Work Text:
“What do you mean you’ve never gone to the Christmas Market?” Wilbur asked, shocked.
Tommy took a deep breath through his nose in order to keep the tears at bay. “I dunno, Big Man, I just haven’t ever gone, I've never wanted to. I don’t really want to go tonight either, actually. So maybe I’ll stay home.”
“Nonsense, Toms! Dad, Techno, and I have been counting down the days until our first Christmas with you. We aren’t going to let you stay home tonight, not all alone.”
Rubbing a hand down his face, Tommy sighed in resignation. “Fine, fine. Just get out of my room so I can get ready.
Wilbur laughed as Tommy made a shooing motion with his hands, effectively kicking the older boy out. Tommy chuckled along, at least, until he had the door locked. After Wilbur’s footsteps echoed down the hall, and Tommy knew he was alone, the chuckling stopped and was replaced with tears.
He wasn’t crying though, no, that wasn’t something a grown man like TommyInnit would do.
He was just…
He was crying.
Tommy had lied to Wilbur about the Christmas Market. He had gone many times, each holiday season he would bundle up along with his parents, and they would spend the evening out at the market. Tommy’s favorite part was when they’d split up, each secretly looking for the perfect gift for each other.
But none of that would ever happen again because just three months ago, Tommy’s parents had died. They were dead and gone forever and as Christmas inched closer, the 16 year old boy realized more and more that they were never coming back. He would never spend another Christmas with them.
What was the point of the market if he didn’t have his parents?
He didn’t want to upset anyone though, so he shrugged on a coat and laced up his boots, following his brothers and Philza out to the car. It didn’t feel quite right to call Phil his dad, it made Tommy feel guilty for forgetting his real father. So he never called the man “dad” and Phil never brought it up, somehow seeming to sense Tommy’s emotions.
“Did you remember your wallets, boys?” Phil asked as he turned the car on.
There was a chorus of “yup!” and “yes!” and then they were off. Tommy had to look out the window a couple of times so nobody would see the stray tears drip down his cheeks.
He wasn’t crying. He was just in pain.
“Hey, Tommy?” Wilbur’s voice jolted Tommy out of his thoughts, despite the quiet volume Wilbur had whispered.
“Yeah, Wil?” He whispered back.
“Are you doing alright?”
“Yup! No need to worry about me. Why do you ask?” Crap Tommy thought now everyone’s going to be annoying about this. I’m fine alright
“I was just making sure, you know, because this is the first Christmas without your parents. It was really hard for me too at first, in fact, it still is sometimes. So I wanted to remind you that I’m here for you if you need it.”
“I’m fine, but thank you for asking. I don’t really want to talk about it right now, if that’s okay.” Tommy could tell that he was being rude, but he didn’t care, so he turned back to looking out of the window.
He really wished he could have stayed home.
Tommy stuck next to Techno for most of the night, Techno didn’t ask questions about his mood and didn’t try to get Tommy to talk. So for right now, the pink haired man was the safest bet.
The night went well, all things considering. Tommy didn’t see anyone he recognized, and managed to keep most of his money, despite Wilbur’s swindling. The family had dinner at one of the shops, and Tommy almost found himself feeling happy. The lights and soft Christmas music managed to make him feel lighter, less burdened by the weight of his parents’ death.
But then Phil spoke up.
“Alright, guys, you all have your phones right?” After waiting to receive confirmation from each of the boys, he continued. “It’s time to split up then! Remember, the goal is to find the best gift for under 10 bucks. We’ll meet back in about an hour, okay?”
Philza grinned at each of them before remembering something and clapping his hands. “Oh, and boys? Please don’t buy prank gifts. Especially ones that will harm anyone.”
Techno opened his mouth, but was cut off by Phil.
“Physically, or mentally. Techno. If you make Wil cry again you won’t be able to participate next year.
Tommy would have laughed at the added comment, and the faces of his family. But he couldn’t bring himself to. His mind was racing as he thought of all the many years prior where he would be ecstatic for this, would race off with a wad of money in his hands and would return with a bag of gifts. His nose would be red and his eyes would be twinkling.
But not this year.
This year he ran off for a different reason. This year his money was tucked safely in his back pocket, and his nose was red for a totally different reason. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, blurring his vision as he ran past stalls and shops with brightly light Christmas decorations. He couldn’t do this.
He needed to breathe but he couldn’t. The frigid air wouldn’t reach his lungs no matter how hard he tried to heave in a breath. His vision faded and clouded as he choked and gasped. Eventually tucking himself away behind a small shop. There weren’t any twinkling lights there, and the noise from the crowds of people was a little less loud.
He still couldn’t breathe though, so that was bad.
He felt so lost, and so alone. He felt so empty. His head throbbed as he tried to regain control of his spasming lungs. He wasn’t sure if he was having and asthma attack or a panic attack, but frankly, neither of those were very good.
But then Wilbur Soot was there. Sitting next to Tommy on the dirty ground. Wilbur’s soothing voice speaking softly into the panicked boy’s ear.
“It’s alright, Tommy, I’m here, okay? It’s just you and I. Come on, Toms, you have to breathe. In and out, that’s it!”
“I can’t- Wil! Help I- The first year- They’re dead!” Tommy couldn’t get a full sentence out as he choked on his sobs. “Wilbur they’re gone. I can’t- I can’t do this.”
Wilbur hushed the boy, gently pulling his little brother's arms above his head, “Keep them there, okay? It’ll help you breathe.”
Tommy nodded silently, hiccuping and gasping, but keeping his shaking hands rested on his head.
Wilbur coached him through a couple of good, deep, breaths. Helping Tommy eventually feel a little better.
The young teenager let his arms drop to his side, and quickly went limp into Wilbur’s open hug.
“There you go. That’s a little better now isn’t it?” Wilbur whispered, rubbing his hands along Tommy’s spine.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“I didn’t mean to freak out, Wilbur. I promise. I know it’s annoying. I just, I used to come every single year with my mom and dad but now they’re gone. And so I didn’t want to come, but you wanted me to and I didn’t want to let you down and so I came but then Phil wanted to buy and exchange gifts and that’s what- Wilbur that’s what I used to do with my parents but now I can’t. I can’t, Wil”
“Tommy, you should have told me earlier! You aren't annoying and you don’t need to hide away your emotions like this. I’m here for you, so is Dad, and believe it or not, Techno. I know Tech isn’t the best with emotions, but he still loves you. We all do. If this isn’t something you want to do, then we can go back to the meetup spot and have some hot chocolate instead. You don’t need to suffer alone.”
Sniffling again, Tommy wiped his nose. “Thanks, Wil. You’re the best.”
Wilbur was careful to hide the way his face lit up at the complement from the younger brother.
As they walked back to get hot chocolate, both brothers were thinking about the other. Boy were they lucky to have each other this Christmas season.