Chapter Text
It's a beautiful day, sky clear and blue, sun shining bright and making all the colors of the world more vibrant. Usually, Midoriya Izuku would enjoy the nice weather, but as he makes his way home from school today, he sees none of it. He's trapped in his own mind, dark words echoing through it.
You want to be a hero that bad?
His head is hanging low, and he clenches his burned, dump notebook closer to his chest as he walks.
There's a fast way to do it
He quickens his steps, almost running, feets hitting the sidewalk in an erratic rhythm. Why can't his mind just turn off? He heard the words once and it was enough, he doesn't need them ringing in his ears.
Pray you’ll have a quirk in your next life
His breathing is heavy, rugged. He wants to be home, but he's only halfway there and he's already taking all the shortcuts he knows. His vision becomes blurry. He knows he's on the verge of a big breakdown.
And take a last chance swan dive off the roof
Izuku starts running, desperate to get home to his safety. But he can't outrun his own head. The cruel words keep echoing in his mind in the awful tone Kacchan’s voice took. And, the problem is- the problem is a part of mind whispers that Kacchan is right.
Take a last chance swan dive off the roof
Why not, actually? What is he living for? Izuku is a useless person, he’d known that for years already. Everybody except his mom tells him that all the time, and they’re right. He's good for nothing, a waste of space. Deku.
He fights so hard every minute he's awake just to be equal, but it's an impossible battle. In this world of wonderful abilities, he has none. Nothing is going to change that.
All he ever wanted is to be a hero, and he can't. He has no place in this society, let alone in the hero world. How could he be so foolish and dare think otherwise?
He's been holding on to straws of hope, but Kacchan blew them all away.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He runs all the rest of the way home, getting to the apartment out of breath and gasping through the first tears he couldn't hold back. He fumbles with the key, barely managing to open the door, and sigh in relief once he's inside.
Here, alone in his home, he can finally break down. He drops to the floor in the entrance, letting his bag fall from his shoulders and doesn't bother with his shoes.
It wasn't even the first time someone told him he’ll be better off dead. But it never was quite like that, a suggestion with a course of action as a way to achieve his dream. And it was Kacchan who said it. The amazing, strong Kacchan who could become a great hero one day.
Would it really hurt his chances if izuku took his advice? Probably not. Nobody cared about him, ever. His mom was the only exception, but she would be better without him, wouldn't she? Able to live her life freely, without the burden of his existence.
He had nothing. He was nothing.
Izuku has been ignoring the little dark whispering voices in his head for so long, but he can't do it anymore. He's too weak to keep going.
He should listen to Kacchan. Save everyone the trouble of dealing with him.
A strange sense of calm washes over him. Yes. For once in his life, he would do something right.
He leaves the apartment in a haze and climbs to the roof of the building. For the first time in years, he doesn't feel nervous.
The axces door to the roof is thankfully unlocked. A sudden wind sweeps over, and izuku shivers for a moment. Then, he crosses to the ledge. The street below is empty and farther away than he thought, and hesitation starts to creep into his hollow chest. He could- he could turn around and go back inside, back to his life.
Only… He doesn't really want to. The roof feels like part of a different reality, calm and quiet. He doesn't want to leave it and return to the mocking laughs of his classmates, the pop-boom-pain of Kacchan’s quirk, his mother’s whispered sorrys.
The world he lives in is unfair, and all Izuku ever wanted is to help it become a little bit of a better place. It's not something he can do, and he feels the pain of that knowledge with every breath he takes.
Kacchan’s voice echoes in his ears again.
You want to be a hero that bad? Take a swan dive of the roof
He looks down again. The drop is high and scary, but the end is promising him the peace he longs for.
He stands on the edge, then turns around and looks up to the very blue sky. It's a pretty sight for the last thing he sees, and it warms his aching heart like a candle flame - small, but there.
Let me have a Quirk in my next life , he prays, hoping that there is a Kami who listens.
Midoriya Izuku leans backwards, and lets himself fall.
For a moment, he feels weightless.
Then, there's a rushing wind.
His blood is roaring in his ears.
There isn't a thump.
He feels light.
There is no pain.
Izuku opens his eyes to see the blue sky above him.
He's lying on the pavement in the small street behind his house.
He's… alive? He's not supposed to be. Did he fail to do this simple thing, too?
He tries to take a big, calming breath and fails. Tries again, and still can't. Why can't he breath?
And, he doesn't feel dizzy or like he's going to pass out from the lack of oxygen. He feels normal, or even better than that. He feels like something wrong just turned right.
Is he alive, or this is how you feel when you're dead?
Izuku tries to sit up, and does it successfully without any problem. Then, he braces himself and takes a look at his body. What he sees makes him release a yelp of surprise.
He's… Semi-transparent, and kind of white. His black school uniform, which he's still wearing, lost all its color. He can see the uneven patchwork of the sidewalk beneath himself. It's a very weird experience.
He looks around. The plants that nobody takes care of and still somehow survive are green. There is a pile of broken furniture someone threw not far away from him. The apartment building is looming behind him, dirty brown. Nothing changed in his surroundings, so this can't be the afterlife. He doesn't think he's dead, but something definitely happened to him.
What should he do now?
He went to the roof with intentions to end it all, and that clearly didn't work. But something happened, something changed. It would have been better if he died, but he has something to do now, a riddle to solve. For now, it's enough to hang onto life for a little bit longer.
Okay. Now that he decided death could wait, he needs to understand what is going on. And for that, he needs one of his notebooks. There is no way he can do this without writing down his thoughts. So, that means returning home.
Izuku stands, shoving the mixed feelings that babbles up his throat back down. He needs to focus. His emotions will have to wait.
He goes around the building to the entrance, and gets there just as one of the eldery and more friendly of his neighbors steps through the door. She doesn’t stop to say hello to him, and he needs to scramble out of her way so they won't bump into each other. He swallows the immediate hurt at the disregard, instead centering on how weird it was. Ms. Tanaka always at least waves to him, but this time she paid him no attention. It's almost like she didn't even notice him…
Wait. He was right in front of her and she didn't notice him. Was she unable to see him? He can still see himself, but maybe he became invisible to other people? He needs a notebook, right about now.
Izuku goes through the still open door and into the building, racing up the stairs. His head is hamming with dozens of thoughts that he needs to organize on paper. He bursts through the apartment door, running to his room, and skids to a stop in the middle of the halway.
In his haste to get in, he didn't stop to open the door. He just bursted through it like it isn't made of solid metal.
Okay. Okay. Deep breath- oh, he can't. Right. Okay. Notebook, then panicking about what the hell is going on.
He continues the way to his room at a slower pace. Thankfully, he left his door open, so he enters the room like everything is normal. Being in his room has an immediate calming effect that almost makes him cry from sheer relief. He loves his room. It's his safe haven, with All Might and his big smile all around reminding him that everything is going to be alright because I am here .
Shame claws in his stomach. How could Izuku be so stupid and think death was the solution to his problems? All Might never gives up, and death means you lost. Even if Izuku is weak, he still needs to keep trying. Choosing death is the most shameful way to lose.
He will not make this mistake again. He will keep going no matter how hard life becomes, he will do his best to be strong, to keep smiling. Just like All Might does.
He just needs to remember this every time Kacchan’s words come up in his- no. He's not doing it again. He has something else to focus on.
So, where does he have an empty notebook? Not on his desk, he keeps it clear so he’ll have space to have a couple of open notebooks on it at the same time. Maybe in one of the drawers… He reaches to the handle to pull the first drawer out, and his hand goes through it. His grubbing motion resulted in nothing but his hand hanging, fingers curled around air.
In hindsight, he probably should have expected this. After all, he went through the apartment door, so why would he be able to interact with other solid objects?
Though, it doesn't make him feel better. This is not good. He really needs a notebook, there's too many thoughts in his head, he's going crazy.
One more try before panic is allowed, Izuku tells himself, reaching out to the drawer very, very slowly. Cautiously, he closes his fingers around the handle. He can almost feel it beneath his hand, and brings all his focus to the vogue solid sense. He catches the handle, and pulls .
The drawer slides open. Inside it there are Izuku’s blank notebooks.
Weak from the sheer relief of successfully opening the drawer and finding a new notebook to write in, he collapses on the floor. Then, a realization hits him, and he really should have thought about it before. If he has a problem touching physical objects, how is he supposed to hold a pen and write?
Izuku has a really strong urge to bang his head on the floor. The only thing that prevents him from doing so is the fear from the possibility of his head going through it.
But, wait a moment. He had managed to open the drawer. He can touch things. It took insane amounts of concentration for such a simple action, but it is possible.
With renewed motivation, Izuku gets up from the floor. Slowly and deliberately, he goes to pick out the first notebook in the pile. He succeeds on the first try, and can't stop the cheer that escapes him. After he calms down enough to concentrate again, he picks up a pencil from his desk and opts to sprawl on the floor instead of trying to sit in the chair. Then, finally , he can start to organize his thoughts.
Writing is ridiculously hard for something he was able to do easy as breathing only hours before, but, well. He can't breath now either.
Izuku does his best to write only the bare minimum of information so he won't stretch his ability to focus too much. Also, his handwriting suffers greatly from the pencil nearly falling from his grip a dozen times while filling only one page with words.
In the end, he has the bare bones of his thoughts on paper after a few very tiring minutes. He gazes at the open notebook, doubtful. When it's all there together, there is really only one possible explanation. Something that was still a myth even in the area of quirks, but… His incorporeal body, how Ms. Tanaka was not able to see him, his inability to breath… All of these things happened after he jumped off the roof and was supposed to be dead or gravely injured.
It should have been impossible, but there was really only one way to explain this situation.
Midoriya Izuku became a ghost.