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ROXY: u are all probably hells of wonderin why I gathered u all here today…
DAVE: i am literally the only person here
DAVE: but okay I guess
DAVE: my b jade is right there
DAVE: then again shes twenty five nautical feet away and not even paying attention to us
DAVE: just reading a magical science book about shiitake
DAVE: seriously tho glad to have you back dogg
DAVE: actually whatever happened there
DAVE: do we know what happened there
ROXY: dave
DAVE: do we WANT to know what happened there
ROXY: dave.
DAVE: I mean I get it you get possessed by the embodiment of space and then you threaten to eat some chocolate/peanut butter combo and now youre back in control
ROXY: DAVE!!
DAVE: that’s me
ROXY: okay look I called u here to discuss some very important matters
DAVE: so you didn’t call for everyone and just went for me
DAVE: im hurt truly
DAVE: could have saved that situation by pretending to be talking to everyone and sideline some dave specific comments
DAVE: cue moment where I glance at jade eyebrows raised wondering is he talking bout me in a worried whisper
DAVE: speaking of which jade really isn’t coming over huh
DAVE: not even going to be our doggy mediator
DAVE: okay fine im a big enough man whose gone through a lot I can handle this on my own
DAVE: thanks for the thumbs up jade
DAVE: you stay there and get comfy I know jakes shitty furniture pile is the most comfortable seat in the house
ROXY: dave my guy
ROXY: gotta stay on task
DAVE: roxy my guy
DAVE: i love and respect you so much but you got to realize the absurdity of those last (one-two-three) four words you just said to me
ROXY: okay thats on me lol
ROXY: look before you do ur cute little raps we need to talk about uh
ROXY: ship etiquette
DAVE: what is this
DAVE: “A very special demi-bi-monthly update”?
DAVE: weve been on this ship powered by jakes former sense of ego for ages and only now you wanna talk some TOS
DAVE: id just like to say if anything you and i need to have a talk about YOUR ship etiquette
DAVE: example calling meetings for “everyone” when theyre really just “lets call dave out” meetings
ROXY: look i didnt MEAN to say it like that
ROXY: i just always wanted to start a meetin with “u are all probably hells of wonderin why I gathered u all here today” as a little tension breaker
DAVE: okay fair consider the tension broken
DAVE: anymore tropes you want to bring up
DAVE: ill pull up the tv tropes^2 webpage right now
ROXY: its a little trope called “dave and karkat settle down on the pda”
DAVE: which movie is that from
ROXY: im being serious!!
ROXY: sort of
ROXY: okay honestly I have something more pressin to say but this is mainly for my own sanity
ROXY: i just wanna do stuff like my laundry without potensh walkin in on wo of my bffs going whole assed ham on top of some socks
ROXY: every
ROXY: single
ROXY: time
DAVE: idk what youre talking about
DAVE: youre usually so supportive
DAVE: i cant believe it my own flesh and blood
DAVE: my own brother/father
DAVE: homophobic!
DAVE: well hmm actually…
ROXY: ur stalling
ROXY: we can get back to dirk later on
ROXY: but im being fr here
ROXY: im not actually mad or anything but still i have my own feelings too u know
DAVE:
ROXY:
DAVE: okay now usually i would deflect your statement and go on a tangent
DAVE: but i truly have been doing some thinking ever since i talked to karkat about stuff
DAVE: which you ironically are complaining about
DAVE: eitherway it led me to come to a lot of conclusions
DAVE: so im willing to entertain the notion that i may be in the wrong here with multiple things
ROXY: wait rlly
DAVE: yeah sure
DAVE: me with karkat are important to me too obviously
DAVE: so I can rein it in for my brother/father over here
DAVE: just uh let me know if I falter a bit
ROXY: yeah will do thank you so much
DAVE: man im like
DAVE: a saint over here
DAVE: a saint for a god of rhyme and time
DAVE: that’s me im the god of rhyme and time
DAVE: though its not like im using the time stuff anymore
DAVE: not since…
DAVE: The Noodle Incident
DAVE: see thats me using a trope
ROXY: okay before u go on
ROXY: were making good progress here
ROXY: and like i said there is another actual thing I wanted 2 discuss
ROXY: bout u know who
DAVE: Voldemort
ROXY: ur deflectin again
DAVE: you havent mentioned wizards once this conversation so im going to have to assume its he who shall not be named.
ROXY: srsly dave
DAVE: sorry
ROXY: its about
ROXY: you know
ROXY: dirk
DAVE:
DAVE: okay shoot
ROXY: what are we going to do
DAVE: were gonna catch up with him that’s what were doing
ROXY: not what i meant
ROXY: when we do catch up what are we going to do with him
DAVE: maybe
DAVE: we will see what the occasion calls for
DAVE: and we will see if we can rise to it
ROXY: what do u mean
DAVE: ok so theres this flower
ROXY: i know about the flower story already
DAVE: so you get it right
DAVE: the story is what you make it
DAVE: so in this case maybe we are assigning this cosmic importance to things that don’t need metatextual meaning
ROXY: well I mean I rly don’t think that’s the point of the story tbh
ROXY: its not that deep its just a nice little story
DAVE: okay then what about this journey then
DAVE: do you think dirk’s right about this
DAVE: are we just a story that needs a villain to chase
DAVE: are we heroes rescuing a damsel in distress
DAVE: or are just people doing things that feel right at the time
ROXY: idk if hes 100 percent right this is dirk were talkin about here
ROXY: but to be fair our lives have just been a series of arcs
ROXY: and rn we r basically chasing a villain trying to save a damsel
ROXY: idc whose right or not I just want everyone to sort it out
ROXY: hunky dory
DAVE: but thats not what youre asking
ROXY: shit guess im deflectin now
ROXY: what I wanna know is
ROXY: do u think u can kill him
ROXY: if it comes to it
DAVE:
DAVE: look i dont really want to kill anyone
DAVE: when we played the game we killed a fuck ton of video game like construct monsters
DAVE: but other people? damn
DAVE: I mean I avoided doing that shit mainly because I saw too many dead mes to know it really aint my thing
DAVE: yeah I technically killed dirk that one time
DAVE: the whole decapitation thing
DAVE: it lead to some really funny memes afterwards
DAVE: but honestly at the moment it made me feel sick to hurt him like that
DAVE: he probably would have attributed some sort of tropey reason for why it was a good thing I “killed” him like
DAVE: “it was a good death because we defeated the villain”
DAVE: but take it from me brodad
DAVE: there really isn’t such thing as a good death
ROXY: wow
ROXY: dave i-
KARKAT: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ROXY: sorry wtf was that