yelped and jumped to the side, pressing himself against the wall and away from the water.
Bobby laughed loudly, leaning forward from the strength of his guffaws.
“Glad you're enjoying this.” Crowley hissed, then grabbed the nozzle and directed it at the hunter.
“Balls!” Bobby yelled as the water hit him square in the chest. He took a few quick steps back, cussing as he wiped at his chest to get the icy droplets off. No such luck as Crowley followed after him, cheerily spraying both bathroom and hunter. Who, minutes later, wrestled the demon to the floor and managed to turn the shower off.
“You're a dick.” Bobby chuckled as he got up and went to the cupboard to get them some towels.
“Mmmm, perhaps.” Crowley smirked, shivering on the floor. “I'm also not cleaning this mess up, seeing as it was your fault.”
“That's bullshit and here.” Bobby tossed him a towel. “Dry off before you caught your death in pneumonia.”
*~*
“Tadah.” Bobby grinned as he set the bowl proudly on the kitchen table.
Crowley eyed it dubiously. “Is that your 'throw everything meaty from the fridge into a pot and boil it' stew that you poison everyone with?”
Bobby sat down next to him and tossed a spoon into the bowl. “No. This is my famous meat stew. And I'm gonna poison you with it. Dig in.”
“You don't honestly expect me to eat that.” Crowley drew back the corner of his mouth derisively.
“Yeah, I do.” Bobby replied. Slowly, as if he was speaking to someone of questionable intelligence. “You said I get to chose what we're doing today, and I say we're eating some of my stew. Now that you can properly taste it, you'll be able to appreciate the finesse I put into.” He mockingly flicked his wrist with a flourish. Crowley snorted. “And I'm not opposed to spoon feeding you, so shut it and dig in.”
Crowley raised an eyebrow with a smirk. He leaned forward, propping up his head with both hands under his chin. Then the cheeky bugger opened his mouth expectantly and wiggled his eyebrows.
Bobby scowled. “If you think I won't, you got another thing coming.” He picked up the spoon and scooped up a generous amount of the stew. Next he plopped it unceremoniously into Crowley's still open mouth.
Crowley chewed slowly, frowning thoughtfully at the taste. “All right, I admit.” He said after he swallowed. “It's not half bad.”
“Uh huh.” Bobby looked less than impressed.
“Och fine, it's delicious. More, please.” He fluttered his eyelashes and opened his mouth again.
Bobby rolled his eyes and fed him another spoonful, this time stuffing a piece of bread in alongside it. “Try not to choke.” he said gruffly. Crowley just waggled his eyebrows with a grin, chewing enthusiastically.
*~*
“It's all becoming clear now.” Crowley said, hands folded across his chest. “It's been your cunning plan all along. First tire me out with physical labour, then ply me with good food. Dastardly plan, luv. I never saw it coming.”
Bobby snorted and wrapped one arm around the demon's shoulders, pulling him close to his chest. “It's just a nap, you drama queen.” He pulled the blanket over them both. “Just close your eyes and dream of something vile you like.”
“Mmm.” Crowley murmured dreamily. “Craig.”
“That better be about that swill you drink.” Bobby mock-growled, settling against his pillow with a contented sigh.
“You insult me, sir.” Crowley snuggled closer to the warm human, and his eyes drifted shut. “I should demand recompense.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Bobby reached down and patted his behind. “I'll blow you when you wake up.”
“I'll hold you to that.” Crowley teased and gave a deep, happy sigh. This has been a nice day.