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Yuta knew it didn’t matter. Yuta knew that the internet was full of trolls. Yuta knew that the only people that mattered were the ones who loved and supported him. Yuta knew all this, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.
All idols searched their names on Twitter, most of the time they didn’t see much of the bad side, their fans love was overwhelming and of course they knew all of them got hate, but Yuta had tunnel vision.
His bad day didn’t start as a bad day, he was taking a break from practicing, the new NCT U units were going well, Yuta loved interacting with members he hadn’t worked with before or barely ever got to spend time with.
Yuta was sat down with Hendery, the latter on his phone, laughing at YangYang’s memes in the group-chat. His own phone buzzed and Jaehyun had text with a frowny face, typical of his lover when he wanted attention.
“What’s up, baby?” Yuta spoke into his phone, Jaehyun had answered immediately, making him laugh.
“I just wanted to say I missed you.” Jaehyun whined softly, he knew he was with some of the younger members today and didn’t want to get teased yet again for being ‘needy’.
“You could always come over to the practice rooms? Maybe bring me some food?” Yuta spoke sickeningly sweet, Jaehyun actually gagged a little. “Don’t gag baby I can’t dance with a boner.” Jaehyun laughed heartily and told Yuta to shut up.
“I’ll come over in an hour, can you wait that long for food?”
Yuta smiled, his sweetness worked perfectly.
Exactly an hour later, Jaehyun pushed his forehead against the window of the door and smiled brightly when he locked eyes with his lover, who was covered in sweat and out of breath.
Jaehyun entered and skipped over to the sofa Yuta was sat on, he plopped himself down on Yuta’s lap and chatted away about how Shotaro was speaking to him in Japanese.
“He thinks I know everything because of you.” Jaehyun beamed, he’d really been making an effort with Shotaro despite his busy schedule and it made Yuta feel stupidly warm inside.
“We’ve been together so long I expect you to at least hold a conversation with our son, Yuno.” Yuta rolled his eyes and took the bottle of juice from Jaehyun’s hand, to which Jaehyun proceeded to scoot off of Yuta and take snacks out of his dungaree pocket, the one he called a ‘pouch’.
“I hid the snacks in here so the others wouldn’t see them.” Jaehyun giggled and got some sushi out of the plastic bag he’d been carrying.
“I like the way you think, Jaehyun-ie.” Yuta dropped a kiss on his dimpled cheek and separated the chopsticks Jaehyun held out to him.
Jaehyun was complaining about how Mark kept trying to touch his arms after he’d had a workout that morning, fascinated but Jaehyun swatted him away, as always. Yuta listened contently, Jaehyun’s sweet voice and loud laugh made his good day even better. Sure, practicing was tiring but after promoting a ballad, the energetic choreography from a dance track was welcomed.
“Hey, Jae can I talk to you real quick?” Johnny’s loud voice shouted over from the other side of the practice room where he sat with Ten, both of them looking slightly somber.
Yuta and Jaehyun both looked from Johnny, back to each other, frowned a little and looked back at Johnny. The younger shrugged and headed over, he crouched in front of them, Yuta thinking Jaehyun’s butt looked super cute from that angle. He saw Jaehyun take Johnny’s phone and scroll for a few moments, before giving it back and standing. He walked back towards Yuta, his hand scratching the back of his neck with a worried look on his plump face.
“Jaehyun-ie?” Yuta spoke with caution, wanting to know what had the younger distressed but not wanting to pressure him.
Jaehyun sat down with a big sigh, clearly not wanting to tell Yuta what he’d just found out.
“What is it? Are you okay, baby?” Yuta asked, he took one of Jaehyun’s hands in his own and laced their fingers together, Jaehyun squeezed slightly and looked into Yuta’s worried eyes.
“I want you to stay offline today, okay? Don’t go scrolling through twitter, it’s... bad today.” Jaehyun spoke a little too softly for Yuta’s liking.
“So it’s happening again?” Yuta asked, his voice cold.
“I’m so sorry, love. These people are assholes. They don’t deserve you.” Jaehyun shifted closer to Yuta in order to pull the elder into an embrace. “You’re beautiful, I love you. We all love you.” Jaehyun’s voice muffled as he pressed his face against Yuta’s hair.
At that moment, one of their managers came back into the room to announce their break was over, signalling that Jaehyun should leave, but the younger didn’t stand. He looked deep into Yuta’s eyes, making the latter tense his jaw in order to not cry. They let go of each others hands and Yuta gathered in front of the mirrors with the rest of the members.
Jaehyun stayed for the rest of practice, he dipped out a few times to talk to their managers and Taeyong who had come to see how Yuta was.
Yuta felt sick the whole time, he knew the kind of things they’d be saying, it was always the same. It was his appearance, it was his vocals, it was his relationships with other members, it was him not deserving to be an idol.
Jaehyun watched Yuta practice, his eyes solely focused on his boyfriend, his heart ached for him. Jaehyun wanted to do nothing more than protect Yuta from the hate, from the lies people insisted on spouting about him.
When practice ended for the night, the majority wanted to go out to eat, but obviously Yuta was not in the mood.
Yuta looked at Jaehyun with stinging eyes when he grabbed his bag and headed towards him. Jaehyun took his hand and lead him out of the practice room, both saying nothing, because Yuta was hurting and Jaehyun knew words wouldn’t help.
The moment they got home, Yuta ditched his stuff and headed to the bathroom. He didn’t bother locking the door, knowing Jaehyun would come in anyway and he’d just knock relentlessly if he did lock it.
Yuta ran the shower till steam filled the bathroom, his reflection in the mirrors not visible anymore. Jaehyun sat on the floor, watching Yuta shake his hair out and strip of his sweaty clothes.
Yuta let out a huge sigh before stepping into the shower, his toned back facing Jaehyun, who stayed silent and just watched as Yuta washed the day away, until he saw his shoulders rise and fall too quickly, as he sank to the floor.
The cries were muffled as Jaehyun stripped down to his boxers and stepped in to the steam, trying not to hiss as the boiling water hit his skin.
“Baby, baby, baby.” Jaehyun wrapped his arms around Yuta, whose knees were up and his head in his hands.
Jaehyun’s heart was in his stomach listening to his loves cries, he pulled Yuta into him further, so they were chest to chest under the waterfall of the shower. Yuta let his head fall into the crook of Jaehyun’s neck as the younger’s large hands kept him secure.
“You’re incredible, my love.” Jaehyun said so softly, earning another sob from Yuta. “You are everything. To this group, to our fans, to me.”
Yuta let out a strained cry, throwing his head back against the glass and squeezing his eyes shut.
“Why do I feel so worthless, Jae?” Yuta opened his tired eyes and made eye contact with Jaehyun, his lip quivering and his chest contracting, trying not to cry although he knew it was pointless.
“My love, you are worth so much more than you realise.” Jaehyun grabbed Yuta’s hands and brought them to his face, pressing kisses on his knuckles before holding onto them.
“You’ve achieved so much. You’ve been through so much. You’re here because you work so so hard. You deserve everything and more. I would give you the entire world if I could, because I know you deserve the best.” Jaehyun spoke with such sincerity, if it wasn’t through his words, it was through his eyes. Even though the water from the shower was beating down on his hair, making his fringe cover most of his eyes, Yuta still knew he meant it.
Yuta nodded, although he couldn’t believe it right now, he knew Jaehyun did. Jaehyun stood up after Yuta nodded, he turned off the faucet and walked out of the shower, grabbing a large fluffy towel from the rack and made grabby hands at Yuta, his brows still furrowed but his chest calmer.
He made his way over to Jaehyun and allowed himself to be enveloped in the towel, he rested his head against Jaehyun’s chest while the latter rubbed him down to dry off, then moving to wrap the towel around Yuta’s slight hips. Jaehyun lifted Yuta’s head up with both hands, he kissed Yuta’s plump red lips so softly even earning a little pressure back.
Jaehyun slipped a towel round his own hips as he discarded the boxers he’d worn into the shower, he threw them on the pile on top of Yuta’s dirtied clothes and ushered the elder out of the bathroom and took him into his own room.
Luckily, Taeil wasn’t there so the two were alone without having to kick the eldest out of his own room for some privacy. Yuta shuffled over to his bed and lay down, his wet hair staining the pillows as he stared blankly at the door.
Jaehyun knew he had to make Yuta as comfortable as possible this evening, he worked so hard today and then his energy was drained even further from the antis on Twitter. Jaehyun slipped out of the room, not wanting to leave but knowing he had to bring Yuta something.
The others were lounging around in the living room, Jungwoo and Taeil bickering over what to eat for dinner, Mark looked up from his spot on the couch and gave Jaehyun a sad smile. Jaehyun didn’t bother talking to anybody, he made a bee-line to the kitchen, fixing Yuta some tea.
Back in the bedroom, Yuta had turned over to face the wall, his wet locks forming droplets down his bare back. Jaehyun saw him shiver slightly, he softly shut the door and made his way over to the bed.
“I brought tea.” Jaehyun sat down, rubbing his warm hand up and down Yuta’s arm. The elder turned around and looked up, his tired eyes looked like they’d been crying again. “Sit up for me.”
Yuta sat up and ran his hand through his wet hair, frowning at the texture. He took the mug that was handed to him and let it warm his lap while Jaehyun stood, picking up another towel from the side, checking if it was clean before wiping down Yuta’s back and ruffling his hair to dry it slightly.
Heading to Yuta’s closet, Jaehyun rummaged around for a hoodie, his eyes spotted a familiar colour that he’d never seen Yuta wear, he smiled slightly at the sight of his own hoodie being at the back of the closet, something that rarely ever happened.
Jaehyun took the tea from Yuta’s hands for a moment, setting it on the windowsill before unfolding the hoodie. “Arms up for me baby.” Yuta complied, letting Jaehyun place the soft pink hoodie over him and handing back the warm mug that was now cool enough to drink.
Sipping at the tea, Yuta let out a sad sigh before turning to look at his boyfriend who was now looking for a pair of clean sweatpants. Not finding any, he headed to his own room and got a pair for each of them, slipping on his own before heading back in.
After getting Yuta changed into cosy clothing, his hands around a warm mug of citrus tea and nestled into the corner of his bed, pillows and (Jaehyun’s) plushies surrounding him, Jaehyun finally stopped for a moment.
“I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my first impression of you.” Jaehyun said, a little laugh being held back, Yuta’s eyes widened with a pout on his lips. “Not the love at first sight one, you know that story.” Yuta rolled his eyes but let him continue.
“The first time we properly met, it was in a hallway and you looked so nervous I could’ve kissed you.” Jaehyun smiled fondly at the memory. “The staff introduced us and your voice was so small. You had the softest tone, and your eyes were so wide and beautiful and full of life.” Yuta tilted his head, lip quivering the slightest bit. Jaehyun saw and kissed him quickly before returning to the story.
“Even though I was only 15 and had literally no experience with boys I literally knew then and there that you were gonna be in my life whether you wanted to be in it or not.” Yuta smiled at this. “You had everything in your eyes. How is it, that even before having a conversation with you, that I knew your heart was so big from just those eyes?” Jaehyun sighed happily, taking Yuta’s hand in his.
“Then we were rookies together, and any time i spent around you I was so scared you’d find me annoying.” He looked at Yuta who raised an eyebrow. “I know you did anyway but that’s besides the point.”
“What are you getting at, Jae?” Yuta spoke softly, rubbing at his eyes. Jaehyun smiled, bringing Yuta out of the corner and onto his chest.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, you have so much love to give. You are so pure. I love loving you, you are all that’s good in this world, my love.” Jaehyun sighed happily. Letting the words he spoke sink in.
They sat for a few moments, Yuta began to cry again. Jaehyun pulled him in closer and let him cry on his bare chest. Mumbling sweet words, reassuring him that he will be okay.
“I’ll be here for you, through absolutely everything.” Yuta nodded, nestling in even closer than Jaehyun thought was possible. “Nothing matters, as long as you keep going. Keep showing them how bright your light is.”
Yuta huffed loudly, giving Jaehyun a squeeze of affection.
“Thank you.” He mumbled, his lips touching Jaehyun’s chest, the hair tickling his nose a little.
“You never need to thank me for telling you the truth. I know it’s hard, we’ll get through it together. We get through everything together. Like we always have.” Jaehyun stroked Yuta’s hair and pulled up his sleepy face to kiss him. “I love you.”
“I love you. So much.”
“I’m gonna tuck you in. Today’s been a long day and you need your rest.” Jaehyun started to move Yuta from his chest, letting him lay down on the pillows and bringing the covers up to his soft face. He swept a little piece of hair out of his face to kiss his forehead, making Yuta pucker his lips for a kiss there too.
“Tomorrow can always be brighter, as long as you keep shining, love.”