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“What’s wrong with him?” Lily whispers, a worried look on her face as she looks over to Sirius, who is lying on his bed, his face buried in his hands.
“Don’t even get me started.” James rolls his eyes. “He’s been like this all morning.”
“Is he okay?”
“No, I’m not!” Sirius groans. “Remus has been avoiding me for weeks!”
Lily raises an eyebrow, not understanding, because only yesterday the four of them had spent the whole day together. Everything had seemed to be just fine between Sirius and Remus, and she hadn’t noticed Remus avoiding Sirius at all.
“You wouldn’t understand,” Sirius sighs dramatically, and Lily struggles to hold back a chuckle.
“See what I have to put up with?” James rolls his eyes again. “Seriously. It’s getting pathetic, Pads.”
“I love him!”
“Then fucking tell him. Don’t lie here, acting like you’re…”
Sirius pushes himself up into his elbows, and he looks at him with sad eyes, but it only makes his friend laugh at him.
“It’s not funny! I love him, and he’ll never love me back. Do you have any idea how much that hurts!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” James spits out. “I am not going to put up with this for God knows how much longer. Go talk to him.”
“And tell him what?” Sirius asks, as he lets himself fall back onto his bed. “How could someone like him ever love someone like me? God, I hate Christmas. It’s the worst time of the year!”
“I swear I’ll kill him if he doesn’t stop this soon,” James grumbles, but when Lily snuggles into his side, his face grows softer.
“He’s in love.” Lily shrugs, a small amused smile on her face. “It’s sweet.”
“I’m in love too, but you don’t see me acting like that.”
Sirius groans dramatically, but when James picks up a pillow, before throwing it at him, he sits up, an insulted look on his face.
“You think this love sick puppy act is going to make Remus fall in love with you?”
“He’ll never love me…”
“You’re pathetic, Pads,” James laughs, and Sirius gets a sheepish grin on his face, fully aware that he is being far more dramatic than needs be. “Just ask him out already.”
“I can’t…”
“Well, then I guess you’ll just have to stay here and cry yourself to sleep.” James shrugs, a daring grin on his face. “Good luck with that. Come on, Lily, let’s go.”
“Wait, you can’t just leave me here!” Sirius cries out, but his friends walk off, laughing.
He sighs, knowing that he is making this much bigger than it is, but he can’t help himself. He has been in love with Remus for years, and he figured by now they would be together. But over the last few weeks, he had noticed Remus keeping his distance, and it only made that longing feeling inside of him worse. Because last Christmas, he had made a deal with himself that by next Christmas, he would have at least told Remus about his feelings for him. But with Christmas only days away, has he not only not told him a thing, they are not as close as they used to be.
Sirius is still feeling sorry for himself, when Remus walks into the room, a faraway look on his face.
“Oh… I didn’t realise you’d be here.”
“Sorry,” Sirius mumbles, “Do you want me to leave?”
“No, of course not! I just thought you’d be out. That’s all.”
Sirius shrugs, and he lets out a dramatic sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Remus asks, not laughing at him as his other friends had done. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Remus asks, and Sirius opens his mouth to tell him everything. To say ‘I love you, and I want to be with you. I miss you. I need you.’ He keeps the words to himself though, not wanting to push him away even further.
“I’m fine, Moony. I’ll leave you to it,” he sighs, before getting up and leaving the room.
“You get up now, or I will drag your ass out of bed myself,” James warns Sirius, as he stands over his bed. “I am getting real tired of your self-pity. So the guy you’re in love with doesn’t love you back, boo-fucking-hoo. Get over it!”
“Ouch,” Sirius mumbles, before pulling the duvet even further over his head.
“Pads!”
“I’m not going out there!”
“Ten… nine… eight…”
“I can’t!” Sirius groans, and even without seeing him, he knows that his best friend is rolling his eyes at him. “I can’t face another Christmas without him.”
“Get over yourself! Seven… six… five… I’m not kidding, Sirius. You get out of bed, or…,” James warns, before pulling the duvet off of Sirius. He picks him up and throws him over his shoulder, ignoring his grumbling, and he carries him to the Common Room, where their friends are all celebrating Christmas before most of them will go home to spend the actual holidays with their families.
“Nice outfit,” Lily chuckles, when James drops Sirius down on the sofa next to her. “It’s very… casual.”
“Don’t.” Sirius grumbles, but then he gets a shy smile on his face, as he looks down at his old, worn-out pyjama bottoms, and a t-shirt he had ‘borrowed’ from Remus two years earlier.
“If I hear one more thing about Remus, then…,” James begins, but when they hear Remus’ voice, they all look over their shoulder.
“What about me?” he asks, looking more than just a little uncomfortable, as he’s standing there, holding an envelope in his hands.
“Nothing,” Sirius quickly says. “We were just talking about…”
“Christmas,” Lily suggests. “What’s that?” she asks, pointing at the envelope in Remus’ hands to change the subject.
“Oh… just a card.”
“Who is it from?”
“Me,” Remus says, trying his best not to sound too nervous, but failing miserably. “It’s for Sirius.”
“Me?” Sirius asks, his voice coming out all wrong. Because he was convinced that Remus had been avoiding him, and here he is, giving him a Christmas card?
“Can we maybe, ehm…,” Remus nervously mumbles, his cheeks flushing pink.
“Go!” Lily orders, already pushing Sirius off the couch.
They leave the room, and for a moment Sirius wonders if Remus has somehow found out about the things he has said about him. Is this the moment where he is going to tell him to leave him the hell alone? Is this card a goodbye to end their friendship?
“This is for you,” Remus says, his hands shaking as he gives Sirius the card.
Sirius opens it, preparing himself for the worst. But when he sees the words written in the Christmas card, he can feel himself starting to blush like never before.
Dear Sirius,
I have been meaning to tell you something for three years now, but I’m no good at any of this. Which is why I have to write it down, because I know I’ll fumble up my words if I try to tell you in person.
I hope this won’t come as too much of a shock, but I have to tell you that I have come to think of you as more than a friend. Much more. In fact, I am very much in love with you.
I hope we can still be friends now that you know.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Remus
“Please say something.”
“You’re in love with me?” Sirius asks, and Remus nods. “Did James and Lily… did they tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Nothing,” Sirius quickly says, but he can tell that Remus doesn’t believe him. “I may have mentioned something about you… once or twice…”
“Something… about me? Do I want to know?”
“Just that I thought that we… you know.” Sirius shrugs, trying to play it cool, but his heart is nearly beating of his chest, and he can feel his smile growing bigger with every word. “Just that I love you.”
“Really?” Remus laughs nervously. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to!”
Remus raises an eyebrow, but Sirius just flashes a sheepish grin, before looking back down at the card in his hands. The words once again making his insides feel like they are being flipped over like a pancake.
“I’m sorry I’ve been a little distant lately,” Remus says, and it makes Sirius look up. “I was just nervous that you’d be upset with me.”
“Oh… I didn’t even notice!” Sirius lies, hoping that James and Lily will never ever tell Remus about the things he had said during these last few weeks. Because looking back now, he feels ridiculous. Why didn’t he just talk to Remus?
“Good.” Remus smiles. “I’d hate to upset you.”
“Never.”
Sirius leans in, and he presses a quick kiss to Remus’ lips, making his cheeks flush even pinker.
“Oh, wow…”
“Well, your card does have mistletoe on it, so…,” Sirius mumbles, the nervous smile on Remus’ face growing bigger. “Are you ready to go back in there?”
“Are we telling them?”
“Of course we are!”
They go back into the Common Room, and they join their friends on the couch. Sirius can feel the giddy excitement bubbling up inside of him, and before he knows it, he has grabbed Remus’ hand, and blurted out the news.
“We’re in love.”
“No shit,” James laughs. “You finally told him, then?”
“Well, actually…”
“He told me,” Sirius interrupts, still beaming.
“Does that mean you’re going to cut out the self-pitying bullshit?” James asks. “I told you he wasn’t ignoring you, didn’t I?”
“Wait, you said that?” Remus chuckles. “You just said…”
“Seriously? You’re all ganging up on me?” Sirius asks, and his friends all share a knowing look. “Isn’t Christmas all about being kind to one another?”
“Sure.” Lily smiles, as she cuddles up to her boyfriend, who rolls his eyes, shaking his head at his best friend. “Merry Christmas, guys.”
“Merry Christmas.” Sirius smiles, before settling in more comfortable with Remus. “You’ve got to love Christmas, don’t you? It really is the most wonderful time of the year.”
“For fuck’s sake, Pads!”