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“Hey, Beckett, okay to come in?”
Kate paused in the act of wrestling with her costume to turn around and call Kevin into the women’s locker room.
“What did you need help with...?” Kevin trailed off as he took in the sight in front of him, a grin twitching at his lips.
Gesturing at the disobedient spring loaded alien sticking out from her stomach Kate said, “I can’t get it to go down.”
At the sight of Kevin’s grin spreading she quickly cut in, “Not a word.” Pushing ineffectively at the offending item she continued, “The store said it should just fold up under my coat but I can’t hold it down and get my coat done up at the same time.” Her shoulders sagged. “Can you help me get it sorted?”
“Well, it shouldn’t be that hard,” Kevin replied moving closer to start inspecting the mechanism. He glanced up, mischief on his face. “Or should I say difficult.”
Kate narrowed her eyes. “Oh, very funny. You and Castle should get a comedy act together.”
“Yeah, Esposito told me about Castle’s little story,” Kevin replied, returning to inspecting the alien. “Not the nicest trick to play on someone like you.” He looked up at her. “Sure this will be enough?”
“Oh, it will be enough,” Kate replied, enough threat in her tone to make the grin return to Kevin’s face despite the concern hinted at in his previous comment.
Standing before her, hands on hips, Kevin considered their technical problem.
“Okay,” he pondered, “If I fold it down from behind you, you should be able to tie up your coat to keep it in place.”
Kate nodded her agreement, lifting her jacket up slightly as Kevin moved behind her. She felt the heat from his body as he moved in closer, surprising herself with a slight hitch in her breath as he did so. Not helped by Kevin pausing in his movements, his stillness distracting.
After a moment he said, “Castle’s right...you do smell like cherries.”
Kate felt a disconcerting rush of arousal at his words, and his breath brushing out across her neck from his position behind her. She closed her eyes to control it, letting her breath out as Kevin started moving again with the words, “Have you changed your shampoo?”
And in those few words Kate heard their strange relationship at the moment. The intimacy, for Kevin to know the smell of her shampoo, for him to be one of the few she could trust to come in and help her with her prank, his hands sliding around her waist in a way that could be completely misinterpreted by someone else. Yet, they were technically just friends and colleagues, their arrangement completely null and void with rule number one in play; if one of them was dating another, then the arrangement did not exist.
Yet Kate felt something was different, had known it that night back in the summer, the connection that had been so comforting and exhilarating then now starting to be confusing. She tried to ignore it, had encouraged, as Kevin’s friend, the relationship with Jenny, watching as he worked as hard as he could to make it work. But occasionally, increasingly, she found her mind drawn to consider ‘what if’. What if she had missed an opening for their relationship to return to what it could have been?
It hadn’t been helped by the case they had just closed, vampires too associated with necks for someone who could melt at another’s touch running down theirs, Kevin’s touch. And then there was the information about the vampire girl he had dated, someone she hadn’t known about. She knew Kevin dated more than she; he had always been more willing to get out there and try to meet the right person. But he had never mentioned her. This wasn’t an issue as such. Getting her head away from the thought of someone suggesting sex in a coffin to him... that was harder as it had flashed unbidden into her mind at points over the last few days.
Kevin shifted again as he moved close enough to make a grab from behind her for the alien, his breath rushing down the other side of her neck. Not risking opening her eyes Kate made an attempt to distract herself from the affect of his actions.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Vampire Girl?” she asked, injecting as much lightness into her tone as possible.
“I didn’t see her for long,” Kevin explained. “She was pretty up front about the coffin thing early on, which I just couldn’t go for.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “You of all people know how open minded I am, but it just didn’t do it for me.”
Kate smiled at the comment before reassuring, “You can’t like everything.” Still curious she continued, “But she was nice?”
“Yeah,” Kevin replied, Kate hearing the smile in his voice. “She was fun, which may sound a bit strange with the Goth thing and stuff, good sense of humour, good looking with long hair just like yours used to be.”
Kevin paused in his movements as if worried he had just said the wrong thing. Kate smiled at the memory though of their early time together softly saying, “Well, you always did like my long hair.”
Forever the gentleman Kevin quickly added, “It looks good shorter too, though I s’pose you’re going to carry on growing it out now.”
“That’s the idea,” Kate replied. “Though it’s taking forever.”
Kevin chuckled slightly, “I never did understand why you cut it so short.”
“To be honest, looking back, neither do I,” Kate replied. “I think I thought it would be practical, which it is, but I miss having it longer.”
Memories of the last time her hair had caressed her shoulders, and the way Kevin used to wrap it around his hand as he pulled her in close, shot unbidden into her mind. She took another breath to still the thoughts, trying to hunt out a subject to take her away from such tempting reminiscences. But just as she thought she had herself back in control Kevin’s fingers lightly brushed her neck as he pushed her hair to one side so he could lean in close, making a final move to get both hands on the prank alien. And suddenly it was all she could do to not turn around and act on the way her skin hummed at his touch and the thoughts of their time together long, and not so long, ago.
This was natural, she tried to tell herself. They were attracted to each other, which was why when they stopped dating they had agreed their arrangement. There were bound to be moments when either of them would want the other and not be able to have them, though she didn’t remember any so far. She just had to control herself.
But it didn’t feel like that. The time they had spent together over the summer had brought Kevin into her life to an extent that hadn’t even existed when they had first met; then it had been lust driving their time together. Now, with lust sidelined for friendship, they had the intimacy that perhaps they had never given themselves the time to find before. So much so that, despite her support for it, there were moments when Kate feared the relationship Kevin was developing with Jenny, feared what it might mean for them as friends... for them as lovers. And then, standing there in the locker room of all places, it truly hit; she may never have Kevin as a lover again, never be able to enjoy the sensations trying to run rampant through her at that moment, the realisation hitting her with such a sense of loss that she almost turned and gave in to her desires.
‘Rule one!’ she screamed at herself in her mind to bring herself to her senses. They were good people, they didn’t cheat. She would be horrified if they ever did. Kevin liked Jenny; she seemed to be making him happy, she should be happy for him. This was just her body betraying her, her mind merely responding to the memories of times gone past.
“Kate?”
She started as she realised in her attempt to focus on anything but what she was feeling at that precise moment Kevin had noticed her stillness.
“You okay? Am I holding you too tight?”
“No, I’m fine,” she quickly responded before Kevin could realise where her mind had truly gone. “You ready to give this a go?”
“Yeah,” Kevin replied shifting again slightly. “I’ll pull, you tie.” He pulled the alien firmly back into Kate’s midriff, but the spring was tight and he had to pull again which Kate didn’t expect. Stumbling back slightly she reached backwards to steady herself, realising moments later that her hands had landed firmly on Kevin’s thighs. To her surprise he didn’t move straight away, and there was stillness in him that she recognised in herself.
Her heart started to pound, and Kate knew she had to move. Releasing her grip on Kevin she busied herself with tying up her coat, pulling the belt as tight as she could. Still Kevin didn’t move and Kate could feel temptation crawl across her again.
“I think it should be okay if you want to let go,” Kate said softly.
Kevin moved without responding, his hands inching from between her coat and the alien to move softly back over her waist and out from beneath the material in, what seemed to Kate, the slowest of caresses. He didn’t move from behind her immediately, instead tugging at the hem as if tidying her but Kate had the strangest sensation that he was tidying his emotions too.
After a few moments he appeared in front of her again, his tidying moving to her collar, his eyes averted showing what his tone didn’t when he said, “You didn’t say if the cherry smell was because of a new shampoo.”
Kate took the offered escape from how tense the moment was feeling. “New conditioner.”
“Ah.” He paused before asking, “Does Castle know that’s why he can smell cherries?”
“No, you guys came in before I said anything.”
Kevin shifted in front of her, and Kate knew he was wondering what to say, whether to apologise for interrupting that awkward moment when Kate was caught out by the way Castle obviously felt about her, and not wanting anyone to think she returned the feelings in the same way.
“You should tell him,” Kevin offered eventually, lifting his eyes up to meet hers.
“About the conditioner?” Kate asked, a strange sense of betrayal hitting her at the thought he might mean something else.
“About whatever you think he needs to know,” Kevin replied carefully.
“Well, the smell of cherries is obviously distracting so I will,” Kate said, her tone sharper than she intended but obviously not missed by Kevin.
“Kate... I didn’t mean...”
Kate waved the apology away. “Sorry, I just get a bit fed up of explaining my relationship with Castle away. I thought you of all people...”
“I know,” he replied quietly. “I just want you to be happy, and if I misread that awkward moment the other day then I’m sorry.”
“It’s not like I don’t feel a special bond with Castle,” Kate explained. “But it’s like being with a rookie, someone who doesn’t understand how the partner thing works, who mistakes the feelings for something different.” She paused needing to explain to Kevin. “I am always open with him about the fact that a romantic relationship is not going to happen. That what I want in a romantic partner is something different. I just don’t think he gets that at the moment.”
“Probably thinks he can persuade you otherwise.”
“Well, he won’t, I am certain.”
Kevin considered her, his eyes reflecting the dark blue of the scrubs he was wearing, and Kate felt the return of desire at the image in front of her and the emotional nature of the conversation. More words came to the tip of her tongue, more words about how she was having doubts, that they had taken a wrong turn in the summer.
'Mine,’ her body called out to her, overwhelming in its sense of possession.
Kevin’s gaze hadn’t left her and she could almost feel the same confusion pulsating off of him, and then, for a split second, a look of anguish. Kate felt a flash of pain at the sight knowing all too well what was haunting him.
Rule number one was in play.
Firmly breaking their gaze Kate considered her shoes. Temptation was there to be fought, however much they wanted otherwise. She kept her gaze down until Kevin said, “Do you want me to go ahead and set Castle up? I can get Esposito in on the act if you want.”
His tone was firmly in the friendly group, his control obviously back. Kate risked lifting her eyes and found he had moved slightly away.
She nodded, joining him in their efforts to not regret something. “That would be good. And thanks for your help with my friend here,” she said gesturing to the hidden alien.
“Not a problem. Always happy to help,” he replied before turning away. “See you at Castle’s.”
“See you later.”
Kate stood and watched the locker room door close before letting out a shaky breath, not sure if she was relieved to know that the next time she was to see Kevin it would be in a room full of people, where there could be no talk of what might have been, or what might yet be possible.