Chapter Text
“I think I wanna get a divorce.” Jinyoung said, working hard to keep his voice casual. He eyed Jackson’s expression as he took a sip of his milkshake.
Jackson choked on his pancake, coughing loudly. Jinyoung pushed Jackson’s iced latte closer to him and Jackson quickly drank from it. He took a deep breath to calm down before turning to Jinyoung, wide-eyed. “Come again?” His smile was constrained and Jinyoung had to hold in his laughter.
Jinyoung cleared his throat, acting serious. “I want to get a divorce.” He repeated, speaking word-by-word.
Jackson blinked. “With Mark?”
Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Yes, Jackson. Mark is the one I’m married to.”
Jackson took another bite of his pancakes and pointed his fork at Jinyoung. “Don’t act sarcastic with me. But why?”
Jinyoung shrugged. “I guess it’s time. Our marriage doesn’t serve any purpose anymore. My sister is handling the company, and the Tuans are doing good too.”
Jackson frowned, thinking.
“And you’re not doing anything related to business too.”
Jinyoung nodded. “Exactly.”
“If your sister is the one taking over the company, why isn’t she the one who got married?” Jackson looked at Jinyoung, sounding genuinely confused.
Jinyoung raised his eyebrow in disbelief. “Because….Mark Tuan is gay?”
“Oh right.”
Both of them stopped talking, enjoying their meals.
“How long has it been?” Jackson spoke again, his mouth full of pancakes.
“Almost 7 years.” Jinyoung answered after thinking.
Jackson laughed. “Do you remember that time in college when you first told me your parents are arranging a marriage for you? WIth a hot ass rich guy. It sounded like it came out straight from a movie.”
Jinyoung joined in the laughter. “I had a hard time believing it too. But I actually did it.”
“I thought you would end up liking him. He’s a nice guy. It has been 7 years and divorce, huh?”
“He’s nice, really nice.” Jinyoung admitted, busying himself with stirring his milkshake. He looked up to Jackson and smiled sadly. “I just couldn’t like him that way. I don’t think he could too.”
Jackson patted Jinyoung’s back softly. “It’s okay, feelings can’t be forced. Have you thought carefully about this?”
Jinyoung nodded. “It has been more than a month and I’m sure about it. I think I’m sure.”
“Have you… told Mark?”
“No, not yet,” Jinyoung sighed. “I’m afraid it’s the wrong decision.”
“You know I can’t answer for you. And you would need to talk about it with Mark but Mark couldn’t answer it for you too, Jinyoung. Only you can.”
“And if I told my parents, they will lose their shit.”
“You’re 27 now, you can make your own decision. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”
Jinyoung smiled. “Thanks, Seun-ah.”He turned serious. “Please don’t tell Youngjae. You’re the first person I’m telling.”
Jackson nodded. “Promise.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jinyoung got married at the age of 20, when he was in his first year in college, studying Computer Science. It was arranged by his parents, and he was to marry Mark Tuan, the successor of Tuan Enterprise, a multinational company. The company founded by Jinyoung’s parents was struggling then, and by the marriage they could secure investment from Tuan Enterprise, saving the company. And the Tuan Enterprise happily agreed to the marriage as they were looking to expand to South Korea. It also had something to do with how the Parks and the Tuans were friends.
Mark was just a normal worker then, working at their headquarters in LA, and the fact that JInyoung was studying in UCLA made the whole ordeal easier. It was fate, his mother had said. Jinyoung had refused at first, but he was not really given a choice. If his parents went bankrupt, he would not be able to continue his studies. Jinyoung was not sure about Mark, but from the way the older guy treated him, it was pretty clear that it was not voluntary from that side too.
The marriage happened in South Korea, per Jinyoung’s request. They went back to LA as soon as it was finished. They barely talked to each other and stayed separately, Jinyoung at the house he rented with Jackson, and Mark at his parent’s.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jinyoung stepped inside the house he shared with Mark for the past 3 years. After he graduated, he returned to Korea and Mark came with him, as the Managing Director of the Korean branch of Tuan Enterprise. Not to his surprise, the house was empty. Mark had mentioned that he has to work this weekend. Mark usually gets home late at night, the only time they would see each other would be during breakfast time before they both head out to work. Jinyoung liked taking the bus to his office, but sometimes Mark would offer him a ride and he could not refuse. During weekends, Jinyoung would go out to meet his friends or just go for a walk. He has no idea what Mark does during the weekends. Sometimes he would come home and see Mark playing games or watching movies, and Mark would politely ask him to join, and Jinyoung could not refuse again.
Although Jinyoung was the one who spent more time at home, it still felt like it was Mark’s house and he was a tenant.
Mark rarely asks for things, and expects very little from Jinyoung so whenever Mark actually does, Jinyoung never refuses. Most of them were just being Mark’s date to business events, which pretty much was the purpose of their marriage. Jinyoung who was accustomed to Korean culture was a big help to the clueless Mark in socializing with big South Korea figures.
After 3 years, Mark knew enough to be able to attend events with Jinyoung, so the time they spent together eventually reduced. And Jinyoung decided that Mark would be fine, and he had enough.
“Right, it’s time to live your life,” he said to no one in particular. He went to the living room and his eyes landed on a picture of them during the wedding. They both looked young, immature even, standing next to each other with awkward smiles plastered on their faces. Jinyoung remembered that day. They had their first and only kiss then. He remembered how hesitant Mark was, and Jinyoung had to use all his energy to keep his legs from wobbling. His first thought was Mark smells really nice, he had this sweet scent Jinyoung could not pinpoint what it was. And the second thought was Mark’s lips are very soft. And the last one was oh, it’s over.
The sound of the door opening stopped Jinyoung’s memory train and he froze in his spot.
“Hey.” Mark’s deep voice greeted him. Jinyoung turned around slowly. Mark was pulling off his tie, face looking tired. “Hey,” Jinyoung greeted him back, voice small. And then it was silence. Jinyoung was not sure what to do. Usually Mark would go straight away to his room, but he was lingering around the kitchen, drinking water. And Jinyoung was still standing stupidly at the living room, watching Mark’s every move. Mark’s eyes landed on him suddenly and Mark raised his eyebrow.
Jinyoung cleared his throat, embarrassed. “Do you..do you want to watch a movie?” Okay, that came out of nowhere.
To his surprise, Mark smiled. “Sure, let me shower first.”
Jinyoung nodded, trying to hide his bewilderment. “I’ll get the snacks.”
Mark went inside his room and Jinyoung grabbed the snacks in the kitchen without looking. He was not a fan of snacks, so all of them were bought by Mark. So Mark should like all of them, right? He took a bottle of wine and placed everything on the table. Jinyoung paused and thought for a moment. He replaced the wine with two cans of beer and waited for Mark on the couch. He sighed. How should he tell Mark about it?
He decided to look it up on the Internet. Do it at the right time. Jinyoung frowned. When is the right time? They should be more specific.
Mark came out of his room in a hoodie and sweatpants, drying his hair with a towel. Jinyoung quickly locked his phone in reflex. He looked up at Mark, eyes wide. He mentally scolded himself for it. You’re not doing anything wrong, Jinyoung. Don’t feel guilty.
Mark sat on the couch, right next to Jinyoung. He grabbed a beer and took a sip. Jinyoung felt nervous, he had not been this close to Mark for months. “What movie are we watching?” Mark asked, looking at Jinyoung innocently.
“Um..um… I don’t know.” JInyoung replied stupidly. He facepalmed himself mentally for forgetting it. Since when is he this stupid?
Mark gave him a questioning look. “You want to pick or you want me to pick?”
“You pick,” Jinyoung croaked, his mouth dry. He took a sip of his beer.
“Okay, let’s watch this new horror movie on Netflix,” he glanced at Jinyoung before playing the movie.
The movie started to play and Mark leaned back on the couch. Jinyoung could smell his shampoo whenever Mark cocked his head. Jinyoung paid zero attention to the movie, his head full of the divorce. He stared at the unsuspecting Mark, who laughed at a scene from the movie. He furrowed his eyebrows. Horror movies are meant to be scary, not funny. But Mark laughed through them all. Jinyoung himself was not a fan of horror movies, and he just watched them because of Mark. Jinyoung was easily frightened, so he would spend the time watching the movie uneasily. Everytime there was a scary scene, Jinyoung would flinch closer to Mark. He was not sure whether Mark had noticed it, but Mark never brought it up. Although he could never hold on to Mark because he felt awkward, hearing Mark’s laughter was comforting in its own ways.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The days after were not any better. After mentioning the divorce to Jackson, Jinyoung’s brain seemed to digest the idea and decided to focus on Mark and the little things he did. How Mark liked to drink his coffee black or the way Mark brightened up when he played with Milo. That dog loved Mark and hated Jinyoung, so Jinyoung never gave him attention. Jinyoung only cared enough to give him food whenever Mark went on business trips, but that was it. Now, as soon as he stepped out of his room he would see Milo playing with a plushie Mark supposedly bought for Jinyoung but got stolen by Milo. Jinyoung suspected that Mark had originally bought it for Milo but felt guilty for Jinyoung so he lied about it. The fact that Mark got him a plushie already felt suspicious.
Jinyoung went to the kitchen one day. Mark was nowhere to be found, so Jinyoung assumed that Mark had to work on that weekend too. His eyes landed on a lunchbowl on the dining table. He froze and stared at the food, feeling weirdly touched by it.
He was reminded of his first business trip with Mark. They had just moved to Korea, and Jinyoung had to follow Mark to China. Mark left for a meeting and Jinyoung was alone in their suite, bored and hungry. He opened the refrigerator to find it full with fresh ingredients, but nothing ready to be eaten. Mark, who knew Jinyoung could not speak Mandarin, was thoughtful enough to buy groceries so Jinyoung would not have to order delivery. But Mark did not know that Jinyoung had spent his life eating his mother’s cooking and eating out with Jackson that he had zero knowledge of cooking. Long story short, Mark came back to find burned pasta and a red faced Jinyoung, crying because he was hungry and he missed home. Mark comforted him and cooked kimchi fried rice for Jinyoung, and Jinyoung nearly cried again. Mark sat with him as he ate, mentioning about room service and the receptionist of the hotel should be able to speak English. But the next day, Jinyoung woke up to see Mark had prepared another meal for him and a text for him telling he left for work and reminding Jinyoung to eat.
Since then, Mark would occasionally cook for Jinyoung, if he cooked for himself or when he felt Jinyoung ate too much fast food. He mentioned it once, and Jinyoung just nodded but continued his habit. So Mark would cook and force him to eat homemade food. Mark is really good at cooking anyways, so Jinyoung could not complain.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It had been two weeks since he told Jackson about the divorce, and he still could not bring himself to mention it to Mark. Mark spent most of his time at the company, occupied with meetings and Jinyoung used that as an excuse. When Jackson asked him about it, he could only offer him a half-hearted smile.
“He’s busy.” Jinyoung said, eyes focusing on his hamburger.
“When is he not busy? You’ve been married for 7 years, tell me.”
Jinyoung sighed and put his hamburger back on his plate. “I don’t know Jacks.”
“Why?” Jackson raised an eyebrow, eating his fries.
“I kept on thinking about all the things he's done. Mark is a really, really sweet guy. I don’t want to hurt him.” Jinyoung looked intently at Jackson, searching for an answer he knew he would not find.
“This is an arranged marriage, right?” Jackson asked, his expression serious. Jinyoung nodded.
“So Mark was not more voluntary than you were. He did it for his family.” Jackson acted like he was stating the obvious. Jinyoung nodded again, not getting the point.
“So my good friend, Park Jinyoung,” Jackson put his hand on Jinyoung’s back gently, “you might actually be doing him a favor by asking for a divorce.”
Jinyoung was taken aback by this. “I am….?”
Jackson pulled his hand away and shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m not Mark. Hell, I’ve only met him like what? Five times? I’m just saying there’s a possibility.”
“I didn’t think of that. So it wouldn’t hurt him?” Jinyoung looked at his hamburger.
Jackson exhaled. “Again, I don’t know. But Jinyoung, I don’t think you should be scared of hurting him. Unless you are the one hurting.” He looked at Jinyoung, who was still having a staring contest with his hamburger.
Jinyoung raised his head, thinking. “So I should ask him quick?”
“It’s up to you. But Nyoung-ah, if you want to get divorced, you have to.”
Jinyoung sighed for the hundredth time that night. Who knew asking for a divorce is harder than asking for marriage? Not like Jinyoung knows about it. He never proposed to anyone. Mark did not propose to him either. This marriage was made out of his will, and now he was going to end it, on his own will.
Jinyoung paced around the living room for the last time. He took a deep breath and finally made his way to Mark’s room. He knocked before he peeked inside. “Mark?” He called softly.
Mark was reading a book on his bed, leaning on the bedhead. He looked at Jinyoung behind his reading glasses. Surprise was evident on his face. “Jinyoung.” He started, and then he pushed the covers away, moving to stand up. “Are you hungry?”
“No no!” Jinyoung quickly said, moving his hands frantically. Mark stopped and sat down again on his bed, looking at Jinyoung, confused. Jinyoung bit his lip, the guilt he was feeling getting stronger. “Can I come in?”
Mark blinked, registering Jinyoung’s request. It took him a second before processing. “Oh yes, please come in!” He stood up and made an inviting gesture. Jinyoung smiled and stepped inside. He barely came in here, only when he had something to ask or when his parents came to visit and used his bedroom so he had to share the room with Mark. He looked around. Where should he sit? At the couch to stay far from Mark or the bed so he could easily comfort the older guy? Or was he supposed to stand? He scolded himself for not looking that up before coming here.
“Jinyoung,” Mark called him calmly, and Jinyoung came back to reality. He opted for the couch, sitting facing Mark. Mark sat down on his bed, eyes on Jinyoung. “Is anything wrong? I heard you pacing around outside.”
Embarrassing. Jinyoung cleared his throat and tried to remember all the things he read online. There is really no easy way around this, huh?
“Mark,” he tried to look straight at Mark but he felt a tug at his heart so he averted his eyes. “Try not to be too shocked, okay.”
“Okay.” Mark’s calm voice willed him to look at the guy again. Mark Tuan. His husband of 7 years.
“I want to get a divorce.” As soon as the words came out, Jinyoung felt air rushing in. The damage had been done.
“Oh.” Mark took a longer time to register Jinyoung’s words this time. Jinyoung watched as surprise washed over Mark, before all of it disappeared leaving a…..Mark. The Mark he had always known.
“Okay.” Mark finally responded.
“Oh.” Now Jinyoung was surprised.
“I’ll get the papers ready tomorrow.” Mark said, adding the surprise to Jinyoung.
“No!” Jinyoung protested. “I’ll do it, cause you know, I…...I asked for it.” His voice got shaky at the end.
Mark smiled kindly at him. “It’s okay. I’m meeting my lawyer tomorrow anyways. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind preparing an extra paper.”
Jinyoung stared at Mark, trying to hold himself from crying. “Okay. I’ll go now. Sorry for bothering you.” He stood up and walked to the door.
“Jinyoung.” Mark’s voice stopped Jinyoung’s steps. He turned to Mark. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry it took you this long.”
Mark smiled, and although JInyoung did not know Mark well, he knew enough to spot the sadness in it.
That night, Jinyoung cried himself to sleep.